Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Just Another Fing Day

March 4 - No prayer-- and a prayer is nothing more than a fervent statement of what is so--goes unanswered. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 12
Today is just a funky, low balled day. After the past few days, wham, the good feelings have been replaced by depression. Like a y0-yo, up one day and down the next. But it just doesn't matter if I'm up or down, I'm sober. And I am committed to sobriety like I am committed to breathing. I wish on a daily basis that I would stop breathing, I get so tired of life, life on life's terms and all that crap. But that is not up to me, so I face each day with what it brings and get through it sober. If I weren't sober I would surely die, but I do not want to go like that. I may be miserable, but I never want to experience the misery, the complete demoralization that I felt when drinking. That awful incomprehensible demorilization that I lived or rather existed in for 32 years. I will die one of these days, unfortunately it will be in God's time, not mine. And by being sober it makes it easier. It won't get better than that.
Gratitude list:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie my OCD schnauzer
  • My sponsor
  • My right eye.
  • being sighted.
  • All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


dAAve said...

Well, before you pass, there are some fresh roses to smell.

Queenneenee said...

love you :-)

big Jenn said...

One good thing about having a sucky day is knowing "this too shall pass".Sending light and love your way. jeNN

Scott W said...

We experience life through our thoughts and we try to keep those thoughts as healthy as possible. That is about all we can do, other than pray, practice letting go and gratitude.

peanut said...

And, you hang in there, Madame.

You are loved.

Syd said...

There are ups and downs in this life for sure. The down times are when I inventory what is going on. I've learned a lot about my self and my fears from that. Every day is a learning experience.