Just Today

Thoughts rooted in fear will produce one kind of manifestation on the physical plane, thoughts rooted in love will produce another. The masters are those who have chosen only love. In every instant. In every moment. In every circumstance. July 14 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 57

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Today I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Having all that I need
• Adapting to financial change
• Bitterness against "them" subsiding
• My Right eye
• Adjusting to cobwebs in left eye, again.
• Strength from my faith
• Never acting on my desire to be in the afterlife.
• Getting through the day no matter what.
• Friends
• Restraint of tongue, written word, and actions.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Nada Tonight.

Mine is always your Highest Thought, your Clearest Word, your Grandest Feeling. Anything less is from another course. July 10 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" age 4

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday - Good ole Hump Day

When you are in your God space, you know and understand that all you are now experiencing is temporary. I tell you that heaven and earth shall pass away, but you shall not. July 7 - (7/8/9) - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 116

Just a bit of humor:

7/8/9 - Conan O'Brian - Oscar Mayer died, his funeral will be "OPEN BUN"

7/8/9 Nothing else humorous, just love writing 7/8/9.

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Hey, bada bing bada boom. How the hell are all my alkie and other friends? What a day. Nothing special, just a day with getting up at 1:57 PM, Movie at 3:25 (Ice Age - Dawn of the Dinosaurs) funny but not as good as the first two. Lambda 6:30 PM - Double Winners meeting. It's an alanon meeting with a special outreach for the alcoholic. It's in it's second week and tonight's meeting had 58 attendees. It was also my first Al-anon meeting. Yes I had read about Alanon, have friends in Al-anon, heard about how it can help you with relationships (my take was partners) but tonight in listening to the Alanon purpose and the sharing: the light came on - all relationships. DUH! Sometimes I am so dense - OK OK I will lighten up on myself. I am planning to attend more of these, at least the next 4, as this is a 6 week session at the end of which will be a group conscience as to whether or not to keep it as a regular meeting. My take after one meeting -YES!

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Syd can you shed some light on why it is recommended that one attends 6 consecutive Alanon meetings?

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God
• Sobriety
• Mamie
• Sponsor
• being Sighted
• Support
• Friends
• New Horizons
• All Y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Pins and Needles for the next few DAYS!

Obedience is not creation, and thus can never produce salvation. Obedience is a response, while creation is pure choice, undictated, unrequired. July 7 - Meditations from "Conversation's with God Book 1" Page 175

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Hey there my alkie friends. Hope all had a wonderful weekend. Even in sobriety it seems as though some of us had too much week left at the end of our weekend.

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Saw my endocrinologist today, sugar is doing much better but there is a problem with my chest xray. They did them over because there is a cloudy area at the bottom of my right lung. And if this xray doesn't show it more clearly, it will be a CATscan. What really pisses me off is the dr. forgot to tell me and he had left so the PA explained it to me. I heard lung problem and just went to a spasm of thoughts. She must have recognized this because she took my hand and told me it looked more like fluid buildup rather than a tumor. Shit she used the T word. I'm trying to just be CALM. Not to project, we learn that in this program. It will be what it will be. Have I ever mentioned that I am a worrywart. I need to 417/449, I have to turn the outcome over to the care of God. Again, one more time my faith has taken over and will keep me centered . I have to realize that I am not in control. I will just have to remember I will find out soon. In God's time, not mine. And of course one of the concerns I have is the expense of these damned tests, the co-pays ya know. There's not much more that I can give up to afford these things reading Pam's Monday post reminded me that I can still do my movies just give up the damned popcorn. Movies without popcorn? It could happen.

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Tomorrow is 7/8/9. It will be another 100 years before that will happen again.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer (my little love dog)
• My Sponsor - A Real Winner.
• My right eye
• My left eye is recovering from whatever from Sat night.
• Being sighted.
• Faith that sustains me.
• Memories of the most gorgeous sunsets in LA, both from the beach, from the skyscrapers, and from the mountains.
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another weekend.

