An enormous menu of beingness

In seeking to be Me, the soul has a grand job ahead of it; an enormouse menu of beingness from which to choose.  And that is what it is doing in this moment now.  December 17 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 173

I was havving trouble coming up with a title for tonights post, so when I read the meditation I just loved the "Enormous Menu" comment.  But this just covered any and everything that was running through this alcoholics mind that it just came to a screeching halt and said Yea, that's the ticket.

Today was eye doctor day.  Very good report, I don'[t go back again until March. YAAAAAAAAA. No more laser surgery this year.  God is good!

Joe has moved to St Josephs and had three physical therapy sessions today plus a group therapy session for seniors that are mobile challenged.  I am so happy for him.

Today was especially good for me because it was another day for me to be practicing being sober and living those principals in all my affairs.  I no longer have to make the effort, It just seems to be second nature.  But I am really challenged on some days, not to drink, but to just make it through the day.  As long as I am sober, I know I can do that.  It's just not going to get any better than that.  Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Petey, the devil dog.
• Being sighted.
• That I made amends to my Endocronologist's nurse this afternoon in person.
• That I can make the right choices most days
• That the oh oh's are almost gone.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Back to the Grind.

The soul's decision precedes the body's action in a highly conscious person. December 16  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

As you can see, I have figured out a way to access my ATT YAHOO connection.  None of my settings are like I had them.  Still have not reloaded my Windows Office 2003, but I can do that within the next day or so.I do have my speed back and hopefully have gotten rid of the gremlins.  I did a complete restore system, quite a feat for me.  I know here I was an IBM employee for 3 decades and am basically computer illiterate.  But I must have picked up some of the stuff so we will se how long this lasts.

Petey, the devil dog, is getting on my nerves a bit.  I call him devil dog because he has red eyes and he just stares a hole through me. He's pretty good, I'm just a one dog person.  God works in wondrous ways, as I was contemplating being a foster person for rescued Schnauzers.  Two dogs is more than I can handle.  Not compllaining, just stating the facts, mam.  Joe is now at St Josephs for his physical rehab as of this afternoon.  He sounds better than he has for 10 days.  There is some life in his voice.  He is getting anxious to get home, but does not want to go too soon.

My aquatic therapy is being renewed for another 12 sessions starting 01-04-10.  My flexibility has really improved.  Today I was able to put one foot up on the other knee and put on my socks.  Those feet have not seen one of my knees in years. It's a miracle.(GRIN hmm now where did I borrow that). Can you believe there are only 15 days left of this decade.  Hallelujah.

I'm creeping on my 18th birthday.  It is January 20.  That's another miracle, no alcohol in all that time, day and night.  Really.  You all know that is possible - one day at a time.  I just love me some sobriety.  It rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• A sunny day forecast for Friday. 
• That the Oh-Oh's are coming to an end.  Time magazine aptly calls it the Decade from Hell.
• Rosalie has gotten over her sick feeling.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Computer Problems

Hi all.  I am having computer problems, not sure if you will receive or be able to view this.  I got to this thru AOL and I'm an ATT U-verse user.  Peace.

I fear incompetent people.

The First Law is that you can be, do and have whatever you can imagine. The Second Law is that you attract what you fear.  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" December 14 - page 54

Damned it.  I fear incompetent people, especially those that work in doctor's offices.  One of my doctors has a nurse that has a competency deficency.  Especially when it comes to my medications.

We have gone round and round, I have complained, I have screamed, I have prayed, I HAVE PRAYED, and the woman could screw up an order for aspirin.  I would just once like to hit her on the head with an iron skillet, maybe it would repair whatever damage is up there, it certainly could not hurt her any more.  Oh, LORDY, I need to pray some more.  Tonite she has struck again, she ordered a brand medicine, when my chart says to always order the generic.  The brand costs ME $80.26.  The generic is 6.30.  I called her this afternoon and told her rather LOUDLY that she had screwed up again, I caught my breath, apologized, and asked her to call my mail pharmacy and make the correction, we went over this carefully and I thought she had it down.  I checked the order online and DAMNED if she did not screw it up again, she not only ordered the same med at the same price, but ordered an additional medication that is a generic for another blood pressure medication for a total of 90.78.  I think I have put a hold on this order for 24 hours, but won't know until after 9:30 AM tomorrow.  I swear, it's like the Katznjammers are in charge at my endocronologists office.  And I feel like I'm going to have to call out Alley Oop or Popeye to help me.   I just need to turn this over, PRAY about it, and get my blood pressure down before I stroke out.  Right now I need some of PAMs attitude, just get through this day and handle tomorrow when it gets here.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the tthings I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.  The prayer is not God Grant me the courage to kill the people that piss me off when my Serenity is challenged, and the Wisdom to hide the body.....................  You know that one.  I just have never acted on that and with the ability to stay sober, I never will.  Thank God for sobriety.  It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor
• Petey, my God-dog. (Joes' pup)
• Joe is going to the physical rehab center at St Joseph's hospital within the next two days.
• Two party invitations today.
• Not falling, almost but not, at the movie when I stood up this afternoon.
• God working in my life.
• Friends
• Family
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Weekend to Remember

