Sunday, July 13, 2008

The Spaghetti Extravaganza.
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Back in the summer of 1969, my best friend Joe was giving his third spaghetti extravaganza which was always the first weekend of AUGUST.. These fests were always much fun and attended by about 200 or so people. This one was to be THE SPAGHETTI EXTRAVAGANZA. People were coming from Dallas, San Antonio, and other Texas locals, New Orlelans, and the Biloxi area. This years party was going to be at Joe's mother's house, with her permission as she was in PA visiting a couple of her daughters.
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The MONDAY BEFORE THE SPAGHETTI EXTRAVANGZA (TSE) The grocery buying process was being done according to the recipe. The non-perishables first. Tuesday Joe got home from work to find the lower level of the house flooded and the hardwood floors were starting to buckle. Not to worry it was only Tuesday and they knew people that were always getting things done for them quite quickly. So he makes the call. Well, Yess Joe, we can get right on that --- this coming Monday. PLOP HE FAINTS. No not really, but it sure would have added to the story. He explains the upcoming TSE and tells them they have got to get it done byFriday. Well, after much fritting and fretting, sighing, and a few curse words thrown in, the following Monday it was. What to do. What to do. Oh I know I'll but rent a hall saiz Joe. Now mind you this in 1969.He makes a few calls. I could hear rumbles all the way over at my house. He calls me - I don't know what I'm going to do, people have made reservations, flights, hotels, with friends, I can't just reschedule this. And a hall is out of the question - Only found one with a kitchen and it will be $1000. I asked is one without a kitchen was avail, well yes but it's $750.00 with no alcoholic beverages. Well that just won't do.
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So I have a bright idea. I discussed it with Joe and he said Oh that would be a life saver. So, I got off the phone and discussed this with my Mother, whom was living with me at the time. I told her we would put her in a hotel for the night and she would not have to help clean or anything and we would buy her dinner and have a bottle of scotch for her. Well, of course. (It was the scotch) I never told her that she really did not have a choice but I thought it would be easier if shee thought she made the decision. So, word went out via carrier pidgeon, telephone calls, (no faxes, internet, texting in those days) and all was well. We emptied the living room, dining room, and den to the garage. We set up tables in those rooms and could seat six in the breakfast room. This was done on Friday. People were starting to arrive from Biloxi and New Orleans and so forth. And the first hurricane of the season was out in the Gulf. The TSE was a hughe success. The crowd was well fed, totally shit faced and we all had a great time and about 11 PM we descended on the FARMHOUSE. All 200 plus. The next day about 15 of us attacked my house and got it back in order. Went and pickked up Mother, who wanted another bottle of scotch, obliged her, and took her home. She was amazed, you mean you had two hundred people here last night and there is no trace of it. Zane must hire you on a regular basis.
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The next day that lil o hurricane in the Gulf had become a monster and went in at Biloxi and totally devastated the area. I believe it was Hurricane Audrey. The Biloxie group was just heart broken. So they stayed here until Wednesday and went back to assess the wreckage.
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Now to make the rest of this story more understandable, My Mother was quite a character and loved her alcohol. Her tongue was laced with many four letter words and when provoked she could let go with a barage that would embarass the Sixth Fleet. So on Tuesday Morning I get this telephone call from a MAD WOMAN, A VERY MAD WOMAN, I said hi Mother, and she said - DON'T YOU FUCKING HI MOTHER ME, I AM STANDING HERE TOTALLY NAKED IN YOUR HALLWAY WITH A PLATE OF THAT GODDAMNED SPAGHETTI ON MY CHEST AND HANGING FROM THE NIPPLES OF MY GOOIE TITS. i LOST IT.
I went into hysterics, doubling over with laughter till it hurt. Now my Mother was 5'2", with read hair and about 190 pounds. The visual was just too much. My reaction just made her madder. I could hear her yelling into the phone but I could not stop laughing. Finally I composed my self and got back on the phone.
The sounds bellowin through that phone were not pretty. Then she just stops - silence-and burst into laughter. I just knew she had totally flipped out. Then she told me what had happened.
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She had changed out the linens including the clean towlels I had put out Sunday and then took a shower. When she finished her shower, she reached out for her towel and NO towel. Not a problem. The linen closet was in the hall so she march out there sop and wet, grabbed atowel pulled it out and got the surprise of her life. A total plate of spaghetti spred on her chest. GOD DAMNED she said she yell and grabbed the hall phone.
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Meanwhile back at my office my co=workers were just staring at me including my boss who motioned me into his office and asked what was so funny to disrupt the whole office. I repeated the story and he laughed. He then suggested I take the rest of the day off and go de-spaghetti my Mother, and then IF I Survived, I could make up the time that week. And I did. Needless to say this story still comes up whenever spaghetti is served. Many many laughs have been had over this. I often wanted to give Mother a two pound bag of spaghetti and a jar of sauce for Christman, but never did. I probably would have worn it.