Friday, January 18, 2008

Every heart has its secret sorrows; which the world knows not,
Sometimes we call a man cold when he is only sad.Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
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Gooooooood Moooooorrning Allkies,
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Do you know where you are at. (Special for MC) Or rather do you know where you are at in your life with your friends. I thought I did but every now and then I realize changes need to be made. I have had this friend for over 30 years. At one time we were very tight. Three of us ran around together. We were the three bears, Betsy Mae Bear, Wilma Bear, and Rachel Bear. Eventually we grew apart, but kept in touch. Now Rachel Bear was a terror at times. If you did not agree with him, all hell appeared. So throughout the years I just let if roll off like I had a teflon back. The other day I received an email from him that was a piece of hate mail that has been making the rounds on the internet and is known to false. I sent him an email back that this was false and I was surprised that he would do this as it is over two years old. WOW!!! I got a very caustic email back stating that he did not want nor expect a reply to email and since I thought it necessary to do so, he would appreciate it if I would take him off of my email list as he was doing so with me. Incensed, I sent a return email stating "Thank God, something finally worked." Not nice I know. But I no longer wear the resentments that have stacked up over the years. There is a lot more to this story, but I won't burden you with that, this is probably already too much. But I feel so much better that I stood up and said in essence "I will not take your outbursts any longer, fuck off." Enough.

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Today has been a good day. Have not left the property at all. Not even a movie. I was supposed to go to a fundraiser meeting but decided that I had said I was taking the year off and I was going to stick to it. So in my head I have declared that this is one of the Promises working in my life. We will intuitively know how to handle things which used to baffle us.

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The countdown continues: Today I am posting about Friday, January 17, 1992. I am told I was put to couch about 3 AM. I kept asking for another tequilla shot. I am up at 11 AM and OUCH, my feel bad is dying. So I have a quick margarita and then coffee and a roll. About noon or so a group of us went to brunch, and then knocked around. We were back home about 4 or so and the 8 of us started the cleanup routine to go to the bar at 9 for a party the bar was throwing in honor of the CCMC Anniversary. I can only remember bits and pieces of the night because I was totaled out on Scotch and water than about midnite I switched to tequilla. I came out of a black out in a motel room with no clothes and in bed with a lesbian and several other naked men. Nothing was going on, we were just naked and drinking and playing some game. Next I know it is about 9am and these two lesbians wer in the bed and I was on the couch. All still sans clothes. The guys have all teased me ever since that I had a three way with the lesbians. ICK!!! Next thing I know I am back at Blake's Lots of remarks like "Girl you should be dead by now, You really were pretty last nite, Hows Lisa, etc. ICK!!! Anyway I went to the back bedroom and went to bed. And the clock ticked on.

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Today I am Grateful for:

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My Higher Power

My Sobriety

Dolly my Schnauzer

My Sponsor

That I no longer have blackouts

That I have learned to take responsibility for all of my actions

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.