Thursday, August 6, 2009

A snit and Just a Bit of Gratitude

August 3 - If you want to know what's true for you about something, look to how you're feeling about it. Feelings are sometimes difficult to discover--and often even more difficult to acknowledge. Yet hidden in your deepest feeling is your highest truth.
My best friend forgot my birthday. It hurts. When I told him about it he gave me excuses, did not say I'm sorry, but did say Happy late birthday. I forgot his birthday 25 years ago and he read me the riot act. I sent him 31 belated birthday cards and also apologized. I'm hurt, angry, and trying to let it go. I just wanted him to say I'm sorry, that's all. I don't think I'm asking too much.
August 4 - You'll get as many chances as you want and need. You can come back again and again and again. If you do get to the next step, if you evolve to the next level, it's because you want to, not because you have to.
Hmmmmmmmmmm. Is God telling me to get over my cheap snake act and move on?
August 5 - I will continue sending you the same messages over and over again, throughout the millenia and to whatever corner of the universe you occupy. Endlessly will I send you My messages, until you have received then and held them close, calling them your own.
This greater than my little snit. To me this is God telling me he loves me and has been and always will be with me.
August 6 - It takes great courage to announce oneself as a man of God. You understand, the world will much more readily accept you as virtually anything else.
I am a man of God, and I know I have been guilty of being afraid of how others might think of me if I said so, but let me tell you that will not happen again. I will say it again - I am a man of God.
Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" the above dates, pages 3, 149,5, and 145.
Tonight my gratitude is for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor, leaving on a trip tomorrow.
  • My Right eye.
  • Being sighted
  • Being able to pray to let my snit go.
  • Recognizing it's EGO.
  • Movies
  • Friends
  • Trying not to be so damned sensitive
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now ya heah.


dAAve said...

I am terrible at remembering the birthdays (dates) of my friends. Doesn't mean they aren't my friends. It doesn't diminish my feelings towards them. It just means I'm terrible at remembering the date.

Scott W said...

It's unfortunate we are taught to be something different than we are all in the name of God.

Seems those quotes were lined up for a good reason. It's a grand thing.

Prayer Girl said...

Ah - "Trying not to be so damned sensitive." - that's a work in progress. Thank God it's so much better than it used to be. Before our beloved 12 steps, I was always "in a snit".

When I get in a snit about something today, I just remind myself (often repeatedly) that I spent many years not behaving as the "paragon of virtue and 'correct' behavior" that I thought should exist on all levels of relationship and society.

When I finally forgave myself for the truly horrid life I had ended up living, I found it easier to let go of my judgment of the infractions of others.

Good luck. I know how these kinds of tousles in the head can be. I hate them.


Steve E. said...

Dear Mr SNIT.

For many years I lived a miserable existence in a place called "Snitsville". It was difficuly, times were hard, life was dull, boring, miserable.

And who was the mayor of Snitsville? It's only resident? ME! Those town meetings were lonely.

I don't live there any more. Do not wish to go back there. But once-in-a-while, I sneak back in to see where I used to live, and find it has not changed one iota.

Eveything there looks so nice, but I know better now. I know what is underneath all the glitter. Never
again, for me!

Mr Snot!

Syd said...

Zane, when these things happen to me it triggers my rejection sensors. At least that's what I call them. And I start to feel down and unloved. It takes me a bit of time but eventually I figure out that people don't spend all their time thinking about me and that I can have a good day whether they are or aren't. Hope that your birthday was great even without your friend.

Findon said...

Oh Brother isn't life such a minefield. For the love of God why can't we just let go. You take care of yourself now.

Akannie said...

Happy Belated Birthday, my darling boy. My excuse is that I DIDN'T know when it was. Tell me the exact date and I will record it in my little book of IMPORTANT THINGS TO REMEMBER.
Because I am like you.
And I finally figured it out after I got sober...throughout my entire childhood (except maybe the first 2 years, that I don't remember, and which was before the first sibling came to live with us), I never had birthday celebrations. Not one stinking birthday party (which is every child's God given right, right?)lol Every now and then there would be a cake at supper. Because I was born so close after Xmas, there was never money for my birthday. And after the OTHERS began to arrive, there was really no money, no time, no patience. And, good little soldier that I was, always said, Yes, I understand. When I really never did, and was cut to the quick with the feelings Syd mentioned. Rejected, unloved, unnecessary.
As I got older and left home, anyone who forgot my birthday was off the list. Period.
As you can imagine I spent a lot of time crossing people off.

Sad to say, I still get hurt over it, but at least I know God loves me. lol And I don't have to MOVE because of it, for crying out loud. lol And I make my own celebrations. For about a week. lol

SO--Happy happy, my dear friend!! Just want you to know, I get you...


Todd HellsKitchen said...

My birthday is in the shadow of a major holiday and ALWAYS is forgotten. So, I can relate... But I just forgive everybody.....

Lou said...

Zane, I hope to meet you in Sept. when I come to Houston. So in an effort to get to know you, I stopped by here today...

and guess what-- my son forgot my birthday last week. I have been in a funk about it, even though it is not the first time he has forgotten. You have no idea how timely this was for me.
I shared about it at my AlAnon meeting this morning, and then to read this...."I just wanted him to say I'm sorry"

God pointed me here today. Thanks.

Tall Karen said...

"In forgiving, I set a prisoner free...much to my surprise, the prisoner was me."

I'll say it twice...Happy Birthday! Did that help? Nah, I didn't think so.