Thursday, April 29, 2010

Enjoy the Experiances

Are you not being allowed to experience everything?  The tears, the joy, the pain, the gladness, the exaltation, the massive depression, the win, the lose, the draw?  What more is there?  April 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 - page 158

Hey there my alkie friends.  Thanks for stopping by.  Now that is one long list of experiences and I think I went through almost all of them today.  I had the massive depression set in about 6 this evening and from the way I felt, I though oh shit, this feels like a long one.  It wasn't and I have not had one of those experiences in about 6 months.  Even with the loss of Rosalie, I have not experienced that kind of depression.  Today was 4 weeks and it seems as if it were years ago and yet so now.  That's probably why my emotions have been all over the place lately.  Ya think? This is probably another reason I see the spirituality of "CWG" this month.  Each day's meditation has just been made to order so to speak.  When I started posting tonight I was going to end it at almost all of them today. And then the fingers just kept going.  God is leading me again, helping me to maintain my sanity and best of all, my SOBRIETY.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie my schnauzer (the wonder dog)
  • My Sponsor
  • Being sighted
  • Having all of my major senses
  • My friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

The Right To Joy

You have a right to joy; Seek it!  Find it!    April 28 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1.  page  186

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWDDDDDDDY. ALKIES.

I got sober.  I sought joy.  I found joy. 

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
  • My Sponsor
  • Joy
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, April 26, 2010

The Five Attitudes of GOD.

In the moment of your total knowing, you, too, will feel as I do always totally joyful, loving, accepting, blessing and grateful.  These are the Five Attitudes of God.  April 26  -  Meditations from Conversations with God" book 1.   page 65

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD   MMMOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRNINNNNNNGG! Alkies.

I love it, the Five Attitudes of GOD.  Sounds like AA to me.  Happy, Jouyous, and Free. 

Tonight I am gratful for:
  • God My Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie my Schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • Being sighted
  • An excellant report from my retinologist today.
  • God working in my life.
  • A good 12:15 meeting today.
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Which steps do you see?

Do not dismantle the house, but look at each brick, and replace those which appear broken, which no longer support the structure.  April 24 -   Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1  page 62

Gooooooooooooooood Moooooorrrrrrrrrrrrrrnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiinnnnnnggggg AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllkkkkiiiieees.

I love the above quote.  How many steps and which ones do you see in the above quote.  I see step 2,3,4, 6, 7, 8.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My sponsor, who took a chip for 28 years tonight.  Now those are big steps to walk in.
  • 242 years that were celebrated at Lambda's Birthday Night
  • Sincerity in sobriety
  • Friends
  • All Y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Blondes I

There is no such thing as karmic debt.  April 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 page 204

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD  MOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRNNNNIIIINNNNNG!  How the hell are all my alkie/al-anon friends.  I'm sober today, hope you are also.

BLONDES ARE THE BEST!!!

A blonde and her husband are lying in bed
Listening to the next door neighbor's dog.
It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blonde jumps up out of bed and says,
"I've had enough of this."
She goes downstairs.

The blonde finally comes back up to be
d
And her husband says "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"

The blonde says,
"I put the dog in our backyard,
let's see how THEY like it!

BODDA BING BODDA BOOM>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Two Blondes with Hammers

Lyn and Judy were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for Humanity House.  Lynn was nailing down house siding, would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her sho9lder or nail it it.

Judy, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are throwing those nails away?'
Lynn explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them have the dead on the wrong end and I throw them away.
Judy got completely upset and yelled, "You moron! Those nails aren't defective!  They're for the other side of the house!'

Badda Bing, Badda Boom<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?

They had gon to see "Closed for the Winter."

Badda Bing.  Badda Boom<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

Have a Great Saturday.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

In The Back Seat

When you achieve certain states of being over a long period of time, success in what you are doing in the world is very difficult to avoid.  April 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" - Book 1 Page 176

Goooooooooooooooood Morning you bunch of drunks.  How the hell are ya?  As for me, I'm sober.

"In the back seat" probably conjurs up all kinds of thoughts.  You naughty people.  There are things that go on in the back other than "that."  I mean kids fight, the dog gets just out of reach, etc, etc, etc.  I've got a tale about a back seat happening that embarrassed the hell out of me, but left me laughing my ass off.  Well, maybe not, but almost.

