ZaneJabbers

Fun In Sobriety

2010-05-09T00:31:00.001-05:00

You can't go wrong. It's not part of the plan. There's no way not to get where you are going. There's no way to miss your destination. If God is your target, you're in luck, because God is so big, you can't miss. May 8 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1, page 88.

Gooooooood Moooooorrrrrnnnniiinnngggggg you bunch of AAAALLKKKIIIIIEEESS. How the hell are you. I'm sober. Hope you're the same.

Saturday Night was the usual, dinner with friends before the Speaker meeting at Lambda. Folllowing the speaker, Tracy R - who was great -, there was a Lambda fundraiser titled Ocho de Mayo. There were 11 pinatas. It was $10 to join those that got to pick up the "treasures" when the pinata was broken. Each pinata had a special prize - . The payee that got the prize won a spot for the end in which there were 11 prizes. Prizes were 25,000 Continental miles, 2 Cyndee Lauper tickets, 2 Carrie Underwood tickets, Ballet tickets, $100 cash, and other prizes. It was a hoot watching these gay men and lesbians trying to whack the pinata. There were two funny or should I say outstanding moments. One was when the pinata broke, everything fell into a pile on the floor. This lesbian sat on the pile and one by one she tossed the candy out and then found the plastic prize. Then the announcer announced the prize and of course she had it. So as winner she got to whack the next pinata. She was blindfolded and turned around three times and had her back to pinata. I made a comment to the group I was sitting with " bet she plays baseball and is gonna whack the shit out that pinata: I no sooner got the words out of my mouth and the pinata swung by her for the third time and WHACK - she knocked the damned thing to shreds and suff fleww all over the hall. The next pinata came up and it was broken and the lesbian again sat on the pile of prizes, two queens grabbed her one on each foot and drug her off the floor. Brought the house down. I bought in when there were three pinatas left. Knowing if I got down on my hands and knees this 310 pound queen was not getting back up so I asked if someone could pick up for me and yes they had two people that had volunteerd to be pickeruppers. Dan F was my pickeruppper and only got one item. It was a plastic puzzle. When they anounced the plastic puzzle I yelped and got it. So I got to do the next pinata. I was flindfolded and turned around and started swinging at my pinata, a bowling pen, after several swings, WHACK, I got it dead center and stuff went everywhere. At the end, the 11 winners names were called and one by one we went up and took an envelope off of the board. Then the announcer took the envelope and announced the winners prize. I won two yoga lessons and a yoga rug - value $110. Now can you just imagine me in a Lotus position. I don't think so. Anyway, it was a lot of fun, it was a fundraiser and the night was successful. It was a fun sober evening for a bunch of recovering drunks that laughed, scratched, giggled and had a hell of a lot of fun. We are not a glum lot.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My Sponsor
The joy of getting to watch Petey (Joe's min. dachshund I'm pet setting this week) and Mamie playing. Pet antics are wonderful.
A great speaker tonight.
Fun and laughter
Being Sighted
My friends
All y'all too.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Damned, Another Fall

2010-05-04T23:27:00.000-05:00

Why not simply acknowledge the truth when you hear it, and move towards it? May 4 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 - page 119

Hoooooooowwwwwwdddddeeeeeee! Hope y'all are fine and sober. I am.

Well maybe not so fine. Today I had a water spill in my utility room. I got it cleaned up. Then a few minutes later I was going to take the trash out and walked through the utility room. I had on a pair of slick soled canvas shoes. (They are so comfortable). Evidently I had not gotten all of the water and slipped on the wet spot. And SPLAT! Down I went. My right leg folded up under me as I was going down and the left leg went straight out. My Right foot was also under my BA. I just pushed myself up and straightened out the leg immediately. This was in all of 3 seconds. It Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrt. I was flat on my back, just sort of stunned, and there was Mamie, licking my face and giveing me

her assistant. I laid there for a few minutes after yelling "Help me, Help me" several times.I really thought I had broken some bones. Dammned, I hurt. After I realized I had not split my head open as it slammed into the porceline tile

I started to move. OOOOOOOOOOOUCH! Talk about a feel bad hurting, it was kicking in overtime. I lifted both feet and rotated them. Not too bad. Off came the shoes, I moved over to the end of the dryer and turned myself around and used the dryer and the door jam to pull myself up. Now the ceiling of my utility is white, NO STARS, but I tell you I saw them, Stars, and all those symbals that come with them when a cartoon character hurts themselves. Standing up on my left leg, I gently put my right foot down. Ouch, damned, hurts like hadees, and then I let a little more weight go down on it. Holding onto the door jam I then let all of my weight go to both feet. Not too baaaaaaaaad. It did hurt, but not like I expected. So I took a baby step. Then another as I'm leaning on my counter. I then made it into the living room and plopped down in my recliner. Not to bad. But I hurt all over ma bod, my heart was racing and beating like it would come out of my chest. As I lay streteched out in the recliner I started to calm down. I took a swig of my diet caffeine free coke and rested a while more.

After a couple of hours, I decided to go to H.E.B. for some canned goods. Not bad but a bit painful but made it without falling or anything. I fixed some chili and macaroni for dinner. I was in a lot of pain, still am, but not too bad. I do hurt all over, don';t think anything is broken. I'm sure I will hurt like hell tomorrow. I upped my intake of Aleve, 4 soon after falling and I'll take 4 more when I go to bed.

Other than that, I had a wonderful day. Sober.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my loving schnauzer.
My Sponsor.
Self cushioning to bounce to straighten out my leg.
Not to have lost consciousness. nor split my head open.
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

God Bless the Blondes

2010-05-02T00:03:00.001-05:00

More Blonde Stories:

You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

"What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, ' I paid $6000.00 for these implants....I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then? asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.. He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe.. Nothing happened..So she blew a little harder and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?' The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiney silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "what's that,' he asked.

"Why, thats a thermos....It keeps hot things hot and colds thing cold" she replied.

Her boss replied....'What do you have in it?'

The blonde replied 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What'S THE MATTER?'

tHE BLONDE REPLIES, 'Early this morning I got a phone call saying My Mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No! exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

BLONDES ARE THE BEST

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Enjoy the Experiances

2010-04-29T23:11:00.000-05:00

Are you not being allowed to experience everything? The tears, the joy, the pain, the gladness, the exaltation, the massive depression, the win, the lose, the draw? What more is there? April 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 - page 158

Hey there my alkie friends. Thanks for stopping by. Now that is one long list of experiences and I think I went through almost all of them today. I had the massive depression set in about 6 this evening and from the way I felt, I though oh shit, this feels like a long one. It wasn't and I have not had one of those experiences in about 6 months. Even with the loss of Rosalie, I have not experienced that kind of depression. Today was 4 weeks and it seems as if it were years ago and yet so now. That's probably why my emotions have been all over the place lately. Ya think? This is probably another reason I see the spirituality of "CWG" this month. Each day's meditation has just been made to order so to speak. When I started posting tonight I was going to end it at almost all of them today. And then the fingers just kept going. God is leading me again, helping me to maintain my sanity and best of all, my SOBRIETY.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my schnauzer (the wonder dog)
My Sponsor
Being sighted
Having all of my major senses
My friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

The Right To Joy

2010-04-28T22:43:00.000-05:00

You have a right to joy; Seek it! Find it! April 28 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1. page 186

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDY. ALKIES.

I got sober. I sought joy. I found joy.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
My Sponsor
Joy
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

The Five Attitudes of GOD.

2010-04-26T22:47:00.000-05:00

In the moment of your total knowing, you, too, will feel as I do always totally joyful, loving, accepting, blessing and grateful. These are the Five Attitudes of God. April 26 - Meditations from Conversations with God" book 1. page 65

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MMMOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRNINNNNNNGG! Alkies.

I love it, the Five Attitudes of GOD. Sounds like AA to me. Happy, Jouyous, and Free.

Tonight I am gratful for:

God My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my Schnauzer
My Sponsor
Being sighted
An excellant report from my retinologist today.
God working in my life.
A good 12:15 meeting today.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Which steps do you see?

2010-04-25T00:03:00.000-05:00

Do not dismantle the house, but look at each brick, and replace those which appear broken, which no longer support the structure. April 24 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 page 62

Gooooooooooooooood Moooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiinnnnnnggggg AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllkkkkiiiieees.

I love the above quote. How many steps and which ones do you see in the above quote. I see step 2,3,4, 6, 7, 8.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor, who took a chip for 28 years tonight. Now those are big steps to walk in.
242 years that were celebrated at Lambda's Birthday Night
Sincerity in sobriety
Friends
All Y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Blondes I

2010-04-23T22:49:00.000-05:00

There is no such thing as karmic debt. April 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 page 204

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRNNNNIIIINNNNNG! How the hell are all my alkie/al-anon friends. I'm sober today, hope you are also.

BLONDES ARE THE BEST!!!

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed

Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.

It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.

The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,

"I've had enough of this."

She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to be

And her husband says "The dog is still barking,

What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,

"I put the dog in our backyard,

let's see how THEY like it!

BODDA BING BODDA BOOM>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Two Blondes with Hammers

Lyn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House. Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her sho9lder or nail it it.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are throwing those nails away?'

Lynn explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the dead on the wrong end and I throw them away.

Judy got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'

Badda Bing, Badda Boom<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gon to see "Closed for the Winter."

Badda Bing. Badda Boom<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Have a Great Saturday.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

In The Back Seat

2010-04-22T22:48:00.000-05:00

When you achieve certain states of being over a long period of time, success in what you are doing in the world is very difficult to avoid. April 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" - Book 1 Page 176

Goooooooooooooooood Morning you bunch of drunks. How the hell are ya? As for me, I'm sober.

"In the back seat" probably conjurs up all kinds of thoughts. You naughty people. There are things that go on in the back other than "that." I mean kids fight, the dog gets just out of reach, etc, etc, etc. I've got a tale about a back seat happening that embarrassed the hell out of me, but left me laughing my ass off. Well, maybe not, but almost.

There is a group of us that meets for dinner most Saturday nights prior to the Lambda Speaker Meeting. And most nights we all drive ourselves. But one recent Saturday night my sponsor and I wound up riding with Daave. Now we were in Daave's '84 Eldo, damned that thing is gorgeous and the interior is RED. Now that is my fave color. Anyway, I wound up in the back seat, Norris and Daave sitting in the front. We pulled up to Barnaby's and there was no parking in front so we had to park on the side street. I probably grumbled the most. So Daave parks, and he and Norris exit the front seat. Daave flopped his seat forward to give me exit room. Up until that point that Eldo was plenty roomy. Now I could not get in a position to exit. Normally as anyone else would do I would put my foot out, get a grounding and finish stepping out of the car. HELL NO that did not work. I could not get in position to do that. So I thought well, I'll just back out. Nope the ASS is too big to get through the opening that was availabal. I'm morified. I start to giggle and know I have to stop or they will have to have the roof chopped off. Daave and Norris are doing their best not to laugh, but they did snicker. After a couple more trys, Daave pushed the button that took his bucket seat all the way up to the steering wheel. I still could not step out, so I decided to do the Ass end first. Yess, I was able to get the foot out, ground myself and back out of that damned car. I was even more mortified, but could not get over how damned funny that must have looked to anyone who witnessed this feat. I just cracked up, and Daave and Norris more than snickered but not real belly laughs which the situation demanded. Anyway we composed ourselves, and walked over to the restaurant, and I want to tell you Was I Ever SO Glad We Did Not Park In Front. Thank God, my butt does not beep when I back up. Yep, we are not a glum lot.

Hmmmmmm, and then did Daave buy a bigger car for his colledction, HELL NO, he got a 61 VW and then the Silver Anniversary vette. I'm starting to think he never wants me in the back seat of any car. Well, HARUMPH! It is all about ME, ya know.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Daave and that warped sense of humor
Humor
Laughter feeling so good
Tomorrow is double dip day, but first I have to get up in the middle of the night. (8 am)
Friends
All Y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

91.7 years of gratitude

2010-04-20T22:48:00.000-05:00

You cannot lie to yourself. Your mind knows the truth of your thoughts. April 20 Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 - page 11

Gooooooooooooooood Mooooooooooorrrrrrrrnnnnnninggggggggg ALKIES! That's the way I opened my posts back when I first started blogging. That was 341 posts ago which covers about 3.5 years maybe 4. But for 6,660 days I have lived the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You are probably wondering how in the hell does a 68.7 year old drunk get to be 91.7. Well, I did one of those REAL AGE quizes today. It was all based on health. That thing was all over the place. I'm younger because I don't drink or smoke. I'm older because I exercise 3 days a week? I'm older because of my BMI. IJ'm older because of medications. I'm older due to stress of losing a loved one within the last 6 months. I'm also older because of hair loss, not look older, just older. So I looked in the mirror - Damned, I LOOK GOOD for 91.7 years old. I can live with that. Then that takes me to the above quote from CWG. But then I'm not lieing to myself. I got it from an internet age test. And we all know those are indisputable. Yeah. Right.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my schnauzer
My Sponsor
The "Conversations with God" books.
Dealing with financial insecurity without fear.
Having what I need.
Needing what I have
Being an X-Shopaholic
Friends
Being in a positive state with the loss of Rosalie
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Being

2010-04-19T23:59:00.000-05:00

Fear is the opposite of everthing you are. April 19 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 page 188

What a great weekend. A wonderful Saturday night speaker meeting. A rainy Sunday. Nice.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
A good dr. report today
Good readings on the blogs today
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Still here, Still Sober, Still recovering from Grief.

2010-04-18T22:44:00.000-05:00

I will not leave you. I cannot leave you, for you are My creation and My product, My daughter, My son, My purpose and My...Self. Call on me, therefore, wherever and whenever you are separate from the peace that I am. April 18 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1. page 211

Hi, my alkie friends and visitors. During these past few weeks I have found and been carried by the peace that is God. I am at peace in writing about how God, my higher power, has been so noticeably present in my life. I know He is always there, but in rough times, I have no problem of letting go and letting God. That in itself is one of the many ways that I have found the miracles that are ever present in this wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I am so glad I did not leave 5 minutes before the miracle. When I got here I knew I needed to stay, that I was where I needed to be, and have never wanted to be anywhere else. It's a good way of life and it just ain't gonna get any better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
A good Board meeting at Lambda
The Board approved two new AA meetings.
An influx of newcomers to Lambda.
A great visit with Joe, while we cooked.
My Faith
My Friends
The old friends, that I have not seen nor talked to in years, sending me condolences on Rosalie.
The book "Up from Grief."
All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Not a lot to say

2010-04-15T22:32:00.000-05:00

True Masters are those who have chosen to make a life, rather that a living. April 14 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 , page 170

To me that statement could aptly apply to alcoholics. I'm glad that I chose to make a new life rather than just living. Hey it works for me.

