MONDAY NIGHT, March 31, 2008

Every heart has its secret sorrow, which the world knows not:

Oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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AAAAAAlllllllllkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeees!

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How the hell are ya? I'm off my soap box tonight, but just a quick followup on the "Nipple Ring" post. The woman is conferring with Gloria Allred, famed women's rights attorney in Los Angeles. OMG. Someone's gonna get it.

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Had a rather nice day today. Pretty much non-eventful. I'm staying closer to home theses days what with the costs of gasoline. Up until recently, I allowed myself 2 - 3 tanks a week. Now I am budgeting for only one tank a week. Next will be cutting down on movies. However, today was $5.00 day at the Woodlands Market St. Cinemax so I drove over there. Saw "The Counterfeiters".

A pretty good movie, German with English Subtitles. Now when I first got sober I could not tolerate the subtitles. It was like watching tennis, the head went one way and maybe I got it all read, most times I did not. This was frustrating. About 7 years ago, I finally mastered subtitles. I did not do anything differently, just went to the movie, watched the action, read ALL the subtitles, and was able to enjoy the movie. Now in the previous 9 years I did not become any smarter, I did not become a faster reader. I have always been a good reader. I think that the main reason is that my mind works better now, I have a clearer head. I wonder if sobriety had anything to do with that. Hmmmmmmm. Just wondering.

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Today I am grateful for:

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God, My Higher Power.

My Sobriety. (More is revealed, and more is accepted)

Dolly, My Schnauzer. (always) She is just the cutest thing in the world.

My Sponsor, a kind loving man.

Enjoying a movie with subtitles.

That I can afford a $65.00 tank of gas and the bp did not soar.

Most times being able to find the humor in a situation.

My fellow bloggers posts.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Sunday Afternoon, March 30, 2008

ZANE's SOAPBOX........THE NIPPLE RING
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I just have to comment on a news item I read on line. TSA FORCES WOMAN TO REMOVE NIPPLE RING. I do not know if any of you read about this but a woman From Dallas was flying out of Lubbock and was going through the TSA security screening and she set the alarm off. So the agent scanned her and the beeper went off at belly button and her breasts. So she was pulled out of line and was asked to expose the offending items to the agents. It was a belly button ring and a Nipple Ring in each breast. Now this was clearly a matter of "NATIONAL SECURITY" and would affect the safety of all who would be on that flight. The agent demanded that she remove the Nipple rings before allowing her to proceed. She tried and had to ask for pliers to accomplish the DEMAND. As she did so, two of the male agents snickered. TSA is investigating.

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Oh, as for the belly button ring, they allowed her to keep that one. WHAT. Now what in the hell did they think she was going to do with those nipple rings. Was she part of a plott to rip her tits off in mid air, pull the rings out as if a hand grenade, and throw them through the fuselage and take out the whole damned plane. Thank God it was not a man with a Prince Albert.

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I am enraged about this. LAWSUIT! INVASION OF PRIVACY! Sounds to me like a couple of Over Zealous Pervert Agents having fun at a travelers expense. I hope to hell this woman takes them to court, they lose their jobs, and nothing like this ever happens to any one in these United States Of America.

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That lady has to be in recovery. She certainly practiced acceptance and followed through with the principles of the Serenity Prayer. God Bless Her.

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Saturday Night, March 29, 2008

March 29 - You don't have clear focus; you're not really sure what's true for you. And the universe is just a big Xerox machine. It simply produces multiple copies of your thoughts. Now there's only one way to change all that. You have to change your thought about it. Meditations from Conversation with God Book 1, page 163.

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Tonight was Birthday Night at Lambda. Twenty-two celebrants, 269 years or so with eight of those one year celebrants. Of the eight, only six were present. Those present took their chip and had a few words to say. Tonight was a magical night at Lambda. You know, just about every birthday night there are those that get up to the podium and just go on and on about a bunch of stuff. But tonight, every one's share was mostly in the NOW. Mostly about recovery and how certain people were inspirational in their sobriety. To me, it was the best birthday night I have ever been through. Or maybe, my head just may have been receptive to what was said. WHATEVER, it was a wonderful evening. Sobriety is such a gift and tonight's celebrants collective shared that gift.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My Higher Power, God.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, My Schnauzer. (always)

My Sponsor whom I called today and enjoyed fellowship with at dinner.

Being invited to sit with a group celebrating birthdays tonight at dinner and I wasn't a part of that party, we just happened into the same restaurant.

The gifts from other drunks sharing their experience, strength, and hope.

The eight one year celebrants and the one THIRTY SEVEN year celebrant and all those in between.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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Tonight's best quote - To those who have made progress in A.A., it amounts to a clear recognition of what and who we really are, followed by a sincere attempt to become what we could be. Page 58 Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions.

FRIDAY NIGHT, March 28, 2008

Desire is the beginning of all creation. It is first thought. It is a grand feeling within the soul. It is God, choosing what next to create. March 28, Meditation from Conversations with God, Book 1 page 65

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THE SLUT PACK.

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This week 4 members of the Slut Pack have been in the news, ad nauseum. Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, Brittany Spears, and Amy Winehouse. The only one not mentioned recently is Paris's former best friend, Nicole Richie. I think the SLUT PACK really is a great name for these Bitches. For over a year, I have thought surely the media would tag them with a name of this type, but alas, they have not. And why they haven't is something that is not a quality problem for me, but it sure would add some humor to these boring bitches.

