Monday, August 18, 2008

Monday Night, August 18, 2008

If you want guarantees in life, then you don't want life. You want rehearsal for a script that's already been written. Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1, page 141
Now if that is not written especially for us Alcoholics, I don't know what was. I always wanted and still do want guarantees. If my life ended within the next few minutes that would be just fine with me. I am so ready. I am so ready to leave this world and go on to the next adventure. I have not been so happy with the current one. Alcohol has affected my life since the moment of conception. It is a miracle that I do not suffer from alcoholic syndrome. My Mother was an alcoholic and my dad was the town drunk. To make matters worse, when they divorced, my Mother and I moved to Houston, Texas. Then she met and married my stepfather - I can say and actually believed for a long time that he was scrounged up from the depths of hell and set into our lives. He was also an alcoholic. And I experienced a living hell during my growing up years. I swore that I would never drink like "them." And I did not.
I drank like ME. I started at 18 and stopped at 50 as I said in Friday or Saturdays post. I loved it, I loved the taste. I loved the power I thought It gave me and I was so proud I was not like "them." That is so funny now that I have several years of sobriety under my belt. I don't drink over anything, no way, no how, no time. Sobriety has brought me a decent life. I can live through each day as it comes. I can and have walked through a lot of trials and tragedies during my sobriety. And thanks to Alcoholics Anonymous I still do. Now don't get your panties in a knot over the first paragraph. I have no intention of taking my own life, I believe it is a mortal sin. Besides I have tried it twice when I was a practicing drunk and I never want to experience the deep disappointment in failing again. Besides, if I had succeeded, I would not be able to go out of this world a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I know it will happen in God's time and not mine. I may not like it, but I have to accept it. Now, it just don't get any better than that.
Tonight I am grateful for:
God, my higher power.
My Sobriety.
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My Sponsor.
Not being afraid to express my feelings.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


AlkySeltzer said...

You drank like you, and I drank like ME! The only guarantee I recall is that when I drank one, I ended up DRUNK, in my favorite place, solitary OBLIVION. (everyone knew me there.)
Steve E.

dAAve said...

If you HAD committed suicide, you would not be reading this comment.

Scott W said...

I can barely read that first paragraph!

And I wear knotless panties!