Tuesday, December 2, 2008

What the Hell Happened?

December 2 - Thankfulness is the most powerful statement to God; an affirmation that even before you ask, I have answered. Therefore, never supplicate, appreciate. Meditations from Conversations with God, Book 1, page 11
I'm back! I am so confused over whatever in the hell happened at my sister's my head is still spinning. I saw my psych today and we talked for an hour over it. I can't write about it right now as I am still processing what happened. TGD went fairly well. Food was very good. Rosalie goes to bed at 6:30 or 7 PM. Sam did the same on TGD. Friday also. So Saturday afternoon I told Rosalie I was going into Beaumont to the Lambda AA meeting. She just went off. NO! I do not want you running around in Beaumont at night, you do not know the city and y0ou don't need AA anyway. You are not an alcoholic and never have been. You haven't had a drink in years. I was absolutely STUNNED. (I felt just like a child) Where in the hell did this Bitch Dragon come from and where was my Rosalie. I know she has never accepted the fact of my alcoholism but I thought we had gotten past that crap. The BD was there all weekend, it just came out in force on Saturday. I did not go to the meeting, but she did go to bed at 6:30 and Sam and I talked until 9 PM when he went to bed. Sunday we had breakfast and I left as originally planned. As I said I have a lot of processing to do. However, I am so proud of the way I handled this at the time.
In my drinking days I would have cussed her out, left in a rage, and swore I never wanted to see her again and that would also have been said. Then after the cooling of the well scorched landscape had settled one of us would have called the other and then we'd be back to being ok with each other. Sometimes it took days, weeks, or years. I sort of wanted to lash back, but God just took over and did for me what I could not do for myself - kept me from losing control. I did not argue. I did not nor still don't know what to say, so I just said, OK and left it at that. I really need to get with my sponsor and really talk about this. I need to pray for God's guidance (which I have 24/7) I will come out the other side of this intact. Right now, I do not want to go over there for Christmas. I need a loooooooonnnng break. I do not want to hurt her, but I have to take care of me. God help's me with that.
I am just so glad to be home. In my bed. In my house. With my thoughts, my music, my tv, my.......................! And I am so grateful for all of it. Just Mamie,Me, and My Higher Power, God. He helps me stay sober, he leads guides and directs me, and for that I am grateful. I have my blogger friends, and for that I am grateful.
Tonight I am also grateful for:
  • God, my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, My Schnauzer,
  • My Sponsor.
  • All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!


Findon said...

The unmanageability of life just visited you I guess Zane. I,ve stopped expecting normies to understand anything. It isn't their problems. So I just get on with it. Impressed with how you handled it. I would have flounced out and never spoken to her ever again. Shows you got real good sobriety Zane.

big Jenn said...

Hey, I missed ya. DB sounds like my family. I don't think I'll ever be able to not react to them. I would like to say that I'm all well and I can handle their "stuff", but I can't. Unfortunately , the flip side is that I miss them very much! Anyway... glad you're back.jeNN

Scott W said...

I do not understand family drama. What is the point?

I love that 12th promise!

J-Online said...

Wow. You handled the situation with grace. Good for you. Take care of yourself. You come first!

Pam said...

OMG Zane...I'm sorry you had to go through that!
Bless your heart.

Trailboss said...

Oh My! Stay calm ok?


Thank God you didn't let Rosalie's problem become yours.

God was definitely present.
AA promises coming true:
God will do for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
We will intuitively know how to handle situations that used to baffle us.

God bless you,
Prayer Girl

dAAve said...

Poor girl.
What she said has nothing to do with you. It has everything to do with her.