March 1 - You say it is difficult to walk the path of Christ, to follow the teachanges of the Buddha, to hold the light of Krishna, to be a Master. Yet I tell you this: It is far more difficult to deny Who You Are than to accept it.Meditations - "Conversations with God, Book 1" page 86
Oh Yoo Hoo, ya bunch of Alkies, I'm posting today. Well nothing shook with that announcement. Oh,okay.
Pam got me thinking about answering the telephone with Saturday's post. I used to be a phone hound. I was on it all day at work, and then on personal calls at home. When call holding came to be, I was in heaven, I could never miss a call then. And then came voicemail. I absolutely hated answering machines, but finally gave in and had Vic hook me up with one. Then when I was "bought out at IBM" I subscribed to PacBell's voicemail. Now this was just great - I never missed a call, the number of messages was unlimited. And no one could get a busy signal when calling me. I did this mostly so that I would not miss a call from a prospective employer. So here I am, call hold, call forward, non-miss voicemail, now if I could just afford a "Car Phone" as they were call in the earlier days I would have it covered. Oh and home copiers and faxes were not on the horizon yet. (1991-1994).
Slowly I started to become a "I'll answer it if I want to type". I was still on the phone a lot at work doing telephone interviews with prospective employees. After weeding out those that did not measure up, I made appointments for the qualified. So all day I was either talking on the phone, in a face to face interview with medical, administrative, contractors, mental health practitioners, or whatever the available position was. It seemed like I talked 42 hours a day. And when I got home, the last thing I wanted to do was chat. So I'd come home change, go to an AA meeting, go out for fellowship, laugh my ass off, get my batteries charged, and found the strength to go to the next day sober. Repeat of this day went on forever.
1999 I got a cell phone and I was then available 24/7 - my job required it. I was not only Director of Human Resources, but also the whizkid on our new telephone system at work. I oversaw the installation, drew up the plans for where each extension would be located in each office or workstation. I had 24 manuals on how to operate the system, how to get the most out of it with reports, who got how many calls, what number they called, track all calls on each employee to be sure they did not spend a lot of time on personal calls, which receptionist was not answering their fair share of the incoming calls, etc. The owner was a stickler on this shit. I got this assignment because she thought it came under my list of duties "to ensure employees followed all company guidelines as to performance and all that shit. Now when I got home, the last thing I wanted to do was yak on a fucking phone. I started hating it at work. I wanted to get an axe and chop up the system at work, or throw it out the 4th floor window when it became problematic. I hated it when the phone rang at some UNGODLY hour of the nite or AM and I had to go troubleshoot. I finally figured out how to do this from home via the FUCKING PHONE. Finally I got a call ID phone at home and this was a GodSend.
After I was medically retired from the home health company, I actually really began using caller id. Then I moved to Texas.
Moved into my home in Spring. Had a phone in every room except the toilets. (I have a dear friend that takes his phone to the bathroom with him so he won't miss a call. I occasionally get him mid-business and he always says I'll call when I finish. I always ask "Finish What". He graphically tells me. No it is not Daave) I draw the line at that. If I'm in the Bathroom I certainly do not want to share my sounds with someone on the phone.
Within the last two years, the phone in the other two bedrooms have gone into drawers. I have turned the phone off in my bedroom. I can see it ring, as it lights up. But I do not know of a phone call important enough to awaken me. Now if my sister is not doing well, I will turn it on. Thank God, the last two years have been good to her healthwise. I now keep my cellphone with me at all times in case I fall. But I no longer jump at the sound of the phone ringing. If it is important, a message will be left. If I am close to my main phone I can tell if I need to answer it if I can get to it in 4.5 rings. If it is someone who is in recovery, I will answer or call them right back if a message is left or not, caller id now tells me who called period.
I do enjoy a short (less than 5 minute) chat with my friends sometimes can go on for quite longer but usually no need to do so. My "friends" know this and do not have a problem with it. My friend MR.Telephonepants (thanks Pam) does get frustrated with me at times, especially when we are talking and I get an incoming call he has to tell me I am missing a call and I just tell him no, I'm not missing, I will call them back, I do not miss calls, I just choose when to answer. He cannot understand this, but he's sort of adjusted to it. And I no longer get frustrated when I call a friend and I get their voicemail or whatever. I leave a message and they will get back to me when they get back to me. I no longer feel the need to be plugged in all the time. And it is my choice. I love the freedom, but I practice it responsibly. I do not wait hours or days to check. I still "need" to see who called and check the message to be sure it is not imperative for an immediate callback. This is one of the freedoms I have found with my sobriety and I ain't gonna give it up.
Tomorrow is my eye day. I find out if I get the injections in my eye. I'm pretty sure due to the distortion in shapes that I will have to have it. Thanks for feed back from some of you I am no longer in fear of this. THANKS Y'ALL. However, I can report that what I do see is very sharp, just not shaped correctly or it has a blot in the middle of it. So I shall see what is down the pike. I know God has given and will continue to give me the strength to get through this. I know that this is not a threat to my sobriety. I live with the Sober No Matter What attitude. It just won't get much better than that.
Tonight I am grateful for:
- God, My Higher Power
- My Sobriety
- Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
- My Sponsor (in the hospital with an infected knee - 1 surgery down, one to go this Tuesday, keep him in your prayers - he'd probably hit me for this, he is an atheist, but I'm not soooooooooo)
- Fridays meeting at Daave's.
- Fridays Lambda 12:15
- Saturdays Birthday night at Lambda. Lots of friends took chips from 1 year to 33 years. It was a great meeting.
- Saturday and Sunday visits with my sponsor.
- Today with Joe as we cooked Tortilla Soup and made Chicken Enchiladas.
- That we worked well together in the kitchen without using the knives on each other.
- The cold weather - I'll wish for more in June - Sept.
- It's bedtime. (I love my bed.)
- My personal comforts.
- All Y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.