Tuesday, June 2, 2009

MAY - Started on a Downer; Ended with a Miracle.

Most people enter into relationships with an eye toward what they can get out of them, rather than what they can put into them. June 2 Conversations with God, Book 1, page 122
Hey there my alkie friends. How the hell are all y'all? Thank God the month of May is gone. It has been a very hard month for me to get through and this one was worse than most. I just could not deal with blogging, it was just too much for me. But I did do my AA program, I am still sober, and a miracle to report. Well, it's a miracle to me.
The second Sunday in May I saw my oldest sister's husband's
obituary in the Houston Chronicle. He died on April 28. That was the first anniversary of Dollie's passing. Just a note. This is the sister that I have not seen since 1964, and have only spoken to a half dozen times since then. Wanda and I just never got along and she told my Mother that she should have me committed to a mental institution to get me cured for being gay. This was the last straw and I just wrote her off. Of course there is more to this but I won't go into all that. I called her a few times and she was always so cold, so I just wrote her off. The last time we talked was about 1992 and that was a whole 2 minutes. I was in Houston on vacation and I thought I would reach out one more time to see if maybe we could have some sort of a relationship. She told me I should have called much earlier, I said well I'm here for 2 weeks. Well, we really won't be able to see you, next time call for an appointment. I wished her well and hung up. Now at this time I had been sober about 6 - 8 months.
Wanda is the oldest of Mother's 5 children and is 88. I called her son, Byron to offer my condolenses and he was very glad to hear from me. He is 5 years younger than me at 62. We talked for a good 45 minutes. He also told me that he had been estranged from his parents at one time due to their drinking, but they had gotten over that. I was surprised about the drinking because I was under the impression that Wanda had been in AA since 1951. WRONG. Evidently only did a cameo appearance. Anyway I told him I would love to talk to her but just could not go through the rejection again. He told me he was sure that would not happen and to call her, that she would probably be glad to hear from family. I tried calling her and no answer so I decided that she saw caller ID and just did not answer.
So I sent her a sympathy card on Friday May 22. The following Friday, May 29 (23rd anniversary of Mother's Death) I got home from my double dip meetings and checked my mail and damned near stroked out. There was a card from Wanda. (She has lived in Houston since 1961 which I knew). I carefully opened it and I was suprised and moved to tears of Joy. She was so glad to hear from me, must have been out when I called, she always answers when she is home. "I would love to see you soon. Please get in touch. O.K.? Love, Wanda. So I called her and we talked for about 20 minutes and ended the call with a lunch date for Sunday, May 31. She lives at the Forum at Post Oak and I-10. It is a high rise with private residences, assisted living, and then a full nursing home section.
So I called her just before I left and asked her if I needed to go through security or what. She said no, I'll meet you in the lobby. I told her fine, I would call her when I turned onto Post Oak. I left home at 12:15 and on my way I said my prayers and a special prayer to be accepting to whatever unfolded and to be given the strength in case she changed her mind. I got to Post Oak a bit earlier than out 1 PM time. So I called and there was no answer. I tried again - no answer. So I still went there and found a parking spot and went in. I was stopped at the door by the security guards who asked whom I was there to see. I told hime her name and that she was to meet me in the lobby which is fairly large. She was not there. So the receptionist called and no answer. Then asked if I was expected and I confirmed yes. They tried a couple of more times and then sent someone up to check. A couple of minutes later the elevator opened and out stepped Wanda, she had been waiting in the 9th floor lobby. She was smiling and said well it is so good to see you, it's been a long time. So we sat and talked a few minutes and she asked well what are we going to do, and I said well we had planned to go to lunch and she said oh that's right, well where. We settled on Goode's Barbecue on Katy Hwy and away we went. We had a very pleasant lunch and a beautiful visit. She's a bit confused but mostly ok and fairly sharp for 88. She still drives. She did not want to talk about anybody but her husband and us. She mentioned 3 or 4 times - My husband died recently you know, and followed it up immediately with I'm repeating myself. About an hour into the visit she asked me " Why did we get so mad at each other." I was floored. I told her what Mother had told me and she replied Zane, I would never do that. So you'e gay - So. That's no biggy. (That was when the old line from "Whatever happened to Baby Jane?" at the end of the movie Bette Davis looked at Joan Crawford and said "You mean after all this time, we could have been friends.") Then I told her that Rosalie had always said that Mother just made that up, but it fit in with all that had happened before. I did not bring up the fact that they never helped me with Mother, because there is not need to at this late date. Anyway we visited for an hour more and then I took her Home. When I parked she squeezed my hand and said, now we must keep in touch, I'm terrible at calling, but call me. We must have more of these visits. I let her out and took her to the door, and she again repeated the let's do this again soon, and next time you'll have to come up to the apartment. She went in and I came home.
Now I don't know what will really come of this, but I am so happy that I have those two hours. I'm sure we'll get around to talking about a lot of things, but I do not think Sunday May 31 2009 can be improved upon. I thank God and I am so glad I went on did the footwork. The payoff was GREAT.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God, My higher power.
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie my OCD schnauzer.
  • My sponsor who is home and is recovering well.
  • The building of a new sibling relationship.
  • Rosalie is very happy about this and was very encouraging.
  • My Right eye.
  • My left eye improving and June 9 I will find out when the major surgery will be.
  • A good time at Hayden's bithrday party.
  • A great Birthday night at Lambda - 432 years sobriety.
  • All y'all.


Findon said...

Wonderful news Zane. I am estranged from my children, they don't want to see me, but your post shows what can happen, given time. I am very, very happy that I can read you again.

dAAve said...

good stuff

Scott W said...

Well, that post was worth the wait! I know you are feeling good about that relationship now. That's a good thing!

Prayer Girl said...

Oh Dear Zane,

Mr. Steveroni and I were just mentioning you again last night. We have missed your posts and have just been waiting for the day you would pick up your blogging again.

Welcome back. This is such a wonderful story of love and the power of TIME. I am so happy for you - the sober life surely is a life of miracles.

I continue to pray for your eyes.
Prayer Girl

Syd said...

I have missed you Zane. It's good to have you back posting. And it is great that you reconnected with your sister. Maybe she has come to a place where she recognizes that what's important is having someone to care about and to not be lonely. I like the idea that she has forgotten why there were difficulties. It is like all that has been swept away. It sounds like a miracle.

Queenneenee said...

Hi Zane, it's so good to see a post from you again! I love reading you! I am very happy for you regarding your sister. I can't imagine being estranged for so long from a sibling. You sound great and you're not alone, May is a hard month for me too. Welcome back friend.

Steve E. said...

I comtinually marvel at God's Goodness...how He works things out in such a way to bring us happiness, out of sadness, sorrow, guilt, fear,
chaos, broken hearts, and on and on.

And as I read your blog this morning, Zane, my heart filled with a joy I cannot explain, i became physically warm as toast. It is almost like God is saying, "See? I can make the unlikely seem quite normal!"

Thank You God, and thank you, Zane, for taking the time to tell me/us your experience.

Trailboss said...

Zane....so glad you are back posting again. It's good that you and your sister are able to have a relationship now. I can't imagine life w/o my brother in it.