Monday, November 24, 2008

Jangled Nerves - Laser Surger - Trying to be in NOW

November 24 - There is nothing you can't have if you choose it. Even before you ask, I will have given it to you. Meditations from Conversations with God, Book 1, page 117
Hi, my friendly bunch of alkies. Hope you all had a wonderful weekend.
Yep, my nerves are just jangled, frayed, worked, etc. Tomorrow is another Laser surgery on my left eye. I've already had several so I know what to expect, mostly. What I've not experienced is the importance of this one. Since the last one I have not had clear vision from the left eye, it is sort of like looking through cobwebs with little blobs here and there. I can read but there are letters missing. But you have all seen the version of the letters being rearranged in some words and you don't really notice it because the eye recognizeds the word, not the letter order. Well, that comes to mind when I read. Today has been one of the best days as far as vision goes. Tomorrow at 2 PM is the scheduled time. So one more time I am praying for the steady hand of my doctor, and if as before, today's quote has already been applied to the outcome. Sort of a good omen that quote. Could not have been more timely. But then there are no accidents. I have to remember that. Hmmmmmmmmmmm.
So my plan of attack for tomorrow is to be up by 10 AM, early for me, attend the 12:15 meeting at Lambda to get my day centered, have lunch with the guys, be at doctor's office at 2 PM. The eye will be doubled dilated - practically all pupil, and then buzzzet, busssit, etc. She plans to do about 2000 bssits tomorrow. This is not painful, just irritating. I have this 40,000 watt bulb shining in my eye, (well it seems that bright) fighting my impulse to shut my eye to escape the brightness, and trying my best to be comfortable in the schrunched down position in which I have to be. The doctor is a little short Jewish lady who is as sweet and calming as anyone I have ever met. But I am on this little stool that has lowered my butt about one inch from the floor. (WELL) So yes I am schrunched down. Not such a price to pay for the hoped for result. Then it will take two or three days for my vision to clear and be able to tell if the surgery is successful. I just know it will be. God has not been with me this far to let me down, but if it does not turn out the way that I WANT it to I have to accept was IS. Having been in the rooms and the program of Alcoholics Anonymous has given me the honor of witnessing other ALKIES go through trials and tribulations with grace whether or not the outcome is as desired. I know that my spiritual foundation is strong enough to take me through anything. Do I question this. Of course I do but the evidence has been before me too many times and throughout the course of my life, God has given me the strength to be a Survivor. How the hell else would I have gotten to where I am today. Just keeping the faith, in a grateful kind of way. There I go using a Pamism, but I can't think of anyone better to plagiarize than Pam.
And on top of everything else, this is Thanksgiving week. I am going over to Silsbee, Tex to spend the holiday with my sister Rosalie and nephew Sam. That is always enjoyable. Sam fries two 14 lb turkeys and Rosalie makes about 4 side dishes to go with it. Sometimes I long for a good ole fashioned turkey and dressing and all the trimmings but it is not to be. So I will just be blessed with what is there and be thankful that I have been given another year with my dear Sister. I'm 67 and she is 76. Sam is 43. Actually she lives with Sam, so I should be saying I'm going to my nephews but its hard to change. However, my Mother lived with me for 18 years and I sure would set the record straight if some one said I lived with my Mother. It was my house - so she lived with me. But that is a whole other story. I don't think I have written about that, maybe so, it just does not come up on my current memory search. I'm in the Now. Looking forward to happy days this week and will just accept what comes down the pike for this week. I have learned this in AA and it just does not get much better than this.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my schnauzer
  • My Sponsor (An avowed Atheist but we click)
  • Acceptance of people, places, and things.
  • Spiritual progress not spiritual perfection.
  • Those that email me their gratitude lists.
  • All y'all
  • 50th High School Reunion in the planning stages. (50?)

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.


big Jenn said...

Since I am not an atheist, I'll say a prayer for a successful sugery! jeNN

J-Online said...

Saying a prayer that all goes well for you today. Hugs, Jenn

Zanejabbers said...

BJ - I''m not an atheist either but my sponsor is. and JO - thanks to both for the prayers. Everything helps.

AlkySeltzer said...

Zane, do we have an update? Hopefully, if you aren't blogging today, it is because you don't WANT to, not because you can't see.

I sure know the feeling, hoping everything will turn out OK, great expectations...but knowing, if it does not, I'm ready to deal with life, on life's terms.

That Jewish Lady Doc, can just fix you some matzah ball soup, and all will be well with the world, no matter what.


God sees us through all things. My prayers are headed your way on this day of your eye surgery.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your sister and nephew. I hear such gratitude in your post - it's uplifting.

Your sponsor is an atheist, but you and he click. Isn't that just amazing? God can do such spectacular things. He always knows what He's doing. I just love it.

Scott W said...

I saw you today!

Zanejabbers said...

Scott, that is good, cause I was there, nut butt.