Tonight I am Grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
My faith
That I know why there is just one set of footprints right now.
That knowledge brings me serenity and security.
Humor, without it life would be such a chore.
Friends
All y'all
All bloggers who have touched my life, but have moved on.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

PS: Sugarbutt from anyone else just don't work like it did from Pam. Man, did I ever set myself up for that one or what. Butt I do love the humor in it.

Just Grateful

2010-04-14T22:40:00.000-05:00

You have nothing to learn about relationships. You have only to demonstrate what you already know. April 14 Meditations from "Conversations with God" book 1. page 121

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
Y'all's humor
Being a survivor
Faith
Spirituality
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Another Day, Another Post

2010-04-14T01:11:00.000-05:00

The reason that the true Master does not complain is that the true Master is not suffering, but simply experiencein a set of circumstances that you would call insufferable. APRIL 13 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1, page 107

I've been thinking about the meeting at the Spring Group last night. Not one single person came up to me and introduced themselves to me after the meeting. I wonder if it was because I identified as a visitor from Lambda Center. Or could it be that I was looking for something because it was a straight meeting. Good Lord, I got sober in straight meetings. Those people loved me, held me when I was about to fall down, glued my big ass on when it was coming loose. I am planning to go back next Monday evening. I also wonder if the fact that they were having a business meeting at 7:30 might have a bearing on the little clusters of people in huddles. Hmmmm.

Yeah, yeah, I know it's none of my business, but I do wonder.

Also last nights posting was rather carthartic for me. Just writing it all down chronologically gave some order to the seven weeks before Rosalie passed. There were some downright comical times that occurred and I will share those as time goes on. And a BIG OLE THANK YOU to all of you that left condolences. I needed those, they sort of choked me up. But I want to cry. Just a down home old fashioned cry, a big Boo Hoo. I have not been able to do that. Well I did, scream, cry and sort of went to pieces, but quickly composed myself, so I could go to the hospital to support my nephew, Sam. I mean he had just lost his Mother at 45 and he and she were so close. Now he was not a Mama's boy, but he loved her and had a lot of respect for her. They had a beautiful relationship and I know how he must have been hurting. Isort of had the same relationship with my Mother. But the two are not comparable.

I sort of have a resentment building towards my normy friends. Not one of them have sent me a card. I did get one email with the Yellow Rose of Texas. That one did bring me to tears as there is a line in that song that says "and songs of Rosalie." It was from an old old friend of mine in Los Angeles. Tom is just a card sender, and they are always just right on. He has a knack for it. This is really about not getting the tender, loving, tear bringing verses that I so long to read. I just want to have a Big Big Boo Hoo. Is that too much to ask? Lord knows I certainly can't say anything to these friends, it would be improper and impertinent. Or could it be that I am being too self centered at this time to cry? That's probably the ticket. I just have to realize that it will be in God's time, not mine. But man when it does happen, get the buckets, cause those flood gates will release a deluge. But the one thing I do know is that I will still be sober when they do start. I will not be a snotty bawling drunk,been there, done that and it ain't gonna happen again.. God has brought me too far, to let that happpen. That is a Certainty. You just don't drink no matter what!!

And on top of all of that, Pam has disappeared from the blogs. Now there's no one to call me Sugar Butt. Waaaaaaaaaaaaah! I know, a bit over the top. Just saying.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, My Schnauzer
My Sponsor
My Faith
Spirituality
Blogs to visit again.
That Lisa has two boxers again and they look like they are having fun together.
Thursday The local Tea Party is at Sam Houston Race Track with the rest of the horses arses.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

I Don't Know Where To Start

2010-04-12T23:42:00.001-05:00

Your soul seeks the highest feeling. It seeks to experience--to be--perfect love. April 12 Meditations from Conversations With God" Book 1, page 85

Hey you bunch of drunks, how the hell are ya. Sober I hope. I sure as hell am, thank God.

February and March just really put me through the ringer. I found God working in my life again. I finished my Aquatic Therapy and my physical stamina improved greatly. Sort of reminded me of getting sober. It was God working in my life to prepare me for what was ahead as most of you whom have been reading me know. Six months later I was "Retired Early" and I certainly could not have gotten through the next two years without having been sober. This time it did not take six months for me to need the strength.

On February 13, I called Rosalie to wish her a Happy Birthday on her 78th birthday. This was about 1:30. She told me she could not talk as Sam was bring the car to the back door to take her to the emergency room. She was admitted about 3 AM the next day with pneumonia.. I talked to her that afternoon as I did on Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thursday Sam called me and told me she had been moved to intensive care to to a kidney problem. I drove over to Beaumont that afternoon and got to see her for about 15 minutes. She was in a coma, and had been put on a ventilator as the pneumonia had worsened and she could not breath. Digressing, she had been through 12 weeks of radiation treatment for early stage one lung cancer. On her admission to the hospital this trip they found that the treatment had been successful - the tumor was not showing on the CAT scan. This was good news, but the treatment had ravaged her immune system. This was not a surprise as the DR had told her then that with treatment she had a 50-50 chance of surviving due to Advanced COPD which had taken her lungs to 40% of capacity. She liked the 50% better that the 0%. On Saturday 2/20 the doctors told us there was no chance of survival and said if we were to take her off the respirator, she would probably expire within an hour. We asked for 24 hours and her primary dr. told us to take as much time as needed. We saw her again Sun morn and as we were leaving the house to go back for the 6PM visit the Dr. called giggling. He said he was in shock, he was at the nurses station and glanced at Rosalie and she was waving to him. When we got there 45 min later she was very alert, but with the ventilator, she could not talk. She was just smiling and her eyes were gleaming. She always was a fighter.Monday they did a trach and we got to see her about 6 PM. She was groggy, but knew us, mouthed I Love You. It was Sam, his 14 year old son from Comfort - his Mother drove him down, and me. I tell you we were one excited group. The following Saturday they put a voice box on her after we had seen her twice that day. However, her daughter Donna (the sober one) came to see her and they had a great visit, Rosalie was in great form. Sam, Colton, and I went to see her on Sunday and got to talk some, but she was very exhausted, and told us she loved us, but we needed to leave as she wanted a nap.

Monday Rosalie crashed again and went into another coma. By thursday she was transferred to a Long Term Center, and was in their ICU. She was up and down for the next three weeks. She came off the vent for 49 hours and had to go back on it. Then it was 20 hours, then 12, then 2 or so.

The doctors again told us she was terminal and advised removal of life support. Bless her heart she fought so hard. She would tell us she wanted to live, but told the nurses and doctors to let her die every time they put her back on the vent. We were not told that until The 20 hour point. On Tuesday night at 7:30, March 30, we signed the papers to remove the ventilator. Bless her heart, she lasted 39 hours and at 10:45 AM April 1, 2010 my dear sister Rosalie passed over to the afterlife. There was no service, no obit, just direct cremation. I cannot say enough thanks to the wonderful medical staff at both hospitals, nor the staff at the funeral home. The professionalism of all of these people was absolute A1.

During the seven weeks Sam and I became very close. I was there with the exception of 5 or 6 days. His son came for a week and I was there for them. Colton went to work with Sam eachf day.

My point in all of this is before I did my Aquatic Therapy my mobility was challenged so I took action. That started in October and ended the first week in February. This was a HUGE example of a Promise coming true for me - God doing for me what I could not do for myself. It was close but it happened. Also a prime example of not leaving 5 minutes before the Miracle. Our program tells us to do the next indicated thing. Also during this time I received group calls from my Friday Morning Group of Drunks. I did not get to meetings during this time, but those men brought the meeting to me by telephone. My sponsor called me. Other friends called. I received the Love, the fellowship, the unconditional love from these people and I love each and every one of them more than they can imagine. I'm not naming them, they know who they are, and some of you know them. Man, Sobriety is a BLESSING.

Today I saw a movie and on the way home I drove through downtown Old Spring, and glanced at the Spring AA Club and they were all going in. It was 6 o'clock. So I went around the block, pulled in and went to my first meeting at the Spring Club. It was a Big Book Meeting and tonight we read More About Alcoholism. Now that is my favorite chapter in the Big Book. Coincidence, I think not, it was just one more spiritual experience that I have been blessed with since I have been sober. It just ain't gonna get much better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my Schnauzer
My Sponsor
Guidance
Strength
My 18 years of sobriety carrying me for most of two months.
A strong foundation in AA.
Peace and spirituality that was with me everyday.
My friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Signing Off For Now

2010-02-01T19:44:00.000-06:00

February 1 - God is the energy you call imagination. God is creation. God is first thought. And God is last experience. And God is everything in between. Page 198 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1."

God is the only constant in this world. I know this because it is only He that has always been with me and has carried me when I could not carry myself. For this I am grateful.

This past Saturday night was Birthday Night at Lambda. There were 37 participants with a total of 529 years. I was blessed with being able to claim 18 of those for myself and I was one of those 37.

Sobriety is the best thing that has ever happened to me and I do not feel that I ever will abandon it. I am committed to my sobriety like I have never been committed to anything else. It has been a gift from God and therefore a Miracle.

And yes, I am signing off for now. I find that blogging has become a chore rather than a joy as it used to be. I have talked to my sponsor about this and he agrees that I should probably step away from it for awhile. I am not shutting it down because I may drop a Post every now and then. I do check y'all's blog from time to time, I just don't comment much anymore.

My health is getting better all the time. I'm still doing the Aquatice therapy 3 days a week and am up to 25 repititions on each of my exercises. It has made a tremendous difference in the way I feel and I can walk much better than I have for a long while. Being dibetic I have had neuropathy in both of my feet and that can wallop one's ballance. The exercizing has hellped that tremendously. Mental health is doing well also and I am now on a once a month therapy schedule with my psychiatrist. For the past 8 years I have gone from two or three times a week, to weekly with 2008 and 2009. 2009 I started biweekly, then to every three weeks and now monthly. Progress.

I love and highly respect every one of you.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power.
My Sobriety
Mamie, my miniature schnauzer.
My Sponsor
My Spiritual growth that is an ongoing work in progress, it will never reach perfection.
Friends of 4 and 5 decades
My sober friends that call me on my crap ever so gently.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

An enormous menu of beingness

2009-12-17T22:51:00.000-06:00

In seeking to be Me, the soul has a grand job ahead of it; an enormouse menu of beingness from which to choose. And that is what it is doing in this moment now. December 17 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 173

I was havving trouble coming up with a title for tonights post, so when I read the meditation I just loved the "Enormous Menu" comment. But this just covered any and everything that was running through this alcoholics mind that it just came to a screeching halt and said Yea, that's the ticket.

Today was eye doctor day. Very good report, I don'[t go back again until March. YAAAAAAAAA. No more laser surgery this year. God is good!

Joe has moved to St Josephs and had three physical therapy sessions today plus a group therapy session for seniors that are mobile challenged. I am so happy for him.

Today was especially good for me because it was another day for me to be practicing being sober and living those principals in all my affairs. I no longer have to make the effort, It just seems to be second nature. But I am really challenged on some days, not to drink, but to just make it through the day. As long as I am sober, I know I can do that. It's just not going to get any better than that. Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Petey, the devil dog.
Being sighted.
That I made amends to my Endocronologist's nurse this afternoon in person.
That I can make the right choices most days
That the oh oh's are almost gone.
Family
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Back to the Grind.

2009-12-16T22:52:00.000-06:00

The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. December 16 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

As you can see, I have figured out a way to access my ATT YAHOO connection. None of my settings are like I had them. Still have not reloaded my Windows Office 2003, but I can do that within the next day or so.I do have my speed back and hopefully have gotten rid of the gremlins. I did a complete restore system, quite a feat for me. I know here I was an IBM employee for 3 decades and am basically computer illiterate. But I must have picked up some of the stuff so we will se how long this lasts.

Petey, the devil dog, is getting on my nerves a bit. I call him devil dog because he has red eyes and he just stares a hole through me. He's pretty good, I'm just a one dog person. God works in wondrous ways, as I was contemplating being a foster person for rescued Schnauzers. Two dogs is more than I can handle. Not compllaining, just stating the facts, mam. Joe is now at St Josephs for his physical rehab as of this afternoon. He sounds better than he has for 10 days. There is some life in his voice. He is getting anxious to get home, but does not want to go too soon.

My aquatic therapy is being renewed for another 12 sessions starting 01-04-10. My flexibility has really improved. Today I was able to put one foot up on the other knee and put on my socks. Those feet have not seen one of my knees in years. It's a miracle.(GRIN hmm now where did I borrow that). Can you believe there are only 15 days left of this decade. Hallelujah.

I'm creeping on my 18th birthday. It is January 20. That's another miracle, no alcohol in all that time, day and night. Really. You all know that is possible - one day at a time. I just love me some sobriety. It rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
A sunny day forecast for Friday.
That the Oh-Oh's are coming to an end. Time magazine aptly calls it the Decade from Hell.
Rosalie has gotten over her sick feeling.
Family
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Computer Problems

2009-12-15T20:37:00.000-06:00

Hi all. I am having computer problems, not sure if you will receive or be able to view this. I got to this thru AOL and I'm an ATT U-verse user. Peace.

I fear incompetent people.

2009-12-15T01:01:00.000-06:00

The First Law is that you can be, do and have whatever you can imagine. The Second Law is that you attract what you fear. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" December 14 - page 54

Damned it. I fear incompetent people, especially those that work in doctor's offices. One of my doctors has a nurse that has a competency deficency. Especially when it comes to my medications.

We have gone round and round, I have complained, I have screamed, I have prayed, I HAVE PRAYED, and the woman could screw up an order for aspirin. I would just once like to hit her on the head with an iron skillet, maybe it would repair whatever damage is up there, it certainly could not hurt her any more. Oh, LORDY, I need to pray some more. Tonite she has struck again, she ordered a brand medicine, when my chart says to always order the generic. The brand costs ME $80.26. The generic is 6.30. I called her this afternoon and told her rather LOUDLY that she had screwed up again, I caught my breath, apologized, and asked her to call my mail pharmacy and make the correction, we went over this carefully and I thought she had it down. I checked the order online and DAMNED if she did not screw it up again, she not only ordered the same med at the same price, but ordered an additional medication that is a generic for another blood pressure medication for a total of 90.78. I think I have put a hold on this order for 24 hours, but won't know until after 9:30 AM tomorrow. I swear, it's like the Katznjammers are in charge at my endocronologists office. And I feel like I'm going to have to call out Alley Oop or Popeye to help me. I just need to turn this over, PRAY about it, and get my blood pressure down before I stroke out. Right now I need some of PAMs attitude, just get through this day and handle tomorrow when it gets here. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the tthings I can and the Wisdom to know the difference. The prayer is not God Grant me the courage to kill the people that piss me off when my Serenity is challenged, and the Wisdom to hide the body..................... You know that one. I just have never acted on that and with the ability to stay sober, I never will. Thank God for sobriety. It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
Petey, my God-dog. (Joes' pup)
Joe is going to the physical rehab center at St Joseph's hospital within the next two days.
Two party invitations today.
Not falling, almost but not, at the movie when I stood up this afternoon.
God working in my life.
Friends
Family
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Weekend to Remember

2009-12-14T01:35:00.000-06:00

Ultimately all Spirit renounces what is not real, and nothing in the life you lead is real, same you relaionship with Me. December 13 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 100

What a truly weekend to remember. First it was election day here in the great city of Houston. The city elected a new mayor who happens to be a lesbian. But not one word of her opening remarks were reported in the media of this nation. Her opening remarks in her 9:30 PM speech, paraphrased, were " I am so proud to be the Houston's first elected mayor that is a graduate of Rice University." What a great line. What a woman. She is also a member of Mensa.

