Monday Evening, June 30, 2008

This atmosphere of approval and praise is apt to be so exhilarating as to put us off balance by creating an insatiable appetite for more of the same. Or we may be tripped over in the other direction, when, in rare cases, we get a cool and skeptical reception. Twelve & Twelve, page 85

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Hey y'all, I could not decide on a quote so I picked up my "twelve and Twelve" and decided to use the first two sentences on the odd numbered page I opened it to. I still need praise and approval and I wilt at cool and skeptical reception. However, I am now much better than I was when I was out there, but every now and then I just need that little reassurance of praise, acceptance, or acknowledgement that I'm ok. Ok, so I'm one of those that are sicker than others. Maybe so, But I am sober.

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This past weekend I drove in the Houston Gay Pride Parade. Daave was the lead car with a red convertible and I was the 2nd and end vehicle in my Red Honda Pickup. Daave was transporting Mr. and Miss Lambda 2008 and I had a truckload of beads and bead tossers. We went through 8 cases of beads and the crowds just loved them. We were more to the end of the parade than in the prior two years and the crowd was drunker than previously. But they were having fun and just loving it. I always do a trip down memory lane when I drive in the parade.

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My first parade was in Los Angeles in 1975 on my motorcycle. We did precision riding and had a blast, there was about 25 of us. The last time I rode in the Los Angeles Parade was in 1992 and my bike club, The Warriors Motorcycle Club of Los Angeles was the honor guard and led the parade. But the feeling then in no way compares to way I feel when going down Westheimer.

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Houston is my hometown. I remember when it was illegal for us to congregate. Oh yeah we had baars, but they were constantly raided and they'd haul off a few to jail for indecent behavior. The indecent behavior was having your hand on the shoulder or around the waist of a same-sex friend. I can remember private house parties being raided just because it was a gathering of gays. I especially remember one Halloween Costume party on Marshall St in 1963 when the cops came. I was 21 slender and my first time in drag. I want you to know that when they hit the front door, US queens hit the back door and jumped over this six foot chainlink fence. There was skin, chiffon, sequins, and all kinds of drag crap hanging on that fence but most of us got away. I never thought to take off those damned high heels, I just got a burst of energy and I think If I had had to I could have jumped over the moon.

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The kids nowadays are so lucky to live in the atmosphere that we have today. It is nowhere perfect, but it sure is a hell of lot better than it used to be. It will get better, If you don't believe it look at the last 39 years. It just keeps getting better.

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In 1962 I was drunk as a skunk as I ran in those heels. Today I am a sober member of society. I am of service to my fellow beings. I am a work in progress, never to gain perfection, but I sure as hell am enjoying the ride. And it just don't get much better than that.

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Today I am grateful for:

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God, My Higher Power.

My Sobriety.

Mamie, my schnauzer.

My sponsor.

That I will be at my sisters from Wednesday to Monday.

The group from Saturday Night Lambda float.

The notes from all of you during my short hyatus.

This being a WE program.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Hi. I'm just not up to blogging right now. It's just one more thing that I feel I have to do. There is not that much on my plate right now, but I just have a feeling of being completely overwhelmed. I know that when that occurs, that it is time to let something go for awhile. So, I will be back this coming Monday, if not before, but I will be reading your blogs. That way I can still be connected. And of course there are the meetings. Today is shrink day and I will discuss this with him. See ya Monday, June 30, 2008.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Saturday Night, June 21, 2008

Don't go through life, grow through life. Author unknown
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Hi y'all. Hope all is well out there in the blogosphere. Today has been an up and down day for me, swinging in and out of depression. Had dinner with Rick and Daave at El Paraiso and then went to the speaker meeting at Lambda Center. Tonight's speaker related the violence in her home growing up culminating with the suicide of her mother by gun. This just really completed my downward spiral into depression. Whamo - all the crap from my own violent upbringing just reared its ugly head. My first reaction was to leave - run, get out. But I have a rule to stay seated and try to wait it out. I did and I listened and in listening to her I saw how our stories were interwoven with so many similarities. She also talked about how she was going to be 54 next month - the same age her mother was when she committed suicide. She had been warned by many counselors that the year would be rough as it was a significant anniversary. However, she said that she compared her place in her life vs her mother's place in her life at that time and the two were incomparable. She had her 18 years of sobriety, a sound support group, a good balanced life. Her mother had none of these. So she felt like she could meet 54 head-on and make it. As she talked, and shared her experience hope and strength about her life in sobriety, my depression lifted somewhere in the middle of that. To me it was a God shot. If I had left when my run for my life anxiety kicked in, I would have left 5 minutes before the miracle that we hear and read about. Thank you God, it just doesn't get much better than that.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

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God, my Higher Power.

My sobriety.

Mamie, my schnauzer.

My Sponsors, past and current.

The spiritual experience of God working in my life tonight.

My friends.