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Yesterday was an under the weather type day for me. I just felt icky, not sick, not well, but icky. Headachey, nausea, and just feeling unwell physically. Today is better, not so much nausea, but still have an improved headache. That passed by mid afternoon and I decided to go see a Movie - Stop Loss. This movie was very moving, well done, and heart breaking in the personal costs to our troops. I actually shed some tears and had the old heart strings pulled. To me, it was not so much an anti or pro war movie, but a story of human suffering.

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I love Friday Night TV. My favorite shows are on the tube. Countdown With Keith Olberman, Real Time with Bill Maher, McLaughlin Report, and Charlie Rose. I really enjoy these programs.

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I talked to my sister, Rosalie today, and she scared the hell out of me by stating that they had planned to come over next weekend. OMG - my house will never pass one of their visits. My house is extremely cluttered. I still have the first piece of mail or the envelope I received after moving in 10-06-04. My kitchen is clean and both baths have been thoroughly cleaned within the last two weeks. But I would not want guests at this time. I do throw out the newspapers at least every two weeks. I save magazines, I have a stack here, a stack there, and some mixed in with several stacks of Important Papers that I have not gone through in 3.5 years. Sometimes I feel that my mind is as cluttered. Maybe, just maybe, my putting this out there might give me the much needed boost to "get er done." And maybe not. There is always tomorrow. Oh, Yes, back to Rosalie's upcoming visit. I was quite relieved when she said that they could not do that and why did I not come over for a visit. PHEW. So next Friday, I will be trotting over to Silsbee, Texas (126 Miles East). I look forward to the visit in their house. Besides I get to have some of her home cooked meals.

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But today, NOW, I am a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous. I may not be perfect, even a mess at times, but always a work in progress.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, My Schnauzer. (Always)

My sponsor whom I need to check in with for the week.

The insight I get from my fellow bloggers postings.

Confession being good for the soul.

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Y'all be pretty NOW, ya heah!

WEDNESDAY NIGHT III, MARCH 26, 2008

So long as you entertain the notion that there is something or someone else out there "doing it" to you, you disempower yourself to do anything about it. March 26, 2008 Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1, page 36.

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Hey there AAALLLLLLKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEESSSSS.

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In reading the above meditation, I thanked God I am no longer a victim. A lot of things happened to me throughout my life, I am no longer a victim. Now in my childhood it was a different story. I was a victim. But now I am a survivor. I am a survivor from those things from childhood and a hell of a lot of shit as an adult.

But so many of the things from adulthood were caused by me or by my very active part in so many of those happenings. What a new pair of glasses my 4th step brought me. I would not trade them for anything in this world.

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Today was a great day. I had an "appointment with my endocrinologist at 1:45. I waited about 30 min and I was in the waiting are by myself. The "Out to Lunch sign was in the receptionist window. Finally someone came to the window and asked me for whom I was waiting. I told them Dr. B and she said can't be, he is never in the office on the last Wednesday of the Month. I gave her my appt. card and another woman there told her to get my chart to be sure I was not there for tests. So they looked and looked and looked and could not find my chart. The receptionist returned from lunch and they told her what they were looking for, and she said "Oh I have it in yesterday's NO SHOW group to call". I said no my appointment was today. So she took the card and opened the "BOOK" and there my appointment was, just like I said March 25. She looked at me and smiled, Yes it is for the 25th which was yesterday. So I said "Well I guess I have to take my MAD back." They laughed and said yes you do. Anyway I wound up with an appointment for Wednesday, April 1 at 1:30. I got my card and while the three of them were standing at the window I told them, Now my MAD will be back full force if next Wednesday you all gather at the window and say APRIL FOOLs. We all had a laugh and I left with a smile on my face.

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Tonight was sort of a special night. It was Blogger's Night Out. LASH is in town and we met him and went to dinner. It was Daave, Hayden, Pam, and I. We had a very nice and fun 2 hours together. Micky came up in conversation. Now I had not as yet seen his Micky dolls from last week. But I did go in tonight and just laughed my ass off. I loved the transsexual MICKY. This was just a real kick in the head. I love the way this blog has opened my world to new sober friends.

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Tonite I am grateful for:

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My Higher Power, God.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, my schnauzer. (always)

My sponsor.

The fellowship of the bloggers tonight.

Humor in my life.

Not being a victim anymore.

Humor kicking in when I really wanted to have a SNIT at the DR's office.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT II, March 26, 2008

This is test #2. And I am in Compose. tHE ONE i DID NOT NEED TO USE THE PERIODS WAS EDIT HTML.

NOW I WONDER IF THIS WORKED.

I WILL SEE.

END OF TEST.

WEDNESDAY NIGHT, March 26, 2008

This is a test.

This ia also a test to see if I have to use those damned periods.

Another test.

End of test.

Monday Night, March 24, 2008

If you think your life is about doingness, you do not understand what you are about. Your soul doesn't care what you do for a living--and when your life is over, neither will you. Your soul cares only about what you're being while you're doing whatever you're doing. March 24, 2008 Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1, page 170

Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy Aaaaaaaaalllllllllkkkkkkkkkkiiiiieeeessss!

How the hell was your Monday? Mine was just another day of being on planet earth. Just a day. I can be ok with any day being just a day. That means I was comfortable in my own skin. Not a bad place to be. Some days I don't want to be there or anywhere else. Some days I just do not want to BE. However, today was not one of those days. Just a day of trudging the road to happy destiny and humming whatever tune comes to mind.

