Friday, October 30, 2009

Listen to The Rhythm of the Falling Rain

The grandest teaching of Christ was not that you shall have everlasting life--but that you do.  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 52

Scott W's post today brought this song title to my mind and it would not shut off.  I made a comment that it was from 1959 and I could not remember the name of the group, but the group I had in mind was not correct.  And the song is not from 1959.  It was written and recorded the first time by Floyd Cramer on December 29, 1957.  Later it was recorded by Johnny Tilotson, Ricky Nelson, Herman's Hermits and lots of others.  I LOVED THAT SONG.   I danced and dipped many a girl at the sock hops, proms, and other high school dances.  Later I danced and dipped many a man in the dance clubs of the 1960s and if the lights flickered, it was grab a dyke, as same sex dancing was against the law and they were coming in the door.  But that's for a June story.  It's magic how just a little statement on another's blog and send us down a wonderful lane of memories.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer, whom has been my nurse and companion through this crud, virus, flu, or whatever the hell I've got.
  • My sponsor.
  • 16 solid hours of sleep last night into today 
  • Feeling better today
  • A nice house in which to have "cabin fever."
  • Canned peaches and toast.
  • Maybe tomorrow I'll venture out, I hate to miss birthday night.
  • Memories
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Thunder tells me that God is in his heaven.

All of your life you think you are your body.  Some of the time you think you are your mind.  It is at the time of your death that you find out Who You Really Are.  October 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1, page 81.

Hi y'all.  It is pouring here in Spring Texas.  Has been most of the evening.  Reading Syd's post reminded me how walking on the beach in the rain in autumn/winter is one of my favorite things to do.  But not quite this hard. We have been pretty lucky here in the Houston area for the last three weekends.  It has rained during the week and been absolutely gorgeous for the weekends.  That is also the outlook for this weekend.

Last night I heard that Wal-Mart is selling caskets.  Yep, that's just what I want of my coffin, Wal-Mart brand  FADED GLORY.  HMMMMMMMMMM.  So I started looking at on line coffins and found just what I want.  I've never wanted to be embalmed, and the thought of being cremated just does not fall in to my belief system for me.  I love it that eco-friendly burial is now available.  I just want a mahogony veneer coffin made out of pressed wood.  All wood.  No metal.  And I've always not wanted a vault, I want to return to dust. You know Dust to Dust. Back in the 60's and 70's I wanted to be buried in a plain mahogany coffin, naked, and covered with rose petals except for the face.  Such Drama.  Not planning to be checking out any time soon.  Seeing Steveronis post today with the coffin, reminded me of what I want.  That is the coffin I want, except Mahogany Veneer.

It's funny to me to be writing the above.  Saturday night when I went to leave Lambda, the car next to me had pulled its right fender up to within a foot of my front door.  That left me about 9 inches to get in my car.  Hell, I need a lot more room than that.  So I went back in to Lambda and found a skinny friend of mine.  She and her girlfriend were parked on the other side of me.  She said so you need us Skinny Bitches to get you into your truck.  They have always liked my Honda Ridgeline and I told them I bought it to be my last vehicle.  They looked at me and one said is this an announcement.  I laughed and said no,  I wanted it to last another 22 years for when I'm 80, and then it hit me that is only 12 years off.  Shit, that's not very long. But if I live that long, I will have 30 years sobriety.  I don't say if the creek don't rise and the Lord is willing,  I know he is willing and I'm willing to do what it takes to get there.  So I will.  I know that in my heart.  Man does Sobriety Rock or what?

I talked to Rosalie today.  The news is better.  She starts her radium (?) treatment (that does not sound right but that's all this brain will come up with) this coming Tuesday.  She will need ten treatments.  This doctor says that should get rid of the cancer and that she is lucky for it to have been found at this stage.  It very seldom is, so in a way her COPD is a blessing ' that is why they do the X-rays they do.  Talk about a miracle.  I just love watching God at work and reaping some of the glory of his love.  What a spiritual experience this is.

