Tuesday, January 22, 2008

TUESDAY, January 22, 2008

Every Heart has its secret sorrows, which the world knows not,
Often times we call a man cold, when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
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Hoooooowdy ALKIES,
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I'm posting late due to eye doctor appointment and to have something to say. HEH HEH. When I first got up this AM, yes AM. 10 AM in fact, I could not see clearly at all out of my left eye. But it cleared to just a blur within 30 minutes. My appoint was for 1:30 and my friend Joe was coming to pick me up. We got to the DR office and in I went. They did some tests before she saw me. And I do have glaucoma. and my vision has changed, but they won't do anything until this current problem is resolved. Dr. came in and I described what happened and she looked at my eye with the thingy. She said well you certainly made a very clear description of what you were seeing. I have a blood vessel hemorrhage in my left retina. She referred me to a retinologist and even made the appointment for me which is for 2:30 tomorrow afternoon. She said I could drive but be very careful. The current problem is a progression of my diabetes. Now I did not want to hear that. So with that taken care of Joe and headed home.
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Progression of my diabetes. Well, that just knocked me right out of denial. I do try to take care of myself and take my diabetic med but do not adher to a diabetic diet because my blood sugars are so in control that I have decided I can do otherwise. Now my Dr. is aware of this and he has told me I need to do better but he is pleased with my sugar counts. Now sugar counts are very important but this fing disease works like a hidden bandit with other parts of my body. I know this, but at 66 with no previous problems I thought well I have pretty well taken care of my diabetes and I'm ok. WRONG.
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Now I'm concerned about my kidneys as the ER dr said my blood tests showed my kidney count is 186 and that is high. I have an appt with my internist for that, but had to reschedule depending on what the retinologist does tomorrow. Am I a bit scared? Yes. But I am not wallowing in this development. It is something I just have to live through, take care of, and make the indicated adjustments. And the fact that I'm quite overweight probably does not help this at all. Well, now the rubber has hit the road. I have to do something besides what I have been doing. CHANGES are on the horizon.
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I strongly believe that the way I have attended to my alcoholism, have been successful for many years, that this. to, can be controlled. The last wake-up call I had was in 2002 when I would not fit in an MRI machine because I was too fat. That certainly awakened the incomprehisable dmoralization that I had to get the weight off. I did. I went To OA and lost 60 lbs within 6 - 8 months. So I now HAVE to do something again. you know it just takes what it takes.
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I have been diligent with my AA program and can just use the same diligence on my other problems. This realization has been slowly coming out of the fog. I know but I did not want to do the work. Well, honey, diabetes I am finding is also a cunning, powerful disease. And it ain't gonaa get me DOWN.
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It's just progress, not perfection. and all the other slogans. More to come.
I wanted to do another quote, but with my eyes dialated I can't read the small print of my meditation book. So tomorrow I will have to do the 22 and 23rd. I hope you all can read this.
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Today I am grateful for:
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My Higher Power - GOD.
My Sobriety
Dolly, My Schnauzer.
My Sponsor
Friends that care and help me through the rough spots.
Two new people that stopped by my blog
Having all my legs, arms, eyes, feet, hands, and my digits.
My sobriety does not feel threatened.
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Now y'all be pretty now, ya' heah.

4 comments:

dAAve said...

Change.
Does it ever stop?

Zane-nawwaa said...

Hell No, it's like taxes and death.

Pam said...

Dear darlin' sugar butt...you are so right when you say it takes what it takes...and NONE of us want to do the work involved to take care of ourselves without a push from somewhere. How great that you are makeing appointments, keeping them and listening to the doctors. That in itself is a big deal for an alcoholic.

Scott W said...

Can you see me now?