When life is lived from a standpoint of damage control or optimum advantage, the true benefit of life is forfeited. The opportunity is lost. The chance is missed. For a life lived thusly is a life lived from fear. July 5 Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 130

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Hi my alkie friends. Hope all had a wonderful weekend. Mine was rather nondescript. Stayed home except for Saturday dinner with Daave, Rick, and John C. That's always a good start of an evening of sobriety. Then we went to the Saturday Night Live speaker meeting at Lambda. A woman, Laura L., whom I absolutely adore, spoke. She was not the scheduled speaker, but was ready in a moments notice. I first knew Laura when I moved to Houston in August 2004. She was having a hell of a time staying sober. In and out, always broken and in tears. This gal was not one that used the doors flippantly like a turnstile, she just could not get sober. Then in 2005 she took a Desire Chip and it worked. I have witnessed the change in her. From a look and aura of despair to a woman with a gleam in her eye and an aura of gratitude. She is truly a miracle and I am so privileged to have witnessed the change and the growth. She only talked for 25 minutes, but it was a 25 minutes packed with quality. I just love those.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right eye
• Being accepting of a problem with my left eye that started last evening.
• My blood sugar at 198 this AM, down from 267 yesterday and down to 109 before dinner tonight. The new meds are kicking in - in God's time, not mine.
• Acceptance
• Living in the United States Of America
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another Day

Your saying you want a thing only works to produce that precise experience--wanting-- in your reality. The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude. July 2 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 11

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Hey there my alkie bunch. How the hell has your day gone? I had a good day. Started and ended it sober. No drama. Talked with Rosalie, and told her I may not come over for the w/e. I told I just did not feel good and did not want to do the drive but would let her know for sure tomorrow. She was disappointed but understood. I mean I've been over there twice in the last 3 weeks. I love her dearly and I will miss my niece and her 24 yr old son, but I'm just staying home. I'll call her tomorrow and tell her. And I know she'll say Well maybe you can come over Sat morning. It's great to be loved and to be wanted. We've had our rough patches, some have lasted for years, but now they just last a few days or weeks.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. (Sighted a cat and a squirrel in the back yard this afternoon-might neer ate her way through the glass french door. She raises so much hell trying to get out, they are always long gone before I can open the screen. I love her so and she is so comforting.)
• My Sponsor - talked to him today.
• My eyes - continued improvement in the left.
• No longer holding on to anger at my family.
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Newcomer Blues

I do not make a judgement about the creations that you conjure, I simply empower you to conjure more--and more and more and more. July 1 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 118

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Hey my alkie friends. You know sometimes as I'm reading others blogs, which I usually do before posting, I just don't have a clue about what I am going to post Tonight was one of them and then I read Findon's post and I knew what I needed to write about. Please know, I don't think I am being judgemental just the facts.

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Saturday afternoon as we were all gathering and waiting for everyone to get there, some of us were in the lobby at Lambda and there was this newcomer with 5 months sobriety. She was just going on and on about hoping she would make it through Pride without drinking. After about the 4th or 5th time she said this I gently told her to quit using the word hoping and use I will make it through Pride without drinking.Then she started about going out with her using and drinking friends and she was the designated driver. She also said she was looking forward to seeing and being with them since she had not seen them since she got sober and that they always led her down the path. Someone else told her that was not the smartest way to stay sober, to go out with people that enabled her to "slip." She retorted, well, I feel I have a solid foundation with 5 months (yeah right girl) but I'm a bit worried though because I have never celebrated while sober. I just hope I can make it. I just wanted to shake the shit out her and scream quite planning your slip. I wish now I had. As the evening progressed we got decorated and into our position to wait for the parade. Yada yada yada - same crap regurgitated, over and over. She came over to me and asked if I could tell her friend Justin where we were. So I told Justin that we were on Marshall one block west of Woodhead. We have a couple of Justin's in the program so that is whom I thought was on their way. A few minutes later I looked over at the young lady and her friend "Justin" as they were sitting on the curb, each with a cigarette in hand and taking a toke off of what looked like weed. I wanted so much to go over and say something and thought better of it as I did not want a scene to ensue. So young lady seemed to be calmer (wonder why) and "Justin" another female left the area. I wasn't the only one that noticed this apparently. She got in the car she was riding in for the parade and off we went at about 9:30. At the end of the parade, her friends were waiting for her and she got out of the car as we turned off of Westheimer. I can only imagine what the rest of the night was like.

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Now I don't know for sure that anything else happened. I just know from other's experiences what usually happens and then if that person is lucky enough to get back to the rooms and share about their experimentation. As for me, no thanks, no time, no place. It took me too damned long to get to these rooms and I am not going to fuck it up no way no how. I like where my head is most days; I like remembering where it was the night before; I like not living in the fog anymore; I like that upon going to bed, I know that I am going to bed and not just pass out somewhere; I like knowing where I am when I wake up. I could go on and on and just have a gratitude list to the moon and back. I like knowing that if I stay sober a day at a time, that each day gets better than the last, and I may say it "Don't get much better than that" but it does. And for that I am grateful.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Listening to "Vincent" playing on my Easy Listening channel on DishNetwork.
• All of the things in my last paragraph above.
• Friends
• My right eye
• My continually improving left eye
• Being sighted
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.