Cabin fever is setting in here.  I'm feeling better, but the vertigo still does a number with me.  I just do not get up, sit or lay down quickly.  The feeling of the spinning room is sickening.  Last night as I lay down I had a spin and let me tell you, I had my eyes open and the tv was just a fluttering, so I shut my eyes quickly and the spinning quieted down.  But it's not so bad, at least I'm sober going through the vertigo.  I'm sure that in my drinking days, there are many spinning moments that are lost in one of those damned blackouts.  I'm so blessed not to live like that any more.

Tonight I am grateful for:

  • God, my Higher Power

  • My Sobriety

  • Mamie, my schnauzer that is clinging to me during the lightening and thunder.  She was outside on a business trip about an hour ago and there was the big clap of rolling thunder, she let out a yelp and ran for the door just a howling.  She was soaked.  She is so precious.  And she just smothered me with kisses.  Yes!

  • My sponsor

  • Cold meat loaf sandwich with catsup

  • Needing what I have

  • Having what I need

  • A call from one of my best friends for tomorrow's 10 AM meeting at my sponsor's.

  • Going back to my Aquatic Therapy this coming Monday.

  • Knowing when to take care of myself

  • Friends

  • All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Where the hell is my Tuesday Post?

What you open your eyes and look at desappears.  That is, it ceases to hold its illusory form.  October 28 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 102

Okay, where'd it go.  I posted last night saved and published it.  It is gone today.  What the hell?  I also cannot keep Syd nor Findon in my blogger list.  One night they are there then, the next time or so they are gone.  Is anyone else having problems like this?  I have had the disappearing post happen a couple of times but it just creeps me out.

Also, I do not do sick well.  I woke up this AM about 4 pm sick as a dog.  Head swimming and cold sweats.  Lasted most of the day.  Still not feeling well, but the sick sick feeling is gone.  I just hate this. My Mother used to call this "my feel bad hurts."  Always works for me.  Never did use it as an excuse not to go into work tho', it was too simple.  I liked to be explicit and convoluted.  I'm so glad I haven't lived like that since I got sober.

Not much to say tonight, we will see if this stays online.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer who is barking to come in.
  • My sponsor.
  • Mostly well days.
  • Being sighted
  • Not enticed to try wheat beer.
  • Friends
  • All y'all
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday, Monday.

There is no such thing as an incorrect path--for on this journey you cannot "not get" where you are going.  It is simply a matter of speed--merely a question of when you will get there. OCTOBER 26 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"
page 104

Monday rainy, heavy rainy Monday.  Thunder, Mamie moved close to me on the bed.  More thunder, Mamie got under the covers with me.  The next thing I knew it was 11:30 and I had to be at the Aquatic Therapy at 1 PM.   Rushed around, and left for Dunkin Donuts.  Got an iced coffee with Half and Half and two pumpkin muffins.  They have the best punkin muffins.  About a mile from the Hospital, I got very sick, so I went in signed in and told them I was sick and came home.  About 3 o'clock I rejoined the rest of the well world.  I hate those sick feelings, I have them every now and then, usually when I have not eaten, not the case this morning. 

What a wonderful weekend.  Had Sat dinner with my sponsor and two other friends and then went to the speaker meeting at Lambda.  The speaker was my grand sponsor and she is a very good speaker.  This is the second time I have heard her.  She doesn't come to Lambda as much as she used to.  Following the speaker meeting was a Drag Auction, a fund raiser for the AA Roundup.  About 10 - 11 acts and some were just too special.  We were definitely intertained and they raised a little over $4,000.  The place was packed.  SUNDAY was just a day around the house with Mamie, and that was enough.  What a change from Sunday's of yesteryears past.  And I only have to stay sober one day at a time to enjoy days like that.  Sobriety ROCKS.

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
  • My sponsor with whom I enjoy spending time.
  • Talented drunks
  • Huge sober audiences.
  • Having a great time without vomit, fights, or.................
  • Watching smiles adding value to so many faces.
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Just a feel good day and COWBOY RULES!

The Laws are very simple,
  1. Thought is creative.
  2. Fear attracts like energy.
  3. Love is all there is.
October 25 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"  page 56

Cowboy rules for: Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada...and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

  1. Pull your pants up.  You look like an idot.

  2. Turn you cap right, your head ain't crooked.

  3. Let's get this straight, it' called a "gravel road.'  I drive a pickup truck because I want to.  No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus.  Drive it or get out of the way.

