An enormous menu of beingness

In seeking to be Me, the soul has a grand job ahead of it; an enormouse menu of beingness from which to choose.  And that is what it is doing in this moment now.  December 17 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 173

I was havving trouble coming up with a title for tonights post, so when I read the meditation I just loved the "Enormous Menu" comment.  But this just covered any and everything that was running through this alcoholics mind that it just came to a screeching halt and said Yea, that's the ticket.

Today was eye doctor day.  Very good report, I don'[t go back again until March. YAAAAAAAAA. No more laser surgery this year.  God is good!

Joe has moved to St Josephs and had three physical therapy sessions today plus a group therapy session for seniors that are mobile challenged.  I am so happy for him.

Today was especially good for me because it was another day for me to be practicing being sober and living those principals in all my affairs.  I no longer have to make the effort, It just seems to be second nature.  But I am really challenged on some days, not to drink, but to just make it through the day.  As long as I am sober, I know I can do that.  It's just not going to get any better than that.  Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Petey, the devil dog.
• Being sighted.
• That I made amends to my Endocronologist's nurse this afternoon in person.
• That I can make the right choices most days
• That the oh oh's are almost gone.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Back to the Grind.

The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. December 16  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

As you can see, I have figured out a way to access my ATT YAHOO connection.  None of my settings are like I had them.  Still have not reloaded my Windows Office 2003, but I can do that within the next day or so.I do have my speed back and hopefully have gotten rid of the gremlins.  I did a complete restore system, quite a feat for me.  I know here I was an IBM employee for 3 decades and am basically computer illiterate.  But I must have picked up some of the stuff so we will se how long this lasts.

Petey, the devil dog, is getting on my nerves a bit.  I call him devil dog because he has red eyes and he just stares a hole through me. He's pretty good, I'm just a one dog person.  God works in wondrous ways, as I was contemplating being a foster person for rescued Schnauzers.  Two dogs is more than I can handle.  Not compllaining, just stating the facts, mam.  Joe is now at St Josephs for his physical rehab as of this afternoon.  He sounds better than he has for 10 days.  There is some life in his voice.  He is getting anxious to get home, but does not want to go too soon.

My aquatic therapy is being renewed for another 12 sessions starting 01-04-10.  My flexibility has really improved.  Today I was able to put one foot up on the other knee and put on my socks.  Those feet have not seen one of my knees in years. It's a miracle.(GRIN hmm now where did I borrow that). Can you believe there are only 15 days left of this decade.  Hallelujah.

I'm creeping on my 18th birthday.  It is January 20.  That's another miracle, no alcohol in all that time, day and night.  Really.  You all know that is possible - one day at a time.  I just love me some sobriety.  It rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• A sunny day forecast for Friday. 
• That the Oh-Oh's are coming to an end.  Time magazine aptly calls it the Decade from Hell.
• Rosalie has gotten over her sick feeling.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Computer Problems

Hi all.  I am having computer problems, not sure if you will receive or be able to view this.  I got to this thru AOL and I'm an ATT U-verse user.  Peace.

I fear incompetent people.

The First Law is that you can be, do and have whatever you can imagine. The Second Law is that you attract what you fear.  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" December 14 - page 54

Damned it.  I fear incompetent people, especially those that work in doctor's offices.  One of my doctors has a nurse that has a competency deficency.  Especially when it comes to my medications.