Ultimately all Spirit renounces what is not real, and nothing in the life you lead is real, same you relaionship with Me.  December 13 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 100

What a truly weekend to remember.  First it was election day here in the great city of Houston.  The city elected a new mayor who happens to be a lesbian.  But not one word of her opening remarks were reported in the media of this nation.  Her opening remarks in her 9:30 PM speech, paraphrased, were " I am so proud to be the Houston's first elected mayor that is a  graduate of Rice University."  What a great line.  What a woman.  She is also a member of Mensa.

Secondly, I was a guest at an open house for two lesbians celebrating the completion of their new home.  What a house.  Just a little place out off Memorial in about 7200 square feet. A kitchen to die for, with an island that is unsurpassed by any I have ever seen.  The house also features two pieces of art by Scott W. facing each other from the entryway to the far wall of the living room.  Oh, and the two hostesses, welll, they are in the program with long term sobriety, and I am blessed to have them as friends.  Ah, the gifts of sobriety.

Saw a movie "The Road" today.  HEAVY.  But with Viggo Mortenson at his best.  Then it was off to Park Plaza Hospital for a visit with Joe.  He is doing quite well.  Sitting up watching TV and talking on the phone when I arrived.  We had a good visit.  Seems he will go to a Skilled Nursing Facility focusing on physical rehab during the next week.  He is on an 1800 calorie per day diet.  Hell, he usually gets more than that just in his daily intake of wine.  He tickles me, he has given up liquor, just drinks wine.  Reminds me of chapter 3, "switching from scotch to brandy, drinking only natual wines................."  This is my favorite chapter in the big book, More on Alcoholism, page 30-31 to ad infinitum.  When this was read at my first meetings, I so identified with it that I knew I was in the right place.  (I also call it More about Zane. Read it that way once and was called to task about it by someone I respected, but who has never mustered more than a year in the last 25.  At the time, I thought he was an old timer.)  I am so happy to trudge the road of Happy Destiny that they wrote for us.  I just wish they could see what they blessed us with throught the help of their Higher Power.  Sobriety rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Petey, our weeney dog houseguest.
• Joe's progress
• Sharing recovery with others
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!

Turn toward Me and away from anything unlike Me.  Meditations from "Conversations with God, Book 1" page 104

The title of tonight's post is what I would really like to be doing right now.  I am so tired.  I got up in the middle of the night (8:30AM) for me.  But I made my 10 AM meeting and also my 12:15 and then lunch with the guys.  Then I buzzed by Park Plaza Hospital to visit Joe and they had just given him some meds that were knocking him out plus his seventh pint of blood.  I left him sleeping and came home.  Mamie and Petey were glad to see me. 

Then came the news hour and the headline of the 11th Tiger Tramp surfacing, and #2 denying that she is a prostitute or EXCUSE ME an escort.  A good headline could have been Tiger Tart Trumps the Tramps.  And now he's taking an indefinite leave of absence from professional golf to spend time with his wife and kids.  Seems to me he's taking leave from the wrong "Profession."  In a way I'm reminded of my Father, he went from woman to woman to woman and even married ten of them, my Mother being # 2.  When I was 4 maybe 5 yers old Dad toook my mother's best friend, Algerita Johnson and I up by the state prison in Rawlins.  Dad told me to sit in the front seat and be still and not move because one of the guards might shoot me.  Then he and Algerita got in the back seat and made noises I had never heard before and I just knew we were all going to be shot.  Later in life Dad got sober, married #10, and had quit his philandering and had 25 years of sobriety under his belt at his death..  But to me the one thing he did with Algerita puts all the crap Tiger, Clinton, Letterman, and others of that ilk in the shade.  What he did to me that day has to trump whatever they did.  They did not scare the HELL of their child.  Wow, I just realilzed what a resentment I have over this.  Well, one more ring comes off the onion.  I now have a resentment to caste out.  I know I can do it, I've done heavier ones than this, but not much.  I do know though that I will work through this with prayer, determination and using the tools that I have gotten as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous.  When I started my post tonight I had no idea I would wind up with this.  Tomorrow I will wake up and will have left this behind me.  So I guess the lession here, is for me to realize how the wreckage of my father's past has haunted me, how it pops up from time to time, and that I can move through it and come out the other side and remain sober.  I know I'm not the first one to go through this kind of stuff, but I am the one that experienced this wreckage.  I will not claim that this is the reason I drank, I drank because I like it, a small part of it might have been an escape mechanism, but I'm the one that ordered the drink, paid for it, and knew the consequences.  Man, I am so fortunate not to live like that any more.  Sobriety Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• 2 great meetings today
• friends
• All y'all . 

