Monday, January 28, 2008

January 28. Every heart which earnestly asks, Which is the path to God? is shown. Meditations from "Conversations with God." page 94
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I really wish it were possible to "can" the really good moments like in the day I had on Saturday. I was so up and so scared it would end. But it did get through the day and most of yesterday. AND THEN BLAM. Major depression raised it's ugly head and just wore me out for the rest of yesterday and most of today. I saw my internist this afternoon and he is very concerned about the way my diabetes has wopped me with diabetic retinopathy. Mainly because my quarterly tests show that it is and has been under control most of the time. He is consulting with an endocrinologist and after the tests I will do for the next few days, they can come up with an answer. I also have the first laser treatment for the retinopathy this Thursday. So I can drop off the one of the tests, get blood drawn before my 10:30 laser treatment. This is good, so I do not have to make another trip to the Midtown. As far as the depression goes, I just have to ride it out and I KNOW that it will pass, it's just that when it does get like this I fear that it is settling in for a long while. That has not happened in a long while, but the fear is from my history of depression. I am much better than I was last year or even 5 years ago. I just have to keep the faith. Just like with my alcoholism, I have to remember that I will get better, sometimes quickly and sometimes slowly. Just grab one of the tools from my tool box and work at it.

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Today I am grateful for:

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My Higher Power, GOD.

My Sobriety.

Dolly, my Schnauzer.

My sponsor.

Faith.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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