There is a group of us that meets for dinner most Saturday nights prior to the Lambda Speaker Meeting.  And most nights we all drive ourselves.  But one recent Saturday night my sponsor and I wound up riding with Daave.  Now we were in Daave's '84 Eldo, damned that thing is gorgeous and the interior is RED.  Now that is my fave color.  Anyway, I wound up in the back seat, Norris and Daave sitting in the front.  We pulled up to Barnaby's and there was no parking in front so we had to park on the side street.  I probably grumbled the most.  So Daave parks, and he and Norris exit the front seat.  Daave flopped his seat forward to give me exit room.  Up until that point that Eldo was plenty roomy.  Now I could not get in a position to exit.  Normally as anyone else would do I would put my foot out, get a grounding and finish stepping out of the car.  HELL NO that did not work. I could not get in position to do that.  So I thought well, I'll just back out.  Nope the ASS is too big to get through the opening that was availabal.  I'm morified.  I start to giggle and know I have to stop or they will have to have the roof chopped off.  Daave and Norris are doing their best not to laugh, but they did snicker.  After a couple more trys, Daave pushed the button that took his bucket seat all the way up to the steering wheel.    I still could not step out, so I decided to do the Ass end first. Yess, I was able to get the foot out, ground myself and back out of that damned car.  I was even more mortified, but could not get over how damned funny that must have looked to anyone who witnessed this feat.   I just cracked up, and Daave and Norris more than snickered but not real belly laughs which the situation demanded.  Anyway we composed ourselves, and walked over to the restaurant, and I want to tell you Was I Ever SO Glad We Did Not Park In Front.  Thank God, my butt does not beep when I back up.  Yep, we are not a glum lot.

Hmmmmmm, and then did Daave buy a bigger car for his colledction, HELL NO, he got a 61 VW and then the Silver Anniversary vette.   I'm starting to think he never wants me in the back seat of any car.  Well, HARUMPH!  It is all about ME, ya know.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • Daave and that warped sense of humor
  • Humor
  • Laughter feeling so good
  • Tomorrow is double dip day, but first I have to get up in the middle of the night. (8 am)
  • Friends
  • All Y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!
  •  

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

91.7 years of gratitude

You cannot lie to yourself.  Your mind knows the truth of your thoughts.  April 20  Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1  - page 11

Gooooooooooooooood Mooooooooooorrrrrrrrnnnnnninggggggggg  ALKIES! That's the way I opened my posts back when I first started blogging.  That was 341 posts ago which covers about 3.5 years maybe 4.  But for 6,660 days I have lived the program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

You are probably wondering how in the hell does a 68.7 year old drunk get to be 91.7.  Well, I did one of those REAL AGE quizes today.  It was all based on health.  That thing was all over the place.  I'm younger because I don't drink or smoke.  I'm older because I exercise 3 days a week?  I'm older because of my BMI.  IJ'm older because of medications.  I'm older due to stress of losing a loved one within the last 6 months. I'm also older because of hair loss, not look older, just older.  So I looked in the mirror - Damned, I LOOK GOOD for 91.7 years old.   I can live with that.  Then that takes me to the above quote from CWG.  But then I'm not lieing to myself.  I got it from an internet age test.  And we all know those are indisputable.  Yeah. Right.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • The "Conversations with God" books.
  • Dealing with financial insecurity without fear.
  • Having what I need.
  • Needing what I have
  • Being an X-Shopaholic
  • Friends
  • Being in a positive state with the loss of Rosalie
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Just Being

Fear is the opposite of everthing you are.  April 19 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1  page 188

What a great weekend.  A wonderful Saturday night speaker meeting.  A rainy Sunday.  Nice.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • A good dr. report today
  • Good readings on the blogs today
  • Friends
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Still here, Still Sober, Still recovering from Grief.

I will not leave you.  I cannot leave you, for you are My creation and My product, My daughter, My son, My purpose and My...Self.   Call on me, therefore, wherever and whenever you are separate from the peace that I am.  April 18 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1.  page 211

Hi, my alkie friends and visitors.  During these past few weeks I have found and been carried by the peace that is God.  I am at peace in writing about how God, my higher power, has been so noticeably present in my life.  I know He is always there, but in rough times, I have no problem of letting go and letting God.  That in itself is one of the many ways that I have found the miracles that are ever present in this wonderful program of Alcoholics Anonymous.  I am so glad I did not leave 5 minutes before the miracle.  When I got here I knew I needed to stay, that I was where I needed to be, and have never wanted to be anywhere else.  It's a good way of life and it just ain't gonna get any better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My sponsor
  • A good Board meeting at Lambda
  • The Board approved two new AA meetings.
  • An influx of newcomers to Lambda.
  • A great visit with Joe, while we cooked.
  • My Faith
  • My Friends
  • The old friends, that I have not seen nor talked to in years, sending me condolences on Rosalie.
  • The book "Up from Grief."
  • All Y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Not a lot to say

True Masters are those who have chosen to make a life, rather that a living.  April 14 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 , page 170

To me that statement could aptly apply to alcoholics.  I'm glad that I chose to make a new life rather than just living.  Hey it works for me.