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

The attack of the Gremlins.

Are you going to be in a place called fear, or in a place called love?  Where are you--and where are you coming from--as you encounter life?  December 10 -  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 172

I was kinda down in the dumps because after 4 days back blogging, I only a couple of responses.  I thought well, I guess I have my comeupance (sp) because I don't post everyday.  Now that bothered me for three days.  I even left a comment on another blogger's comments to drop by.  I was not getting my usual email alerts that I had comments to be moderated.  Wah, nobody loves/likes me anymore.  So this morning I decided to check comment moderation and lo and behold there were over a dozen comments.  Now how did they get there?  I had checked it prior to my self thrown pity party.  It was a shot in the ole pepper upper.  Not only were they there, but some had been there since Monday.  So now that I was back in the land of LIKE, I cancelled the remaining hours of the pitty party.  Then I went back to email, read my in box, then checked spam folder and I had 81 messages.  I started to delete all, but decided to scan them before.  And again, there y'all were.  But why did you wind up in my spam mail?  So just to be sure I did not miss any I clicked on publish and got "comment previously moderated."  What the heck.  I don't know why everyone wound up on my "spam folder", I have not changed anything.  Only two of you got through and I am wondering why not all of you.  It has to be the Gremlins.  Why me?  And now I am reminded of contempt before investigation.  Whatever, but just a Big THANK YOU to those that commented.  I guess it just keeps it all interesting and reminds me not to take things for granted.  Now if I had been drinking, I would have probably, no actually sent or called each of you and told you to go to hell, that I did not need this shitty treatment, and I did not need you in my world.  So I guess I should thank the Gremlins for showing me once more the joys of a new way of living as a sober member of Alcoholics Anonymous instead of the angry all blaming drunk that I used to be.  I am so grateful for that daily reprieve.  I love Living sober.  It Rocks.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor
• Being of service to my friend Joe.
• Enjoying the interaction between Mamie and Petey.
• Tomorrow is double dip day.
• Family
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

A sight that made me eyes sore!

Life's irony is that as soon as world goods and world success are of no concern to you, the way is open for them to flow to you.  December 9 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 176

Aquatic therapy has been so good to me.  I am so much more mobile and flexible than before.  I can do so many things automatically that I have not been able to do for the last 4 - 5 years.  It is like a miracle.  Actually it is a miracle.  I have a 1.2 hour workout three times a week.  My stomache is flatter, well it probably won't be noticable to you, but I sure can tell in the way my pants fit.  I'm down a size, AGAIN, and it just keeps getting better.  I have lost about 10 lbs.  I did shopping a Wal-Mart yesterday and could walk from one side to the other without hurting.  My breathing is easier after walking etc.  I do not think I could have gotten the same results with land thereapy.  This past Monday I increased the pool walking laps from 2 each to 3 each of normal walking, sideways, and backwards.  1/2 lap is about 25 feet.  I also have increased my sitting reps from 15 to 20.  Progress, just progress that's just what it is.  Yep physical progress, but that would not be possible without my spiritualality being right on a positive track. 

During these past few weeks I have met several people in the pool.  Most are just there for a couple of weeks and they move on.  This past Monday a woman in her late 50s (my assumption) started and is just a Chatty Cathy.  She told me, the other patient, and the two therapist her back problem history - separately.  She is what I call the eternal Cheerleader, just bubbly, youthful, and dressed a bit cutsey for her time in life.  She had on this one piece bathing suit that fit her quite well and had a bit of a ballerina skirt on it.  We finished about the same time and were exiting the pool at the same time so let her go up the steps in front of me.  WRONG DECISION.  As she got to the 5th and top step I started up and there it was, her big naked butt staring right back at me - she had on a frigging thong under the skirt.  That was just more than I needed to see and definitely inappropriate for the setting. I could have sworn I heard her taking my picture.  I wanted to just burst out laughing but stifled it until I got to the Men's shower and I let go and just had a good belly laugh at her expense.  I'm glad I was by myself.  Today she showed up at the end of my session and I could not look at her face or I would have busted a gut.  I finished and went to the showers.  I escaped another event of  "Let me show you my Thong."

Tonight I am grateful for:

• 
  
  God, my Higher Power
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sobriety
  
  
  
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sponsor
  
  
  
• 
  
  A good visit with Joe at the hosp.
  
  
  
• 
  
  That 5 pints of blood was available for him.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Movies
  
  
  
• 
  
  Friends
  
  
  
• 
  
  All y'all
  
  
  

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Today contains the history of yesterday.

