Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Another Day

January 14 - The soul--your soul--knows all there is to know all the time. There is nothing hidden to it, nothing unknown. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 22
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"Depression hurts. Depression hurts everywhere. Depression hurts everyone." pharmaceutical companies TV ad.
Hi my alkie friends. Today is a short day, not in time, just in what I could accomplish within the boundaries of the day. I did not get around to any one's blog today. So tomorrow, I have double reading and commenting to follow up with. So I hope none of you do like I do - get my undies in a knot because someone fails to make a comment on my blog. After all, it is all about me - RIGHT? WRONG! It's just that sometimes my paranoia tells me just that. No comment - not liked. I know better, but when I'm there, it is true. At least for that moment. And that can be a very self induced time of pain. That's why I "have to analyze" what happens. Like what just happened between myself and Rosalie. Then I have to pass it by my sponsor or my psych. Takes time, but it is worth it not to make an ass of myself by causing a scene between me and thee. Now I did not used to be like that.
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In the old days, I would pick up the phone and scream at the so called perpetrator as to why? What did I do? At least I have grown out of that. It's taken a lot of
  1. Into Action
  2. Solution finding
  3. Spiritual progress, not perfection
  4. One day at a time

But that is what I have done, one day at a time, for the soon to be 17 years on January 20, 2009. Wow, every four years, inauguration day falls on my sobriety date. Some good, some not so good. But the day has always been SOBER since January 20, 1992. With the help of the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, my commitment, and the help on my support system, it will continue. So whether I'm into my "paranoia" or my "depression" or just being normal I have all the above plus in my tool box. The contents of that tool box and the grace of God, my Higher Power, I continue to experience sobriety on a daily basis. It just does not get any better than that.

Tonight I am Grateful for:

  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • little things that remind me of why I am sober
  • Lambda
  • The "researchers" that come back and remind me it has not changed out there.
  • Watching newbies (to sobriety or to Lambda) get involved in service work.
  • All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

5 comments:

Pam said...

Oh-I did not know it was your birthday month!!
Wonderful.
It's my naked birthday month.
I hope you continue working through this "stuff" about your sister. I hate hearing you in pain. It hurts my heart.

Scott W said...

Hope you have a great day, Zane!

J-Online said...

17 Years! WOW. That is just awesome Zane! Happy Thursday.

big Jenn said...

I get paranoid about the comments too. So how can it be all about you, if it's all about ME? Just sayin'. jeNN

Prayer Girl said...

Well, Zane, you sure sound like one of us. If I could just turn off that "crazy" brain of mine (the paranoid, depressed one) when it gets in the driver's seat, I would be great all the time. (Don't I wish!)

Well, luckily we all have each other to support us and encourage us when we get into sticky places in the head.

God bless you and your 17 years coming up.