Friday, February 8, 2008

Friday, February 8, 2008

Sober Reality. Spirits never lifted ours, but a spiritual program does. God Grant Me The Laughter
Wow. The last two days have been a lesson in acceptance. As you know, I've had a problem with my left eye. Wednesday at 8:30 AM I awoke and glanced at my clock. I saw the outline of the clock and a big red blob where the time is supposed to have been. I mean RED BLOB. I wanted to scream. I knew this meant that I had had another hemhorrage in my left retina. I felt like a dervish going in circles. I called the Dr. and was told to be there by 11. Then I went to my computer and Daave was there on IM. I popped him an IM and he got right back to me. I yelled and fonched and got over my cheap snake act and then paid attention to his reply. He totally understood and told me to scream but to also remember to take the next right action. I told him what I had done and he agreed I had already done that. Daaveis always there. Solid as a rock. I hope I can be there for him if he ever needs it. I then called my sponsor and he assked if I needed a driver. Now this man just had a defibralator installed in his chest and is not supposed to be driving, and I reminded him of this. He said he couldn't drive but would get someone who could. Talk about God working in my life.
So to the Dr I went. Yep, another bleed out. She told me she would do the planned laser treatment on Thursday. So today, I drove the 32 miles again to my date with the laser. This was a laying down treatment. Took about 40 minutes. I tolerated it much better than I did last Tuesday's treatment. I think a lot of the tollerance for the treatment was due to a lot of praying, and turning the outcome over to God.Because of the length and intensity of the laser treatment, they really deadened the eye. Eye drops and gooop. After the treatment, Dr informed me that on my shced Tuesday treatment that she was going to be doing both eyes. A sort of cleanup of the left eye (a vision of her in my eye with a broom and dustpan invaded my brain) and to treat the right eye. She also told me I would not be able to drive so I would need a driver for the 10:30 appointment. So far, the two people I have asked, are tied up that AM. But I know I will have a someone to drive me, I don't know who yet, but I know that God will provide. FAITH!
So, then I went to the nooner and got there at 12:30. Another good meeting. Topic was what meetings mean to me. I heard a lot of very good things. I got to share the emotional share of a man soon to celebrate 32 years. Beautiful. Then to lunch and fellowship with a group of 11 or 12. Then home. I was pooped. So I took a much needed 2 hour nap.
The depression, anxiety, and panic of Tuesday are not present. I know that is because GOD has stepped in and given me the strength and power to get through this time. He has been there for me all my life, I only have to step aside and let Him in. Its one of those three pertinent ideas, That GOD could and would if he were sought.
Today I am grateful for:
My Higher Power, God.
My Sobriety.
Dolly, My Schnauzer.
My Sponsor.
The steady hands of my doctor while performing a laser treatment to my eye.
Encouragement and support from my friends.
I can walk through the fear of what is happening.
My sense of humor has not gone into hiding.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


Pam said...

Oh lordy Zane...I'm so glad you didn't just take to your bed with the vapors. You keep taking action, hence God keeps showing up with help. YOU WILL GET THRU THIS!!
Bless your precious heart.

Scott W said...

During those tough times I have to really concentrate NOT taking back my will and my life after I have turned it over.

Then there is 'faith without works is dead'.

Bill said...

YIKES! I'm sorry about your eye! I hope it was at least a pretty shade of red.

"The vapors"???
Heavens to Betsy, Pam truly is a Southern Belle.

dAAve said...

I am really happy you didn't get vaporized!!
However, if needed, I can fart in your general direction.

Zane-nawwaa said...

Daave, true assholes usually can. HEE HEE.