The amazing strength and power of the program and fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday Night, June 19, 2008

Tonight I am grateful for:
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God, My Higher Power
My sobriety
Mamie, my schnauzer
My Sponsor
A very good meeting at 12:15 PM at Lambda, great sharing of experience, strength and hope in maintaining sobriety.
Lunch with Luke, a sober friend.
Talking with my sister, Rosalie.
Another 24 hours of sobriety.
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It just don't get much better than that.
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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday Evening, June 18, 2008

SOBRIETY ROCKS!
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Hey y'all, how the hell are you. I've been out of touch for two whole very long and HOT days. I've been having electrical probs for a few weeks and Centerpoint came out Monday (I was expecting them Tuesday) and found that the meter Jaws and the Meter wiring was shorting out. I was at a movie and when I got home at 7 PM my garage door would not open So I thought, shit, another outage. Got out of the car, got to the front door and I had a Centerpoint Hanger on my door knob. They had removed my meter and cut off my electricity due to unsafe conditions. I needed to get an electrician. So, I called Leonard the electrician. He could not make it that night, but could swing by about 9AM Tuesday and fix it. Sounded like music to my ears.

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So I called my friend Joe, and he said to come over and share his a/c and dinner. The air felt so good after being in the heater I call home. It was 99 out here on Monday. Joe and I sat up and talked until midnight and then turned in for the night. I did not sleep well at all even with the cool air. I had forgotten my Sleep Apnea machine, So I kept waking up. While having coffee with Joe the next morning, my cell rang and it was Leonard. My meter jaw and wiring was complete (cost - $145.00 thank you GOD) and I needed to call TXU and have them call Centerpoint and request a reconnect. I did and they gave me a 4 hour window at 10 AM. I was home at 10:30 and no sign of them. I did not need to be home for that, but I wanted to be. Well I am down to shorts, drinking 52 ounces jugs of water, and then a 52 ounce diet caffeine free coke. I alternated Throughout the day. I also used a pan of water with ice in it to keep a small towel wet with COLD water. That helped. At 7:30 PM mr Centerpoint rolled up and did the deed with the meeter and voila, like magic, the lights came on, the A/C started and the 36 hours of accumulated heat was starting to dissipate.

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So, shopping I went to cool off, had a burger for dinner at an air conditioned spot, and back home by 9:30 PM. It had cooled down to 82 and I was absolutely pooped. I took a hot shower and then kept the water temp declining until I was just rinsing in total cold water. WONDERFUL. I then took my evening meds and put my big ass to bed with lights out at 11:30 and slept nonstop until 12:30 this afternoon. I have recovered. And all of this was just another 48 hours living life on life's fucking terms. And it was completely sober. It don't get much better than that.

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TONIGHT I AM GRATEFUL FOR:

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God, My Higher Power who never puts me through anything that I don't come out of.

My sobriety, that gives me the strength to get through rough times.

Mamie, my miniature schnauzer, that was a little lady at Joe's house Monday Night.

My Sponsor.

Seeing JFK, Gary, and JFK's Mom at K-Bob's steakhouse in Brenham on Sunday after the awful antique show in Brenham. It was a mini-meeting.

God Shots.

Life being good.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Most human actions are motivated at their deepest level by one of two emothion-fear or love. June 14 Meditations from Conversations with God, Book 1, page 15

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A blonde heard that taking a milk bath would make her more beautiful. So she decided to take a milk bath and left the milkman a not for 25 gallons of milk.

Upon reading the note, the milkman determined that she made a mistake and really wanted 2.5 gallons of milk. He rang the doorbell.

The blonde answered the door and he asked her did she mean 2.5 gallons of milk. She told him no she wanted 25 gallons to fill her bathtub for a beauty bath.

Then the milkman asked her if she want the milk pasturized.

She said No, just up to the tits, I can splash it on my face.

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Bada Bing, Bada boom.

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Have a great weekend all.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday Night, June 12, 2008

For thousands of years people have disbelieved the promises of God for the most extraordinary reasons: they were to good to be true. Meditations from Conversations with God, Book 1, page 41

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I think some people believe the promises of AA in the same way as above. I can truthfully say that all of the promises have come true for me. They just all aren't always happening at the same time. But they come true when I need them most. And it don't get much better than that.

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My left eye is almost back to normal as far as the dilation goes. It will take about 6 - 10 weeks for the sight to get back to normal and she says it should. This was the longest surgery she has done and my left eye was dilated to the point that the Iris looked like a sliver around the the pupil. Sunlight and lights do make it uncomfortable, but that will soon pass. I will be so glad when this is all over and I can get new glasses. I tell you one thing, if you have diabetes, do not skip having your eyes checked on an annual basis. I skipped for two years and if I had not, this could have been avoided. But God, my HP, has smiled on me and the prognosis is that I should have a full recovery.

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I saw Kung Fu Panda today. What a delightful movie. I could not help but see a resemblance between the Master and Sonny at Lambda. This is a compliment, as those of you that see the movie and know Sonny will agree. I identified with the Panda. Now I am not in any stretch a hero, but our waste lines match. HE HE.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

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God, my higher power.

My Sobriety.

Mamie, my schnauzer. (still OCD with the window)

My Sponsor.

They steady hand of the retinologist.

Getting home safely after the procedure. (Daave said he would have driven me if I had asked, but I've never needed a driver for just one eye. But he's a jewel)

My friends.

Gratitude lists from two Lambda people.

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Y'all be pretty now, ha heah.