Are you not being allowed to experience everything? The tears, the joy, the pain, the gladness, the exaltation, the massive depression, the win, the lose, the draw? What more is there? April 29, Meditations from Conversations with God Book 1, page158.
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Wow! Can you believe the meditation for today? Man that is just right on for this time in my life. Another God Shot.
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Today has not been so bad. I went to the 12:15 meeting arriving 15 minutes late. I did something I usually do not do if I am late, but I did share. The topic was forgiveness and I had a special forgiveness to do. Yesterday I was very angry with God, I told him how dare he do this to Dolly, to me. How dare he, did he not know how this would hurt? Blah, blah, blah. And I did this in my prayer before bedtime. Of course it came to me that this was insanity. That God did not DO anything to me and I had to express forgiveness and ask forgiveness for myself. And I was able to forgive myself for my outburst. AND, as I should know, I go a lot of love from the group. However, my share was not for the attention, but to let out was happening and how I relied on the principles of AA and how I try to live them in all my affair. Of course, the love and support was incredible. Almost as incredible as the comments on my blog this morning. I also got an email of condolence from a good friend of mine that read the blog. His closing remark was "courage Camille." I love it. It was love with humor. Humor exists in everything, we just have to be accepting of it. I mean, really, the last thing Dolly did in her life was pee all over me. Now in the scope of it all, that was funny. Or was she saying Piss on You Asshole, How dare you put me down. I do not think so.
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Today was shrink day. I really unloaded a lot, most of it about Dolly and some of the things I have been holding on to. A very good and healing session.
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Tonight I have been on the internet at Petfinders.com and looking at rescue schnauzers. I got Dolly through a rescue group and I will get my next schnauzer from one of them. I paid $125 for Dolly in 1998. The going rate today is 2-300. It is well worth it. I found two little female doggies for which I have filled out an application. I'm in no rush, I just want to fill my house and my life with that unconditional love again. Peppy, Shatzi, and Dolly all gave me that and I want MORE of it.
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Tonight I am grateful for:
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God, My Higher Power.
My Sobriety.
The blessing to have Dolly's love for 10 wonderful years.
My loving sponsor.
The love from you, fellow bloggers.
AA
Forgiveness.
Acceptance.
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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.
4 comments:
Hugs!
you really did a lot of stuff "right" yesterday!
I wonder how normal people go thru these kinds of things in life with out a "home group" or a program? It must be double rough on them.
As painful as it is, it is our responsibility as responsible pet owners to say goodbye. It's that circle of life stuff. What Chester gives me now is knowing he is there to welcome others to the other side. That is his duty as it was mine to be humane to him.
You will get through it. There is another little one out there just waiting for the love your big heart will give it.
Bill over at planet bill told me off your recent loss. I am so sorry to hear about your baby. There is nothing to say except it "just sucks". I know that all too well being in veterinary medicine and having 3 babies of my own. I hope that time will heal your broken heart and one day the memories will all be good. Hang in there.
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