We have gone round and round, I have complained, I have screamed, I have prayed, I HAVE PRAYED, and the woman could screw up an order for aspirin.  I would just once like to hit her on the head with an iron skillet, maybe it would repair whatever damage is up there, it certainly could not hurt her any more.  Oh, LORDY, I need to pray some more.  Tonite she has struck again, she ordered a brand medicine, when my chart says to always order the generic.  The brand costs ME $80.26.  The generic is 6.30.  I called her this afternoon and told her rather LOUDLY that she had screwed up again, I caught my breath, apologized, and asked her to call my mail pharmacy and make the correction, we went over this carefully and I thought she had it down.  I checked the order online and DAMNED if she did not screw it up again, she not only ordered the same med at the same price, but ordered an additional medication that is a generic for another blood pressure medication for a total of 90.78.  I think I have put a hold on this order for 24 hours, but won't know until after 9:30 AM tomorrow.  I swear, it's like the Katznjammers are in charge at my endocronologists office.  And I feel like I'm going to have to call out Alley Oop or Popeye to help me.   I just need to turn this over, PRAY about it, and get my blood pressure down before I stroke out.  Right now I need some of PAMs attitude, just get through this day and handle tomorrow when it gets here.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the tthings I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.  The prayer is not God Grant me the courage to kill the people that piss me off when my Serenity is challenged, and the Wisdom to hide the body.....................  You know that one.  I just have never acted on that and with the ability to stay sober, I never will.  Thank God for sobriety.  It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor
• Petey, my God-dog. (Joes' pup)
• Joe is going to the physical rehab center at St Joseph's hospital within the next two days.
• Two party invitations today.
• Not falling, almost but not, at the movie when I stood up this afternoon.
• God working in my life.
• Friends
• Family
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Weekend to Remember

Ultimately all Spirit renounces what is not real, and nothing in the life you lead is real, same you relaionship with Me.  December 13 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 100

What a truly weekend to remember.  First it was election day here in the great city of Houston.  The city elected a new mayor who happens to be a lesbian.  But not one word of her opening remarks were reported in the media of this nation.  Her opening remarks in her 9:30 PM speech, paraphrased, were " I am so proud to be the Houston's first elected mayor that is a  graduate of Rice University."  What a great line.  What a woman.  She is also a member of Mensa.

Secondly, I was a guest at an open house for two lesbians celebrating the completion of their new home.  What a house.  Just a little place out off Memorial in about 7200 square feet. A kitchen to die for, with an island that is unsurpassed by any I have ever seen.  The house also features two pieces of art by Scott W. facing each other from the entryway to the far wall of the living room.  Oh, and the two hostesses, welll, they are in the program with long term sobriety, and I am blessed to have them as friends.  Ah, the gifts of sobriety.

Saw a movie "The Road" today.  HEAVY.  But with Viggo Mortenson at his best.  Then it was off to Park Plaza Hospital for a visit with Joe.  He is doing quite well.  Sitting up watching TV and talking on the phone when I arrived.  We had a good visit.  Seems he will go to a Skilled Nursing Facility focusing on physical rehab during the next week.  He is on an 1800 calorie per day diet.  Hell, he usually gets more than that just in his daily intake of wine.  He tickles me, he has given up liquor, just drinks wine.  Reminds me of chapter 3, "switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natual wines................."  This is my favorite chapter in the big book, More on Alcoholism, page 30-31 to ad infinitum.  When this was read at my first meetings, I so identified with it that I knew I was in the right place.  (I also call it More about Zane. Read it that way once and was called to task about it by someone I respected, but who has never mustered more than a year in the last 25.  At the time, I thought he was an old timer.)  I am so happy to trudge the road of Happy Destiny that they wrote for us.  I just wish they could see what they blessed us with throught the help of their Higher Power.  Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Petey, our weeney dog houseguest.
• Joe's progress
• Sharing recovery with others
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Turn toward Me and away from anything unlike Me.  Meditations from "Conversations with God, Book 1" page 104

The title of tonight's post is what I would really like to be doing right now.  I am so tired.  I got up in the middle of the night (8:30AM) for me.  But I made my 10 AM meeting and also my 12:15 and then lunch with the guys.  Then I buzzed by Park Plaza Hospital to visit Joe and they had just given him some meds that were knocking him out plus his seventh pint of blood.  I left him sleeping and came home.  Mamie and Petey were glad to see me. 

