Friday, March 21, 2008

FRIDAY NIGHT, March 21, 2008

Every heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not;
Oftentime we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLKIES!
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Today is Good Friday. Now to me, when I was a working man, all Fridays were good Friday. Now it did not mean that I could start partying, because that was a seven day a week occurrence, but it did mean I could sleep in the next day without having to call in and make up some elaborate lie. The most elaborate lie I ever concocted to miss work was that I had been mugged. Now not just mugged, but ........................I pulled into the secured parking garage in the building where I lived,circled the inside of the garage, parked my motorcycle, took off my gloves, then my helmet, got off the motorcycle and walked over to my car. As I got to my car, these two masked (ski masks) men stepped out from behind a pillar and with a gun on me demanded my wallet. They took the money from my wallet, and then threw the wallet over the other cars, and I carefully took a mental note of where my wallet landed. Then they made me get in front of my car and down on my knees and stood behind me. Now they did not know that this was my car, it just happened to be the one where this all happened.
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Now as I got on my knees with them behind me, I just knew that they were going to shoot me in the back of the head. (True part is that there had been several robberies in the Mid-Wilshire area that people were robbed and shot in the back of the head) Then they made me take off my leather jacket and put my arms behind my back and proceeded to duct tape my wrists together. Then they had me lie face down and they taped my legs together at the ankles. Then they hung me face down, from the front bumper of this 1973 Buick Centurion (again my car unknown to them). Now this happened at about 3 AM (wink wink) and I hung there until the people next to me came down and saw me hanging there. The Korean woman asked me if I needed help. (had to play the dumb Korean card) I grunted and shook my head yes.
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At this point, she went back into the elevator and came down with the building manager and she cut me down. Now my arms and shoulders ached like hell and I was a mess. The police were called (wink wink) and when they got there they said this was the work of a couple of guys that had been working the area and robbing people in security buildings. They theorized (wink wink) that the robbers hung me from the bumper of the car because they figured that the duct tape would soon be cut through by the sharp edge of the bumper and I would then be dropped down and either dragged to my death or would come completely loose and be run over either by the car or another vehicle behind us.
Such DRAMA!
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Most of the rest of this is TRUE. So by the time all of this was supposedly over, I called into the office at about 9 AM and told my boss this story. She was so concerned for my well being that she told me I should take the whole day off and suggested that I go to the Emergency Room to be checked out. I told her that I was (LIE) and that I would let her know as soon as I knew anything.
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When I went back to work a couple of days later, I had this limp,(fake) and an excruciating headache with sore shoulders that felt like my arms were being pulled out of their socket. (Fake) Now I really loved this story and repeated it several times to various co-workers. I got a lot of really genuine sympathy and I reveled in it.
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Well, dahlinks, I just did not think I could use the old "I'm sick" routine.
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I am so glad that I do not have to live nor lie like that anymore. I am also glad that I do not drink like I did back then. That happened around 1978 and I still had 14 more years of my active alcoholism to go through. More lies, etc. I have not had to do so since January 20, 1992. When I heard at an AA meeting in the first few days that I never had to live like that again, one day at a time. I thanked God for the chance to live differently. And things just keep improving daily as I trudge the road of Happy Destiny. God Bless AA and the fellowship of the program.
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Today I am grateful for:
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My higher power, God.
My sobriety.
Dolly, my schnauzer.
My sponsor.
Truth as a way of life one day at a time.
My blogger friends.
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I would love to hear from each of you about a whopper you told to miss work or to get out of a situation.
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Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.
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March 21 I have established Laws in the universe that make it possible for you to have--to create--exactly what you choose. These Laws cannot be violated, nor can they be ignored. Meditations from Conversation with God Book 1, page 73.

6 comments:

dAAve said...

What color was the Buick?

Bill said...

Wow, you're good! What an elaborate fabrication.
I do wish the masked men had been wearing Lone Ranger masks, however.

Todd HellsKitchen said...

Happy Easter!

Scott W said...

You WERE naked on the 405!!!

Pam said...

Oh darlin' you are so creative.
I have a friend that calls in "afraid". (he calls it that)
He says "I'm afraid, I won't be in" or "I'm afraid, I have car trouble".
:)
Happy Easter/Sunday my duct taped friend.

dirtydishes said...

Wow, that was a whopper! The one that comes to mind for me is I said I was weed wacking(wink wink) and a rock flew up and split my knee open.(wink wink). Actually I dropped a wine glass and it split my knee cap open when it broke. I milked that one for 2 days off, but ended up quitting (wink wink) a short time later.