All of your holy scriptures--of every religious persuasion and tradition--contain the clear admonition: Fear not.  Do you think
 this is by accident.  Decenber 8  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 54

At 3 AM this morning Joe was admitted to the hospital after being tested, poked, pinched, and x-ray'd.  He had been in the ER since 4 PM yesterday.  Diagnosis - bleeding ulcer.  This is the second time in three years.

I was talking with an old mutual friend of ours today and mentioned that I just wish Joe would take care of himself.  Ed laughingly said you know the two of you have been saying that about each other for over 40 years. HRMPH!  Well, was I put in my place or what.  But it is true, I cannot deny this and Joe and I have really told each other the same thing.  Sometimes it just takes the same from another perspective.  Hence the title of today's post.  I just wonder if Joe's Dr. really knows how much wine Joe drinks on a daily basis.  We have the same PCP and I have wanted to tell Gathe this for some time.  I can't help but think this is part of the source of Joe's problem.  However, I guess I'll just take care of my side of the street but it's hard not to do it in the name of Joe's health.  Oh yess, see how easy it is to justify.  Joe's oldest brother is in the program with 27 years and a couple of nephews with double digit sobriety.  But I want to meddle; I want to take charge; I want to SAVE my best friend; I want him to be free of bondage.  I just needed to put this out there.  I will talke to my sponsor about this.  (Clean your side of the street.  BUT....Clean your side of the street, BUT..........!

I have always been prone to try to SAVE someone.  Within the last two weeks a couple I know has lost their home of 10 years to foreclosure.  The woman has AIDS, thanks to a druggie ex-husband, and they have really had a bad two years.  Joe know them also.  So here I sit in a 3 bedroom two bath home, by myself.  So I decide that I should offer for them to move in with me for about three months to help them out and also they could help me finish getting my place in order. (I've been here 5 years)  So I thought I'd run it past Joe before I made the order.  I decided to do this on the second ring to call the couple.  When I told Joe of my plan.....there was just silence on the other end of the phone and then  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR F'ing MIND!  Don't you know they would drive you nuts.  They are good people but the Mrs. talks non-stop at times and they have a 16 year old daughter.  NEED I SAY MORE!   Ok, Ok, Ok, I see your point thank goodness I talked this over with you first   Then I told this to Rosalie during the TG week, she said I can't believe you sometimes, I with Joe and then we had a big laugh..    HARUMPH!  The day after the conversation with Joe I dropped off a bunch of boxes ( from my  move from LA) over to the couple and they told me about the apartment they have rented and been slowly moving into for the last week.  So even without Joe's imput God was doing for ME what I could not do for myself.  BIG MESSAGE.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• 
  
  God my Higher Power
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sobriety
  
  
  
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sponsor
  
  
  
• 
  
  Movies
  
  
  
• 
  
  Joe
  
  
  
• 
  
  Realizing Compassion does not mean taking over.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Friends
  
  
  
• 
  
  All y'all.
  
  
  

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

What a difference a Day Makes.

Go ahead and do what you really like to do!  Do nothing else!  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 185

It's very easy to do what I really like.  That's staying sober one day at a time and I'm closing in on 18 years.  January 20, 2010 is the day.  Any of you remember the song "What A Difference A Day Makes", we are all proof that it is so true. 

Yesterday I went over to Joe's for us to do our Sunday cooking.  When I got there he was having a hell of a time breathing and that was at 3 PM.  He got a better, but any exercise like taking his walker to the bathroom just wore him out plus he was having a tightness in his chest.  I wanted to take him to Park Plaza to the Emergency Room and he was afraid they would keep him.  So I did some chopping and seasoning for the Tortilla Soup we were making and he just kept getting worse.  Then I told him to call his DR and he did not want to because the Dr. always tells him to go to the  ER. Well, duh.  Finally about 6:30 he called his sister  and she said for him to come over there for the night so they could keep an eye on him.  Got all his meds together and his "stuff" for one night.  He asked me if I could keep Petey, his miniature dachshound and of course I said yes.  His sister is nervouse around dogs due to an incident in her childhood.  So we got him over to her house about 8 PM.  Man I was just wiped out. I got home about 9:30 aftter a stop at Whataburger for their A1 Thick and Hearty.  The soup was not done and it is in the fridge at Joe's.  I brought Petey home, and Mamie was just a doll with him.  They've been around each other and it was as if she understood why he was here.

Joe went to the ER about 4:15 this afternoon and is still there as of 10:15.  His breathing and chest pain has increased and they are just waiting for test results.  I hope they keep him.  This just has not been his year.  I love Joe dearly and he has been my best friend for over 40 years.  His partner, Karl, passed in May 08 and we have become closer.  No romance, just spend a lot of time together.  I worry about him as he still imbibes a bit excessively, but that is none of my business.  I'm his friend and I don't judge, I tell him what I think but don't meddle.  Say a prayer for him. 