  4. They are cattle.  That's why they smell like cattle.  They smell like money to us.  Get over it. Don't like it.  I-10, I-40, I-70, and I-80 go east and sest; I-5, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south.  Pick one and go.

  5. So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed.  We have $300,000 Combines that driven 3 weeks a year.

  6. Every person in the Wild West waves.  It'called being friendly.  Try to understand the concept.

  7. If that cell lphone while a buch of Geese/pheasants/duck/doves are domin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa hour hand.  You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

  8. Yeah.  We eat trout, salmon, deer, and elk.  You really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the corner bait shop.

  9. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.  It's a religious holiday heleld the closest Saturday to the first of November.

  10. We open doors for women.  That's applied to all women, regardless of age.

  11. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.  Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.

  12. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads.  We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Ol Yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you ear....IT AIN"T REAL CHILI!!!

  13. You bring "Coke" into my house, it better brown, wet, and served over ice.  You "Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

  14. College and High School Football is more important here that the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers, and the Knicks. and a dang site more fun to watch.

  15. Yeah, we have golf courses.  But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

  16. Turn Down that blasted car stereo!  That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway.  We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your drawers!  Refer back to #1.

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won.t get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Friday, October 23, 2009

I just loves me some gratitude.

Look to your experience to find your truth.  OCTOBER 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 109

Today was a day of genuine gratitude.
  1.  got up at 8 AM
  2.  made the 10 AM meeting at Daave's
  3. made the 12:15
  4. had to leave at 12:30 to make my 1 PM Aquatic Therapy
  5. made my AT.
  6. Had a great one hour workout. 
  7. Very tired afterward.
  8. Home at 3:15. Napped with Mamie
  9. Talked with the next door neighbor about talking to Rosalie about Radiation therapy.  She was more than glad to be of service.  She's a normy.
  10. Called Rosalie and gave her the info.  She will call Linda tomorrow.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer.
  • My sponsor
  • A good 10 AM meeting.
  • Cameo at 12:15.
  • Aquatic Therapy
  • Tolerance (the therapist talks non-stop while I am counting reps. I did not kill her today)
  • Tolerance of those whose program differs from mine.
  • Tolerance of various degrees of others spirituality.
  • A special closeness to God today
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Leap Year - Do you include the extra day.

I have given you the tools with which to respond and react to events in a way which reduces--in fact, eliminates--pain, but you have not used them.  OCTOBER 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 105

Hi you bunch of alkies.  How the hell was your day?  Sober and serene I hope.

I notice that a bunch of us posts the number of days each has from time to time.  In thinking about this recently on a sleepless night (you know the one where your head just won't turn off) I was wondering how many take into account the extra day for leap year.   For me I have 6205 days figuring 365 times 17.  But if I take in consideration the five leap years, 92, 96, 00, 04, 08, I add five more days which gives me 6210 through my 17th birthday.  Just wondering.  Feedback?

Tomorrow is my Aquatic Therapy day.  I can truly say that just the one day has done wonders for this ole bod.  I am not as sore as I expected to be.  My therapy is at 1 PM.   I'll give a report tomorrow night on that.

Talked to Rosalie yesterday.  She was not her usual positive self.  In fact, she was quite down and told me that the treatment was not going to be as easy as we had been told.  She has the non-snall cell cancer, squamish cell cancer.  There are two types of squamish cell cancer; one where the tumor or cancer is stationary; the other where the cancer is not stationary thus making it more difficult to treat.  She has the latter.  It is still treatable, but is harder to do.  I don't understand all this, but sure as hell intend to become well informed about it.  The best news is that the ACS has drivers that will pick up patients, take them to their appointments, stay with them, and then take them home.  She was most happy about that as it takes the "burden" off of Sam or me.  It is unsettling to me to hear her negative side, as that part of her has been hidden for so many years.  However, were I in her shoes, I don't know that I would not do the same.  But then again, this is not your regular ailments.  What with my schedule, I can't go over until mid-November accept for overnight on Sat.  But if that is what it comes to, then that is what I will have to do.  But I also have to take care of myself.  I know that God will guide me through this, He always has and I do not see that changing.

