Monday, April 12, 2010

I Don't Know Where To Start

Your soul seeks the highest feeling.  It seeks to experience--to be--perfect love.  April 12  Meditations from Conversations With God" Book 1, page 85

Hey you bunch of drunks, how the hell are ya.  Sober I hope.  I sure as hell am, thank God.

February and March just really put me through the ringer.  I found God working in my life again.  I finished my Aquatic Therapy and my physical stamina improved greatly.  Sort of reminded me  of getting sober.  It was God working in my life to prepare me for what was ahead as most of you whom have been reading me know.  Six months later I was "Retired Early" and I certainly could not have gotten through the next two years without having been sober.  This time it did not take six months for me to need the strength.

On February 13, I called Rosalie to wish her a Happy Birthday on her 78th birthday.  This was about 1:30.  She told me she could not talk as Sam was bring the car to the back door to take her to the emergency room.  She was admitted about 3 AM the next day with pneumonia..  I talked to her that afternoon as I did on Mon, Tues, Wed, and Thursday Sam called me and told me she had been moved to intensive care to to a kidney problem.  I drove over to Beaumont that afternoon and got to see her for about 15 minutes.  She was in a coma, and had been put on a ventilator as the pneumonia had worsened and she could not breath.  Digressing, she had been through 12 weeks of radiation treatment for early stage one lung cancer.  On her admission to the hospital this trip they found that the treatment had been successful - the tumor was not showing on the CAT scan.  This was good news, but the treatment had ravaged her immune system.  This was not a surprise as the DR had told her then that with treatment she had a 50-50 chance of surviving due to Advanced COPD which had taken her lungs to 40% of capacity.  She liked the 50% better that the 0%.  On Saturday 2/20 the doctors told us there was no chance of survival and said if we were to take her off the respirator, she would probably expire within an hour.  We asked for 24 hours and her primary dr. told us to take as much time as needed.  We saw her again Sun morn and as we were leaving the house to go back for the 6PM visit the Dr. called giggling.  He said he was in shock, he was at the nurses station and glanced at Rosalie and she was waving to him.  When we got there 45 min later she was very alert, but with the ventilator, she could not talk.  She was just smiling and her eyes were gleaming.  She always was a fighter.Monday they did a trach and we got to see her about 6 PM.  She was groggy, but knew us, mouthed I Love You.  It was Sam, his 14 year old son from Comfort - his Mother drove him down, and me.  I tell you we were one excited group.  The following Saturday they put a voice box on her after we had seen her twice that day.  However, her daughter Donna (the sober one) came to see her and they had a great visit, Rosalie was in great form.  Sam, Colton, and I went to see her on Sunday and got to talk some, but she was very exhausted, and told us she loved us, but we needed to leave as she wanted a nap. 

Monday Rosalie crashed again and went into another coma.  By thursday she was transferred to a Long Term Center, and was in their ICU.  She was up and down for the next three weeks.  She came off the vent for 49 hours and had to go back on it. Then it was 20 hours, then 12, then 2 or so.
The doctors again told us she was terminal and advised removal of life support.  Bless her heart she fought so hard.  She would tell us she wanted to live, but told the nurses and doctors to let her die every time they put her back on the vent.  We were not told that until The 20 hour point.  On Tuesday night at 7:30, March 30, we signed the papers to remove the ventilator.  Bless her heart, she lasted 39 hours and at 10:45 AM April 1, 2010 my dear sister Rosalie passed over to the afterlife.  There was no service, no obit, just direct cremation.  I cannot say enough thanks to the wonderful medical staff at both hospitals, nor the staff at the funeral home.  The professionalism of all of these people was absolute A1.

During the seven weeks Sam and I became very close.  I was there with the exception of 5 or 6 days.  His son came for a week and I was there for them.  Colton went to work with Sam eachf day.
My point in all of this is before I did my Aquatic Therapy my mobility was challenged so I took action.  That started in October and ended the first week in February.  This was a HUGE example of a Promise coming true for me - God doing for me what I could not do for myself.  It was close but it happened.  Also a prime example of not leaving 5 minutes before the Miracle.  Our program tells us to do the next indicated thing.  Also during this time I received group calls from my Friday Morning Group of Drunks.  I did not get to meetings during this time, but those men brought the meeting to me by telephone.  My sponsor called me.  Other friends called.  I received the Love, the fellowship, the unconditional love from these people and I love each and every one of them more than they can imagine. I'm not naming them, they know who they are, and some of you know them.  Man, Sobriety is a BLESSING.

Today I saw a movie and on the way home I drove through downtown Old Spring, and glanced at the Spring AA Club and they were all going in.  It was 6 o'clock.  So I went around the block, pulled in and went to my first meeting at the Spring Club.  It was a Big Book Meeting and tonight we read More About Alcoholism.  Now that is my favorite chapter in the Big Book.  Coincidence, I think not, it was just one more spiritual experience that I have been blessed with since I have been sober.  It just ain't gonna get much better than that.

Tonight I am grateful for:

  • God My Higher Power

  • My Sobriety

  • Mamie, my Schnauzer

  • My Sponsor

  • Guidance

  • Strength

  • My 18 years of sobriety carrying me for most of two months.

  • A strong foundation in AA.

  • Peace and spirituality that was with me everyday.

  • My friends

  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


Findon said...

Thank you for this post Zane. I am sad for your loss but pleased that the actions you took before enabled you to be there for your sister. As you say you did not leave before the miracle. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts brother.

Trailboss said...

I am sorry to hear of your dear sister. I love the part though where the dr. started giggling. I have been wondering how you have been doing. Welcome back Zane.

Syd said...

Zane, I am very sorry about Rosalie. I am glad though that you were there with her. I'm also glad that you are back here to let us know how you are doing. I've missed your posts. Take care.

Prayer Girl said...

What a wonderful surprise when I got your comment on my blog and I saw that you had posted.

Each year Steve and I remember his dad's passing on April 1st. I never met him, but I love him through my husband. And now your beloved Rosalie has joined those who are in that place of perfection. God bless you and her.

I loved hearing how God prepared you for what was to come when you did not even know what was around the corner. God is good.

Loved hearing from you.

dAAve said...

We read that chapter this morning at the 6:30 meeting.
I'm glad you posted, Mr Z.