Saturday night I watched a program that I usually don't even give a stop by when I'm channel surfing. It was a PBS program "Great Performances." One reason I don't give it a stop by is because it has been 5 min musice 15 min of asking for money. HOWEVER, tonight was not like that. This was Bruce Springsteen and the Seeger Street Band from St. Luke's Church in London. The music was FANTASTIC. It was a mix of blues, gospel, cajun, New Orleans, Folk, etc. and I really enjoyed it. I think it is going to repeated during this week. I am going to double check my PBS station to be sure. Now I like the BOSS but not a great fan. Do not own any of his music. But if this is a CD I would sure as hell buy it. I am going to have to check it out.

I'm posting from the create tab this evening. Not the usual screen I post from. I wonder if this will get rid of those damned dots I use to skip a space between paragraphs. I will find out when I publish this and that will be in less than ten minutes.

Today I am Gratefull for:

My higher power, God.

My Sobriety

Dolly, My Schnauzer (always, copied this from Boston B.)

My Sponsor

The inspirations an joy I get from y'alls blogs.

Hayden bringing a smile to Daave tomorrow.

That I have two pieces of Scott W.'s fantastic art. That way he is always here. HA

My God being a loving, generous being if I stay out of the way.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

SUNDAY Night, March 23, 2008

And on the third day he arose......................
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HOPE YOUR EASTER WAS GREAT however you spent it.
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I spent the day with Joe and Karl and I did pork ribs, Joe made Potato Salad and Cole Slaw. Just a really nice day with two of my favorite people and Karl even got to enjoy most of it.

Today I got a phone call from my friend Bill in Tuscon. He is an old friend from the 70's. Anyway he got a phone call from another friend of ours that no one has heard from for the last 12 years. The last time we saw him he was failing with AIDS, living in Paradise California. The doctors there were rather unkind to him and he was having problems getting the meds he needed. That was June of 1996. No one heard from him since. His phone was disconnected and mail was returned. I am so glad he is alive, working, and living in Yucca Valley between San Bernardo and Palm Springs CA. I tried to reach him today, but left a voice mail and when I got home he had called and left me a voice mail. So we will connect with in the next couple of days. Now that was a great Easter Gift.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My Sobriety

Dolly, my Schnauzer.

My sponsor.

My friends both in and out of AA.

Blessings of old friends.

Living in the Grace of God.

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Now y'all be pretty now, Ya heah.

FRIDAY NIGHT, March 21, 2008

Every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not;
Oftentime we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLKIES!
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Today is Good Friday. Now to me, when I was a working man, all Fridays were good Friday. Now it did not mean that I could start partying, because that was a seven day a week occurrence, but it did mean I could sleep in the next day without having to call in and make up some elaborate lie. The most elaborate lie I ever concocted to miss work was that I had been mugged. Now not just mugged, but ........................I pulled into the secured parking garage in the building where I lived,circled the inside of the garage, parked my motorcycle, took off my gloves, then my helmet, got off the motorcycle and walked over to my car. As I got to my car, these two masked (ski masks) men stepped out from behind a pillar and with a gun on me demanded my wallet. They took the money from my wallet, and then threw the wallet over the other cars, and I carefully took a mental note of where my wallet landed. Then they made me get in front of my car and down on my knees and stood behind me. Now they did not know that this was my car, it just happened to be the one where this all happened.

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Now as I got on my knees with them behind me, I just knew that they were going to shoot me in the back of the head. (True part is that there had been several robberies in the Mid-Wilshire area that people were robbed and shot in the back of the head) Then they made me take off my leather jacket and put my arms behind my back and proceeded to duct tape my wrists together. Then they had me lie face down and they taped my legs together at the ankles. Then they hung me face down, from the front bumper of this 1973 Buick Centurion (again my car unknown to them). Now this happened at about 3 AM (wink wink) and I hung there until the people next to me came down and saw me hanging there. The Korean woman asked me if I needed help. (had to play the dumb Korean card) I grunted and shook my head yes.

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At this point, she went back into the elevator and came down with the building manager and she cut me down. Now my arms and shoulders ached like hell and I was a mess. The police were called (wink wink) and when they got there they said this was the work of a couple of guys that had been working the area and robbing people in security buildings. They theorized (wink wink) that the robbers hung me from the bumper of the car because they figured that the duct tape would soon be cut through by the sharp edge of the bumper and I would then be dropped down and either dragged to my death or would come completely loose and be run over either by the car or another vehicle behind us.

Such DRAMA!

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Most of the rest of this is TRUE. So by the time all of this was supposedly over, I called into the office at about 9 AM and told my boss this story. She was so concerned for my well being that she told me I should take the whole day off and suggested that I go to the Emergency Room to be checked out. I told her that I was (LIE) and that I would let her know as soon as I knew anything.

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When I went back to work a couple of days later, I had this limp,(fake) and an excruciating headache with sore shoulders that felt like my arms were being pulled out of their socket. (Fake) Now I really loved this story and repeated it several times to various co-workers. I got a lot of really genuine sympathy and I reveled in it.

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Well, dahlinks, I just did not think I could use the old "I'm sick" routine.