Tonight I am grateful for:

God my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my schnauzer

My Sponsor.

That I can be there for Joe, Rosalie, and others.

That Mamie gave her daybed up for Petey.

Those of you who always blog.

Friends.

Family.

All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Too much going on.

I have given you a free will--the power to do as you choose--and I will never take that away from you ever.  December 6 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Booke 1" page 5

Lordy be.  So much is going on in my life right now that I am so blessed to have free will.  However, it does not run riot.  I can just bullet these things in a Gratitude list.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Rosalie - had a most beautiful 8 days with her at Thanksgiving.  It was probably the best times we have ever had.
• Thanks to her back surgery last summer, they caught her lung cancer at early Stage 1.
• She is having radiation treatments 5 days weekly thru January 4, 2010.
• I will be going over the Tuesday of Christmas week to take her for two treatments on that day.  Then I will go back Monday of New Years week to take her for two treatments for that Tuesday.  I will probably stay thru New Years Day and return home on Jan 2., 2010.
• Positive results from my aquatic therapy.  I have completed 6 weeks of 3 days per week and I am amazed at the strength that I now have in my legs.  I can walk so much better now and mostly without the pain I was experiencing before.  I have difficulty in standing in place to fix a meal, but that is positive progress.  I can also squat to get stuff off floor or out of bottom of cabinets.and get back up with the strength in my legs. A REALLY BIG DEAL.
• I am blessed to have such a wonderful neurologist.
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

•  

Joy, Truth, Love

Joy, truth,love.  These three are interchangeable, and one always leads to the other.  It matters not in which order thye are placed.  November 5 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 5

The thoughts that are going through my mind are best not posted.  But I never cease to be amazed that the people I think would be the most tolerant, aren't.  

Tonight I have prayers and good thoughts for Pam and family. 

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Restraint of type (as in typing), expression, and misplaced anger.
•  The carnage at Fort Hood was not any worse.
• The bond in sobriety that we all have.
• Friends
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Another Good, Gorgeous, and Sober Day!

What you fear most is what will most plague you.  Fear will draw it to you like a magnet.  November 4 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 56

Hey y'all, how the hell are ya?  Today was another gorgeous day here in Spring, Texas.  I had another aquatic therapy session and an anxiety attack towards the end.  There were two of us in the pool today, each with out own therapist.  The other patient's therapist was loud and had a voice that reminded me of nails on a chalkboard.  Put that in a tile walled room and the echo effect, it might neer drove me over the edge.  And it did, All of a sudden I was just pounding on the the cement bench in the pool, I did not realize I was doing this.  My therapist came over and gently asked me if I was ok.  That's when I realized what I was doing.  I sat there for a few minutes, and calm came back.  Man am I ever glad I was not shaving.  But then the incident probably would not have happened.  Whatever!  It was over as soon as it started and I am ok tonight.  I see my shrink tomorrow, so we will have something to talk about.  I'm reminded of the promises when something like this happens.  Aren't they wonderful.If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.   No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.   We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.  Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Are these extravagant promises?  We think not.  They are being fulfilled among us--sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  They will always materialized if we work for them.

And I am so grateful to see these promises coming true on a daily basis.  Tonight I am also grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My sponsor.
• Tomorrow's appointment with my psychiatrist
• Tomorrow's appointment with my neurologist to go over my AT progress.
• Beginning to feel progress in my mobility
• Adjusting to light-headiness when standing up.
• Being on the top side of the grass.
• Friends
• Funny emails.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Just another day - ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL DAY

Feeling is the language of the soul.  November 3 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 3

Yesterday I started back on my Aquatic Therapy.  My balance was a bit off, but it was a hell of a lot better at the end of the session.  After that I picked up my friend Joe and off to Costco we went.  On arrival, I had to get him an electric cart as he can't walk right now.  The first one I got took me about 5 feet and died.  The second one lasted for the two hour shopping trip.  I got home about 8 PM and was pooped.  Man I sure slept well last night.  In the old days, Joe was one of my many drinking buddies, and shopping was something we did on the fly so as not to take time away from the cocktail hours.  Joe still embibes, but has been one of my biggest supporters in my trudge through sobriety.  We used to say "hell, drunk driving is a sport in Texas."  And it was, also in California, Lousiana, and just about everywhere else in this good ole U S of A.  I don't do that anymore.  There's a lot of things I don't do anymore:

1. I don't drink
2. How the hell did I wind up in bed from the star of the "Star Wars Bar."
3. Where the hell am I?
4. Wonder where the hell is my car?
5. Wonder what the hell is this sticking to my face, my arms, my chest, my.........
6. Don't worry about a DUI.
7. etc
8. etc
9. etc
10. ad infinitum.

