Just another Day

Your saying you want a thing only works to produce that precise experience--wanting-- in your reality. The correct prayer is therefore never a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude. July 2 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 11

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Hey there my alkie bunch. How the hell has your day gone? I had a good day. Started and ended it sober. No drama. Talked with Rosalie, and told her I may not come over for the w/e. I told I just did not feel good and did not want to do the drive but would let her know for sure tomorrow. She was disappointed but understood. I mean I've been over there twice in the last 3 weeks. I love her dearly and I will miss my niece and her 24 yr old son, but I'm just staying home. I'll call her tomorrow and tell her. And I know she'll say Well maybe you can come over Sat morning. It's great to be loved and to be wanted. We've had our rough patches, some have lasted for years, but now they just last a few days or weeks.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. (Sighted a cat and a squirrel in the back yard this afternoon-might neer ate her way through the glass french door. She raises so much hell trying to get out, they are always long gone before I can open the screen. I love her so and she is so comforting.)
• My Sponsor - talked to him today.
• My eyes - continued improvement in the left.
• No longer holding on to anger at my family.
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Newcomer Blues

I do not make a judgement about the creations that you conjure, I simply empower you to conjure more--and more and more and more. July 1 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 118

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Hey my alkie friends. You know sometimes as I'm reading others blogs, which I usually do before posting, I just don't have a clue about what I am going to post Tonight was one of them and then I read Findon's post and I knew what I needed to write about. Please know, I don't think I am being judgemental just the facts.

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Saturday afternoon as we were all gathering and waiting for everyone to get there, some of us were in the lobby at Lambda and there was this newcomer with 5 months sobriety. She was just going on and on about hoping she would make it through Pride without drinking. After about the 4th or 5th time she said this I gently told her to quit using the word hoping and use I will make it through Pride without drinking.Then she started about going out with her using and drinking friends and she was the designated driver. She also said she was looking forward to seeing and being with them since she had not seen them since she got sober and that they always led her down the path. Someone else told her that was not the smartest way to stay sober, to go out with people that enabled her to "slip." She retorted, well, I feel I have a solid foundation with 5 months (yeah right girl) but I'm a bit worried though because I have never celebrated while sober. I just hope I can make it. I just wanted to shake the shit out her and scream quite planning your slip. I wish now I had. As the evening progressed we got decorated and into our position to wait for the parade. Yada yada yada - same crap regurgitated, over and over. She came over to me and asked if I could tell her friend Justin where we were. So I told Justin that we were on Marshall one block west of Woodhead. We have a couple of Justin's in the program so that is whom I thought was on their way. A few minutes later I looked over at the young lady and her friend "Justin" as they were sitting on the curb, each with a cigarette in hand and taking a toke off of what looked like weed. I wanted so much to go over and say something and thought better of it as I did not want a scene to ensue. So young lady seemed to be calmer (wonder why) and "Justin" another female left the area. I wasn't the only one that noticed this apparently. She got in the car she was riding in for the parade and off we went at about 9:30. At the end of the parade, her friends were waiting for her and she got out of the car as we turned off of Westheimer. I can only imagine what the rest of the night was like.

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Now I don't know for sure that anything else happened. I just know from other's experiences what usually happens and then if that person is lucky enough to get back to the rooms and share about their experimentation. As for me, no thanks, no time, no place. It took me too damned long to get to these rooms and I am not going to fuck it up no way no how. I like where my head is most days; I like remembering where it was the night before; I like not living in the fog anymore; I like that upon going to bed, I know that I am going to bed and not just pass out somewhere; I like knowing where I am when I wake up. I could go on and on and just have a gratitude list to the moon and back. I like knowing that if I stay sober a day at a time, that each day gets better than the last, and I may say it "Don't get much better than that" but it does. And for that I am grateful.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Listening to "Vincent" playing on my Easy Listening channel on DishNetwork.
• All of the things in my last paragraph above.
• Friends
• My right eye
• My continually improving left eye
• Being sighted
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.

Today was SOOOO Good.

I tell you there is no such experience after death as you have constructed in your fear-based theologies. June 30 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 41

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Hey there, you bunch of alkies. How the hell are ya? Today has been a good day. Got up about 2 ish, talked to a couple of friends, started on my new diabetic med, went to a movie, prayed, and just settled into my day w'o any drama. Now that is a gooooooood day. I also go a call from my sister Myrna in Seattle (Dad's daughter) and we talked for over an hour and just laughed. I shared with her about my findings on our side of the family from Ancestry.com. I am going to make copies of what I've found and send it to her. It seems her oldest son (Pat 49) is starting a family tree and has run into a dead end on dad's side.

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I have seen two movies so far this week. Yesterday I saw "My Sister's Keeper", now that was a tear jerker and a very good movie. I found it to be about acceptance and love of family. Today I saw "Cheri" with Michelle Pfeiffer. Excellent. I thought she was Cheri, but that is the name of her young lover who was quite handsome. Costuming just really was part of the story. Cathy Bates also has a supporting role in this movie which just capped it off for me. I thought it was just full of very strong performances.