Then came the news hour and the headline of the 11th Tiger Tramp surfacing, and #2 denying that she is a prostitute or EXCUSE ME an escort.  A good headline could have been Tiger Tart Trumps the Tramps.  And now he's taking an indefinite leave of absence from professional golf to spend time with his wife and kids.  Seems to me he's taking leave from the wrong "Profession."  In a way I'm reminded of my Father, he went from woman to woman to woman and even married ten of them, my Mother being # 2.  When I was 4 maybe 5 yers old Dad toook my mother's best friend, Algerita Johnson and I up by the state prison in Rawlins.  Dad told me to sit in the front seat and be still and not move because one of the guards might shoot me.  Then he and Algerita got in the back seat and made noises I had never heard before and I just knew we were all going to be shot.  Later in life Dad got sober, married #10, and had quit his philandering and had 25 years of sobriety under his belt at his death..  But to me the one thing he did with Algerita puts all the crap Tiger, Clinton, Letterman, and others of that ilk in the shade.  What he did to me that day has to trump whatever they did.  They did not scare the HELL of their child.  Wow, I just realilzed what a resentment I have over this.  Well, one more ring comes off the onion.  I now have a resentment to caste out.  I know I can do it, I've done heavier ones than this, but not much.  I do know though that I will work through this with prayer, determination and using the tools that I have gotten as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  When I started my post tonight I had no idea I would wind up with this.  Tomorrow I will wake up and will have left this behind me.  So I guess the lession here, is for me to realize how the wreckage of my father's past has haunted me, how it pops up from time to time, and that I can move through it and come out the other side and remain sober.  I know I'm not the first one to go through this kind of stuff, but I am the one that experienced this wreckage.  I will not claim that this is the reason I drank, I drank because I like it, a small part of it might have been an escape mechanism, but I'm the one that ordered the drink, paid for it, and knew the consequences.  Man, I am so fortunate not to live like that any more.  Sobriety Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• 2 great meetings today
• friends
• All y'all . 

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

The attack of the Gremlins.

Are you going to be in a place called fear, or in a place called love?  Where are you--and where are you coming from--as you encounter life?  December 10 -  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 172

I was kinda down in the dumps because after 4 days back blogging, I only a couple of responses.  I thought well, I guess I have my comeupance (sp) because I don't post everyday.  Now that bothered me for three days.  I even left a comment on another blogger's comments to drop by.  I was not getting my usual email alerts that I had comments to be moderated.  Wah, nobody loves/likes me anymore.  So this morning I decided to check comment moderation and lo and behold there were over a dozen comments.  Now how did they get there?  I had checked it prior to my self thrown pity party.  It was a shot in the ole pepper upper.  Not only were they there, but some had been there since Monday.  So now that I was back in the land of LIKE, I cancelled the remaining hours of the pitty party.  Then I went back to email, read my in box, then checked spam folder and I had 81 messages.  I started to delete all, but decided to scan them before.  And again, there y'all were.  But why did you wind up in my spam mail?  So just to be sure I did not miss any I clicked on publish and got "comment previously moderated."  What the heck.  I don't know why everyone wound up on my "spam folder", I have not changed anything.  Only two of you got through and I am wondering why not all of you.  It has to be the Gremlins.  Why me?  And now I am reminded of contempt before investigation.  Whatever, but just a Big THANK YOU to those that commented.  I guess it just keeps it all interesting and reminds me not to take things for granted.  Now if I had been drinking, I would have probably, no actually sent or called each of you and told you to go to hell, that I did not need this shitty treatment, and I did not need you in my world.  So I guess I should thank the Gremlins for showing me once more the joys of a new way of living as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous instead of the angry all blaming drunk that I used to be.  I am so grateful for that daily reprieve.  I love Living sober.  It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor
• Being of service to my friend Joe.
• Enjoying the interaction between Mamie and Petey.
• Tomorrow is double dip day.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

A sight that made me eyes sore!

Life's irony is that as soon as world goods and world success are of no concern to you, the way is open for them to flow to you.  December 9 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 176

Aquatic therapy has been so good to me.  I am so much more mobile and flexible than before.  I can do so many things automatically that I have not been able to do for the last 4 - 5 years.  It is like a miracle.  Actually it is a miracle.  I have a 1.2 hour workout three times a week.  My stomache is flatter, well it probably won't be noticable to you, but I sure can tell in the way my pants fit.  I'm down a size, AGAIN, and it just keeps getting better.  I have lost about 10 lbs.  I did shopping a Wal-Mart yesterday and could walk from one side to the other without hurting.  My breathing is easier after walking etc.  I do not think I could have gotten the same results with land thereapy.  This past Monday I increased the pool walking laps from 2 each to 3 each of normal walking, sideways, and backwards.  1/2 lap is about 25 feet.  I also have increased my sitting reps from 15 to 20.  Progress, just progress that's just what it is.  Yep physical progress, but that would not be possible without my spiritualality being right on a positive track. 