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I am so glad that I do not have to live nor lie like that anymore. I am also glad that I do not drink like I did back then. That happened around 1978 and I still had 14 more years of my active alcoholism to go through. More lies, etc. I have not had to do so since January 20, 1992. When I heard at an AA meeting in the first few days that I never had to live like that again, one day at a time. I thanked God for the chance to live differently. And things just keep improving daily as I trudge the road of Happy Destiny. God Bless AA and the fellowship of the program.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My sobriety.

Dolly, my schnauzer.

My sponsor.

Truth as a way of life one day at a time.

My blogger friends.

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I would love to hear from each of you about a whopper you told to miss work or to get out of a situation.

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Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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March 21 I have established Laws in the universe that make it possible for you to have--to create--exactly what you choose. These Laws cannot be violated, nor can they be ignored. Meditations from Conversation with God Book 1, page 73.

THURSDAY NIGHT, MARCH 20, 2008

Welcome to Spring. The season, not my town. I live in Spring. Right now, for the next three months, we all live in spring. But not everyone will live in Spring. I've noticed, since mid February, that the trees that line the Hardy Toll Road have slowly come alive with just a little burst of green. Then as the days rolled by the green got bigger and sharper. I read in Leon Hale's column in the Houston Chronicle that the green during this time of year is unlike any green we ever see. It should be called spring green. I do not recall ever hearing this term before, but then there are lots of things I do not recall. I love this time of year as the world in the Northern Hemisphere goes through the springtime. Such beauty is almost unbelievable. The tiny little buds start to burst into vibrant colors on the trees, bushes, and gardens. The reds, greens, yellow, oranges, purples and various shades thereof just keep coming on.

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This reminds me of the newcomer. They walk into the rooms of AA and they have this beaten look about them. Some worse than others. And then slowly for some and quickly for others, they start to blossom just like the plants of nature. Ah, yes, that is a wonder to behold. They start to grow, they get a new look in their eyes, they join in the laughter, and they continue to grow. They do the 90 meetings in 90 days, some less, some more, most 90/90. Its the length of the spring season. And as we watch them blossom we see the miracle all over as others saw it in us when we first came through the doors. The wonder of AA is that we have the blessing to relive the start of spring everytime a newcomer comes through the doors. I am so glad I came through these doors and became a miracle. I am glad that we all came through these doors and became miracles. So spring isn't just a season. It's the time that a new way of life starts to bud in a newcomer and eventually blossoms out into a life to be happy joyous and free. And we get to witness this each and every day. IN THE NOW!

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday Night, March 19, 2008

You must live the promise of God.March 19, 2008 Meditations from Conversation with God Book 1. page 75.
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Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooowwwdddeee Aaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllllllkies!
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I wonder if the swallows made it back to Capistrano again this year? Today is the day they always come back. My Mother and I drove down to Capistrano March 19, 1973 to see the legendary spectacle. Ho hum. What a disappoinment. I expected to see a cloud of swallows coming in from the coast or over the hills or whatever. There were a bunch of birds there. Very few swallows, but they were there or so the media said. The TV vans were there. We also visited the ruins of the Mission de San Juan Capistrano. It had been destroyed by a 7.? earthquake in the 18th century. Had not even thought of this until I typed in the date on the above quote.

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Today is a much better day. Nothing special, and not temper tantrum. Just another day of trudging as I just stayed in the NOW. No demands; No impatience; just the NOW. Not yesterday, not tomorrow, no projecting, no regrets, just the NOW. And after a day like yesterday, I can really appreciate the NOW. Scott W. left me a message not to leave 5 minutes before the miracle. Honey, I am the miracle. I am the miracle because I have not put alcohol into this body since 1992. More miracles were that comments were left on my post. I love to read those. And I love to read the comments that other people leave at the other blogs I visit. I always leave a note at the blogs I visit if the post is current, otherwise there is a comment on the last one posted. But best of alll, I got to REJECT 3 Comments from the devil from down under.(I do not visit that BLOG) COMMENT MODERATION IS WONDERFUL. And it can be used in the NOW.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My sobriety.

Dolly, my dog.

My Sponsor.

Pam offering to feed me cake for 30 minutes, chat, listen to me, and not charge.

Comment Moderation (Micky Micky bo icky, banana bana foe wicky, fee fi foe sicky, Micky)

Loving Humor.

Boston's gratitude list.

My blogger friends.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Tuesday Night, March 18, 2008

Today was shrink day. My emotions have been all over the place. It's been like riding a yoyo played by someone on speed. My 45 minute session was just one big talkathon. I poured out so much and still do not feel that I accomplished a damned thing. You know I have a good psychiatrist/therapist (same person) but I just have not really connected with him like I would like. Now I had the same psychiatrist and therapist in Los Angeles from 1991 until August 2004. Those two men saved me from the depths of hell and I trusted them so thoroughly. Either one of them could read me very well. I miss that. I've been seeing Dr. W. for a year now and we are no where near that type of relationship. But it is much better than the two I had when I first moved out here. I guess it's just separation anxiety in that I no longer have Lee or Brian to talk with. (LA shrinks) I really try not to go there, but it just happens. I know in time I can have that relationship with Dr. W., but I WANT IT NOW. NOW! NOW! NOW!

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Well, wasn't that just a little temper tantrum?

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday Night, March 17, 2008

By their decisions your religions have created lasting, indelible impressions. By their decisions your societies have produced their self-portraits, too. Are you pleased with these pictures? Are these the impressions you wish to make? March 17 Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1 page 154

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Happy St. Patrick's Day, Alllllllllllllllkkkkkkkkkkkkkkiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeessssssssss!