Secondly, I was a guest at an open house for two lesbians celebrating the completion of their new home. What a house. Just a little place out off Memorial in about 7200 square feet. A kitchen to die for, with an island that is unsurpassed by any I have ever seen. The house also features two pieces of art by Scott W. facing each other from the entryway to the far wall of the living room. Oh, and the two hostesses, welll, they are in the program with long term sobriety, and I am blessed to have them as friends. Ah, the gifts of sobriety.

Saw a movie "The Road" today. HEAVY. But with Viggo Mortenson at his best. Then it was off to Park Plaza Hospital for a visit with Joe. He is doing quite well. Sitting up watching TV and talking on the phone when I arrived. We had a good visit. Seems he will go to a Skilled Nursing Facility focusing on physical rehab during the next week. He is on an 1800 calorie per day diet. Hell, he usually gets more than that just in his daily intake of wine. He tickles me, he has given up liquor, just drinks wine. Reminds me of chapter 3, "switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natual wines................." This is my favorite chapter in the big book, More on Alcoholism, page 30-31 to ad infinitum. When this was read at my first meetings, I so identified with it that I knew I was in the right place. (I also call it More about Zane. Read it that way once and was called to task about it by someone I respected, but who has never mustered more than a year in the last 25. At the time, I thought he was an old timer.) I am so happy to trudge the road of Happy Destiny that they wrote for us. I just wish they could see what they blessed us with throught the help of their Higher Power. Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Petey, our weeney dog houseguest.
Joe's progress
Sharing recovery with others
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

2009-12-11T20:59:00.000-06:00

Turn toward Me and away from anything unlike Me. Meditations from "Conversations with God, Book 1" page 104

The title of tonight's post is what I would really like to be doing right now. I am so tired. I got up in the middle of the night (8:30AM) for me. But I made my 10 AM meeting and also my 12:15 and then lunch with the guys. Then I buzzed by Park Plaza Hospital to visit Joe and they had just given him some meds that were knocking him out plus his seventh pint of blood. I left him sleeping and came home. Mamie and Petey were glad to see me.

Then came the news hour and the headline of the 11th Tiger Tramp surfacing, and #2 denying that she is a prostitute or EXCUSE ME an escort. A good headline could have been Tiger Tart Trumps the Tramps. And now he's taking an indefinite leave of absence from professional golf to spend time with his wife and kids. Seems to me he's taking leave from the wrong "Profession." In a way I'm reminded of my Father, he went from woman to woman to woman and even married ten of them, my Mother being # 2. When I was 4 maybe 5 yers old Dad toook my mother's best friend, Algerita Johnson and I up by the state prison in Rawlins. Dad told me to sit in the front seat and be still and not move because one of the guards might shoot me. Then he and Algerita got in the back seat and made noises I had never heard before and I just knew we were all going to be shot. Later in life Dad got sober, married #10, and had quit his philandering and had 25 years of sobriety under his belt at his death.. But to me the one thing he did with Algerita puts all the crap Tiger, Clinton, Letterman, and others of that ilk in the shade. What he did to me that day has to trump whatever they did. They did not scare the HELL of their child. Wow, I just realilzed what a resentment I have over this. Well, one more ring comes off the onion. I now have a resentment to caste out. I know I can do it, I've done heavier ones than this, but not much. I do know though that I will work through this with prayer, determination and using the tools that I have gotten as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I started my post tonight I had no idea I would wind up with this. Tomorrow I will wake up and will have left this behind me. So I guess the lession here, is for me to realize how the wreckage of my father's past has haunted me, how it pops up from time to time, and that I can move through it and come out the other side and remain sober. I know I'm not the first one to go through this kind of stuff, but I am the one that experienced this wreckage. I will not claim that this is the reason I drank, I drank because I like it, a small part of it might have been an escape mechanism, but I'm the one that ordered the drink, paid for it, and knew the consequences. Man, I am so fortunate not to live like that any more. Sobriety Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my schnauzer
My Sponsor
2 great meetings today
friends
All y'all .

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

The attack of the Gremlins.

2009-12-10T23:01:00.000-06:00

Are you going to be in a place called fear, or in a place called love? Where are you--and where are you coming from--as you encounter life? December 10 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 172

I was kinda down in the dumps because after 4 days back blogging, I only a couple of responses. I thought well, I guess I have my comeupance (sp) because I don't post everyday. Now that bothered me for three days. I even left a comment on another blogger's comments to drop by. I was not getting my usual email alerts that I had comments to be moderated. Wah, nobody loves/likes me anymore. So this morning I decided to check comment moderation and lo and behold there were over a dozen comments. Now how did they get there? I had checked it prior to my self thrown pity party. It was a shot in the ole pepper upper. Not only were they there, but some had been there since Monday. So now that I was back in the land of LIKE, I cancelled the remaining hours of the pitty party. Then I went back to email, read my in box, then checked spam folder and I had 81 messages. I started to delete all, but decided to scan them before. And again, there y'all were. But why did you wind up in my spam mail? So just to be sure I did not miss any I clicked on publish and got "comment previously moderated." What the heck. I don't know why everyone wound up on my "spam folder", I have not changed anything. Only two of you got through and I am wondering why not all of you. It has to be the Gremlins. Why me? And now I am reminded of contempt before investigation. Whatever, but just a Big THANK YOU to those that commented. I guess it just keeps it all interesting and reminds me not to take things for granted. Now if I had been drinking, I would have probably, no actually sent or called each of you and told you to go to hell, that I did not need this shitty treatment, and I did not need you in my world. So I guess I should thank the Gremlins for showing me once more the joys of a new way of living as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous instead of the angry all blaming drunk that I used to be. I am so grateful for that daily reprieve. I love Living sober. It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
Being of service to my friend Joe.
Enjoying the interaction between Mamie and Petey.
Tomorrow is double dip day.
Family
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

A sight that made me eyes sore!

2009-12-09T22:36:00.001-06:00

Life's irony is that as soon as world goods and world success are of no concern to you, the way is open for them to flow to you. December 9 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 176

Aquatic therapy has been so good to me. I am so much more mobile and flexible than before. I can do so many things automatically that I have not been able to do for the last 4 - 5 years. It is like a miracle. Actually it is a miracle. I have a 1.2 hour workout three times a week. My stomache is flatter, well it probably won't be noticable to you, but I sure can tell in the way my pants fit. I'm down a size, AGAIN, and it just keeps getting better. I have lost about 10 lbs. I did shopping a Wal-Mart yesterday and could walk from one side to the other without hurting. My breathing is easier after walking etc. I do not think I could have gotten the same results with land thereapy. This past Monday I increased the pool walking laps from 2 each to 3 each of normal walking, sideways, and backwards. 1/2 lap is about 25 feet. I also have increased my sitting reps from 15 to 20. Progress, just progress that's just what it is. Yep physical progress, but that would not be possible without my spiritualality being right on a positive track.

During these past few weeks I have met several people in the pool. Most are just there for a couple of weeks and they move on. This past Monday a woman in her late 50s (my assumption) started and is just a Chatty Cathy. She told me, the other patient, and the two therapist her back problem history - separately. She is what I call the eternal Cheerleader, just bubbly, youthful, and dressed a bit cutsey for her time in life. She had on this one piece bathing suit that fit her quite well and had a bit of a ballerina skirt on it. We finished about the same time and were exiting the pool at the same time so let her go up the steps in front of me. WRONG DECISION. As she got to the 5th and top step I started up and there it was, her big naked butt staring right back at me - she had on a frigging thong under the skirt. That was just more than I needed to see and definitely inappropriate for the setting. I could have sworn I heard her taking my picture. I wanted to just burst out laughing but stifled it until I got to the Men's shower and I let go and just had a good belly laugh at her expense. I'm glad I was by myself. Today she showed up at the end of my session and I could not look at her face or I would have busted a gut. I finished and went to the showers. I escaped another event of "Let me show you my Thong."

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
A good visit with Joe at the hosp.
That 5 pints of blood was available for him.
Movies
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Today contains the history of yesterday.

2009-12-08T23:44:00.001-06:00

All of your holy scriptures--of every religious persuasion and tradition--contain the clear admonition: Fear not. Do you think
this is by accident. Decenber 8 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 54

At 3 AM this morning Joe was admitted to the hospital after being tested, poked, pinched, and x-ray'd. He had been in the ER since 4 PM yesterday. Diagnosis - bleeding ulcer. This is the second time in three years.

I was talking with an old mutual friend of ours today and mentioned that I just wish Joe would take care of himself. Ed laughingly said you know the two of you have been saying that about each other for over 40 years. HRMPH! Well, was I put in my place or what. But it is true, I cannot deny this and Joe and I have really told each other the same thing. Sometimes it just takes the same from another perspective. Hence the title of today's post. I just wonder if Joe's Dr. really knows how much wine Joe drinks on a daily basis. We have the same PCP and I have wanted to tell Gathe this for some time. I can't help but think this is part of the source of Joe's problem. However, I guess I'll just take care of my side of the street but it's hard not to do it in the name of Joe's health. Oh yess, see how easy it is to justify. Joe's oldest brother is in the program with 27 years and a couple of nephews with double digit sobriety. But I want to meddle; I want to take charge; I want to SAVE my best friend; I want him to be free of bondage. I just needed to put this out there. I will talke to my sponsor about this. (Clean your side of the street. BUT....Clean your side of the street, BUT..........!

I have always been prone to try to SAVE someone. Within the last two weeks a couple I know has lost their home of 10 years to foreclosure. The woman has AIDS, thanks to a druggie ex-husband, and they have really had a bad two years. Joe know them also. So here I sit in a 3 bedroom two bath home, by myself. So I decide that I should offer for them to move in with me for about three months to help them out and also they could help me finish getting my place in order. (I've been here 5 years) So I thought I'd run it past Joe before I made the order. I decided to do this on the second ring to call the couple. When I told Joe of my plan.....there was just silence on the other end of the phone and then HAVE YOU LOST YOUR F'ing MIND! Don't you know they would drive you nuts. They are good people but the Mrs. talks non-stop at times and they have a 16 year old daughter. NEED I SAY MORE! Ok, Ok, Ok, I see your point thank goodness I talked this over with you first Then I told this to Rosalie during the TG week, she said I can't believe you sometimes, I with Joe and then we had a big laugh.. HARUMPH! The day after the conversation with Joe I dropped off a bunch of boxes ( from my move from LA) over to the couple and they told me about the apartment they have rented and been slowly moving into for the last week. So even without Joe's imput God was doing for ME what I could not do for myself. BIG MESSAGE.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Movies
Joe
Realizing Compassion does not mean taking over.
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

What a difference a Day Makes.

2009-12-07T22:45:00.000-06:00

Go ahead and do what you really like to do! Do nothing else! Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

It's very easy to do what I really like. That's staying sober one day at a time and I'm closing in on 18 years. January 20, 2010 is the day. Any of you remember the song "What A Difference A Day Makes", we are all proof that it is so true.

Yesterday I went over to Joe's for us to do our Sunday cooking. When I got there he was having a hell of a time breathing and that was at 3 PM. He got a better, but any exercise like taking his walker to the bathroom just wore him out plus he was having a tightness in his chest. I wanted to take him to Park Plaza to the Emergency Room and he was afraid they would keep him. So I did some chopping and seasoning for the Tortilla Soup we were making and he just kept getting worse. Then I told him to call his DR and he did not want to because the Dr. always tells him to go to the ER. Well, duh. Finally about 6:30 he called his sister and she said for him to come over there for the night so they could keep an eye on him. Got all his meds together and his "stuff" for one night. He asked me if I could keep Petey, his miniature dachshound and of course I said yes. His sister is nervouse around dogs due to an incident in her childhood. So we got him over to her house about 8 PM. Man I was just wiped out. I got home about 9:30 aftter a stop at Whataburger for their A1 Thick and Hearty. The soup was not done and it is in the fridge at Joe's. I brought Petey home, and Mamie was just a doll with him. They've been around each other and it was as if she understood why he was here.

Joe went to the ER about 4:15 this afternoon and is still there as of 10:15. His breathing and chest pain has increased and they are just waiting for test results. I hope they keep him. This just has not been his year. I love Joe dearly and he has been my best friend for over 40 years. His partner, Karl, passed in May 08 and we have become closer. No romance, just spend a lot of time together. I worry about him as he still imbibes a bit excessively, but that is none of my business. I'm his friend and I don't judge, I tell him what I think but don't meddle. Say a prayer for him.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my schnauzer

My Sponsor.

That I can be there for Joe, Rosalie, and others.

That Mamie gave her daybed up for Petey.

Those of you who always blog.

Friends.

Family.

All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Too much going on.

2009-12-07T00:04:00.000-06:00

I have given you a free will--the power to do as you choose--and I will never take that away from you ever. December 6 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Booke 1" page 5

Lordy be. So much is going on in my life right now that I am so blessed to have free will. However, it does not run riot. I can just bullet these things in a Gratitude list.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Rosalie - had a most beautiful 8 days with her at Thanksgiving. It was probably the best times we have ever had.
Thanks to her back surgery last summer, they caught her lung cancer at early Stage 1.
She is having radiation treatments 5 days weekly thru January 4, 2010.
I will be going over the Tuesday of Christmas week to take her for two treatments on that day. Then I will go back Monday of New Years week to take her for two treatments for that Tuesday. I will probably stay thru New Years Day and return home on Jan 2., 2010.
Positive results from my aquatic therapy. I have completed 6 weeks of 3 days per week and I am amazed at the strength that I now have in my legs. I can walk so much better now and mostly without the pain I was experiencing before. I have difficulty in standing in place to fix a meal, but that is positive progress. I can also squat to get stuff off floor or out of bottom of cabinets.and get back up with the strength in my legs. A REALLY BIG DEAL.
I am blessed to have such a wonderful neurologist.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Joy, Truth, Love

2009-11-05T23:11:00.000-06:00

Joy, truth,love. These three are interchangeable, and one always leads to the other. It matters not in which order thye are placed. November 5 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 5

The thoughts that are going through my mind are best not posted. But I never cease to be amazed that the people I think would be the most tolerant, aren't.

