Monday, April 28, 2008

Monday Night, April 28, 2008

Every heart has it's secret sorrows; that the world knows not;
And often times we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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DOLLY., April 4, 1993 - April 28, 2008
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To say I am sad just does not begin to touch the way I have felt all day. At 2 am this morning my Dolly had the first of three seizures. The second one came about 5 AM and the third came as we were leaving the vet at about 10 AM. I took her back in and at that time made one of the most difficult decisions I have had to make. I chose to have her life come to an end. This was after a long talk with the vet and associates. They could not have been more loving and caring. They let me hold her for awhile before the last shot she was to receive. I just lost it. I cried and cried and tried to stifle it but it was just a high pitched moan escaping from my throat, so I just bawled and it was not so eerie sounding. Dolly peed on me about that time, and she was just limp. This was before the final shot. Then the vet administered the shot and Dolly was gone in about the flash of a light. I ache for her. She is out of her pain and I am in mine for this great loss. But even though I feel the loss and the incredible emptiness of my house this day, I am thankful that she did not have a long period of chronic pain/disease and that it was all over with in 8 hours from beginning to end.
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I got Dolly on October 16, 1998, the day after I had put down my Shatzi (schnauzer) that I had for 14 years. I got Dolly through a Schnauzer Rescue Group in Los Angeles. I can still see her running out from the kennels and jumping into my arms the first day I saw her. We bonded immediately. I could not have asked for a more loving little girl than was Dolly. We were seldom apart. For that I am thankful. She loved to travel and was a very good traveler. We made trips to San Francisco, Tucson, Seattle, two to Houston from LA, and to Central Maine in 2005. We ran on the beach at the outer banks of North Carolina. We ran on the beach in Los Angeles and Malibu. She traveled with me on a daily basis and from the day I got her until moving to Houston she rode with me to AA meetings. Some she went into, on invitation, and others she just sat in the car. We were always there for each other. She loved riding over to Silsbee to my sister Rosalies. Rosalie has a little jack russell named Bessie. She and Dolly played and ran just like a couple of cousins and then would lay down together and nap. I have never had a pet I was so close to as I was with her. That of course is largely due to the fact that I have been medically retired since March 26 2002. And I am so glad we had that luxury. I have a lot of memories, too many to post, but some of those memories might come forth in future posts.
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Tonight I am Grateful for:
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God, My Higher Power
My Sobriety,
Dolly and the memories of a most loving pet.
My Sponsor who was so loving today.
Daave and Scott who reached out to me today.
Not being ashamed to CRY.
Joe and Karl for being there when I lost Dolly and had me come over even with what they are going through.
The loving caring friends.
Rosalie, my sister, who cried when I called her about Dolly.
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Dolly, you be pretty for Daddy, now, ya heah.

6 comments:

Pam said...

Oh sweet Zane...I am so sorry to hear this. Your love for her was clear in your blog postings. Please take care of yourself! I know this is so hard...bless your heart.

dAAve said...

God blessed you and Dolly for so many years.
Thanks for being a good example for this recovering alcoholic.

Mary Christine said...

Oh Zane, I am so sorry. This might be the first blog post I have ever read that made me cry. I will be thinking of you today. XXXOOO, MC

Scott W said...

There are tears here for Dolly. You are richer for having her in your life all those years. God gives us those companions to make our lives full of unconditional love.

But not to worry, I spoke to Chester and he went to find Dolly to welcome her to the Rainbow Bridge. That's his job now, to help others in their transition.

I still miss him.

Trailboss said...

I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Our pets become such a part of our families and they give their entire self every day to us. They are truly one of God's greatest gifts. I do know how you feel, I have been there also. I am so grateful that she went quick and didn't have to suffer. Also that her precious Daddy was there with her the entire time. I will remember you and Miss Dolly in my prayers.

Bill said...

Oh, my! I am so sorry. You made the compassionate decision; the right decision. I know how it hurts, though.
I hope you will post some Dolly stories when you feel like writing about her. She sounds like a boon companion.