Thursday, July 2, 2009

Newcomer Blues

I do not make a judgement about the creations that you conjure, I simply empower you to conjure more--and more and more and more. July 1 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 118
Hey my alkie friends. You know sometimes as I'm reading others blogs, which I usually do before posting, I just don't have a clue about what I am going to post Tonight was one of them and then I read Findon's post and I knew what I needed to write about. Please know, I don't think I am being judgemental just the facts.
Saturday afternoon as we were all gathering and waiting for everyone to get there, some of us were in the lobby at Lambda and there was this newcomer with 5 months sobriety. She was just going on and on about hoping she would make it through Pride without drinking. After about the 4th or 5th time she said this I gently told her to quit using the word hoping and use I will make it through Pride without drinking.Then she started about going out with her using and drinking friends and she was the designated driver. She also said she was looking forward to seeing and being with them since she had not seen them since she got sober and that they always led her down the path. Someone else told her that was not the smartest way to stay sober, to go out with people that enabled her to "slip." She retorted, well, I feel I have a solid foundation with 5 months (yeah right girl) but I'm a bit worried though because I have never celebrated while sober. I just hope I can make it. I just wanted to shake the shit out her and scream quite planning your slip. I wish now I had. As the evening progressed we got decorated and into our position to wait for the parade. Yada yada yada - same crap regurgitated, over and over. She came over to me and asked if I could tell her friend Justin where we were. So I told Justin that we were on Marshall one block west of Woodhead. We have a couple of Justin's in the program so that is whom I thought was on their way. A few minutes later I looked over at the young lady and her friend "Justin" as they were sitting on the curb, each with a cigarette in hand and taking a toke off of what looked like weed. I wanted so much to go over and say something and thought better of it as I did not want a scene to ensue. So young lady seemed to be calmer (wonder why) and "Justin" another female left the area. I wasn't the only one that noticed this apparently. She got in the car she was riding in for the parade and off we went at about 9:30. At the end of the parade, her friends were waiting for her and she got out of the car as we turned off of Westheimer. I can only imagine what the rest of the night was like.
Now I don't know for sure that anything else happened. I just know from other's experiences what usually happens and then if that person is lucky enough to get back to the rooms and share about their experimentation. As for me, no thanks, no time, no place. It took me too damned long to get to these rooms and I am not going to fuck it up no way no how. I like where my head is most days; I like remembering where it was the night before; I like not living in the fog anymore; I like that upon going to bed, I know that I am going to bed and not just pass out somewhere; I like knowing where I am when I wake up. I could go on and on and just have a gratitude list to the moon and back. I like knowing that if I stay sober a day at a time, that each day gets better than the last, and I may say it "Don't get much better than that" but it does. And for that I am grateful.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God My Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • Listening to "Vincent" playing on my Easy Listening channel on DishNetwork.
  • All of the things in my last paragraph above.
  • Friends
  • My right eye
  • My continually improving left eye
  • Being sighted
  • All y'all

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.


dAAve said...

I'm glad your eyes are improving.
To say that she was planning a slip is to put it mildly.

Scott W said...

My thoughts are pained after reading that.

Syd said...

I'm glad that you are where you are too. It's her choice and there is nothing anyone can do about it. She will most likely be back and then get lots of attention for coming back in. I've often wondered why all the hoopla for a revolving door type person. Just sayin'

Prayer Girl said...

A gratitude list stretching to the moon and that thought.

Ah...there but for the Grace of God go I.

My last drunk began when I was somewhere I should not have been - in a slippery place with slippery people. This happened 24 years ago the day after tomorrow, July 4th. I will forever be grateful that I had to be that stupid that night because it produced my final and total surrender.

Prayer Girl

Tall Karen said...

This is a good story. We have another Karen here...a great gal who had a couple years more of sobriety then me. She shared one night in a meeting how she was going to a bar at night...just for the music...and the owners knew her so she wouldn't drink, blah, blah. Sure enough, she forgot who she was just long enough to have that 1st drink. It's been a real struggle for her to get back...but she keeps trying. I believe with all my heart, that is so much easier to stay here, than it is to come back. Thanks for the reminder.