Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

The first thing to understand about the universe is that no condition is "good" or "bad." It just is. So stop making value judgments. Meditations from "Conversations with God." page 79.

Tuesday wound up being a pretty good day. A nice quiet rain started about 4 PM and just sort of put a calm over my house. Today I will have to build a fire as it supposed to still be raining. The last two days of my posts have been quite cathartic for me. I have not been in such close touch with that last week of my drinking since it actually took place. I have always included it in my share or if I am fortunate enough to be asked to tell my story. But always in a very general way. The best thing about Tuesday is that I got another 24 hours of sobriety under my cap. Now that is a Miracle in itself. And I was not in a hospital, on antibiotics or such, just practicing the suggestions as set forth in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. So simple.
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Today is Wednesday, January 16, 1992. I need to do a flash back with a little more details as to why my drinking became so much worse than it had been. As I told you yesterday, I was in a mental hospital as a full time or partial hospitalization for 5.5 months. During that time I had very little alcohol consumption. My 50th Birthday party I did not get drunk or even a buzz on. However as soon as I completed my hospitilization I moved up to the mountains above SanBernardino and returned to work. From Mid October until the end of December 1991 I commuted to downtown LA: round trip 210 miles daily. My drinking just really got worse than it ever had. End of Flashback. Usual hangover, usual vomit, however, no snow overnight so no need to spread the catlitter. Just me, a margarita, ice coffee and the drive to Riverside to work. As I stood there waiting for the elevator a co-worker told me I looked like hell and smelled of tequilla. I said I have a hangover but I will be on mainline tequilla for my long weekend. She just laughed and made some remark. So my workday was again not to productive and I left the office at 1 Pm for the drive to see my shrink in Beverly Hills. On the drive home I got a couple of icees from 7-11 and finally got home and did my usual - frozen margaritas, a couple or three or so scotch and waters and wine with dinner. I also packed the car for the trip to San Diego because I knew that I would not feel like fucking with it in the AM. Got up about 10, fixed a pitcher of frozen margaritas and off I went. I got Ice Coffee and a couple of biscuits in San Bernardino and off I went. Got to San Diego about 2 that afternon and went to my friends where I was staying for the weekend. Off to Price Club we went to stock the house for the weekend, there would be about 10 of us in the house. I got myself three 1.75 bottles of tequilla. To his house we went. I have now had many margaritas and am feeling very welll. It is time to party and some of the others came in and by 9 O'clock we were in the bars. Thursday ended and I am told they poured me into the car about 1 PM after I just wilted like a dying weed in the bar. I did not fall down. I just floated to the floor in mid-sentence. I'm told I had fun. The room did not spin tonite but clock did keep ticking.
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Today I am Grateful for:
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My Higher Power
My Sobriety
Dolly, my Schnauzer
My sponsor.
As I read this stuff I am writing I am so thankful that it is HISTORY
That I have been given a daily reprieve from the insatiable desire for booze
That I traveled into a deep depression during the day and came out of it this PM
That I still have a treasury of friends both in and out of AA
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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

4 comments:

Pam said...

With this program, we truly re-invent ourselves..don't you think sugar? I'm so glad that I'm able to hear your story because it puts the miracle of recovery right in front of me.

dAAve said...

Remarkable recall.
Do you eat Mexican food?

Scott W said...

Anyone would drink if they had to drive 210 miles round trip daily to work. That is insanity!

That is one big paragraph!

Zane-nawwaa said...

Scott, remember I had been in a mental hospital for 5.5 months. I just said I released, not well.
Tee Hee.