And yes, It is a beautiful sober autumn day here in the Houston, Texas area.  And it is November and is gratitude month.  In Los Angeles, we took up a second collection at the meetings in November and that Money went to the Los Angeles Central Office.  We don't do that here in Houston, but it is still recognized as Gratitude month.  We do a Gratitude Dinner on Thanksgiving for about 250+ people at the Lambda center.  Unfortunately, I have never attended this event as I always go to Rosalie's for Thanksgiving. I plan to do the same this year, and I am ever so grateful that I have Rosalie to share this holiday. 

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my steak bone chomping schnauzer.
• My Sponsor
• Seeing two of Lambda's own on a visit from Alaska this past Saturday night.
• That there were only two birthday celebrants this past Saturday that thought they were appearing on "This is My Life."  30 Celebrants with 289 years of Sobriety.
• This fellowship
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Listen to The Rhythm of the Falling Rain

The grandest teaching of Christ was not that you shall have everlasting life--but that you do.  Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 52

Scott W's post today brought this song title to my mind and it would not shut off.  I made a comment that it was from 1959 and I could not remember the name of the group, but the group I had in mind was not correct.  And the song is not from 1959.  It was written and recorded the first time by Floyd Cramer on December 29, 1957.  Later it was recorded by Johnny Tilotson, Ricky Nelson, Herman's Hermits and lots of others.  I LOVED THAT SONG.   I danced and dipped many a girl at the sock hops, proms, and other high school dances.  Later I danced and dipped many a man in the dance clubs of the 1960s and if the lights flickered, it was grab a dyke, as same sex dancing was against the law and they were coming in the door.  But that's for a June story.  It's magic how just a little statement on another's blog and send us down a wonderful lane of memories.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer, whom has been my nurse and companion through this crud, virus, flu, or whatever the hell I've got.
• My sponsor.
• 16 solid hours of sleep last night into today 
• Feeling better today
• A nice house in which to have "cabin fever."
• Canned peaches and toast.
• Maybe tomorrow I'll venture out, I hate to miss birthday night.
• Memories
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Thunder tells me that God is in his heaven.

All of your life you think you are your body.  Some of the time you think you are your mind.  It is at the time of your death that you find out Who You Really Are.  October 29 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1, page 81.

Hi y'all.  It is pouring here in Spring Texas.  Has been most of the evening.  Reading Syd's post reminded me how walking on the beach in the rain in autumn/winter is one of my favorite things to do.  But not quite this hard. We have been pretty lucky here in the Houston area for the last three weekends.  It has rained during the week and been absolutely gorgeous for the weekends.  That is also the outlook for this weekend.

Last night I heard that Wal-Mart is selling caskets.  Yep, that's just what I want of my coffin, Wal-Mart brand  FADED GLORY.  HMMMMMMMMMM.  So I started looking at on line coffins and found just what I want.  I've never wanted to be embalmed, and the thought of being cremated just does not fall in to my belief system for me.  I love it that eco-friendly burial is now available.  I just want a mahogony veneer coffin made out of pressed wood.  All wood.  No metal.  And I've always not wanted a vault, I want to return to dust. You know Dust to Dust. Back in the 60's and 70's I wanted to be buried in a plain mahogany coffin, naked, and covered with rose petals except for the face.  Such Drama.  Not planning to be checking out any time soon.  Seeing Steveronis post today with the coffin, reminded me of what I want.  That is the coffin I want, except Mahogany Veneer.

It's funny to me to be writing the above.  Saturday night when I went to leave Lambda, the car next to me had pulled its right fender up to within a foot of my front door.  That left me about 9 inches to get in my car.  Hell, I need a lot more room than that.  So I went back in to Lambda and found a skinny friend of mine.  She and her girlfriend were parked on the other side of me.  She said so you need us Skinny Bitches to get you into your truck.  They have always liked my Honda Ridgeline and I told them I bought it to be my last vehicle.  They looked at me and one said is this an announcement.  I laughed and said no,  I wanted it to last another 22 years for when I'm 80, and then it hit me that is only 12 years off.  Shit, that's not very long. But if I live that long, I will have 30 years sobriety.  I don't say if the creek don't rise and the Lord is willing,  I know he is willing and I'm willing to do what it takes to get there.  So I will.  I know that in my heart.  Man does Sobriety Rock or what?

I talked to Rosalie today.  The news is better.  She starts her radium (?) treatment (that does not sound right but that's all this brain will come up with) this coming Tuesday.  She will need ten treatments.  This doctor says that should get rid of the cancer and that she is lucky for it to have been found at this stage.  It very seldom is, so in a way her COPD is a blessing ' that is why they do the X-rays they do.  Talk about a miracle.  I just love watching God at work and reaping some of the glory of his love.  What a spiritual experience this is.