During these past few weeks I have met several people in the pool.  Most are just there for a couple of weeks and they move on.  This past Monday a woman in her late 50s (my assumption) started and is just a Chatty Cathy.  She told me, the other patient, and the two therapist her back problem history - separately.  She is what I call the eternal Cheerleader, just bubbly, youthful, and dressed a bit cutsey for her time in life.  She had on this one piece bathing suit that fit her quite well and had a bit of a ballerina skirt on it.  We finished about the same time and were exiting the pool at the same time so let her go up the steps in front of me.  WRONG DECISION.  As she got to the 5th and top step I started up and there it was, her big naked butt staring right back at me - she had on a frigging thong under the skirt.  That was just more than I needed to see and definitely inappropriate for the setting. I could have sworn I heard her taking my picture.  I wanted to just burst out laughing but stifled it until I got to the Men's shower and I let go and just had a good belly laugh at her expense.  I'm glad I was by myself.  Today she showed up at the end of my session and I could not look at her face or I would have busted a gut.  I finished and went to the showers.  I escaped another event of  "Let me show you my Thong."

Tonight I am grateful for:

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  God, my Higher Power
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sobriety
  
  
  
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sponsor
  
  
  
• 
  
  A good visit with Joe at the hosp.
  
  
  
• 
  
  That 5 pints of blood was available for him.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Movies
  
  
  
• 
  
  Friends
  
  
  
• 
  
  All y'all
  
  
  

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Today contains the history of yesterday.

All of your holy scriptures--of every religious persuasion and tradition--contain the clear admonition: Fear not.  Do you think
 this is by accident.  Decenber 8  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 54

At 3 AM this morning Joe was admitted to the hospital after being tested, poked, pinched, and x-ray'd.  He had been in the ER since 4 PM yesterday.  Diagnosis - bleeding ulcer.  This is the second time in three years.

I was talking with an old mutual friend of ours today and mentioned that I just wish Joe would take care of himself.  Ed laughingly said you know the two of you have been saying that about each other for over 40 years. HRMPH!  Well, was I put in my place or what.  But it is true, I cannot deny this and Joe and I have really told each other the same thing.  Sometimes it just takes the same from another perspective.  Hence the title of today's post.  I just wonder if Joe's Dr. really knows how much wine Joe drinks on a daily basis.  We have the same PCP and I have wanted to tell Gathe this for some time.  I can't help but think this is part of the source of Joe's problem.  However, I guess I'll just take care of my side of the street but it's hard not to do it in the name of Joe's health.  Oh yess, see how easy it is to justify.  Joe's oldest brother is in the program with 27 years and a couple of nephews with double digit sobriety.  But I want to meddle; I want to take charge; I want to SAVE my best friend; I want him to be free of bondage.  I just needed to put this out there.  I will talke to my sponsor about this.  (Clean your side of the street.  BUT....Clean your side of the street, BUT..........!

I have always been prone to try to SAVE someone.  Within the last two weeks a couple I know has lost their home of 10 years to foreclosure.  The woman has AIDS, thanks to a druggie ex-husband, and they have really had a bad two years.  Joe know them also.  So here I sit in a 3 bedroom two bath home, by myself.  So I decide that I should offer for them to move in with me for about three months to help them out and also they could help me finish getting my place in order. (I've been here 5 years)  So I thought I'd run it past Joe before I made the order.  I decided to do this on the second ring to call the couple.  When I told Joe of my plan.....there was just silence on the other end of the phone and then  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR F'ing MIND!  Don't you know they would drive you nuts.  They are good people but the Mrs. talks non-stop at times and they have a 16 year old daughter.  NEED I SAY MORE!   Ok, Ok, Ok, I see your point thank goodness I talked this over with you first   Then I told this to Rosalie during the TG week, she said I can't believe you sometimes, I with Joe and then we had a big laugh..    HARUMPH!  The day after the conversation with Joe I dropped off a bunch of boxes ( from my  move from LA) over to the couple and they told me about the apartment they have rented and been slowly moving into for the last week.  So even without Joe's imput God was doing for ME what I could not do for myself.  BIG MESSAGE.

