Fun In Sobriety

You can't go wrong.  It's not part of the plan.  There's no way not to get where you are going.  There's no way to miss your destination.  If God is your target, you're in luck, because God is so big, you can't miss.  May 8 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1, page 88.

Gooooooood Moooooorrrrrnnnniiinnngggggg you bunch of AAAALLKKKIIIIIEEESS. How the hell are you.  I'm sober.  Hope you're the same.

Saturday Night was the usual, dinner with friends before the Speaker meeting at Lambda.  Folllowing the speaker, Tracy R - who was great -, there was a Lambda fundraiser titled Ocho de Mayo.  There were 11 pinatas.  It was $10 to join those that got to pick up the "treasures" when the pinata was broken.  Each pinata had a special prize - .  The payee that got the prize won a spot for the end in which there were 11 prizes.  Prizes were 25,000 Continental miles,  2 Cyndee Lauper tickets, 2 Carrie Underwood tickets, Ballet tickets, $100 cash, and other prizes.  It was a hoot watching these gay men and lesbians trying to whack the pinata.  There were two funny or should I say outstanding moments. One was when the pinata broke, everything fell into a pile on the floor.  This lesbian sat on the pile and one by one she tossed the candy out and then found the plastic prize.  Then the announcer announced the prize and of course she had it.  So as winner she got to whack the next pinata.  She was blindfolded and turned around three times and had her back to pinata.  I made a comment to the group I was sitting with " bet she plays baseball and is gonna whack the shit out that pinata:  I no sooner got the words out of my mouth and the pinata swung by her for the third time and WHACK - she knocked the damned thing to shreds and suff fleww all over the hall.  The next pinata came up and it was broken and the lesbian again sat on the pile of prizes, two queens grabbed her one on each foot and drug her off the floor.  Brought the house down.  I bought in when there were three pinatas left.  Knowing if I got down on my hands and knees this 310 pound queen was not getting back up so I asked if someone could pick up for me and yes they had two people that had volunteerd to be pickeruppers. Dan F was my pickeruppper and only got one item.  It was a plastic puzzle.  When they anounced the plastic puzzle I yelped and got it.  So I got to do the next pinata. I was flindfolded and turned around and started swinging at my pinata, a bowling pen, after several swings, WHACK, I got it dead center and stuff went everywhere.  At the end, the 11 winners names were called and one by one we went up and took an envelope off of the board.  Then the announcer took the envelope and announced the winners prize.  I won  two yoga lessons and a yoga rug - value $110.  Now can you just imagine me in a Lotus position.  I don't think so.  Anyway, it was a lot of fun, it was a fundraiser and the night was successful.  It was a fun sober evening for a bunch of recovering drunks that laughed, scratched, giggled and had a hell of a lot of fun.  We are not a glum lot.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• 
  
  God, my Higher Power
• 
  
  My Sobriety
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer.
• 
  
  My Sponsor
• 
  
  The joy of getting to watch Petey (Joe's min. dachshund I'm pet setting this week) and Mamie playing.  Pet antics are wonderful.
• 
  
  A great speaker tonight.
• 
  
  Fun and laughter
• 
  
  Being Sighted
• 
  
  My friends
• 
  
  All y'all too.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Damned, Another Fall

Why not simply acknowledge the truth when you hear it, and move towards it?  May 4 - Meditations from "Conversations with God" Book 1 - page 119

Hoooooooowwwwwwdddddeeeeeee!  Hope y'all are fine and sober.  I am.

Well maybe not so fine.  Today I had a water spill in my utility room.  I got it cleaned up.  Then a few minutes later I was going to take the trash out and walked through the utility room.  I had on a pair of slick soled canvas shoes. (They are so comfortable).  Evidently I had not gotten all of the water and slipped on the wet spot. And SPLAT!  Down I went.  My  right leg folded up under me as I was going down and the left leg went straight out.  My Right foot was also under my BA.  I just pushed myself up and straightened out the leg immediately.  This was in all of 3 seconds.  It Hurrrrrrrrrrrrrt.  I was flat on my back, just sort of stunned, and there was Mamie, licking my face and giveing me

her assistant.  I laid there for a few minutes after yelling "Help me, Help me" several times.I really thought I had broken some bones.  Dammned, I hurt.  After I realized I had not split my head open as it slammed into the porceline tile

I started to move.  OOOOOOOOOOOUCH!  Talk about a feel bad hurting, it was kicking in overtime.  I lifted both feet and rotated them.  Not too bad. Off came the shoes, I moved over to the end of the dryer and turned myself around and used the dryer and the door jam to pull myself up.  Now the ceiling of my utility is white, NO STARS, but I tell you I saw them, Stars, and all those symbals that come with them when a cartoon character hurts themselves.  Standing up on my left leg, I gently put my right foot down.  Ouch, damned, hurts like hadees, and then I let a little more weight go down on it.  Holding onto the door jam I then let all of my weight go to both feet.  Not too baaaaaaaaad.  It did hurt, but not like I expected.  So I took a baby step.  Then another as I'm leaning on my counter.  I then made it into the living room and plopped down in my recliner.  Not to bad.  But I hurt all over ma bod, my heart was racing and beating like it would come out of my chest.  As I lay streteched out in the recliner I started to calm down.  I took a swig of my diet caffeine free coke and rested a while more. 

After a couple of hours, I decided to go to H.E.B. for some canned goods.  Not bad but a bit painful but made it without falling or anything.  I fixed some chili and macaroni for dinner.  I was in a lot of pain, still am, but not too bad.  I do hurt all over, don';t think anything is broken.  I'm sure I will hurt like hell tomorrow.  I upped my intake of Aleve, 4 soon after falling and I'll take 4 more when I go to bed.  

Other than that, I had a wonderful day.  Sober.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my loving schnauzer.
• My Sponsor.
• Self cushioning to bounce to straighten out my leg.
• Not to have lost consciousness. nor split my head open.
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

God Bless the Blondes

More Blonde Stories:


You might have to think twice about this one.

A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.  'How did this happen' the emergency room doctor asked her.

'Well I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

"What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

'No, Silly' the blonde said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, ' I paid $6000.00 for these implants....I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

'So then? asked the doctor.

'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3000.00 to get my teeth straightened I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

'So then?'

'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: "This is going to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the Trigger.'

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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really bad Hailstorm.  Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.  The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun..  He told her to go home and blow into the Tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would pop out.

So, the blonde went home, got on her hands and knees and started blowing into her tailpipe..  Nothing happened..So she blew a little harder and still nothing happened.

Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'  The first Blonde told her how the repairman had instructed to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop out.

The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "duh, like hello! You need to roll up the windows first.'

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A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiney silver Thermos.  She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to ask what it was.

The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold.'

'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing....I'm going to buy it!' So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.

Her boss saw it on her desk. "what's that,' he asked.

"Why, thats a thermos....It keeps hot things hot and colds thing cold" she replied.

Her boss replied....'What do you have in it?'

The blonde replied 'Two popsicles and some coffee.'

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AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out.

Her boss asked sympathetically, 'What'S THE MATTER?'

tHE BLONDE REPLIES,  'Early this morning I got a phone call saying My Mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day?  Take the day off to relax and rest.'

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here.  I need to keep my mind off it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual.  A couple of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.  He looks out from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically...

'What's so bad now?  Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.

'No! exclaims the blonde.  'I just received a horrible call from my sister.  Her mother died, too!'

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BLONDES ARE THE BEST

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!