Tonight I have prayers and good thoughts for Pam and family.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Restraint of type (as in typing), expression, and misplaced anger.
The carnage at Fort Hood was not any worse.
The bond in sobriety that we all have.
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Another Good, Gorgeous, and Sober Day!

2009-11-04T22:36:00.000-06:00

What you fear most is what will most plague you. Fear will draw it to you like a magnet. November 4 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 56

Hey y'all, how the hell are ya? Today was another gorgeous day here in Spring, Texas. I had another aquatic therapy session and an anxiety attack towards the end. There were two of us in the pool today, each with out own therapist. The other patient's therapist was loud and had a voice that reminded me of nails on a chalkboard. Put that in a tile walled room and the echo effect, it might neer drove me over the edge. And it did, All of a sudden I was just pounding on the the cement bench in the pool, I did not realize I was doing this. My therapist came over and gently asked me if I was ok. That's when I realized what I was doing. I sat there for a few minutes, and calm came back. Man am I ever glad I was not shaving. But then the incident probably would not have happened. Whatever! It was over as soon as it started and I am ok tonight. I see my shrink tomorrow, so we will have something to talk about. I'm reminded of the promises when something like this happens. Aren't they wonderful.If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialized if we work for them.

And I am so grateful to see these promises coming true on a daily basis. Tonight I am also grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor.
Tomorrow's appointment with my psychiatrist
Tomorrow's appointment with my neurologist to go over my AT progress.
Beginning to feel progress in my mobility
Adjusting to light-headiness when standing up.
Being on the top side of the grass.
Friends
Funny emails.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Just another day - ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

2009-11-03T23:21:00.000-06:00

Feeling is the language of the soul. November 3 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 3

Yesterday I started back on my Aquatic Therapy. My balance was a bit off, but it was a hell of a lot better at the end of the session. After that I picked up my friend Joe and off to Costco we went. On arrival, I had to get him an electric cart as he can't walk right now. The first one I got took me about 5 feet and died. The second one lasted for the two hour shopping trip. I got home about 8 PM and was pooped. Man I sure slept well last night. In the old days, Joe was one of my many drinking buddies, and shopping was something we did on the fly so as not to take time away from the cocktail hours. Joe still embibes, but has been one of my biggest supporters in my trudge through sobriety. We used to say "hell, drunk driving is a sport in Texas." And it was, also in California, Lousiana, and just about everywhere else in this good ole U S of A. I don't do that anymore. There's a lot of things I don't do anymore:

I don't drink
How the hell did I wind up in bed from the star of the "Star Wars Bar."
Where the hell am I?
Wonder where the hell is my car?
Wonder what the hell is this sticking to my face, my arms, my chest, my.........
Don't worry about a DUI.
etc
etc
etc
ad infinitum.

And yes, It is a beautiful sober autumn day here in the Houston, Texas area. And it is November and is gratitude month. In Los Angeles, we took up a second collection at the meetings in November and that Money went to the Los Angeles Central Office. We don't do that here in Houston, but it is still recognized as Gratitude month. We do a Gratitude Dinner on Thanksgiving for about 250+ people at the Lambda center. Unfortunately, I have never attended this event as I always go to Rosalie's for Thanksgiving. I plan to do the same this year, and I am ever so grateful that I have Rosalie to share this holiday.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my steak bone chomping schnauzer.
My Sponsor
Seeing two of Lambda's own on a visit from Alaska this past Saturday night.
That there were only two birthday celebrants this past Saturday that thought they were appearing on "This is My Life." 30 Celebrants with 289 years of Sobriety.
This fellowship
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Listen to The Rhythm of the Falling Rain

2009-10-30T19:36:00.000-05:00

The grandest teaching of Christ was not that you shall have everlasting life--but that you do. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 52

Scott W's post today brought this song title to my mind and it would not shut off. I made a comment that it was from 1959 and I could not remember the name of the group, but the group I had in mind was not correct. And the song is not from 1959. It was written and recorded the first time by Floyd Cramer on December 29, 1957. Later it was recorded by Johnny Tilotson, Ricky Nelson, Herman's Hermits and lots of others. I LOVED THAT SONG. I danced and dipped many a girl at the sock hops, proms, and other high school dances. Later I danced and dipped many a man in the dance clubs of the 1960s and if the lights flickered, it was grab a dyke, as same sex dancing was against the law and they were coming in the door. But that's for a June story. It's magic how just a little statement on another's blog and send us down a wonderful lane of memories.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer, whom has been my nurse and companion through this crud, virus, flu, or whatever the hell I've got.
My sponsor.
16 solid hours of sleep last night into today
Feeling better today
A nice house in which to have "cabin fever."
Canned peaches and toast.
Maybe tomorrow I'll venture out, I hate to miss birthday night.
Memories
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Thunder tells me that God is in his heaven.

2009-10-29T23:33:00.000-05:00

All of your life you think you are your body. Some of the time you think you are your mind. It is at the time of your death that you find out Who You Really Are. October 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1, page 81.

Hi y'all. It is pouring here in Spring Texas. Has been most of the evening. Reading Syd's post reminded me how walking on the beach in the rain in autumn/winter is one of my favorite things to do. But not quite this hard. We have been pretty lucky here in the Houston area for the last three weekends. It has rained during the week and been absolutely gorgeous for the weekends. That is also the outlook for this weekend.

Last night I heard that Wal-Mart is selling caskets. Yep, that's just what I want of my coffin, Wal-Mart brand FADED GLORY. HMMMMMMMMMM. So I started looking at on line coffins and found just what I want. I've never wanted to be embalmed, and the thought of being cremated just does not fall in to my belief system for me. I love it that eco-friendly burial is now available. I just want a mahogony veneer coffin made out of pressed wood. All wood. No metal. And I've always not wanted a vault, I want to return to dust. You know Dust to Dust. Back in the 60's and 70's I wanted to be buried in a plain mahogany coffin, naked, and covered with rose petals except for the face. Such Drama. Not planning to be checking out any time soon. Seeing Steveronis post today with the coffin, reminded me of what I want. That is the coffin I want, except Mahogany Veneer.

It's funny to me to be writing the above. Saturday night when I went to leave Lambda, the car next to me had pulled its right fender up to within a foot of my front door. That left me about 9 inches to get in my car. Hell, I need a lot more room than that. So I went back in to Lambda and found a skinny friend of mine. She and her girlfriend were parked on the other side of me. She said so you need us Skinny Bitches to get you into your truck. They have always liked my Honda Ridgeline and I told them I bought it to be my last vehicle. They looked at me and one said is this an announcement. I laughed and said no, I wanted it to last another 22 years for when I'm 80, and then it hit me that is only 12 years off. Shit, that's not very long. But if I live that long, I will have 30 years sobriety. I don't say if the creek don't rise and the Lord is willing, I know he is willing and I'm willing to do what it takes to get there. So I will. I know that in my heart. Man does Sobriety Rock or what?

I talked to Rosalie today. The news is better. She starts her radium (?) treatment (that does not sound right but that's all this brain will come up with) this coming Tuesday. She will need ten treatments. This doctor says that should get rid of the cancer and that she is lucky for it to have been found at this stage. It very seldom is, so in a way her COPD is a blessing ' that is why they do the X-rays they do. Talk about a miracle. I just love watching God at work and reaping some of the glory of his love. What a spiritual experience this is.

Cabin fever is setting in here. I'm feeling better, but the vertigo still does a number with me. I just do not get up, sit or lay down quickly. The feeling of the spinning room is sickening. Last night as I lay down I had a spin and let me tell you, I had my eyes open and the tv was just a fluttering, so I shut my eyes quickly and the spinning quieted down. But it's not so bad, at least I'm sober going through the vertigo. I'm sure that in my drinking days, there are many spinning moments that are lost in one of those damned blackouts. I'm so blessed not to live like that any more.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer that is clinging to me during the lightening and thunder. She was outside on a business trip about an hour ago and there was the big clap of rolling thunder, she let out a yelp and ran for the door just a howling. She was soaked. She is so precious. And she just smothered me with kisses. Yes!
My sponsor
Cold meat loaf sandwich with catsup
Needing what I have
Having what I need
A call from one of my best friends for tomorrow's 10 AM meeting at my sponsor's.
Going back to my Aquatic Therapy this coming Monday.
Knowing when to take care of myself
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Where the hell is my Tuesday Post?

2009-10-28T20:44:00.000-05:00

What you open your eyes and look at desappears. That is, it ceases to hold its illusory form. October 28 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 102

Okay, where'd it go. I posted last night saved and published it. It is gone today. What the hell? I also cannot keep Syd nor Findon in my blogger list. One night they are there then, the next time or so they are gone. Is anyone else having problems like this? I have had the disappearing post happen a couple of times but it just creeps me out.

Also, I do not do sick well. I woke up this AM about 4 pm sick as a dog. Head swimming and cold sweats. Lasted most of the day. Still not feeling well, but the sick sick feeling is gone. I just hate this. My Mother used to call this "my feel bad hurts." Always works for me. Never did use it as an excuse not to go into work tho', it was too simple. I liked to be explicit and convoluted. I'm so glad I haven't lived like that since I got sober.

Not much to say tonight, we will see if this stays online.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer who is barking to come in.
My sponsor.
Mostly well days.
Being sighted
Not enticed to try wheat beer.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, Monday.

2009-10-26T23:06:00.000-05:00

There is no such thing as an incorrect path--for on this journey you cannot "not get" where you are going. It is simply a matter of speed--merely a question of when you will get there. OCTOBER 26 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"

page 104

Monday rainy, heavy rainy Monday. Thunder, Mamie moved close to me on the bed. More thunder, Mamie got under the covers with me. The next thing I knew it was 11:30 and I had to be at the Aquatic Therapy at 1 PM. Rushed around, and left for Dunkin Donuts. Got an iced coffee with Half and Half and two pumpkin muffins. They have the best punkin muffins. About a mile from the Hospital, I got very sick, so I went in signed in and told them I was sick and came home. About 3 o'clock I rejoined the rest of the well world. I hate those sick feelings, I have them every now and then, usually when I have not eaten, not the case this morning.

What a wonderful weekend. Had Sat dinner with my sponsor and two other friends and then went to the speaker meeting at Lambda. The speaker was my grand sponsor and she is a very good speaker. This is the second time I have heard her. She doesn't come to Lambda as much as she used to. Following the speaker meeting was a Drag Auction, a fund raiser for the AA Roundup. About 10 - 11 acts and some were just too special. We were definitely intertained and they raised a little over $4,000. The place was packed. SUNDAY was just a day around the house with Mamie, and that was enough. What a change from Sunday's of yesteryears past. And I only have to stay sober one day at a time to enjoy days like that. Sobriety ROCKS.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
My sponsor with whom I enjoy spending time.
Talented drunks
Huge sober audiences.
Having a great time without vomit, fights, or.................
Watching smiles adding value to so many faces.
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Just a feel good day and COWBOY RULES!

2009-10-25T15:39:00.002-05:00

The Laws are very simple,

Thought is creative.
Fear attracts like energy.
Love is all there is.

October 25 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 56

COWBOY RULES

Cowboy rules for: Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada...and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

Pull your pants up. You look like an idot.
Turn you cap right, your head ain't crooked.
Let's get this straight, it' called a "gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of the way.
They are cattle. That's why they smell like cattle. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it. I-10, I-40, I-70, and I-80 go east and sest; I-5, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and go.
So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $300,000 Combines that driven 3 weeks a year.
Every person in the Wild West waves. It'called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
If that cell lphone while a buch of Geese/pheasants/duck/doves are domin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa hour hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
Yeah. We eat trout, salmon, deer, and elk. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday heleld the closest Saturday to the first of November.
We open doors for women. That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Ol Yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you ear....IT AIN"T REAL CHILI!!!
You bring "Coke" into my house, it better brown, wet, and served over ice. You "Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
College and High School Football is more important here that the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers, and the Knicks. and a dang site more fun to watch.
Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
Turn Down that blasted car stereo! That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway. We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your drawers! Refer back to #1.

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won.t get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

I just loves me some gratitude.

2009-10-23T20:48:00.000-05:00

Look to your experience to find your truth. OCTOBER 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 109

Today was a day of genuine gratitude.

got up at 8 AM
made the 10 AM meeting at Daave's
made the 12:15
had to leave at 12:30 to make my 1 PM Aquatic Therapy
made my AT.
Had a great one hour workout.
Very tired afterward.
Home at 3:15. Napped with Mamie
Talked with the next door neighbor about talking to Rosalie about Radiation therapy. She was more than glad to be of service. She's a normy.
Called Rosalie and gave her the info. She will call Linda tomorrow.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My sponsor
A good 10 AM meeting.
Cameo at 12:15.
Aquatic Therapy
Tolerance (the therapist talks non-stop while I am counting reps. I did not kill her today)
Tolerance of those whose program differs from mine.
Tolerance of various degrees of others spirituality.
A special closeness to God today
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Leap Year - Do you include the extra day.

2009-10-22T23:08:00.000-05:00

I have given you the tools with which to respond and react to events in a way which reduces--in fact, eliminates--pain, but you have not used them. OCTOBER 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 105

Hi you bunch of alkies. How the hell was your day? Sober and serene I hope.

I notice that a bunch of us posts the number of days each has from time to time. In thinking about this recently on a sleepless night (you know the one where your head just won't turn off) I was wondering how many take into account the extra day for leap year. For me I have 6205 days figuring 365 times 17. But if I take in consideration the five leap years, 92, 96, 00, 04, 08, I add five more days which gives me 6210 through my 17th birthday. Just wondering. Feedback?

Tomorrow is my Aquatic Therapy day. I can truly say that just the one day has done wonders for this ole bod. I am not as sore as I expected to be. My therapy is at 1 PM. I'll give a report tomorrow night on that.

Talked to Rosalie yesterday. She was not her usual positive self. In fact, she was quite down and told me that the treatment was not going to be as easy as we had been told. She has the non-snall cell cancer, squamish cell cancer. There are two types of squamish cell cancer; one where the tumor or cancer is stationary; the other where the cancer is not stationary thus making it more difficult to treat. She has the latter. It is still treatable, but is harder to do. I don't understand all this, but sure as hell intend to become well informed about it. The best news is that the ACS has drivers that will pick up patients, take them to their appointments, stay with them, and then take them home. She was most happy about that as it takes the "burden" off of Sam or me. It is unsettling to me to hear her negative side, as that part of her has been hidden for so many years. However, were I in her shoes, I don't know that I would not do the same. But then again, this is not your regular ailments. What with my schedule, I can't go over until mid-November accept for overnight on Sat. But if that is what it comes to, then that is what I will have to do. But I also have to take care of myself. I know that God will guide me through this, He always has and I do not see that changing.