Tonight I am grateful for:

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  God my Higher Power
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sobriety
  
  
  
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sponsor
  
  
  
• 
  
  Movies
  
  
  
• 
  
  Joe
  
  
  
• 
  
  Realizing Compassion does not mean taking over.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Friends
  
  
  
• 
  
  All y'all.
  
  
  

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

What a difference a Day Makes.

Go ahead and do what you really like to do!  Do nothing else!  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

It's very easy to do what I really like.  That's staying sober one day at a time and I'm closing in on 18 years.  January 20, 2010 is the day.  Any of you remember the song "What A Difference A Day Makes", we are all proof that it is so true. 

Yesterday I went over to Joe's for us to do our Sunday cooking.  When I got there he was having a hell of a time breathing and that was at 3 PM.  He got a better, but any exercise like taking his walker to the bathroom just wore him out plus he was having a tightness in his chest.  I wanted to take him to Park Plaza to the Emergency Room and he was afraid they would keep him.  So I did some chopping and seasoning for the Tortilla Soup we were making and he just kept getting worse.  Then I told him to call his DR and he did not want to because the Dr. always tells him to go to the  ER. Well, duh.  Finally about 6:30 he called his sister  and she said for him to come over there for the night so they could keep an eye on him.  Got all his meds together and his "stuff" for one night.  He asked me if I could keep Petey, his miniature dachshound and of course I said yes.  His sister is nervouse around dogs due to an incident in her childhood.  So we got him over to her house about 8 PM.  Man I was just wiped out. I got home about 9:30 aftter a stop at Whataburger for their A1 Thick and Hearty.  The soup was not done and it is in the fridge at Joe's.  I brought Petey home, and Mamie was just a doll with him.  They've been around each other and it was as if she understood why he was here.

Joe went to the ER about 4:15 this afternoon and is still there as of 10:15.  His breathing and chest pain has increased and they are just waiting for test results.  I hope they keep him.  This just has not been his year.  I love Joe dearly and he has been my best friend for over 40 years.  His partner, Karl, passed in May 08 and we have become closer.  No romance, just spend a lot of time together.  I worry about him as he still imbibes a bit excessively, but that is none of my business.  I'm his friend and I don't judge, I tell him what I think but don't meddle.  Say a prayer for him. 

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my schnauzer

My Sponsor.

That I can be there for Joe, Rosalie, and others.

That Mamie gave her daybed up for Petey.

Those of you who always blog.

Friends.

Family.

All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Too much going on.

I have given you a free will--the power to do as you choose--and I will never take that away from you ever.  December 6 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Booke 1" page 5

Lordy be.  So much is going on in my life right now that I am so blessed to have free will.  However, it does not run riot.  I can just bullet these things in a Gratitude list.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Rosalie - had a most beautiful 8 days with her at Thanksgiving.  It was probably the best times we have ever had.
• Thanks to her back surgery last summer, they caught her lung cancer at early Stage 1.
• She is having radiation treatments 5 days weekly thru January 4, 2010.
• I will be going over the Tuesday of Christmas week to take her for two treatments on that day.  Then I will go back Monday of New Years week to take her for two treatments for that Tuesday.  I will probably stay thru New Years Day and return home on Jan 2., 2010.
• Positive results from my aquatic therapy.  I have completed 6 weeks of 3 days per week and I am amazed at the strength that I now have in my legs.  I can walk so much better now and mostly without the pain I was experiencing before.  I have difficulty in standing in place to fix a meal, but that is positive progress.  I can also squat to get stuff off floor or out of bottom of cabinets.and get back up with the strength in my legs. A REALLY BIG DEAL.
• I am blessed to have such a wonderful neurologist.
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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