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Isn't it great not to be guzzeling green beer today? Won't we all feel better tomorrow for not having done so? Aha, the miracle of being sober.

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I missed Daave's debut yesterday. I had planned to go, but had forgotten a prior commitment to two of my best friends. My friend Joe and his partner of 29 years, Karl. We have been friends over 40 years. Karl has pancreatic cancer and is failing daily. The Dr.s say he is holding and the cancer has not gotten any worse. NOT happening. Anyway, I decided to give them the day off from cooking and as we are all Irish, I offered to fix Corn Beef and Cabbage In a slow cooker and bring it over. So I did. Joe made a loaf of cornbread and we just pigged out. Joe did not care for the cabbage, but Karl did. We had a very nice afternoon and evening together, as we always do. Karl's handling of his cancer with courage, class, and determination has been an inspiration to me. He is 58 and will be 59 in May 8. I do not think he will make it and neither does Joe. I hope we are wrong. It has been almost a year since the diagnosis, and most pancan patients do not make it through the first year. So, please remember my dear friends in your prayers.

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I got to sleep about 4:30 this morning and got up at 1:30 PM. I just puttered and filled out the paperwork for my IBM reimbursement for my Medicare Plan B premium. They reimburse 80%. I feel very fortunate to have this. I am also very blessed to have the income that I do have. It is enought for me to make my mortgage, utilities, prescriptions, and food. Not a lot left over for entertainment anymore but I make do. I have a roof over my head, a doggy that loves me, my sobriety, friends, and a spiritual way of life. I AM BLESSED.

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Today I am grateful for:

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God, my higher power who watched over me in my years out there.

My sobriety, that without I could not make it.

Dolly, my Schnauzer, for those special kisses.

My sponsor that's there if and when I call. (I need to work on that)

Not having a negative outlook on life.

Inspiration from friends both in and out of Alcoholics Anonymous

Boston's gratitude - just really nets it out.

Today's posts of my fellow bloggers.

Leftover corned beef and cabbage which the micro is telling me is ready.

A microwave that doesn't really talk, but dings.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Saturday Night, March 15, 2008

Everything in life is holy. March 15 Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1, page 68
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HOOOOOOOOWWWWDDDDDDYYYY AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLKKKKKIIIEEESSS.
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Beware the Ides of March. Oh, well, only 39 minutes of that left. And Caesar is long gone. Or at least I think it was Caesar. Not a quality problem not being sure of ancient history. It surely is nothing I would drink over. Come to think of it there is nothing I would drink over. Did dinner with Daave this evening as usual on Sat night before the Speaker meeting. We had mexican food. The table next to us was served 4 large margaritas. Oh how my taste buds exploded. When I first got sober, mexican food was the hardest thing for me to go out for even though it is my favorite food. There was this Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles that a group of us went to quite often after the Sunday beer busts. Margaritas were 75 cents for a double and there was usually at least an hour wait. By the time we were seated we were just blitzed. And the food was so damned good. We were loud, obnoxious, loud and probably disgusted many of their customers. Of course, we just thought we were entertaining them. Anyway after I got sober I went there by myself. OMG. The food was awful. Tasteless goop and more goop and goo. Amazing what alcohol does to ones taste buds.

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The place where we had dinner earlier tonight has pretty good food and the price is very reasonable. The meeting was also very good. A quiet man that I have seen at the center shared his experience strength and hope with us. At the end of the meeting when the chips were given out, a very tall man took a Desire Chip. I pray for a very good journey for him as he trudges the road to happy destiny. As we circled, Daave and I joked about the little dance he featured on his blog yesterday. At that time the chair for this month asked me to pray us out. After a moment of silence we said the Serenity prayer. What a blessed way to end a wonderful Saturday night.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

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God, my higher power.

My sobriety which he led me to and helps me to continue on a daily basis.

Dolly, my schnauzer that fills my days with joy.

My sponsor's sense of humor.

That the margaritas went to a neighboring table and not mine.

That I no longer have to live like that ever again, one day at a time.

A new friend of mine will soon have 60 days and is now employed.

Miracles happen when we work for them one day at a time.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday Night, March 13, 2008

There is perfection in the process, and all life arises out of choice. It is not appropriate to interfere with choice, nor question it. It is particularly inappropriate to condemn it. March 13 Meditations from Conversations with God. Book One Page47

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One toilet delivered.

Installed.

Angels sang.

Skys parted.

I farted.

End of story. (TEE HEE)

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Today I am Grateful for:

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God, My Higher Power.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, My Schnauzer.

My Sponsor.

Coming through this saga without losing my temper.

My house being complete again.

The ability to keep everything in perspective.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday Night, March 12, 2008

Every heart has it secret sorrows, which the world knows not;
Oftentimes we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWDY AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLKKKKKIES!
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Today Home Depot called and told me my toilets were at the store. TOILETS? I called and they confirmed "toilets". I told them I only had one coming. Paperwork says 2. I will have to call after 9 AM to talk to special order person. A few minutes later I got a call from the installer - they can install the toilets tomorrow. I told them I only ordered 1; I will have to take that up with HD, but they will be at my house tomorrow. So it is to be in the afternoon. This reminds me of the story of my china.