Damned, I am so lucky to be blessed with Sobriety. And I keep remunerating the promise that "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." (P 84 BB) Oh how I love it when I can actually see the promises working in my life. It just does not get better n that!

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
Tomorrow is double dip day (10 am and 12:15 but I can only do about 20 min of 12:15 before leaving for my AT. But hey, I might just hear a miracle in that little time)
Being sighted
Having what I need
Wanting what I have
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Splish Splash - Good Day

2009-10-21T22:31:00.003-05:00

Some of you are walking wakefulness, and some of you are sleepwalking. Yet all of you are creating your own reality--creating, not discovering. OCTOBER 21 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 92

Hey Y'all. Good day today. I did my aquatic therapy for the first time and it was great. It is one hour of various exercises, but it is so easy, very little pull on the ole back. The therapist told me I would be sore because I have used muscles I have not used in quite a while. The pool is heated and there are jets I can back up to for a quick massage. The pool is 4 feet deep. I go again on Friday.

Forgot to mention the progress with the eye. My left eye is doing excellent. I will probably need one more laser treatment and that should do it. I have new glasses and man, is my eyesight improved. The others were about 4 years old. The eyes do change in the GOLDEN YEARS.

Even with all the stuff going on in my life and with my sister, I have not even thought of drinking. I am a staunch believer in "you don't drink no matter what." I pray in the AM and again as I go to bed. I say many "thank you God's" during the day and am fit spiritually. I'm definitely in God's hands right now and I can't think of a better place to be.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
My eyesight
Medicare
Working on my mobility
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Another Month - Updates

2009-10-20T22:25:00.004-05:00

It is a great challenge, this path of the householder. There are many distractions, many worldy concerns. The aesthetic is bothered by none of these. He is brought his bread and water, and given his humble mat on which to lie, and he can devote his every hour to prayer, meditation and contemplation of the divine. How easy to see the divine under such circumstances! How simple a task! Ah, but give one a spouse and children! October 20 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 115

Hi Y'all. A wise man once told me that my Just Another Day posting was soon to become Just Another Year. Ya might say this sorta rattled my chain. It has been quite a ride for the past four weeks.

I was so proud of getting down to 20 mg of Prozac and less Buspar. Well I had a meltdown, Panic/Anxiety attack that lasted 2.5 days. The good news is I knew what was happening and knew it would pass, I just had to ride it out. I talked with my shrink and I am now up to 60m Prozac and 30 Buspar. But I'm still not back up to 80M prozac and for that I am grateful. Overall progress.
Double ear infection - ears swollen shut. Went to an ENT and was treated and had wicks inserted into both ears to get the drops into the inner ear. This was before I went to Rosalie's. The day I left to go over there, the wicks were removed and the ears were open and I continued the treatment for 10 more days. On return from Rosalie's, the ENT declared the infection well. (Another chapter in the Perils of Pauline)
I spent 8 days with Rosalie and was with her during the biopsy and the recovery time at the hospital. We got there at 7:35 and left at 3.05 on a Friday. The following Wednesday I was with her when she got the final diagnosis. God is good. She has stage 1 lung cancer and is to have seen a cancer doctor today. I have not heard from her today, but I will call her again tomorrow.
Tomorrow I start a four week physical therapy regimen (Mon, Wed, Fri) for my back and sciatica on both the right and left sides. The therapy is aquatic at Memorial Hermann Hospital Northwest. The aquatic therapy is supposed to be low impact, high return. I am really looking forward to this. They even have an underwater treadmill. This is to help me be more mobile. I had an MRI last Tuesday and have multiple bulging discs in my lumbar area. Did some other tests also and will see my neurologist on Nov 2 for a plan of action over and above my P.T. (Yep, another chapter of Perils of Pauline)

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor. (Who is now able to drive)
The positive aspect of all the above.
Joe's broken foot is healing nicely.
Dinner with my sober buddies before Sat night meetings.
The strength that I find in posting of my blogger buddies.
All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another Day

2009-09-25T17:46:00.004-05:00

September 24 - I truly want what you truly want--nothing different and nothing more. Don't you see that is my greatest gift to you? Page 166

September 25 - Se the Divine in a baby who needs changing at 3 A.M....in a bill that needs paying by the first of the month. Recognize the hand of God in the illness that takes a spouse, the job that's lost, the child's fever, the parent's pain. Now we are talking saintliness. Page 115

Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"

Hi y'all. Well here I am for today. Wow, 2 days this week. Since my upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, my computer has just been so damned sluggish and the blogs were so cumbersome to navigate and then, God working in my life, U-verse arrived in my neighborhood. What a difference. My speed is so much better, the blog is still a bit cumbersome but doable. It's probably just "Operator Problem." Now I can get back to dropping by to more of you.

As I've said before, I may not post everyday and I know that just drives some of you nuts and I've lost a couple more of my posse but I still visit them. But mostly, I have a small group of faithful posse out there and I thank all of you for being there. Your comments are all appreciated and are filled with love, understanding, and encouraging.

Here is a little story of "God's taken Charge". I signed up for Uverse last Friday and it was scheduled for Thursday 9/25. t. So I checked my printout of the complete transaction and sure enough, the very helpful and knowledgeable Service Rep in the Philippines kept saying Thursday September 25. I never checked the calendar. So here I set up my schedule to be available for the installation between 1 - 3, rescheduled a dr. apt. and then went online at noon to verify if they were going to be on time . Page not found. So I followed the directions to get information and continually got invalid information. So I called and talked with a rep in the Philippines and she finally transferred me to a Tier 2 Rep (U.S. Based) as she could not get any info either. The local (U.S) rep finally got the info and confirmed my scheduled time to be Friday 9/25, 1-3 PM. I told her no It was Thursday the 25th. She confirmed Friday. I told her this really upset me because of the Thursday 9/25 from the rep on date of order and that I'd rescheduled DR apt. Now mind you, I remained calm and cool, the voice did not get shrill, etc. She then apologized again and I said well ATT could at least give me a bag of POPCORN for my inconvenience. She then said, One moment and I will connect you to Sales Relations. When the Sales Relations lady came on she laughing told me ATT did not keep POPCORN in stock and was very apologetic. She also told me she had listened to the original transaction script and that she had given me a six month credit of $20 per month starting in October. I told her that was overkill and I appreciated the gesture but I could not accept that in good conscience. She told me she could not undo it and to just accept it. I wonder if she knew page 449. HA. Anyway I got through that with the help of God, not losing my temper, and I consider the whole incident a spiritual experience. DAMNED - Sobriety just gets better.

Tonight I have gratitude for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
Daily dose of spirituality
My mental state improvement
My eye improvement
Being sighted
Physical therapy to improve mobility - next Monday for 4 weeks.
That the next indicated thing puts itself in front of me when I am ready for it. (That's God working in my life)
All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Blong Of Gratitude for Personal Growth

2009-09-22T20:18:00.005-05:00

You create, collectively and individually, the life and times you are experiencing, for the soul purpose of evolving. September 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 37

Hey y'all. How the hell are ya? This ole drunk is doing real good these days. I have my probs but I am dealing with them.

I have now been in Houston for 5 years and change. What a Journey it has been. This post is 75% positive and is about personal growth. I am a firm believer that God does not give us too much to handle.

Since October of 2001 I have been on a regimen of psycho drugs that grew and grew until I did not have any feelings. It was very difficult to show any emotion. When I arrived back in Houston I was taking three different meds. I did not like it but I also knew that they were keeping me alive. Depression, anxiety and panic attacks were the Song of The Day. I missed my previous mental health team from LA tremendously. Brian was my therapist and Lee was my psychiatrist. Those two men helped me get back from the depths of hell and severe depression to being a focusing and contributor to the human race. They also helped me to the point of finding sobriety. I have a very special love for the two of them. When I got here it was so hard to start over with new therapists and shrinks. I fired two, we just did not click. Then I found Dr. Ed. He has really helped me back again. I've been with Dr. Ed now for three years and the change in myself from the inside out is incredible. Over the past year with his help and guidance I have come down from 80 mg of Prozac to 20 mg. And I am only on one other med now and it is 10 mg instead of 30. Yes, I feel more, I am more aware, and I still have depression, but not like it was since 2001. And through all of this I have maintained my sobriety because I knew that without it would be instant death. Now I am not afraid of dying, sometimes I just wish it was over, but I would not take action on that. I can now cry at movies; I have emotions that bubble to the top and I don't feel like I am on overload. I have so much gratitude for this. And all I had to do was take action, do the next indicated thing and just trudge on down that long and narrow road. The road was not lonely and I was not alone. I had my God as I understand Him. I have Alcoholics Anonymous and an incredible support group. It just does not get much better than that.

Yesterday I picked up a new set of eye glasses. I can now see clearly out of both eyes. I still have some probs with the left one but the prognosis is for it to just continue to get better. Dr. Judy (not Judge Judy) has brought me through a rough 20 months. My last appointment on Sept 2 she told me to go ahead and get my new glasses and now I have them and they do not appear like coke bottles. I am so happy with this. Again, my God as I understand Him, Alcoholics Anonymous, and my incredible support group have been on this trudge with me. And it just does not get much better than that.

I am so blessed.

I'm going over to be with Rosalie this next week. Last month they found a spot on her lungs and when they did an MRI the spot was not appearing so her Doc. told her it must just be the scar tissue from her COPD. She called me last week and said that the Spot had come back and she was having breathing probs and they did another MRI and found she has lung cancer. Now how they can tell from the shape of a tumor on an MRI that it was cancerous is beyond me but I was sort of shocked. Lung cancer is what took my Mother May 29, 1986. It's sort of same story, different star. Next Tuesday, Rosalie has a biopsy to see what kind of cancer it is and what stage it is in. The Difference this time is with Rosalie I am sober and can be there for her at all times as needed. Again, one more time, I am grateful for that and for the God of my understanding trudging through this with me. And the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and my incredible support group.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my OCD schnauzer
My sponsor who is recovering remarkably from his knee surgery.
My incredible support group - friends, family, and my bitchin bloggers.
The resentment prayer for the woman that told me I was BIG is gone. The prayer worked one more time.
Learning to make lemonade
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just a little funny.

2009-09-06T14:51:00.005-05:00

All people are special, and all moments are golden. There is no person, and there is no time one more special than another.

September 6 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 6

Shortest Fairy Tale.

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?"

The girl said, "NO!"

And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.

The end.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Restraint of tongue: Freedom From Bondage. I

2009-09-03T21:14:00.005-05:00

Every Heart has its secret sorrows
Which the world knows not,
Oftentimes we call a man cold
When he is only sad.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

The above quote is one of my all time favorites. When someone is distant of bitchy this sometimes come to mind, but not as much as it should.

Those of you who know me, know that I am very sensitive and I pay the price for letting those feelings overwhelm me. I am working on it, but sometimes I lose. But it is much better than it used to be.

So that brings me to tonight's post. Last night I went to the Wednesday night Al-anon meeting at Lambda. This is an al-anon meeting with an outreach to the recovering alcoholic. I have several friends that attend this meeting. Last night after collecting hugs, and a little bit of fellowship prior to the meeting I went into the big room and sat down. Just before the meeting started I felt a tap on my shoulder and this little bitty lesbian said, My you sure are a big man. I am moving over here so I can see, just keep your seat, but I need to move, you are so big. I felt like she was on a fucking megaphone and I was just flabbergasted and absolutely humiliated. Yes I am a BIG man. Now in the old days I would have told this ugly little dike that Yes I am big, I can also choose to be smaller, but you my dear are an ugly little dike and have no option" which would have been followed by a slap that would have made her ancestors roll in their graves and her whole living family to hurt. However, I just did not respond except to say I'm sorry you had to move. And then I just sat there and seethed. Now she did not say this in a low voice, but I'm sure it was not as loud as it seemed to me. I was also embarrassed and then thought how absolutely thoughtless the bitch was. Now why she could not just have moved and let it know. It wasn't like I was wearing a big hat or big hair (I'm bald) that could be removed or adjusted. Now this just played over and over and over and over. KFUK was just running with this like Glen Beck with untruths. I finally settled down but when the meeting was over I left and fumed all the way home.

I prayed about it last night, and asked for the damned bitch to be blessed and I sure as hell did not mean it, but I will do it for 13 more days. I cannot afford to have this resentment take hold of me and eat me alive. (It would be stuffed) Now this prayer is from page 552 in the Big Book and is from the story Freedom from Bondage. If you have a resent you want to be free o, if you will pray for the person or the ting that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them, and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understanding and love."

This has worked for me many times in the past and I am sure it will work again. The Big Book, the first 164 pages, and the stories have so much wisdom in them and I am proud to practice what I have read and what has become almost second nature to me over the years. Now this is a blessing and all I had to do was to quit drinking, find a new way of living and follow it. I just will not get any better than that. AA Rocks!

Tonight I am Grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor who had his knee surgery and got a new knee on Tuesday and is doing well. He will probably go home on Saturday.
Restraint of tongue and hand.
Miracles
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Huge Gratitude

2009-08-26T23:39:00.003-05:00

You may think this is easy, this Be Who You Really Are business, but it is the most challenging thing you'll ever do in your life. August 26 - Meditations from "Conversations With God - Book 1" page 148

Tonight I am Grateful for:

God, my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my Schnauzer

My Sponsor

Ted Kennedy

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

These Eyes of Texas Are A Smiling.

2009-08-10T22:31:00.004-05:00

Every heart has it's secret sorrows
Which the world knows not,
Often time we call a man cold

When he is only sad.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my loving schnauzer
My Sponsor (on a trip to Indiana)Good visit with the retinologist today (A) The eye is much better, just floaters that are fading. (B) Cobwebs are just floaters that are breaking up. (C) Surgery is off the table right now. (D) Suggest I follow up with new glasses at this time. Will probably need new ones again in 6 months.
My vision insurance pays for one pair of glasses per year.
Being Sighted
All y'all's prayers.
My friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A snit and Just a Bit of Gratitude

2009-08-06T22:21:00.003-05:00

August 3 - If you want to know what's true for you about something, look to how you're feeling about it. Feelings are sometimes difficult to discover--and often even more difficult to acknowledge. Yet hidden in your deepest feeling is your highest truth.

My best friend forgot my birthday. It hurts. When I told him about it he gave me excuses, did not say I'm sorry, but did say Happy late birthday. I forgot his birthday 25 years ago and he read me the riot act. I sent him 31 belated birthday cards and also apologized. I'm hurt, angry, and trying to let it go. I just wanted him to say I'm sorry, that's all. I don't think I'm asking too much.

August 4 - You'll get as many chances as you want and need. You can come back again and again and again. If you do get to the next step, if you evolve to the next level, it's because you want to, not because you have to.

Hmmmmmmmmmm. Is God telling me to get over my cheap snake act and move on?

