Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Tuesday Night, September 2, 2008

SUTHEN-ISMS:
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ONLY A SUTHERNER KNOWS:
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The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you have them, you "PITCH" them.
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How many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
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Can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
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Exactly how long "directly" is,. As in: "going to town, be back directly."
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That Southern babies know the "gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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Exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
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Instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold Potato Salad.
If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow knowing the difference between "right near" and a "right far piece. They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
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Both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and Po White Trash.
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No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
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That "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines,...And when we're "in line" we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
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In the South y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red-eye gravy is also a breakfast food, and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
. When you hear someone say, "Well I caught myself lookin"," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea' and 'sweet milk.' Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say 'Bless her heart"...And go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by YOUR Southerness: Take two tent revivals, and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart.
And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuf, ...bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the SOUTH but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a to hang on y'alls front porch that reads, "I ain't from the SOUTH, but I got here as fast as I could.'
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SOUTHERN GIRLS KNOW MEN MAY COME AND GO, but friends are fahevah!
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And last but not least, when someone leaves your company, y'all always say "Y'all be pretty, now, ya heah!"
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Now for y,all alkies, work up a mess of those twelve steps, and trudge down yonder, a far piece, or right near. Or Say " I just caught myself" looking that up in the 12 x 12 or the Big Book. An I hope to see all y'all in the sweet "by and by."
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Tonight I am Grateful for:
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God, My Higher Power.
My Sobriety.
Mamie, my schnauzer.
My Sponsor
Gustav was just an ole' windbag and did not live up to predictions.
Three days with Rosalie and Sam.
That their home and business did not have any damage.
That all is right in my sober world and God IS.
My Own Opinion.
Your Opinion.
The WE of the program.
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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

6 comments:

dAAve said...

Howdy.

Pam said...

LOL I still use all of those!!
My kids get mad when I say "a mess of" and sweet milk. Thanks for the list Zane

Scott W said...

It's Wednesday in the sweet by and by.

J-Online said...

LOL. These were great! And right on too I might add!

AlkySeltzer said...

"I just caught myself lookin' at the wall-clock, and it'll be Thursday before you can shake a stick."
Southeroni--I got here fast as I could 44 years ago, ain't never left.

Wouldn't know how to act.

Laura said...

Hey there Zane..just wandered over from another blog.

I lived in Augusta GA for 3 years...loved their sayings and special ways. My friend Lorrie, a redneck gal, told me I never had to say more than "hey you guys" for anyone to know where I was from.

Sheepishly, I hung my head...and learned to just say "Hey,"...hahaha.

Thanks for the one of the reminders of what I loved about the south. Bless yer' heart.