Damned, I am so lucky to be blessed with Sobriety.  And I keep remunerating the promise that "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." (P 84 BB)  Oh how I love it when I can actually see the promises working in my life.  It just does not get better n that!

Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • Tomorrow is double dip day (10 am and 12:15 but I can only do about 20 min of 12:15 before leaving for my AT.  But hey, I might just hear a miracle in that little time)
  • Being sighted
  • Having what I need
  • Wanting what I have
  • All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Splish Splash - Good Day

Some of you are walking wakefulness, and some of you are sleepwalking. Yet all of you are creating your own reality--creating, not discovering. OCTOBER 21 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 92
Hey Y'all. Good day today. I did my aquatic therapy for the first time and it was great. It is one hour of various exercises, but it is so easy, very little pull on the ole back. The therapist told me I would be sore because I have used muscles I have not used in quite a while. The pool is heated and there are jets I can back up to for a quick massage. The pool is 4 feet deep. I go again on Friday.
Forgot to mention the progress with the eye. My left eye is doing excellent. I will probably need one more laser treatment and that should do it. I have new glasses and man, is my eyesight improved. The others were about 4 years old. The eyes do change in the GOLDEN YEARS.
Even with all the stuff going on in my life and with my sister, I have not even thought of drinking. I am a staunch believer in "you don't drink no matter what." I pray in the AM and again as I go to bed. I say many "thank you God's" during the day and am fit spiritually. I'm definitely in God's hands right now and I can't think of a better place to be.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • My eyesight
  • Medicare
  • Working on my mobility
  • All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Just Another Month - Updates

It is a great challenge, this path of the householder. There are many distractions, many worldy concerns. The aesthetic is bothered by none of these. He is brought his bread and water, and given his humble mat on which to lie, and he can devote his every hour to prayer, meditation and contemplation of the divine. How easy to see the divine under such circumstances! How simple a task! Ah, but give one a spouse and children! October 20 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 115
Hi Y'all. A wise man once told me that my Just Another Day posting was soon to become Just Another Year. Ya might say this sorta rattled my chain. It has been quite a ride for the past four weeks.
  • I was so proud of getting down to 20 mg of Prozac and less Buspar. Well I had a meltdown, Panic/Anxiety attack that lasted 2.5 days. The good news is I knew what was happening and knew it would pass, I just had to ride it out. I talked with my shrink and I am now up to 60m Prozac and 30 Buspar. But I'm still not back up to 80M prozac and for that I am grateful. Overall progress.
  • Double ear infection - ears swollen shut. Went to an ENT and was treated and had wicks inserted into both ears to get the drops into the inner ear. This was before I went to Rosalie's. The day I left to go over there, the wicks were removed and the ears were open and I continued the treatment for 10 more days. On return from Rosalie's, the ENT declared the infection well. (Another chapter in the Perils of Pauline)
  • I spent 8 days with Rosalie and was with her during the biopsy and the recovery time at the hospital. We got there at 7:35 and left at 3.05 on a Friday. The following Wednesday I was with her when she got the final diagnosis. God is good. She has stage 1 lung cancer and is to have seen a cancer doctor today. I have not heard from her today, but I will call her again tomorrow.
  • Tomorrow I start a four week physical therapy regimen (Mon, Wed, Fri) for my back and sciatica on both the right and left sides. The therapy is aquatic at Memorial Hermann Hospital Northwest. The aquatic therapy is supposed to be low impact, high return. I am really looking forward to this. They even have an underwater treadmill. This is to help me be more mobile. I had an MRI last Tuesday and have multiple bulging discs in my lumbar area. Did some other tests also and will see my neurologist on Nov 2 for a plan of action over and above my P.T. (Yep, another chapter of Perils of Pauline)

Tonight I am grateful for:

  1. God, my Higher Power
  2. My Sobriety
  3. Mamie, my schnauzer
  4. My Sponsor. (Who is now able to drive)
  5. The positive aspect of all the above.
  6. Joe's broken foot is healing nicely.
  7. Dinner with my sober buddies before Sat night meetings.
  8. The strength that I find in posting of my blogger buddies.
  9. All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.