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Your teachers have told you of an angry God, a jealous God, A god who needs to be needed. An that is not a God at all, but a reurotic substitute for that which would be a deity. Conversations with God, Page 114, Feb 2.
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Step Three: Mad a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of GOD as we understood Him. Page 59 Alcoholics Anonymous.
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Heeeeeyyyy, All You ALKIES,
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Missed posting yesterday and might neer missed today. Yesterday I had the first of three laser treatments on my eyes. Talk about turning it over? I have never seen such a bright light, Dr. Feigin told me the laser would be bright, but I never expected the brightness I experienced. I am so fortunate that God led the hands of my Dr. to very carefully administer a successful treatment.
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Today, I made my usual two meetings on Friday. The 10 AM with a group of my peers that are in my age group. This meeting has been so helpful to me as a 66 year old man. I have agonized over the past few years about my aging and the aging process that I see so clearly on a daily basis. The skin tone change, the health challenges, coming to grips with being bald, the wrinkling of my skin, etc., etc., etc. The wrinkles have bothered me the most. HEY, it's me, I'm not supposed to experience this crap. I'm still young. Denial, denial, denial. When am I going to learn. Some time ago a friend of mine in Los Angeles stated that I never seemed to age. Another friend quipped that of course he doesn't, he gets a wrinkle, gains five pounds and stretches it out. I've joked about that for quite some time. HMMMMM. MOMENT OF CLARITY -- MAYBE? HMMMM. The second meeting was the usual 12:15 or the NOONER. Topic was relapse.
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Now my own experience with relapse has been nil, none, nada. But as we all have, I have seen so many people experience them. And, of course, there are always the ones that use the doors of AA as a revolving door. When I was in my first year of sobriety, I attended a noon meeting in Crestline, CA on a daily basis. There was this group of young women who were in and out on a regular basis. They usually had the tears, expressed total commitment to AA, and the following Monday, they were new comers again. Their actions in coming back finally deteriated to the point that they were laughing and would say something like "I'm back, but I sure had a good time." or some such flippant statement. One of those Monday mornings, this woman that had just celebrated 14 years was present and these women raised their hands as "slippers on return." This woman blew up and went on a tirade that went something like this "GD it, don't you bitches know how serious this disease is, I am sick of seeing you play out your disease as if it were a game. It is not a fucking game. It is your life you are fucking with, it is your family you are fucking with, I for one am so tired of it I cry for each of you. I cry becuase one or all of you may not see your children grow up, or if you do they will hate you. You won't get to see or enjoy grandchildren. I cry because you are also robbing the rooms of AA the opportunity to see you grow into what you could be, experiencing the miracles of this program. You shouldn't have that right. I just hope you don't run out of Monday meetings. With that there was total silence. A few people left, I'm sure a couple bought a new coffee pot and started a new meeting. And of course the rest of the meeting was about if she had the right to say what she did. In fact the rest of week's meetings were heavy on this subject. Very controversial. I have not experienced this type of outburst since and hope I never do. I think what she said needed to be said, but in a general statement, not as an attack. I do not mean this story to be judgemental. It just came to mind during today's nooner as it often does when the subject of relapse comes up. I am very blessed that I have not found it necessary to relapse for today. I am sober today. I do not go to slippery places. I do not indulge in slippery conduct. I do my best on a daily basis to live a sober life, happy, joy and free of the bondage of drinking. And I thank my God on a daily basis for this gift.
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Today I am grateful for:
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My Higher Power, God.
My Sobriety.
Dolly, my Schnauzer.
My Sponsor.
God working in my life.
The daily reminder - In God's time, not mine.
The winners in Alcoholics Anonymous that are my friends.
The path my first sponsor told me about.
That I trudge this path on a daily basis.
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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.
4 comments:
good stuff, eh?
I have watched that person that sat behind me yesterday come in and out and when he comes back always says the same things. Yada yada yada.
Constitutionally incapable? Probably.
Now that I have taken a full seat I hope my relapse days are only memories.
That was quite a post. You said a mouthful!
Make it a great weekend!
My first time here! Like a virgin, as the song goes. (notice it says like, not actually)
Yeah, we have one in my morning meeting that has relapsed several times. Then she goes on and on "sharing." It gets tedious, so I try to hone my patience and acceptance.
It sure would feel good to bitch-slap her, though. But only for a moment. Or two.
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