Thursday, January 22, 2009

The Eye Is Dim, THe Eyes are Bright.

January 22 - I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your self. That is the law and the prophets. Meditations from "Conversations With God - Book 1" page 36.
Hey there my alkie friends. How the hell are ya. Something I forgot on my post for January 20. But then I guess I was supposed to forget it, because that post was about recovery. The forgotten item was that this Jan 20 marked the end of the first year since my left eye started to hemorrhage. I've had my ups and downs with it all year. This past Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday have been the worst it has been as far as my vision goes. The vitreous gel is just so cloudy with blood that I cannot make out any letters, numbers or make out what I am looking at. I can see color and some shapes but I cannot identify it. However, my right Eye is perfect. Hence today's title.
I had an appointment with the retinologist today. She told me the eye is progressing like it should. It is responding to the drops and should be clearing in the next few weeks. That was good news to me, I had just given up on the eye and was preparing my self to be one-eyed. I still have peripheral vision in that eye which is good for driving. So Right NOW, my right eye is doing most of the work. Tonight, as the dilation is wearing off, I can see a bit more out of the left eye. All I can do right now, it pray and just let it take its course. I have to remember it is in God's time, not mine. At this particular time I sure as hell do not like that, but I have to accept it. 417/449 are really getting a workout.
So I guess like the program of AA is a we program, so it is with the eyes right now. I do know this though, that if I was not sober I would not have the positive attitude I have to pray for daily. I would be crying in my scotch, tequila, etc, etc., etc. I've learned in this program that my God does not give me more than I can carry. He carries me when I can't carry myself. I also thank God for the sponsors he has sent my way. I also know that no matter what, I will not drink over anything. That is just my Faith. And it won't get any better than that.
Tonight I am Grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • Tomorrow is double dip day
  • Seeing Gloria Gaynor tomorrow night
  • All of the above
  • All y'all

Y'all be pretty, now ya heah.


dAAve said...

You are carrying the message. And typing it too.
See ya Friday morning.

Scott W said...

Once I was afraid, I was petrified...

Have fun seeing Gloria!

Todd HellsKitchen said...


Akannie said...

All I can say is the eyesight thing must be terrifying, no matter what the good doctor tells you! I think it's my worst nightmare...that I would lose my sight.

I'm glad you're better and glad to know that you're not just whistlin' is happening all around you!

xoxoxoxEnjoy Gloria!!!

big Jenn said...

I'm sorry i didn't read this until today. I hope your eye is better. Hang in there. jeNN

peanut said...

Dear Zane,

you are so brave !

I hate that this has happened to you.

Thank you for your courage and reliance on AA.

You give me strength !!

Love you,

Akannie said...'s been a week now. And I HAVE been patient. xoxox

You okay??

Prayer Girl said...

I realize it is a big defect of mine to speak for other people, but I just can't help myself.

At the end of your post you wrote, "Tonight I am grateful for:
AND I just had to add for you:

Can't wait to hear how Gloria was. I bet it was terrific.

I'm praying for recovery of full sight in your left eye.

peanut said...

Happy 17th Birthday, Zane !!!!!