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Picture it, 1981. Los Angeles, Ca. My new partner Vic and I went to the Broadway Department store to buy a set of china. We were starting to set up housekeeping together and needed some of the finer things. I found a set I liked and we agreed. And it was on sale. So we ordered it. Three weeks later Vic called me at work and the China had been delivered. I told him to open it. Only one cup had survived the shipping ordeal. So I call the Bway and they said to bring it in and reorder. A few days later, Vic called me at work. The china had been delivered and he opened it as we talked. Only a cup was broken and a saucer was cracked, everything else was fine. So I called the Bway - bring back the set and they will reorder. I went to the store that night with the cup and saucer and they replaced them out of stock. China set complete. ????

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Vic called me at work to tell me a set of china had arrived. I laughed and said yeah of course. He was very emphatic that a second set of china had arrived. I called the Bway and talked to the department head. They checked and told me the records showed that I had returned two damaged sets and the new set was the 2nd replacement set. I told them no, and explained. I was told they would figure it out and get back to me. A few days Vic called me at work and he was howling with laughter. He said I would not believe this but we now had a third set of China and he had opened it and it was intact. I just cracked up. UNBELIEVABLE.

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So I called the Bway and went through the story. The new department head told me to just return the current set and the record would be corrected. I asked what about the other set. She said to keep it as I had paid for one set. I tried to explain it again and she said we would go over when I brought the set in. So off to the store I went. She was gone but the clerk that originally handled the sale helped. I explained what had happened and he went over the record. They only had a record of one set plus the one I was returning and if I returned the other set it would only cause problems for the department. The store manager agreed. So home I went.

My next Broadway statement reflected two set returned and credit given. OMG. I now have two sets of china, and a credit for two. So I actually was paid to take two sets off of their hands. I called. Nope my mistake, their records show two shipped two broken, two returned. The credit was correct. I went back and forth about this for a few days. I received correspondence stating they were responding to my concerns over the credits, and they were glad I brought the perceived situation to their attention. However, their records reflected that the two credits were due and they considered the problem concerned. And they thanked me for shopping at the Broadway.

A few days later, Vic called and said the Bway had called and my china was ready to pickup. I damned near died. I called and went through the whole crap again and finally convinced the dept mgr that I was not due the current set of china. And guess what - next bill I got another credit on my statement. I just said to hell with it. I probably could have gone on and eventually opened my own China store with only one pattern. Oh, the Broadway. They eventually filed for bankruptcy, and were bought out by MACY"S. Who would have guessed? I still have the complete service for 16.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My Higher Power - GOD.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, my Schnauzer.

My Sponsor(even tho we haven't talked in over a week - my bad)

The honesty of sobriety.

Friends that not only talk the talk, they walk the walk.

You bloggers.

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Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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Mary Ann of Gilligans Island was arrested for marijuana possession yesterday. Today she resigned as governor of Gilligan's Island. Jimmy Kimmel, 03/12/2008

Tuesday Night, March 11, 2008

It's important now, it's time now, to change your mind about some things. This is what evolution is all about. March 11, Meditations from Conversatons With God. Page 168.
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Hi, mostly just checking in tonight. Not much going on. Went to a $1.50 movie today. Laughed, enjoyed most of it. I even refrained from yelling at a woman whose three children just had a ball running up and down the aisles. I just kept quiet. I was reminded of something I read recently in the Grapevine. She might have only had this time to unwind and relax before going home to God knows what. When I was leaving the theatre, I noticed that the woman had a black eye and appeared to be quite down. She and her kids were at the picture boothe and she was letting each one take a picture of themselves. I was glad I had remained quiet and had searched for inward serenity. I know that this was a God Shot.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday Night, March 10, 2008

Every heart has its secret sorrow, that the world knows not.
Often times we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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HHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYY AAAAAAALLLKKKKKKKKIES!
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How the hell are ya tonight. I truly hope we all had a great day even if it was Monday. Even thought I am retired, I can still recall the Monday Blues. Well at least a bunch of them. There were a lot of Mondays that were still a part of my Saturday, Sunday PartEEEEEEEEEEEE. Many, many Mondays I did not make it to work. Many, many, many, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and Fridays I did not make it to work. My motto could have been neither rain, sleet, nor snow shall keep me from the joys of ALCOHOL. It's a friggin miracle that I made it to retirement. I was absent a LOT. One year I was out 97 work days and that did not include the 20 days vacation or the 12 holidays nor the 4 personal days that I automatically got. The average work year has about 220 workdays, so by that average and the sum of my absentism, I worked less that 1/2 year and got paid for all 365 days.

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Man, am I ever glad I got sober. It is a miracle.

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Today, I got up at my usual noon and 1/2. (12:30) I usually get in bed by midnight and watch TV, or read and turn the lights out somewhere between 3 & 4. Occasionally earlier. So I do not have a guilt trip about the time I get up. When I do have to get up earlier, I depend on one of those inventions called the alrarm clock. Getting up earlier is something I have planned to do such as a Dr.s appointment or a meeting on Friday. Or maybe an outing with friends. And I am perfectly comfortable with this. I love the luxury that I feel that I have earned. (Even with all of my absentism) I no longer have a schedule that I have to keep. Except the schedule to and for myself. LOVE IT!