Cabin fever is setting in here.  I'm feeling better, but the vertigo still does a number with me.  I just do not get up, sit or lay down quickly.  The feeling of the spinning room is sickening.  Last night as I lay down I had a spin and let me tell you, I had my eyes open and the tv was just a fluttering, so I shut my eyes quickly and the spinning quieted down.  But it's not so bad, at least I'm sober going through the vertigo.  I'm sure that in my drinking days, there are many spinning moments that are lost in one of those damned blackouts.  I'm so blessed not to live like that any more.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• 
  
  God, my Higher Power
  
  
  
• 
  
  My Sobriety
  
  
  
• 
  
  Mamie, my schnauzer that is clinging to me during the lightening and thunder.  She was outside on a business trip about an hour ago and there was the big clap of rolling thunder, she let out a yelp and ran for the door just a howling.  She was soaked.  She is so precious.  And she just smothered me with kisses.  Yes!
  
  
  
• 
  
  My sponsor
  
  
  
• 
  
  Cold meat loaf sandwich with catsup
  
  
  
• 
  
  Needing what I have
  
  
  
• 
  
  Having what I need
  
  
  
• 
  
  A call from one of my best friends for tomorrow's 10 AM meeting at my sponsor's.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Going back to my Aquatic Therapy this coming Monday.
  
  
  
• 
  
  Knowing when to take care of myself
  
  
  
• 
  
  Friends
  
  
  
• 
  
  All y'all
  
  
  

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Where the hell is my Tuesday Post?

What you open your eyes and look at desappears.  That is, it ceases to hold its illusory form.  October 28 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 102

Okay, where'd it go.  I posted last night saved and published it.  It is gone today.  What the hell?  I also cannot keep Syd nor Findon in my blogger list.  One night they are there then, the next time or so they are gone.  Is anyone else having problems like this?  I have had the disappearing post happen a couple of times but it just creeps me out.

Also, I do not do sick well.  I woke up this AM about 4 pm sick as a dog.  Head swimming and cold sweats.  Lasted most of the day.  Still not feeling well, but the sick sick feeling is gone.  I just hate this. My Mother used to call this "my feel bad hurts."  Always works for me.  Never did use it as an excuse not to go into work tho', it was too simple.  I liked to be explicit and convoluted.  I'm so glad I haven't lived like that since I got sober.

Not much to say tonight, we will see if this stays online.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer who is barking to come in.
• My sponsor.
• Mostly well days.
• Being sighted
• Not enticed to try wheat beer.
• Friends
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Monday, Monday.

There is no such thing as an incorrect path--for on this journey you cannot "not get" where you are going.  It is simply a matter of speed--merely a question of when you will get there. OCTOBER 26 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"

page 104

Monday rainy, heavy rainy Monday.  Thunder, Mamie moved close to me on the bed.  More thunder, Mamie got under the covers with me.  The next thing I knew it was 11:30 and I had to be at the Aquatic Therapy at 1 PM.   Rushed around, and left for Dunkin Donuts.  Got an iced coffee with Half and Half and two pumpkin muffins.  They have the best punkin muffins.  About a mile from the Hospital, I got very sick, so I went in signed in and told them I was sick and came home.  About 3 o'clock I rejoined the rest of the well world.  I hate those sick feelings, I have them every now and then, usually when I have not eaten, not the case this morning. 

What a wonderful weekend.  Had Sat dinner with my sponsor and two other friends and then went to the speaker meeting at Lambda.  The speaker was my grand sponsor and she is a very good speaker.  This is the second time I have heard her.  She doesn't come to Lambda as much as she used to.  Following the speaker meeting was a Drag Auction, a fund raiser for the AA Roundup.  About 10 - 11 acts and some were just too special.  We were definitely intertained and they raised a little over $4,000.  The place was packed.  SUNDAY was just a day around the house with Mamie, and that was enough.  What a change from Sunday's of yesteryears past.  And I only have to stay sober one day at a time to enjoy days like that.  Sobriety ROCKS.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
• My sponsor with whom I enjoy spending time.
• Talented drunks
• Huge sober audiences.
• Having a great time without vomit, fights, or.................
• Watching smiles adding value to so many faces.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Just a feel good day and COWBOY RULES!

The Laws are very simple,

1. Thought is creative.
2. Fear attracts like energy.
3. Love is all there is.

October 25 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"  page 56

COWBOY RULES

Cowboy rules for: Texas, Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Oklahoma, Wyoming, Montana, Utah, Idaho, Nevada...and the rest of the Wild West are as follows:

1. 
   
   Pull your pants up.  You look like an idot.
   