Tonight I am Grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My sponsor
  • My faith
  • That I know why there is just one set of footprints right now. 
  • That knowledge brings me serenity and security.
  • Humor, without it life would be such a chore.
  • Friends
  • All y'all
  • All bloggers who have touched my life, but have moved on.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

PS: Sugarbutt from anyone else just don't work like it did from Pam.  Man, did I ever set myself up for that one or what.  Butt I do love the humor in it.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Just Grateful

You have nothing to learn about relationships.  You have only to demonstrate what you already know.  April 14  Meditations from "Conversations with God" book 1.  page 121

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My sponsor
  • Y'all's humor
  • Being a survivor
  • Faith
  • Spirituality
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Another Day, Another Post

The reason that the true Master does not complain is that the true Master is not suffering, but simply experiencein a set of circumstances that you would call insufferable.  APRIL 13 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1, page 107

I've been thinking about the meeting at the Spring Group last night.  Not one single person came up to me and introduced themselves to me after the meeting.  I wonder if it was because I identified as a visitor from Lambda Center.  Or could it be that I was looking for something because it was a straight meeting.  Good Lord, I got sober in straight meetings.  Those people loved me, held me when I was about to fall down, glued my big ass on when it was coming loose.  I am planning to go back next Monday evening.  I also wonder if the fact that they were having a business meeting at 7:30 might have a bearing on the little clusters of people in huddles.  Hmmmm.
Yeah, yeah, I know it's none of my business, but I do wonder.

Also last nights posting was rather carthartic for me.  Just writing it all down chronologically gave some order to the seven weeks before Rosalie passed.  There were some downright comical times that occurred and I will share those as time goes on.  And a BIG OLE THANK YOU to all of you that left condolences.  I needed those, they sort of choked me up.  But I want to cry.  Just a down home old fashioned cry, a big Boo Hoo.  I have not been able to do that.  Well I did, scream, cry and sort of went to pieces, but quickly composed myself, so I could go to the hospital to support my nephew, Sam.  I mean he had just lost his Mother at 45 and he and she were so close.  Now he was not a Mama's boy, but he loved her and had a lot of respect for her.  They had a beautiful relationship and I know how he must have been hurting.  Isort of had the same relationship with my Mother. But the two are not comparable.

I sort of have a resentment building towards my normy friends. Not one of them have sent me a card.  I did get one email with the Yellow Rose of Texas.  That one did bring me to tears as there is a line in that song that says "and songs of Rosalie."  It was from an old old friend of mine in Los Angeles. Tom is just a card sender, and they are always just right on.  He has a knack for it.  This is really about not getting the tender, loving, tear bringing verses that I so long to read.  I just want to have a Big Big Boo Hoo.  Is that too much to ask?  Lord knows I certainly can't say anything to these friends, it would be improper and impertinent.  Or could it be that I am being too self centered at this time to cry?  That's probably the ticket.  I just have to realize that it will be in God's time, not mine.  But man when it does happen, get the buckets, cause those flood gates will release a deluge.  But the one thing I do know is that I will still be sober when they do start.  I will not be a snotty bawling drunk,been there, done that and it ain't gonna happen again..  God has brought me too far, to let that happpen.  That is a Certainty. You just don't drink no matter what!!

And on top of all of that, Pam has disappeared from the blogs.  Now there's no one to call me Sugar Butt.   Waaaaaaaaaaaaah!  I know, a bit over the top.  Just saying.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God My Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, My Schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • My Faith
  • Spirituality
  • Blogs to visit again.
  • That Lisa has two boxers again and they look like they are having fun together.
  • Thursday The local Tea Party is at Sam Houston Race Track with the rest of the horses arses.
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Monday, April 12, 2010

I Don't Know Where To Start

Your soul seeks the highest feeling.  It seeks to experience--to be--perfect love.  April 12  Meditations from Conversations With God" Book 1, page 85

Hey you bunch of drunks, how the hell are ya.  Sober I hope.  I sure as hell am, thank God.

February and March just really put me through the ringer.  I found God working in my life again.  I finished my Aquatic Therapy and my physical stamina improved greatly.  Sort of reminded me  of getting sober.  It was God working in my life to prepare me for what was ahead as most of you whom have been reading me know.  Six months later I was "Retired Early" and I certainly could not have gotten through the next two years without having been sober.  This time it did not take six months for me to need the strength.

