Wednesday Night, September 3, 2008

The act of resisting something is the act of granting it life....the more you resist, the more you make it real--whatever it is you are resisting. Meditations from Conversations with God, Book 1, page 102

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Gooooooooood Mooooooooooorrrrrrrrrnnnnnning ALLLLLLLLLLKIES!

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How the hell are ya. You know 17 years ago I was in a mental hospital fighting for my mental health. (Some say it was a lost battle, some say I won) WHATEVER. Anyway, reading tonight's quote reminded me of how much I resisted admitting I was an alcoholic. So, all in all, I can definitely tell you that the above quote is very very true. Or at least it was in my case, and that is all I can do is share my experience, strength, and Hope.

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My experience is that I fought tooth and nail not to be LABELED an alcoholic. How could I possibly be an alcoholic, I had a good job, I drove current model cars or motorcycles, had a beautiful home, etc. How could I possibly be an alcoholic. I remember one morning during one of our group sessions that there was this woman that introduced herself as my name is WHATEVER IT WAS, and I am an alcoholic. She shared about how much she drank, the problems it caused her at work and in her life in general. Hell, I drank more than that and I sure as hell was not an alcoholic. I thought of myself, someone is brainwashing this poor woman, they will not do this to me.

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A few weeks later I moved out of my home so my now ex-lover could move the HOMEWRECKER into Our Home. I can remember standing there in the kitchen with Vic during one of my weekends out of the loony bin, I had a butcher knife in my hand and I just had the greatest urge to slam it right into his gut and then twist it. Damned, I wanted to hurt him. I wanted to just rip his heart out. But I could not do that. My beliefs held my hand steady and I saved myself a few years in California's penal system or worse yet, a date with a needle. Anyway, I moved out of that house into the log house that he & I built in Running Springs, Ca. I then commuted the 105 miles one way to work in downtown Los Angeles.

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On January 20, 1992, I quit the resistance. I no longer allowed my alcoholism to have it's own life. This was the best GOD SHOT I have ever experienced. So, yes, I can certainly attest to the truth to tonight's quote from Meditations. When I sat down to do my post tonight, I had no idea of what to write. I knew I would do a quote and my gratitude list, but had no idea of what was going to go between those two pieces of bread. Voila-------the quote did it. Another GOD Shot. They exist all over the place, I just have to allow myself to receive. It just does not get any better than that.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

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God, My Higher Power. (I sure enjoy his shots at me)

My Sobriety.

Mamie, my schnauzer.

My sponsor.

Comments from the blogosphere.

No longer being on the resist list.

My accepting that others may have a different opinion than I do.

Tolerance and Love is our Code.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.