Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Tuesday Night, August 26, 2008.

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for being with us and keeping us safe during the night. Please lead, guide and direct me as I go through this day. Help me to stay sober one more day. Thank you for my many blessings, thank you for blessing me with Mamie, and please bless little Mamie. Please bless my friends, family, and loved ones with Health, Happiness, Prosperity, Serenity, and Spirituality. And let THY will, not mine, be done. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. My daily morning prayer, Zane Mc.
Wow. Sometimes I really think I am losing my mind. Last night I did my blog rounds and left my imprint on all blogs visited. I just love the variety of messages with the common denominator. SOBRIETY. Then tonight I signed in to see who had visited my blog from last night. NOT A SOUL. But then there is a very good reason, evidently forgot to post. Now that is frightening. I hope I never go to the bathroom and forget to open my or drop my pants. Now that would be ..........AWFUL.
Yesterday was a great day. I did a meeting at Lambda, lunch with the guys and then did some errands with Daave and Ricardo (Miss Lambda 2008) It was a very positive day and I enjoyed it very much.
Today was shrink day. I told him how I have been feeling and wondered if I needed to tweek my meds. We talked awhile, he asked me some questions and he said, yes, I should knock my Prozac up a notch. After I MEDICALLY retired, it was necessary for me to go to 80 mg Prozac per day, and 30 mg Buspar per day. I know that combo saved my life, but I did resist going that high. And then Last July (s007) I cut the meds to 40 and 15. After 30 days I was ok. So I then talked it over with Dr. Wood and he said ok after some questions and said we would monitor it. This had been the story since 1991. Up, down, disc, etc. I know I will probably need these for the rest of my life, and I'm ok with that. The alternative is not pretty. At about three years into my sobriety, I went to the LAAA Gay convention. The main speaker was a lady with 35 years of sobriety. I really like what she had to say. Then about half way through she went of this thing about anti-depressant and that if you are on them, you are not sober. No one is sober if taking drugs regardless if they are prescription and you follow the doctor's orders. Change Doctors.
So I was quite struck by what she said, and my sobriety was very important to me. So quit my anti-depressants. It was not pretty. I just went into a downhill spiral. I just did not want to live. I was just plain nuts. However, I did not change Doctors. They had brought me through HELL and I just could not do that. That was a God shot. My therapist and my psychiatrist were stumped as to what was going on. I was at the point of another hospitalization and that freaked me out. So I let them know what I had done. Now both of these men worked very closely with Alcoholics and knew the big book. They told me I had better reread the first 164 pages of the Big Book. They told me nowhere in it would I find anything about not taking prescription drugs. They were very right. So back on the drugs I went and within about three weeks I was almost back to normal
These days, I don't hear so much about not taking meds under a doctor's care. The Big Book does tell us that some of us need outside help and we should seek it.
I have done this, and no one will ever say anything about me not taking my meds unless they are a trained and educated doctor. And if any of you have a problem with that, which I don't think you will from what I have read, you can just go to "the hot place". That is how one of my niece's would tell her Daddy not to tell people to go to hell. That was cursing and you could say go to the hot place and get the same point across.
Anyway, now I just have to worry about forgetting to take an action which I did last night. That is not a usual manner of action for me. I talked to my Dr. about it today, and he said that I just got track. Well, I am going to do my best to do that. Whatever I do, I will do SOBER. And it just don't get much better than that.
Tonight I am grateful for:
God, my Higher Power.
My Sobriety.
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My Sponsor.
Time with friends.
Having the sense to seek help.
Accepting God Shots.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


dAAve said...

My hot place is in the backyard. It's full of water too.

AlkySeltzer said...

So daave has a hot tub in the back yard?

Back to topic: Funny, how I seek advice from doctor, sponsor, whoever, even sometimes pay for it, then don't DO-IT (that four-letter word again!)...always made a lot of sense to ME. I'll keep on working to get well...

Pam said...

zane, Ms. SoberPants would not be here today if it weren't for the prozac/busbar combo. It has given her the ability to work the steps and enjoy our beautiful program. I'm grateful for those in the program who help support her in that area. Enjoy your sober day!

Scott W said...

Houston is the hot place all over! But we love it here.

People like that woman should be told the horror stories that kind of talk can cause. This is life and death for us. Serious shit.

I am having line break problems. I have had to resort to using periods between paragraphs, I just make them white so they don't show. Damn.

J-Online said...

Thanks for posting. I'm new to sobriety and know for a fact that it would be very bad for me to go off of prozac. I have heard some people in AA refer to this as a mind altering drug (isn't it supposed to be though! duh) that shouldn't be taken. I have to disagree as well. This is life and death to me just like another drink could be.

Patty said...

Hi Zane, stopping by to say hello. I am so sorry that happened to you. Someone said that to me when I first came in to AA, and thank God someone else said, we in AA are NOT DOCTORS. And some things are just no ones business. I no longer have to take anti-depressants at this time, but I always leave it out of my story because I do not want someone to think that because I needed them they might too, or if I no longer need them, they might not either. Thanks for reminding me about that, and I am glad it works for you!