Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Five day synopsis

December 30 - My Truth--and your surest help in time of need--is as awesome as the night sky, and as simply, uncontrovertibly, trustful as a baby's gurgle. It is a loud as a pounding heartbeat--and as quiet as a breath taken in unity with Me. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 210.
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The following bullets are some things that have happened in the last five days that I want to share. I want to expand on some of them in the coming days, but just not in the right space, mentally, to do so right now. But right here and now I am Sober, I do not have a desire to drink, I do wish I could just disappear, know that I won't - damned it. But I also know that God is with me and I know there is only one pair of footpints on the ground right now. It will get better, it always does, I just do not like the ride at this moment. But I won't drink no matter what.
  • Lasted less than 22 hrs at Rosalie's.
  • Had Christmas Dinner with Joe, his sister and her husband and their son from Boston.
  • Friday - 10 AM meeting. Left the 12:15 meeting as I was having one of the worst panic/anxiety attacks I have had in a long time.
  • Realize I need to reschedule my psych appts back to weekly instead of the monthly we had just set up on Dec 23.
  • Saturday - Dinner with a group celebrating Dorians 4th AA birthday. Went to Birthday Meeting at Lambda, had to leave after Dorian and Rodney had received their chips. Tears started and by the time I drove away, I was bawling.
  • Sunday felt a bit better. Went to see a Movie - Frost/Nixon
  • Mental status improved.
  • Monday nondescript. But Mental state improving.
  • Tuesday - woke up with a huge bleed in my left eye. It was red and black. Called the Dr. - out til Monday - but called and determined for me to restart the eye drops and have a 2:45 appt for Monday, 01-04-09. Also no exertion or stress - ROFLMAO.
  • A long long long day. Can't read, can't watch TV. Just resting, listening to TV and music, mental status like a ball on a rubber string tied to a wooden racket. Remember those. Read blogs slowly - next best thing to a meeting.

Tonight I am grateful for:

  1. God, my Higher Power (He is working overtime right now)
  2. My Sobriety (Not in jeopardy)
  3. Mamie, my OCD Schnauzer (extra loving and close to me these past few days)
  4. My Sponsor (going through some tough health problems)
  5. I am not suicidal - a blessing of sobriety.
  6. A nice warm house here in France. (Jeanie, a Lambda friend, calls isolation her trip to France. So that sort of lends a brighter light to it)
  7. SPIRITUAL STRENGTH.
  8. My right eye.
  9. All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

5 comments:

Scott W said...

Next time just grab one of us from the meeting. Seriously.

This Too Shall Pass has gotten me through some of the roughest patches in my sobriety. It will get you through, too.

Have a Happy New Year! Maybe I will see you tomorrow night at TLC?

PRAYER GIRL said...

My heart and prayers are zooming your way right this moment.

That one set of footprints means you are at one of those times in life when you are about as close as one can get to the heart of God on this side of what they call "the veil". He is holding you against His body.

Life can be so very difficult, but I am so grateful that drinking is nowhere near your mind. God is good and very powerful.

More prayers......
Read my blog - I believe God is with you.

dAAve said...

I must have missed you call(s).
However, I am thankful for the example you show as to how to take care of oneself.

Findon said...

Hello Zane. I suspect that some of my Christmas was very similiar to yours. I look forward to reading your posts to come. Sorry to hear about the eye. It's a real downer when that happens. The thing I hate about it , is it stops me from doing. Which I guess is no bad thing now and again. Look after yourself.

Patty said...

Prayers out to you Zane. I have left meetings on the verge of tears also. It is only recently that I allow others to see me cry and get emotional. Now, take it easy and no ROFLMAO! Happy New Year friend!