August 5 - I will continue sending you the same messages over and over again, throughout the millenia and to whatever corner of the universe you occupy. Endlessly will I send you My messages, until you have received then and held them close, calling them your own.

This greater than my little snit. To me this is God telling me he loves me and has been and always will be with me.

August 6 - It takes great courage to announce oneself as a man of God. You understand, the world will much more readily accept you as virtually anything else.

I am a man of God, and I know I have been guilty of being afraid of how others might think of me if I said so, but let me tell you that will not happen again. I will say it again - I am a man of God.

Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" the above dates, pages 3, 149,5, and 145.

Tonight my gratitude is for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor, leaving on a trip tomorrow.
My Right eye.
Being sighted
Being able to pray to let my snit go.
Recognizing it's EGO.
Movies
Friends
Trying not to be so damned sensitive
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.

Sunday 08/02/2009 - The end of being 67

2009-08-02T21:09:00.004-05:00

The more you are, the more you can become, and the more you can become, the more you can yet be. August 2 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 20

By the time most of you read this it will be Monday August 3, 2009 and it is my 68th birthday. This is my 18th sober birthday. The last birthday that I drank was on my 50th birthday in 1991. I had planned to get just absolutely stinking drunk. I had a big party with over 100 of my closest friends but I only had about 2 drinks. I was drinking scotch on the rocks out of a super sized brandy snifter. I finished the first one and started on the second one and then started opening presents and was having so much fun with all the gag gifts that I was not drinking as planned. Four of my friends decided to turn the party into a "Roast Zane" evening and they did so royally. BITCHES. The best line of the evening came when my two schnauzers ran into the living room and jumped into my lap - Buddy quipped "Oh my dear, I did not know children were involved." I gasped and cracked up and then the rest of the group followed. You see Vic and I had just split up 3 months before this, were still living together, and my friends were sort of walking on egg shells expecting me to get drunk and just clean house with VIC. Than would have been my usual m.o. but with the surprise roast and all they save us all from a disaster. It was a fun evening and little did I know that the following January I would have my last drink and become a recovering alcoholic in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.And yes, I have had fun in sobriety. Of course the Big Book says we insist on having fun. And the best part of it is that I've had lots of fun and can remember all of it the next day. That is one of the best gifts of the program.

AA Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my higher power
My sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor (We had dinner last night)
Sharing Sat Dinner with my sponsor, Daave, John, and Rick.
John treating me to dinner when I realized that I had left my wallet at home when it came check paying time.
Not getting stopped without my ID.
Sat night's speaker share and hearing about some of the people in his share that I knew from sobriety in LA.
That Monday is the first day of my 69th year.(HeHe)
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Honey's, I'm Home.

2009-07-31T22:31:00.004-05:00

What your body is doing is a reflection of what your life is about. July 31 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 186

I am sooooooooooooo glad to be home. The time with Rosalie was wonderful, she is coming along very well. However, I was so out of touch with the world, you have no idea how up todate the news in Beaumont - Silsbee can be. Lordy, it will take me forever to catch up. I am so looking forward to the Saturday Night Speaker meeting at Lambda and dinner with the bunch before the meeting. I neeeeeed a good dose of fellowship with my alkie friends.

So I am off to bed and so thankful that I can share my gratitude list with y'all.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my lovable schnauzer
My sponsor
Home, sweet home.
My fellow Floridian blogger is blogging.
Rosalie's successful surgery.
12 hours of serenity.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Good news.

2009-07-22T22:16:00.004-05:00

The people who make a living doing what they love are the people who insist on doing so. July 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 169

Good news tonight regarding Rosalie. She had the surgery late this afternoon and all went well. I am leaving about 10 AM tomorrow to go over to Silsbee for a few days. No computer so no posting until I get back home which will probably be Tuesday of next week.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor - such support from a man who is going through his own health problems.
Prayers from all y'all.
My third Al-Anon meeting tonight with 55 attendees. Very good shares and so many of my own concerns were covered by those that shared. I have found another home.
My needs are met.
Friends
Grand nephew Colton.
Success for Rosalie
The guidance her surgeon received.
My Faith
All Y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

All Better Now.

2009-07-21T23:53:00.004-05:00

Fear is the energy which contracts, closes down, draws in, runs, hides, hoards, harms. Love is the energy with expands, opens up, sends out, stays, reveals, shares, heals. July 21 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 19

Just love today's CWG. SO true. Yesterday I was in fear, today I am in gratitude. Talked with Sam and Rosalie had her bronchocomy today and it was negative. Now that is just what I had prayed for and I know a lot of y'all did also. Tomorrow she will have her surgery. It is not an invasive surgery, but done with needles and camera. If all goes well she will go home on Friday or Saturday. I am going over on Thursday and will be there for a few days. God is good.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor ( I better call him tomorrow)
Being sighted.
My Right Eye
Being able to accept the ups and downs with the Left eye.
Prayers and comments from y'all
Friends
Just got a message from Steve E. will read when finished with this post.
All y'all.

Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Loss, Illnesses, and Spirituality

2009-07-20T23:32:00.005-05:00

The soul leads you to the right and perfect opportunities for you to experience exactly what you had planned to experience. What you actually experience is up to you. July 20 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 174

Damned I'm glad to be sober.But one thing about being sober that I hear from so many other sober people is that they can be there for their relative going thru a rough spot, illness, death, etc. I was there for my Mother even through my drinking. She lived with me for the last 18 years of her life. She was well, she was sick, she was hospitalized, - over and over again. When she was diagnosed with Oat cell Carcinoma (lung cancer) I was with her. I was always with her for her Dr. visits. At times before the cancer, my employer let me take two hours for lunch to go to the hospital to see that she ate and the same thing for the nursing home and I extended my day by one hour in the evening. Never in the morning - hangover - but evening. I stopped by the hosp. to visit for a couple of hours after work and then went home and got half sloshed and then went to the bar to finish up getting drunk. I was very fortunate that I was not needed at night. If so "I would not have been there."During all of her illnesses I was there for her during waking hours. When she was diagnosed with the cancer and it was described to her as small cell carcinoma, she thought it was just a little bit of cancer. She never understood that it was terminal. Or did she, it would have been just like her to say it not so bad to try to keep me from worrying. The week she died my partner and I took 5 days to go to our mountain cabin for a much needed time out. I called her twice a day at the nursing home. I talked to her the morning she died, I was coming home so that I could take her to her chemo treatment. I was walking out the door and the phone rang. Vic answered it and called me to say it was Dr. Pinsky. He told me that Mother had died at noon. She was having lunch and just slumped over into her plate and that was it. I just started to scream and he yelled at me - calm down Zane - she went well, had she lived she was going to be so much worse. I stopped and listened. She died at the right time in the progress of the disease. I got through that, got the funeral arrangements done etc. and then I just got stinking drunk. I was fine for the funeral and reception after. That night I got sloshed again and was mostly sloshed for the next few days. Then just went back to my regular drinking habits. I still look back at that and wonder why I did not just fall off the deep end and just stay drunk. When I think about it, I know it was God that got me through that time as he has during all of the low times in my life. In sobriety I can look back and see that he was doing for me what I could not do for myself. I just was not aware of it. Today, as a sober member of AA I am very aware of Him being with me and helping me through the lows of my life.

Today is the 25th anniversary of my second oldest sister's death. She died of brain cancer on her 60th birthday. I never really got to know her. The last time I saw her was when I was 15 and my sisters' father died. Her name was Dorothy Evelyn and we called her Rockie. Their last name was Rochelle. I grieved over Rockie, mostly over what never was. Mother had not seen nor talked with her since 1952. Mother was just numbed by her death, cried some, but she had really buried her in her mind years before, but always held out hope.

This past week my sister Rosalie has been in the hospital in Beaumont, TX. She has advanced COPD with 45% lung capacity. She is in there because of severe back pain. As I noted last week, they have discovered several compound fracture in her lower back and she had been cleared by all her doctors for surgery this week, but they were doing an MRI to be sure there was not anything missed. I talked to Rosalie this afternoon and she was really down. This is so unlike her. She wasn't maudlin, but just upset because the MRI found lesions on her lungs. This I did not expect. Damned my Mother died of lung cancer, my sister Rockie died of brain cancer, and I just thought it is just not right to lose Rosalie to cancer also. Then she told me they were doing a bronchoscopy tomorrow to see if the lesions were malignant. Now I had just in the span of two seconds had her with cancer. I told her I would be over ASAP and she said "Wait until after the test." I want you here, but wait. So we talked for a few more minutes and she said she was tired and we said our love you's and goodbye and hung up.

I immediately went to the internet and looked up lung lesions. There are a multitude that are not cancerous. It could be scarring from the COPD, or numerous types of pneumonic lesions, which are treatable but not necessarily terminal. This was good news to me. My plan right now is to go over there this Wednesday, hopefully to be with her for her surgery. We should know by tomorrow evening. I have hope, I have my faith that whatever happens is beyond my control. Whatever happens, God will get me through. He always has, and I know He won't change now.

I wrote this because I know that several of us have health issues with family members or have just gone through them. And we are and have all done so with a strong belief in our Higher Power. It did not take me to become sober to have a higher power, it just took me to get sober to have a spiritual relationship with my Higher Power. And I feel that power in my whole self. Spiritual sobriety ROCKS.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my schnauzer
My Sponsor
My Right Eye
Strength to accept current status of my Left Eye.
Being Sighted
Never doubting that I can get through anything Sober no matter what. Some of you have proved this to me over and over again.
That Wanda and I reconnected after 45 + years.
A fabulous evening at the Lambda Talent Show this past Sat night.
Sat dinner with Daave, RIck, John, Norris.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

And then there was none.

2009-07-18T01:17:00.004-05:00

There are a million aspects to Me. A billion. A trillion. You see? There is the profane and the profound, the lesser and the larger, the hollow and the holy, the ghastly and the Godly. July 17 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 173

I am indeed saddened by the announcement late Friday that one of the great ICON's of the 20th Century, WALTER CRONKITE, died at the age of 92. Cronkite was just always there with the news. Real News. That does not exist today. He was a real ICON. He was an influence on the way America

was and is. I will never forget his announcement of the passing of JFK. His Vietnam coverage. His landing on the moon coverage. Those are just three of the fine examples of his reporting that are burned into my memory. There will never be another person that can possibly take his place of even come close to it. The changes that have come down the pike have taken that position away. We now have 24 hour news, the WWW, Twitter, Utube, and all the other stuff that just blabber 24 hours a day. Walter Cronkite has left a huge emptiness in the world as if a "thousand lights went out." I feel so blessed to have had my life touched by such a remarkable person He will be missed.

On another note, Rosalie is back in the hospital due to extreme back pain. I talked with both she and Sam this afternoon. She has had bad lower back pain for awhile and was worsened during the severe constipation of late. She went in yesterday and x-rays show several complex fractures in her lower back. She was to have an MRI late this afternoon and has been cleared for surgery for next week. With her COPD she will be on a ventilator during and after surgery and it will be removed when she shows she can breath on her own. One of the major side effects is that she may not come off of the ventilator. But as she says, there's not much choice and she has the faith that all will be well. So, one more time I am asking for prayers from y'all. Sure are a lot of with loved ones on these prayer lists. Aren't we blessed with friends that lovingly give time for this in their prayers? Isn't this one of the best perks of being in recovery? HELL YES.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor who is getting out and around.
My right eye.
Being sighted.
A surprise Dinner with Daave this evening.
The beauty of distant storm clouds south of Houston this evening.
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Today's a good Day, Good News.

2009-07-16T22:52:00.003-05:00

Belief in God produces belief in God's greatest gift--unconditional love--and God' greatest promise--unlimited potential. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 44

Hi y'all. Today has been a better day than the last few days. I wonder if it had anything to do with the call I made to my Dr.s office at 4 PM. I had xrays last week for my lungs and they were supposed to let me know something by yesterday. I was aggravated that I had to make that call, but then I am also grateful that God gave me the good sense to follow up when I need to do so. We after a few minutes of wrestling with their damned phone system I finally got a live person - they do exist is some Doctor's offices - and was promptly transferred to a voice mail for the PA. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR God got me through this without me leaving a scathing memo, and she called me back after 5 PM. The news is that my lungs are CLEAR. What a picker upper. ONe more time my faith and God have taken over and gotten me through my self-imposed rough patch. One would think that by this time I would not be such a fretter, but I am, no where near as bad as I used to be, but it is still there. I'm blessed with being able to see the difference.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
My Right Eye (i always think of PG when i post this)
Cobwebs clearing in my Left eye.
Being sighted.
Breathing
That Sat nite I will get to share in the miracle of Scott W's new showing.
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Today

2009-07-14T23:35:00.003-05:00

Thoughts rooted in fear will produce one kind of manifestation on the physical plane, thoughts rooted in love will produce another. The masters are those who have chosen only love. In every instant. In every moment. In every circumstance. July 14 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 57

Today I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
Having all that I need
Adapting to financial change
Bitterness against "them" subsiding
My Right eye
Adjusting to cobwebs in left eye, again.
Strength from my faith
Never acting on my desire to be in the afterlife.
Getting through the day no matter what.
Friends
Restraint of tongue, written word, and actions.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Nada Tonight.

2009-07-10T23:25:00.003-05:00

Mine is always your Highest Thought, your Clearest Word, your Grandest Feeling. Anything less is from another course. July 10 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" age 4

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday - Good ole Hump Day

2009-07-08T22:46:00.003-05:00

When you are in your God space, you know and understand that all you are now experiencing is temporary. I tell you that heaven and earth shall pass away, but you shall not. July 7 - (7/8/9) - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 116

Just a bit of humor:

7/8/9 - Conan O'Brian - Oscar Mayer died, his funeral will be "OPEN BUN"

7/8/9 Nothing else humorous, just love writing 7/8/9.

Hey, bada bing bada boom. How the hell are all my alkie and other friends? What a day. Nothing special, just a day with getting up at 1:57 PM, Movie at 3:25 (Ice Age - Dawn of the Dinosaurs) funny but not as good as the first two. Lambda 6:30 PM - Double Winners meeting. It's an alanon meeting with a special outreach for the alcoholic. It's in it's second week and tonight's meeting had 58 attendees. It was also my first Al-anon meeting. Yes I had read about Alanon, have friends in Al-anon, heard about how it can help you with relationships (my take was partners) but tonight in listening to the Alanon purpose and the sharing: the light came on - all relationships. DUH! Sometimes I am so dense - OK OK I will lighten up on myself. I am planning to attend more of these, at least the next 4, as this is a 6 week session at the end of which will be a group conscience as to whether or not to keep it as a regular meeting. My take after one meeting -YES!

Syd can you shed some light on why it is recommended that one attends 6 consecutive Alanon meetings?