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I love strong performances, especially those I see in AA when someone is just working their program and not doing all this hey loook at me, see how great an AA person I am. Yoohoo I am really Mr or Ms. AA. Aren't I just IT. A friend of mine had a dream recently of throwing a chair at someone that I put in this category. I know that is being judgemental on my part, I have four fingers pointing back at me, but that's the way I feel and I don't try to be phony. I'm just me. If you like it, fine, if not I try to let that be ok also. Yeah right, just try to act like you don't accept me for any reason, just try to be judgemental about or to me. OMG, I just die inside. How could you do this to me. Don't you know how "fragile" I am. How can you claim to be so loving, so accepting, so totally immersed in AA and the principle's of the program. I made a comment to a friend of mine this past Saturday night and then followed it with a "Wow, that was mean of me." and his retort was yeah, but you don't practice that, and you are human so you are going to have those thoughts. You know whom to share those kind of things with etc. etc. Yeah, I don't try to hurt people nor make unkind statements to others nor intentionally try to hurt someone. I used to, but that is one of my character defects that seldom raises its ugly head. Yep, those thoughts do arise, I just don't act or blurt them out. I never knew it was so easy not to be a Bitch. But the steps, the principles, the traditions, the promises, and those 164 pages have given me a new way of life, a new set of actions and I love it. It just don't get no better than that.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. She's been so good lately, no self respecting squirrels are out in this heat.
• My Sponsor.
• My Right Eye.
• My improving left eye.
• Being sighted
• Having enough
• Not wanting for what I need.
• Humor
• The relief of LAUGHTER
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

So what is your intention now? Do you intend to prove your theory that life seldom brings you what you choose? Or do you intend to demonstrate Who You Are and Who I Am? June 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 119

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Hi my alkie friends. What a whirlwind of a weekend. The Pride Parade on Saturday night was a huge success and we had a grand ole time. There was about 20 - 25 of us, all sober that marched and or drove the parade for Lambda Center. Man we threw a bunch of beads, a little over 5,000. I almost hit a mounted policeman in the face with a pair of bead and he was not amused. Other than that, the two and a half mile route passing about one quarter million people screaming for beads we really had a good time. We gathered to decorate at 4 PM at Lambda and then drove over to the our spot in the Que by 5:15. The parade was to have started at 8:45 but was delayed for 45 min due to a medical emergency on the route. We finally got started about 9:30 and we got to the end at 11:30PM. Participating in the parade is a HIGH that is just beyond description. There were older straight couples, Moms and Dads and kids, Mom 7 Mom and kids, Dad and Dad and kids, lots of gays in all age groups and a high number of young straight (presumed) couples just cheering and having a good ole time. I got home at 1:30 AM and in bed by 2 AM. Man I was just wore out.

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I woke up about 3:30 Sunday afternoon. I was just pooped. It takes me about 2 - 3 days to recover and recharge the olde body after one of these events. And it was just good old fun while being SOBER. I know after the exhaustion of sober fun like this that I do not have another bounce back from a hangover left in me. I mean, I am just so done in just having Sober fun to extreme, that it proves I do not have another Drunk and hangover left. That's a great lesson, learning without having to go through all that shit again. Now that is a God Shot. It's a gift. It's special. It's just not going to get any better than that and for that I am grateful. Hot damned yes.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• Continually improving right eye.
• Being sighted
• All my other senses.
• Tonight's rain
• The lights coming back on after just a two hour blackout.
• Being there for my little Mamie
• Friends
• That Scott W. made it to 55 today.
• That Pam is now 18 years clean and sober.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Back home, All's better.

Hear Me, everywhere. Whenever you have a question, simply know that I have answered it already. Then open your eyes to your world. June 26 - Meditations from "Conversations With God - Book 1" page 210

Hey my alkie friends. Got Rosalie in and out this morning and also got her a new breathing machine. Well, I did not buy it but we got it and she is home and doing better. I'm home and pooped.

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Looking forward to driving in tomorrow's Pride Parade. This will be my fourth year in a row. Ours is a night parade. Daave is also driving and will be chauffeuring Mr. and Miss Lambda. We are not advertising AA but letting the Gay Community know there is a gay club that is for gays and their friends with meetings for THE RECOVERING ALCOHOLIC, THEIR FAMILY/FRIENDS, AND CRYSTAL METH USERS.

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i AM SO BLESSED TO HAVE RECEIVED THE GIFT OF SOBRIETY, AND THIS IS JUST ONE MORE WAY TO ENJOY IT.

THERE IS FUN TO BE HAD WHILE BEING SOBER. WE ARE NOT A GLUM LOT.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer.
• My Sponsor
• My Right eye
• Improving left eye
• Being sighted
• My trip to Silsbee, was quick
• To have shared this planet with Ed McMahon, Farah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Rosalie's sick again.

Hey my peeps, I am leaving within the hour for Silsbee. I will be out of pocket for 2 - 3 days. Loving all of you. Prayers will be welcome.

Just hello.

Marriage is a sacrament. But not because of its sacred obligations. Rather, because of its unequaled opportunity. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 138

Just a great hello, y'all. My head is almost out of the sand. A much better attitude today. Sometimes it just seems its I'm the statue and the next day the pigeon. One of these days I'm going to be a statue in a pigeon memorial park.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor
• My eyes -
• Being sighted
• Simple things.
• Continual support from Daave and Scott W.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.