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Today I went to the movies. Actually it was a movie. Hardly ever do I really go to the movies. Movies indicates more than one and the double feature was killed off while I was a teenage or at least in my early 20's. Anyway the MOVIE I saw today was an absolute loverly little thing "Mrs. Pettigrew Live for a Day." A GEM of a movie. I highly recommend it. It was heart warming, pulled at the old heart strings, funny, and entertaining. And the men were very good looking and sexy. Now so were the women, but naturally I noticed the MEN. I loved the costuming and details of the clothing, makeup, and all of that. I really enjoyed it. How unusual for Mid-March. Frances McDormand was at her best. I hope she is not overlooked come the end of the year.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, My Schnauzer.

For the posts of fellow bloggers that I enjoyed today.

That I can enjoy reading Pam even if I can't leave a comment.You did right, ghurl.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Saturday Nite, March 8, 2008

Envy not success, nor pity failure, for you know not what is success or failure to the soul's reckoning. March 8, Meditations from Conversations with God. Page 35
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HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLKKKKIES!
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What a gorgeous day was today! Cool and a clear Texas Blue sky. It just makes one feel blessed to be part of God's world.

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This afternoon as I was driving into town for dinner, a gallery showing, and a speaker meeting at Lambda with my friend Daave, I was behind an SUV. This bumper sticker just seemed to jump out at me as I started to pass. The sticker was blood red with white letters - "A DRUNK DRIVER KILLED BOTH OF OUR DAUGHTERS"! I cannot tell you the impact that had on me. First I had such feelings of deep sorrow for the couple in the SUV. Then I realized how blessed I am that in my 32 years of hard drinking and driving that I never hit anyone nor injured anyone, nor killed anyone. Then my thoughts went to the drunk driver hoping that he/she had gotten sober. Of the hell he/she must be going through. He/she has to live with what he/she did. The consequences of driving and drinking. The arrogance of thinking I am fine, I've only had a few drinks, I am in complete control, IT can't happen to me.

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Then I thought of the TEXAS FLAG and what I have been told the colors represent.

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Blue - For the Deep blue Texas sky.

Red - the bottom color is the running blood from the battle of the ALAMO.

WHITE - the top color - the spirits of those who gave their life for the independence of TEXAS.

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Colors of the Bumper Sticker:

Red - the blood of that couples daughters whom they will never hold again. Never see their accomplishments in life.

WHITE - The spirits of the two daughters representing the thousands of innocent people that have lost their lives to another's battle with the disease of alcoholism..

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This evening I felt a pride of being sober. I felt the blessing of being sober. And I cried for the Couple and their daughters.

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Live SOBER, my friends, enjoy the GIFT.

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Today I am grateful for my Higher Power, GOD; my sobriety; Dolly, my Schnauzer; my sponsor; that one day at a time I am blessed with the Gift of Sobriety.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Friday Nite, March 7, 2008

If a thing is obviously right, do it. Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1 March 7 page 47
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Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyyyy AAAAAAAAAAAlkies!

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What a difference a day makes. (Might make a good song) I feel so much better today after unloading yesterday. Comment moderator is the way to go. I had some crap from the devil downunder and a new Blogger has appeared commenting under the name of 13th stepper. Left me a message "What does God think of a Catholic c*ck gobler being his represnetative here on earth." BUSTED! So you might be on the lookout for some such crap. I think this is the DFDU trying to get published.

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I'm really sticking close to home these days what with gas at $3.15 for regular here in Houston. It was 2.35 this time last year. I am on a fixed income and have to be very careful with the budget or I could crash and burn. At least I have the sense to adapt and not react. I am going to have to change my meetings and I am doing that reluctantly. There are a lot of meetings out here within 5 miles of my house so I will have to check some of them out. I haven't been to straight meetings in years. I got sober in straight meetings and I was loved and accepted by most. But there were those who made me uncomfortable. The statements were usually something about "I believe in Adam and Eve" not "Adam and Steve". I go to AA meetings for my sobriety. I do not got to cruise or make out. At gay meetings I don't have to be careful about my genderspeak. I don't care about people knowing I am gay, I just don't want to be uncomfortable. There I go projecting and I need to investigate prior to contempt.

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So that is about all I have for tonite. I'm going to my dinner, watch Real Time With Bill Maher at 10 PM, and the McLaughlin Group at 11 PM. Now that is the quickest 30 min on TV. But I really do enjoy it.

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Today I am Grateful for:

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My Higher Power - GOD!

My Sobriety.

Dolly, My Schnauzer.

My Sponsor.

This wonderful cold snap, it will be over soon.

To have a Mickyless Day.

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Resentment prayer: "If you have a resentment you want to be free of, if you will pray for the person or the thing that you resent, you will be free. If you will ask in prayer for everything you want for yourself to be given to them, you will be free. Ask for their health, their prosperity, their happiness, and you will be free. Even when you don't really want it for them and your prayers are only words and you don't mean it, go ahead and do it anyway. Do it every day for two weeks, and you will find you have come to mean it and to want it for them, and you will realize that where you used to feel bitterness and resentment and hatred, you now feel compassionate understand and love."