Tonight I am grateful for:

God
Sobriety
Mamie
Sponsor
being Sighted
Support
Friends
New Horizons
All Y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Pins and Needles for the next few DAYS!

2009-07-07T23:13:00.003-05:00

Obedience is not creation, and thus can never produce salvation. Obedience is a response, while creation is pure choice, undictated, unrequired. July 7 - Meditations from "Conversation's with God Book 1" Page 175

Hey there my alkie friends. Hope all had a wonderful weekend. Even in sobriety it seems as though some of us had too much week left at the end of our weekend.

Saw my endocrinologist today, sugar is doing much better but there is a problem with my chest xray. They did them over because there is a cloudy area at the bottom of my right lung. And if this xray doesn't show it more clearly, it will be a CATscan. What really pisses me off is the dr. forgot to tell me and he had left so the PA explained it to me. I heard lung problem and just went to a spasm of thoughts. She must have recognized this because she took my hand and told me it looked more like fluid buildup rather than a tumor. Shit she used the T word. I'm trying to just be CALM. Not to project, we learn that in this program. It will be what it will be. Have I ever mentioned that I am a worrywart. I need to 417/449, I have to turn the outcome over to the care of God. Again, one more time my faith has taken over and will keep me centered . I have to realize that I am not in control. I will just have to remember I will find out soon. In God's time, not mine. And of course one of the concerns I have is the expense of these damned tests, the co-pays ya know. There's not much more that I can give up to afford these things reading Pam's Monday post reminded me that I can still do my movies just give up the damned popcorn. Movies without popcorn? It could happen.

Tomorrow is 7/8/9. It will be another 100 years before that will happen again.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer (my little love dog)
My Sponsor - A Real Winner.
My right eye
My left eye is recovering from whatever from Sat night.
Being sighted.
Faith that sustains me.
Memories of the most gorgeous sunsets in LA, both from the beach, from the skyscrapers, and from the mountains.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another weekend.

2009-07-05T23:27:00.003-05:00

When life is lived from a standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost. The chance is missed. For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear. July 5 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 130

Hi my alkie friends. Hope all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was rather nondescript. Stayed home except for Saturday dinner with Daave, Rick, and John C. That's always a good start of an evening of sobriety. Then we went to the Saturday Night Live speaker meeting at Lambda. A woman, Laura L., whom I absolutely adore, spoke. She was not the scheduled speaker, but was ready in a moments notice. I first knew Laura when I moved to Houston in August 2004. She was having a hell of a time staying sober. In and out, always broken and in tears. This gal was not one that used the doors flippantly like a turnstile, she just could not get sober. Then in 2005 she took a Desire Chip and it worked. I have witnessed the change in her. From a look and aura of despair to a woman with a gleam in her eye and an aura of gratitude. She is truly a miracle and I am so privileged to have witnessed the change and the growth. She only talked for 25 minutes, but it was a 25 minutes packed with quality. I just love those.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
My Right eye
Being accepting of a problem with my left eye that started last evening.
My blood sugar at 198 this AM, down from 267 yesterday and down to 109 before dinner tonight. The new meds are kicking in - in God's time, not mine.
Acceptance
Living in the United States Of America
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another Day

2009-07-02T22:37:00.003-05:00

Your saying you want a thing only works to produce that precise experience--wanting-- in your reality. The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude. July 2 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 11

Hey there my alkie bunch. How the hell has your day gone? I had a good day. Started and ended it sober. No drama. Talked with Rosalie, and told her I may not come over for the w/e. I told I just did not feel good and did not want to do the drive but would let her know for sure tomorrow. She was disappointed but understood. I mean I've been over there twice in the last 3 weeks. I love her dearly and I will miss my niece and her 24 yr old son, but I'm just staying home. I'll call her tomorrow and tell her. And I know she'll say Well maybe you can come over Sat morning. It's great to be loved and to be wanted. We've had our rough patches, some have lasted for years, but now they just last a few days or weeks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. (Sighted a cat and a squirrel in the back yard this afternoon-might neer ate her way through the glass french door. She raises so much hell trying to get out, they are always long gone before I can open the screen. I love her so and she is so comforting.)
My Sponsor - talked to him today.
My eyes - continued improvement in the left.
No longer holding on to anger at my family.
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Newcomer Blues

2009-07-02T00:22:00.003-05:00

I do not make a judgement about the creations that you conjure, I simply empower you to conjure more--and more and more and more. July 1 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 118

Hey my alkie friends. You know sometimes as I'm reading others blogs, which I usually do before posting, I just don't have a clue about what I am going to post Tonight was one of them and then I read Findon's post and I knew what I needed to write about. Please know, I don't think I am being judgemental just the facts.

Saturday afternoon as we were all gathering and waiting for everyone to get there, some of us were in the lobby at Lambda and there was this newcomer with 5 months sobriety. She was just going on and on about hoping she would make it through Pride without drinking. After about the 4th or 5th time she said this I gently told her to quit using the word hoping and use I will make it through Pride without drinking.Then she started about going out with her using and drinking friends and she was the designated driver. She also said she was looking forward to seeing and being with them since she had not seen them since she got sober and that they always led her down the path. Someone else told her that was not the smartest way to stay sober, to go out with people that enabled her to "slip." She retorted, well, I feel I have a solid foundation with 5 months (yeah right girl) but I'm a bit worried though because I have never celebrated while sober. I just hope I can make it. I just wanted to shake the shit out her and scream quite planning your slip. I wish now I had. As the evening progressed we got decorated and into our position to wait for the parade. Yada yada yada - same crap regurgitated, over and over. She came over to me and asked if I could tell her friend Justin where we were. So I told Justin that we were on Marshall one block west of Woodhead. We have a couple of Justin's in the program so that is whom I thought was on their way. A few minutes later I looked over at the young lady and her friend "Justin" as they were sitting on the curb, each with a cigarette in hand and taking a toke off of what looked like weed. I wanted so much to go over and say something and thought better of it as I did not want a scene to ensue. So young lady seemed to be calmer (wonder why) and "Justin" another female left the area. I wasn't the only one that noticed this apparently. She got in the car she was riding in for the parade and off we went at about 9:30. At the end of the parade, her friends were waiting for her and she got out of the car as we turned off of Westheimer. I can only imagine what the rest of the night was like.

Now I don't know for sure that anything else happened. I just know from other's experiences what usually happens and then if that person is lucky enough to get back to the rooms and share about their experimentation. As for me, no thanks, no time, no place. It took me too damned long to get to these rooms and I am not going to fuck it up no way no how. I like where my head is most days; I like remembering where it was the night before; I like not living in the fog anymore; I like that upon going to bed, I know that I am going to bed and not just pass out somewhere; I like knowing where I am when I wake up. I could go on and on and just have a gratitude list to the moon and back. I like knowing that if I stay sober a day at a time, that each day gets better than the last, and I may say it "Don't get much better than that" but it does. And for that I am grateful.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
Listening to "Vincent" playing on my Easy Listening channel on DishNetwork.
All of the things in my last paragraph above.
Friends
My right eye
My continually improving left eye
Being sighted
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.

Today was SOOOO Good.

2009-06-30T23:02:00.003-05:00

I tell you there is no such experience after death as you have constructed in your fear-based theologies. June 30 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 41

Hey there, you bunch of alkies. How the hell are ya? Today has been a good day. Got up about 2 ish, talked to a couple of friends, started on my new diabetic med, went to a movie, prayed, and just settled into my day w'o any drama. Now that is a gooooooood day. I also go a call from my sister Myrna in Seattle (Dad's daughter) and we talked for over an hour and just laughed. I shared with her about my findings on our side of the family from Ancestry.com. I am going to make copies of what I've found and send it to her. It seems her oldest son (Pat 49) is starting a family tree and has run into a dead end on dad's side.

I have seen two movies so far this week. Yesterday I saw "My Sister's Keeper", now that was a tear jerker and a very good movie. I found it to be about acceptance and love of family. Today I saw "Cheri" with Michelle Pfeiffer. Excellent. I thought she was Cheri, but that is the name of her young lover who was quite handsome. Costuming just really was part of the story. Cathy Bates also has a supporting role in this movie which just capped it off for me. I thought it was just full of very strong performances.

I love strong performances, especially those I see in AA when someone is just working their program and not doing all this hey loook at me, see how great an AA person I am. Yoohoo I am really Mr or Ms. AA. Aren't I just IT. A friend of mine had a dream recently of throwing a chair at someone that I put in this category. I know that is being judgemental on my part, I have four fingers pointing back at me, but that's the way I feel and I don't try to be phony. I'm just me. If you like it, fine, if not I try to let that be ok also. Yeah right, just try to act like you don't accept me for any reason, just try to be judgemental about or to me. OMG, I just die inside. How could you do this to me. Don't you know how "fragile" I am. How can you claim to be so loving, so accepting, so totally immersed in AA and the principle's of the program. I made a comment to a friend of mine this past Saturday night and then followed it with a "Wow, that was mean of me." and his retort was yeah, but you don't practice that, and you are human so you are going to have those thoughts. You know whom to share those kind of things with etc. etc. Yeah, I don't try to hurt people nor make unkind statements to others nor intentionally try to hurt someone. I used to, but that is one of my character defects that seldom raises its ugly head. Yep, those thoughts do arise, I just don't act or blurt them out. I never knew it was so easy not to be a Bitch. But the steps, the principles, the traditions, the promises, and those 164 pages have given me a new way of life, a new set of actions and I love it. It just don't get no better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. She's been so good lately, no self respecting squirrels are out in this heat.
My Sponsor.
My Right Eye.
My improving left eye.
Being sighted
Having enough
Not wanting for what I need.
Humor
The relief of LAUGHTER
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

2009-06-29T22:14:00.003-05:00

So what is your intention now? Do you intend to prove your theory that life seldom brings you what you choose? Or do you intend to demonstrate Who You Are and Who I Am? June 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 119

Hi my alkie friends. What a whirlwind of a weekend. The Pride Parade on Saturday night was a huge success and we had a grand ole time. There was about 20 - 25 of us, all sober that marched and or drove the parade for Lambda Center. Man we threw a bunch of beads, a little over 5,000. I almost hit a mounted policeman in the face with a pair of bead and he was not amused. Other than that, the two and a half mile route passing about one quarter million people screaming for beads we really had a good time. We gathered to decorate at 4 PM at Lambda and then drove over to the our spot in the Que by 5:15. The parade was to have started at 8:45 but was delayed for 45 min due to a medical emergency on the route. We finally got started about 9:30 and we got to the end at 11:30PM. Participating in the parade is a HIGH that is just beyond description. There were older straight couples, Moms and Dads and kids, Mom 7 Mom and kids, Dad and Dad and kids, lots of gays in all age groups and a high number of young straight (presumed) couples just cheering and having a good ole time. I got home at 1:30 AM and in bed by 2 AM. Man I was just wore out.

I woke up about 3:30 Sunday afternoon. I was just pooped. It takes me about 2 - 3 days to recover and recharge the olde body after one of these events. And it was just good old fun while being SOBER. I know after the exhaustion of sober fun like this that I do not have another bounce back from a hangover left in me. I mean, I am just so done in just having Sober fun to extreme, that it proves I do not have another Drunk and hangover left. That's a great lesson, learning without having to go through all that shit again. Now that is a God Shot. It's a gift. It's special. It's just not going to get any better than that and for that I am grateful. Hot damned yes.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
My Right Eye
Continually improving right eye.
Being sighted
All my other senses.
Tonight's rain
The lights coming back on after just a two hour blackout.
Being there for my little Mamie
Friends
That Scott W. made it to 55 today.
That Pam is now 18 years clean and sober.
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Back home, All's better.

2009-06-26T23:33:00.004-05:00

Hear Me, everywhere. Whenever you have a question, simply know that I have answered it already. Then open your eyes to your world. June 26 - Meditations from "Conversations With God - Book 1" page 210

Hey my alkie friends. Got Rosalie in and out this morning and also got her a new breathing machine. Well, I did not buy it but we got it and she is home and doing better. I'm home and pooped.

Looking forward to driving in tomorrow's Pride Parade. This will be my fourth year in a row. Ours is a night parade. Daave is also driving and will be chauffeuring Mr. and Miss Lambda. We are not advertising AA but letting the Gay Community know there is a gay club that is for gays and their friends with meetings for THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, THEIR FAMILY/FRIENDS, AND CRYSTAL METH USERS.

i AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE RECEIVED THE GIFT OF SOBRIETY, AND THIS IS JUST ONE MORE WAY TO ENJOY IT.

THERE IS FUN TO BE HAD WHILE BEING SOBER. WE ARE NOT A GLUM LOT.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My Sponsor
My Right eye
Improving left eye
Being sighted
My trip to Silsbee, was quick
To have shared this planet with Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Rosalie's sick again.

2009-06-25T18:43:00.003-05:00

Hey my peeps, I am leaving within the hour for Silsbee. I will be out of pocket for 2 - 3 days. Loving all of you. Prayers will be welcome.

Just hello.

2009-06-24T22:56:00.004-05:00

Marriage is a sacrament. But not because of its sacred obligations. Rather, because of its unequaled opportunity. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 138

Just a great hello, y'all. My head is almost out of the sand. A much better attitude today. Sometimes it just seems its I'm the statue and the next day the pigeon. One of these days I'm going to be a statue in a pigeon memorial park.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My sponsor
My eyes -
Being sighted
Simple things.
Continual support from Daave and Scott W.
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

The sand looks different from the bottom.

2009-06-23T23:29:00.001-05:00

Not to decide is to decide. June 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1 page 50

Hi. I've processed yesterday and it's events to the max. I am not a happy camper. I want to revolt. I want to hide my head in the sand. I don't want to face what is going on with my diabetes. I do not want to accept it. I am on a boat trip in the River of Denial. I saw the endocrinologist yesterday. My blood sugar was 297, higher than ever. My C1A was 7.0. He's putting me on another medication in addition to what I am already taking. I also told him about a pain I have starting on the left side of my chest close to the sternum and sharply going up my neck to my teeth. He asked his student doctor what his opinion was, and it was TESTS. Then the nurse came in and he gave her my prescription and said something about stress. When I checked out, I got the prescription, he will see me in two weeks. I was also given a sheet to have a treadmill stress test. I told them I cannot tolerate that kind of stress test and they asked about the nuclear test. I had one 4 years ago and found it to be quite painful. I thought I was dying. So that seems to be what is being ordered. I AM NOT going to take it. I just cannot go through that again. Also, the co-pay is not affordable.