On February 13, I called Rosalie to wish her a Happy Birthday on her 78th birthday.  This was about 1:30.  She told me she could not talk as Sam was bring the car to the back door to take her to the emergency room.  She was admitted about 3 AM the next day with pneumonia..  I talked to her that afternoon as I did on Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thursday Sam called me and told me she had been moved to intensive care to to a kidney problem.  I drove over to Beaumont that afternoon and got to see her for about 15 minutes.  She was in a coma, and had been put on a ventilator as the pneumonia had worsened and she could not breath.  Digressing, she had been through 12 weeks of radiation treatment for early stage one lung cancer.  On her admission to the hospital this trip they found that the treatment had been successful - the tumor was not showing on the CAT scan.  This was good news, but the treatment had ravaged her immune system.  This was not a surprise as the DR had told her then that with treatment she had a 50-50 chance of surviving due to Advanced COPD which had taken her lungs to 40% of capacity.  She liked the 50% better that the 0%.  On Saturday 2/20 the doctors told us there was no chance of survival and said if we were to take her off the respirator, she would probably expire within an hour.  We asked for 24 hours and her primary dr. told us to take as much time as needed.  We saw her again Sun morn and as we were leaving the house to go back for the 6PM visit the Dr. called giggling.  He said he was in shock, he was at the nurses station and glanced at Rosalie and she was waving to him.  When we got there 45 min later she was very alert, but with the ventilator, she could not talk.  She was just smiling and her eyes were gleaming.  She always was a fighter.Monday they did a trach and we got to see her about 6 PM.  She was groggy, but knew us, mouthed I Love You.  It was Sam, his 14 year old son from Comfort - his Mother drove him down, and me.  I tell you we were one excited group.  The following Saturday they put a voice box on her after we had seen her twice that day.  However, her daughter Donna (the sober one) came to see her and they had a great visit, Rosalie was in great form.  Sam, Colton, and I went to see her on Sunday and got to talk some, but she was very exhausted, and told us she loved us, but we needed to leave as she wanted a nap. 

Monday Rosalie crashed again and went into another coma.  By thursday she was transferred to a Long Term Center, and was in their ICU.  She was up and down for the next three weeks.  She came off the vent for 49 hours and had to go back on it. Then it was 20 hours, then 12, then 2 or so.
The doctors again told us she was terminal and advised removal of life support.  Bless her heart she fought so hard.  She would tell us she wanted to live, but told the nurses and doctors to let her die every time they put her back on the vent.  We were not told that until The 20 hour point.  On Tuesday night at 7:30, March 30, we signed the papers to remove the ventilator.  Bless her heart, she lasted 39 hours and at 10:45 AM April 1, 2010 my dear sister Rosalie passed over to the afterlife.  There was no service, no obit, just direct cremation.  I cannot say enough thanks to the wonderful medical staff at both hospitals, nor the staff at the funeral home.  The professionalism of all of these people was absolute A1.

During the seven weeks Sam and I became very close.  I was there with the exception of 5 or 6 days.  His son came for a week and I was there for them.  Colton went to work with Sam eachf day.
My point in all of this is before I did my Aquatic Therapy my mobility was challenged so I took action.  That started in October and ended the first week in February.  This was a HUGE example of a Promise coming true for me - God doing for me what I could not do for myself.  It was close but it happened.  Also a prime example of not leaving 5 minutes before the Miracle.  Our program tells us to do the next indicated thing.  Also during this time I received group calls from my Friday Morning Group of Drunks.  I did not get to meetings during this time, but those men brought the meeting to me by telephone.  My sponsor called me.  Other friends called.  I received the Love, the fellowship, the unconditional love from these people and I love each and every one of them more than they can imagine. I'm not naming them, they know who they are, and some of you know them.  Man, Sobriety is a BLESSING.

Today I saw a movie and on the way home I drove through downtown Old Spring, and glanced at the Spring AA Club and they were all going in.  It was 6 o'clock.  So I went around the block, pulled in and went to my first meeting at the Spring Club.  It was a Big Book Meeting and tonight we read More About Alcoholism.  Now that is my favorite chapter in the Big Book.  Coincidence, I think not, it was just one more spiritual experience that I have been blessed with since I have been sober.  It just ain't gonna get much better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:

  • God My Higher Power

  • My Sobriety

  • Mamie, my Schnauzer

  • My Sponsor

  • Guidance

  • Strength

  • My 18 years of sobriety carrying me for most of two months.

  • A strong foundation in AA.

  • Peace and spirituality that was with me everyday.

  • My friends

  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.