Page 552, Alcoholics Anonymous - Freedom from Bondage

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Thursday Night, March 6, 2008

Hi. This will be a very short post. I am not in a very good mood tonight. However, my mood is not such that I might drink over it. There is nothing that could make me drink. I, like a lot of my fellow alcoholics, have been through a lot of various bad times and have not drank over them. I have also been joyful and wanted to celebrate, but not with alcohol as I did before I got sober. Being sober to me is a way of life. I am not on "the fucking wagon", I have not just put the "plug on the fucking jug", and on and on ad infinitum. And if anyone thinks they will get to me by leaving or not leaving a comment, or as in the case of MICKY, harrass, try to intimidate, drive me to drink, or whatever, they can just FUCK OFF AND DIE. A few months ago I was having a discussion with a very good friend before the Sat nite meeting and I mentioned about what I would do if someone pissed me off, and he recommended that I not do it. Just to ignore it and it would go away. Well, (hand on hip) I ALWAYS know better and I did what I wanted to do. So, a little self will has run riot. But not enought to make me drink. NEVER. I believe in God, I believe in Jesus Christ, and I believe in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous. I do not expect you or anyone else to conform to my beliefs. I respect your belief system and I ask you to give me the same in return.

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Enjoy your day, my friends, I will enjoy mine. See you on the road. Love you.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Wednesday Night, March 5, 2008

It is when the going gets tough that you so often forget Who You Are, and the tools I have given you for creating the life that you would choose. Mar 5 Meditations from Conversation With God.

pg 116.

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This meditation just really hits home for me at this time in my life. Financially, I am at my lowest since my early 20's. Health wise, I am experiencing a major event with my eyes, especially the left one, that seems to be working out very satisfactorily for me. Ageing is no longer the albatross that it was; I have come to accept the fact that this is also happening to my body, but in my mind, I still feel young.

However, even with the financial problems, I do not feel as if there is no way to resolve the issues. With patience (which I have little of) and perserverance I can overcome this. This meditation, as with the program of AA, reminds me that I have the tools to use to overcome this. Now, it may not be the way I really want it to work out, but I do have to do the footwork. I have to turn it over to my Higher Power - GOD, and pray for guidance to step me through this difficult time. It reminds me of three of Scott W. recent writings. Hope, Faith, and Integrity. And I truly believe that I have a very good understanding of these three things and do experience them in my daily life.

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Healthwise - I got an excellent report from the retinologist today. My right eye has completely healed. The left eye is on its way. I have had a markedly increase in vision in the left eye. (God does answer prayers) Also, she reduced the medication for my left eye and I do not go back for two months. So, one more time God has shown me that my hope and faith have brought me through a hard time. I am so blessed.

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Today I am so grateful for:

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My Higher Power - God.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, my Schnauzer.

My sponsor.

That I am blessed to live a sober, spiritual life on a daily basis.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Worry is the activity of a mind which does not understand its connection with Me. March 3 Meditations from Conversations With God Book 1, page 188

I haven't written since last Thursday. No reason, just haven't. I'm glad I can not say that about my drinking. I don't drink because the desire to do so has been removed. And that is a gift I will not squander.

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And, the saga of my toilet still continues. It has become fodder for humor. They have been here three times to install and still have not gotten it right. Oh the one in my guest bath is fine and I have been pleased with it since installation two weeks ago. I had to go to Home Depot and recorder and I so wanted a very stylish commode for my master. Now never in all my born days did I ever think I would be sitting in a glorified hardware store looking for a "stylish" crapper. It borders on the absurd. But, there I was, trying to find a new "throne" that would suit my self-projected glamour for a china crapper. Not an easy task for one that requires a 10 inch rough out. Now don't ask me what a rough out is, It has something to do with how far from the wall a part of this magic machine (that gets rid of the waste I throw its way) sits from the wall. Now I am sitting there with this very butch man and this woman who are helping me decide which one I want. Everyone that I like is too big for the rough-out. I asked all kinds of questions about the toilets except will this one make my butt look big. Now to think of it , that would have been a perfectly sensible question to have asked, since I would be parking the B. A. on it as needed. Finally, I found one that will fit and it's ok so I genuflect and order it. It has a 17 in hi elongated bowl. Nothing special but will meet the need. Tuesday the guys arrive to install it and they finished it and I started to sign for it and thought, "I have not checked this thing out, I better be sure it looks right." To my horror, it was not the one I ordered. It was smaller with a round 14-1/2 bowl. Now this damned thing would have definitely made my butt look bigger. Can't have that. When I told Anthony and Kenneth, (we're on first name basis by now) that it was the wrong one, they just went into hysterics.

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So, I called HOME DEPOT and talked with SUSAN. Many apologies and assurrances that the order will be completed at no more cost to me. Friday the order was completed and I approved it. This morning the phone rang and it was the installers to tell me they would install tomorrow (Tuesday) so they will call between 8 and 10 to schedule the time. I'm thinking, now this is great, tomorrow I can finally sign the paper that says the damned thing is installed satisfactorily

and I will write The End to this annoying saga. BUT NOT TO BE. At 1:30 I got a call from the installation company and they informed me that the new toilet was a special order and was not in when they called to have it picked up. ??? Now would you not think that this would have been done BEFORE they scheduled the installation? I think that is a reasonable assumption.

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So the wait is on. When will the crapper arrive? Will it make my butt look bigger? Cue the organ music. Will Kenneth and Anthony be the installers this time?

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Today I am grateful for:

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My higher power, God.

My sobriety.

Dolly, my schnauzer.

My Sponsor.

That I can see the humor in this crappy situation.

That I have friends that let me know I'm missing in the blogdom.

Having the patience to deal with this ridiculous situation without blowing.

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Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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Thought to live by: Keep it simple. Don't drink. Read the Big Book. And go to meetings.

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