And besides the above, I am so rageful these past few days. That is one of the things I am processing. I need to talk to my sponsor about this, but he is going through so much his self and I know if he finds this out he will get on my case. I was rageful at the Dr.'s office yesterday because he had Fox News on in the lobby and I had to listen to some wingnut screaming about the fact that Obama was being weak about Iran. Shit, it'n none of our business. Iknow that politics is not what we talk about here but it is just an example of how and at what I am rageful about. I have got to find out what it is really all about. I can usually figure it out in a day or two but this has been a week. I keep reading 417/449. I remember in 1997 while I was in an outpatient daily mental hospital that I was so distressed I just read and reread this passage and I finally found peace within myself. So that's my object right now. It worked before and it will work again. I just have to find that fact of my life - unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment.

I have a feeling that one of the things is Rosalie's Health, and the other is more feelings of my Mother that surfaced in my visit with Wanda. My friend Joe pointed this out to me this afternoon. It's a good place to start. I know this thing will pass, they always do, and then all will be great in God's world again. Zane just needs to accept this. I'm working on it. This is the gift of Alcoholics Anonymous. It's the promises working in my life. Damned but I love sobriety.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my schnauzer

My Sponsor

My eyesight

The everyday bits of life

That this ragefulness will pass

The being thrown away feeling I have towards a woman I thought was a friend will pass.

Friends

All y'all.

Now y'all be pretty, ya heah.

More gratitude

2009-06-22T22:56:00.004-05:00

I tell you, you can speak to Me as you would speak with best friend. June 22 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 60

I did not need to be told nor to read the above. I have always done that, but it was rather a confirmation of practice to read this.

.Not the best of days, not the worst of days. I need to process and then write. Meanwhile I am leaning on gratitude - big time. But them I am always grateful.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD loving schnauzer. I almost revoked her dog card tonight. She did not know what to do with the bone from last nights porterhouse. She finally figured it out, but I sure got a lot of laughter and joy out of watching her.
My Sponsor whom I visited with today.
Restraint of tongue when my endocrinologist pissed me off today. (I really need to change, but he is a good Dr.)
Joy of watching Daave on the Family Feud at Lambda on Saturday Night fund raiser for Roundup.
Doug F. not being seriously injured in the broadside of his pickup. (Truck total loss)
Really live one day at a time. I usually do, but sometimes I start projecting outcomes etc. But today I can recognize this before I have gone totally bonkers.
Not being a newcomer, but sometimes thinking like one.
My peeps
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Grateful, that's enough.

2009-06-21T15:09:00.003-05:00

I will speak to you if you will listen. I will come to you if you will invite Me. I will show you then that I have always been there. All ways. June 21 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 58

Today I am Grateful for:

God my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
My eyes
All of my senses.
Being accepting of myself. Some people aren't, but that is not my problem, just my loss. But I just keep going.
Today with Joe, porterhouse steaks and baked potato and baked sweet onion..
Friends
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty, now ya heah.

Bear in a Bar

2009-06-20T14:27:00.003-05:00

It is not in the action of another, but in your re-action, that you salvation will be found. June 20 - Meditations from "Conversation with God - Book 1" page 127

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer

The bartender approaches and says, "We don't serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, "we don't serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings."

The bear, Very angry now says, 'If you don't serve me a beer right now, I'm going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.'

The bartender says, 'Sorry we don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.'

The bear goes to the end of the bar and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, 'Sorry, but we especially don't serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs."

The bear looks at him Quizzically and says,

'I'm not on drugs

The bartender says

You are now.

That was a barbitchyouate"!

TOO POOPED TO POST

2009-06-19T22:01:00.003-05:00

Worry is just about the worst form of mental activity there is...Worry is pointless. It is wasted mental energy. June 19 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 188

Hey y'all. I worked in my kitchen for two hours tonight and my back is just killing me. My feet are swollen about the size of personal watermelons, (well a big exaggeration) but they are swollen. So not story, no words, just this and my gratitude.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
Being sighted
Knowledge of the fragility of life.
Friends that care
Scott W. and Daave
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Memory Lane

2009-06-18T23:06:00.004-05:00

From the highest mountain it has been shouted, in the lowest pure its whisper has been heard. Through the corridors of all human experience has this Truth been echoed: Love is the answer. June 18 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 58

Hey my alkie friends. Trailboss was posting about the tragedy of the Internet being down this morning. Somehow that got me to thinking about how I hate that also, but I really don't give a hoot if my Cell goes down. And then that triggered one memory after another.

When I was in high school we had portable battery powered radios that we dare not be caught with. They were about the size of Miriam Webster's Dictionary so they did not fit in a pants pocket or a purse. Also, the only way you could walk around the kitchen with the phone held on your shoulder by your head was to have one of those 25 foot coiled receiver extension cords. And then they got all coiled up and you could not move. And later when the transistor radios came out and they were about the size of two packs of cigs, small for their time. And then came a head set that fit over the head and was on each ear. Turn them up full blast and you got to hear a loud whisper. Never mind all the static. Then along came Hi-Fi. Then STEREO. When you wanted one or more copies you used carbon paper (do they still make it), or the memograph machine. Remember sniffing the memeographed test papers. And the the emergency messages of the time came via Western Union and they were filled with the word STOP. And then along came sending messages to other offices by typing on a typewriter that put out a ribbon full of holes that you ran through a reader that sent the "message" to the other end. And if the other end did not get the "message" it was probably caused by a bird being on the phone lines. REALLY! Keypunches, readers, tab rooms that smelled like cigarettes with chads all over the floor. Sorters, punch cards, printers the size of a Buick and a computer that took up three floors of a square block building that did not have but maybe 64 KB of info as its core Memory. I especially remember the memory units as I was in the parts department at IBM in 1966 and Sun Oil in Beaumont used to go through those memory units and I was always shipping them two or three a week. One time I had this monstrous hangover one morning and I had had some Orange slushy made at home with frozen orange juice and Ice. I always had this when I had a hangover. Anyway I had a whole pitcher of these one moning and I was sending a memory unit to Sun Oil and as I bent over to pick up the box I vomited into the box with the unit and other parts. I just picked up the box, crammed in some paper. Taped it shut and sent it out via Emery Land. The next day they needed another one. No mention every made about the puked up memory unit. See how my drinking just got in the way of non-drinking memories. That's the way it used to be. But it AIN't that way no more. And let me tell you, SOBRIETY ROCKS.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My sponsor - talking to on a daily basis these days.
My right eye.
Improvement in left eye.
Being Sighted
Having all of my other senses; Ok maybe not good sense, but it's not as bad as it used to be.
My sisters Rosalie, Wanda, (Mother's daughters)
My sister Myrna (fathers daughter)
It's ok to be alive today
Today to be able to see my many blessings.
Friends
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Back Home

2009-06-17T21:33:00.003-05:00

I want for you what you want for you. Nothing more, nothing less. I don't sit here and make a judgement, request by request, whether something should be granted you. My law is the law of cause and effect, not the law of "We'll see." June 17 - from Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 117

Hello there you bunch of alkies and others. How the hell are you? I got to Rosalie's Sunday about 6 PM. She was really having breathing problems. But thank God she has oxygen at home. When I got up Monday at 7 AM she was in her kitchen and not able to walk more than a few feet at a time without stopping. We finally got to her bedroom and she got back on her oxygen. About an hour later she was much better and we made her 10 AM Dr. Appt without further prob. In addition to her COPD with 40% Lung capacity, she has narrowing of the Aortic Valve in her heart and is not a candidate for surgery. Not the best news, but she is so damned positive she just keeps going like the Energizer Bunny. Yesterday took her for a series of X-rays. Took over an hour and she was exhausted when over. Could hardly walk. Got home and she was better due to taking some meds. Her worst time is the first hour or so when she gets up in the AM. Today I slept in, (10 AM) and had told them I would be going home today unless I was needed of just wanted for support. She said No, for me to go on home. I told her I was avail at a phone call for need or want. When I got home I called her to let her know I was safely home and blah, blah, blah. I told her I'd see her on the 3th for the 4th w/e. She said yes, she was looking forward to the w/e if she was still alive. That is the first negative thing I have heard from her in regards to her own health. A bit jarring but I think it was her way of saying "Be prepared Little Brother" and maybe just a quick glimpse of personal worry. She is very precious to me in spite of our arguments and all that crap. Geez, I'm so glad we get over that stuff quickly. Of course, a lot of it has to do with my sobriety and the fact that she no longer drinks heavily. She says with new meds she cannot have even a beer. Pisses her off, but she is pretty resigned to the fact. Damned she is so strong, just like our Mother, tho it ticks her off when I compare her to Mother so I don't. I just keep her out it.

It is good to be home, Mamie is glad to be home, and I'm turning the AC to 42 for tonight. (Rosalie keeps her house at 78 or 80.) I keep mine at 70 - 78. Lower at night. But I can adjust. Flexibility is a blessing of being sober.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD Schnauzer who enjoyed her visit to the country.
My sponsor.
The prayers and support of my fellow bloggers. THANK YOU. (that's a big Thank You)
That I'm pooped and still posting.
Friends
My nephew and his son
All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Family Emergency

2009-06-14T14:56:00.003-05:00

All human actions are motivated at their deepest level by one or two emotions--fear or love. June 14 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"
page 15

The above quote is so "right now" with me. I am amazed at how these things come up at the right time.

I talked with my sister Rosalie at 2:15 and I am going over there within the hour. She is quite ill. It has been quite awhile since she has called with that kind of problem. So I am filled with both love for her and fear of the possibility of losing her. On top of her COPD she now has a heart problem. I get scared when my loved ones get sick. I know God will be with me and will walk me through this. My sobriety gives me the strength to be there for her. So if y'all can find just a teensy place on your prayer list, I would just be so appreciative.

Rosalie does not have a computer so I will not be posting for the next few days. I will keep in touch through Daave.

This was going to be my post for today, so here goes anyway.

A Pet's Ten Commandments.....

My life is likely to last 10 - 15 years. Any separation from you is likely to be painful.
Give me time to Understand what you want of me.
Place your trust in me. It is crucial for my well being
Don't be angry with me for long and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment, but I have only you.
Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I do understand your voice when speaking to be.
Be aware that however you treat me. I will never forget it.
Before you hit, before you strike me, remember that I could hurt you, and yet, I choose not to bite you.
Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I have been in the sun too long, or my heart might be getting old or weak.
Please take care of me when I grow old. You too, will grow old.
On the ultimate difficult journey, go with me please. Never say you can't bear to watch. Don't make me face this alone. Everything is easier for me if you are there, because I love you so. ALWAYS.

--Take a moment today to thank God for your Pets.

Enjoy and take good care of them. Life would be a much dull ER, less joyful experience without God's critters.

Now please pass this on to other pet owners.

We do not have to wait for Heaven, to be surrounded by hope, love, and joyfulness. It i here on earth and has four legs.

Isn't that just too sweet.

I am very grateful today for everything on my list plus. I am also grateful that I will see my sister Rosalie this afternoon. Y'all take care.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Just grateful.

2009-06-12T23:09:00.001-05:00

Pet peeves and other junk

2009-06-11T22:30:00.004-05:00

Your first relationship must be with yourself. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" June 11, page 126

Hey there my bunch of alkie friends. How the hell are you? Just have a few pet peeves:

Judgemental people
Self-appointed gurus
Gurus
two faced people
took me tooooooo long to get sober.
Keep up with your side of street; I'll do the same

Today I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
MY sobriety, long time coming, long time there, still learning.
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
My Sponsor
Growth
My real peeps, posse, no matter what.
My Right Eye
Improvement in my Left Eye
being sighted
Being true to myself
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

att.com anger

2009-06-10T23:20:00.003-05:00

When you than God in advance for that which you choose to experience in your reality, you, in effect, acknowledge that it is there. June 10 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 11

Hi my bunch of alkie friends. Tonight I tried to signing to att.com to pay my phone bill and as usual my password or my userid were not valid. Now I have this F^&(%*& problem every month and have written this info down in a secure place. I always check this to be sure, and I still cannot sign on. Next indicated step is to try on line help. @#$%^ don't work. Next indicated step is to try calling for on-line help. I get the auto voice and give it my info. Internet prob and I am connected to payment information. I give them the info and IT comes back and says, "It sounds like you have asked for an agent. This office is closed, please call back during business hours." I am screaming you GD F***ing Asshole Sonofabitch at an inanimate object which hangs up on me. So I call back and go through this shit again and I get Punjab in India and he says oh, I will transfer you to the billing information section. Then it goes into "We are closed for the night etc." I am SCREAMING by now. My neighbors lights are going on, alarms are going off because of the high decibels of my yelling. (Well, not really, but it sure enhances the story) I call back 3 more times and I am just burning. I start to scream at the inanimate object again and just start laughing. I really have some bottled up rage and this is good for me to get it out, and NO ONE really gets hurt or upset, or feelings hurt, and my rage is let out. So tomorrow I will call again and hopefully get to talk to a human, get reset, get online, and pay my bill. Why the rage, why not just pay it over the phone? There is a $10.00 charge. So I will do a 10th step to myself for getting to this rage to start with. Tomorrow is another day as Scarlet O'Hara would say, and I will deal with it then. But as God is my witness - I will never go hungry again. (I know that has nothing to do with it, but it sounds good). Thank God for sobriety and the blessing of recognizing when self-riot runs wild.

Tonight I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
My sponsor
My Right Eye
Being sighted
Grineroni and PG on their trip and posting.
Food
Movies
Friends
Sisters (it's so good to be able to say that in the plural)
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Restraint of Tongue is a blessing.

2009-06-09T23:16:00.003-05:00

I tell you this: you are your own rule-maker. You set the guidelines. And you decide how well you have done; how well your are doing. June 9 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 41.

Sometimes I just have this biggest urge to just tell someone off for something I have decided they slighted me over. And all too often, I find that this is good ole station KFUK just broadcasting at full strength. However, as I get longer in the tooth with my sobriety, I don't tune in KFUK quite as often as I used to or I just don't react to it. Sometimes KFUK is just the Rush Limbaugh of my mind with the thoughts that are so untrue just really giveing me a workout. Thank God (My HP) is more in charge on a daily basis that He used to be. Now that is the best payoff of Sobriety. It just don't get much better than that.

Today I am grateful for:

God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
My sponsor.
The floaters in my left eye are no longer solid, I can see through them. My HP and the injections are really working.
The apology from Micky.
Knowing the difference between empty words and truth.
My Vision.
Movies
Friends
Family
All y'all.

Now y'all be pretty, ya heah.

More Tomorrow

2009-06-08T22:36:00.004-05:00

I will bring you the exact right thoughts, words or feelings, at any given moment, suited precisely to the purpose at hand. June 8 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 6

Short post tonight. My eyes are still dilated from the visit to my retinologist today and the glare from this screen is almost unbearable. But good news, the eye is more improved and I was given the go ahead to get new glasses. Major surgery has not been ruled out, but today's news was the best yet. More tomorrow.

Today I am grateful for:

God, my Higher Power
My Sobriety
Mamie, my OCD Schnauzer
My Sobriety
My Eyesight
Good news
All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.