   
   
2. 
   
   Turn you cap right, your head ain't crooked.
   
   
   
3. 
   
   Let's get this straight, it' called a "gravel road.'  I drive a pickup truck because I want to.  No matter how slow you drive, you're gonna get dust on your Lexus.  Drive it or get out of the way.
   
   
   
4. 
   
   They are cattle.  That's why they smell like cattle.  They smell like money to us.  Get over it. Don't like it.  I-10, I-40, I-70, and I-80 go east and sest; I-5, I-17, I-15, I-25 and I-35 goes north and south.  Pick one and go.
   
   
   
5. 
   
   So you have a $60,000 car.  We're impressed.  We have $300,000 Combines that driven 3 weeks a year.
   
   
   
6. 
   
   Every person in the Wild West waves.  It'called being friendly.  Try to understand the concept.
   
   
   
7. 
   
   If that cell lphone while a buch of Geese/pheasants/duck/doves are domin' in during the hunts, we WILL shoot it outa hour hand.  You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
   
   
   
8. 
   
   Yeah.  We eat trout, salmon, deer, and elk.  You really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the corner bait shop.
   
   
   
9. 
   
   The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.  It's a religious holiday heleld the closest Saturday to the first of November.
   
   
   
10. 
    
    We open doors for women.  That's applied to all women, regardless of age.
    
    
    
11. 
    
    No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu.  Order steak, or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham and turkey.
    
    
    
12. 
    
    When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads.  We use three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup! Ol Yeah...We don't care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you ear....IT AIN"T REAL CHILI!!!
    
    
    
13. 
    
    You bring "Coke" into my house, it better brown, wet, and served over ice.  You "Mary Jane' into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.
    
    
    
14. 
    
    College and High School Football is more important here that the Giants, the Yankees, the Mets, the Lakers, and the Knicks. and a dang site more fun to watch.
    
    
    
15. 
    
    Yeah, we have golf courses.  But don't hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.
    
    
    
16. 
    
    Turn Down that blasted car stereo!  That thumpity-thump crap ain't music, anyway.  We don't want to hear it anymore than we want to see your drawers!  Refer back to #1.
    
    
    

A true Westerner will send this to at least 10 others and a few new friends that probably won.t get it, but we're friendly so we share in hopes you can begin to understand what a real life is all about!!!

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

I just loves me some gratitude.

Look to your experience to find your truth.  OCTOBER 23 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 109

Today was a day of genuine gratitude.

1.  got up at 8 AM
2.  made the 10 AM meeting at Daave's
3. made the 12:15
4. had to leave at 12:30 to make my 1 PM Aquatic Therapy
5. made my AT.
6. Had a great one hour workout. 
7. Very tired afterward.
8. Home at 3:15. Napped with Mamie
9. Talked with the next door neighbor about talking to Rosalie about Radiation therapy.  She was more than glad to be of service.  She's a normy.
10. Called Rosalie and gave her the info.  She will call Linda tomorrow.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer.
• My sponsor
• A good 10 AM meeting.
• Cameo at 12:15.
• Aquatic Therapy
• Tolerance (the therapist talks non-stop while I am counting reps. I did not kill her today)
• Tolerance of those whose program differs from mine.
• Tolerance of various degrees of others spirituality.
• A special closeness to God today
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Leap Year - Do you include the extra day.

I have given you the tools with which to respond and react to events in a way which reduces--in fact, eliminates--pain, but you have not used them.  OCTOBER 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 105

Hi you bunch of alkies.  How the hell was your day?  Sober and serene I hope.

I notice that a bunch of us posts the number of days each has from time to time.  In thinking about this recently on a sleepless night (you know the one where your head just won't turn off) I was wondering how many take into account the extra day for leap year.   For me I have 6205 days figuring 365 times 17.  But if I take in consideration the five leap years, 92, 96, 00, 04, 08, I add five more days which gives me 6210 through my 17th birthday.  Just wondering.  Feedback?

Tomorrow is my Aquatic Therapy day.  I can truly say that just the one day has done wonders for this ole bod.  I am not as sore as I expected to be.  My therapy is at 1 PM.   I'll give a report tomorrow night on that.

Talked to Rosalie yesterday.  She was not her usual positive self.  In fact, she was quite down and told me that the treatment was not going to be as easy as we had been told.  She has the non-snall cell cancer, squamish cell cancer.  There are two types of squamish cell cancer; one where the tumor or cancer is stationary; the other where the cancer is not stationary thus making it more difficult to treat.  She has the latter.  It is still treatable, but is harder to do.  I don't understand all this, but sure as hell intend to become well informed about it.  The best news is that the ACS has drivers that will pick up patients, take them to their appointments, stay with them, and then take them home.  She was most happy about that as it takes the "burden" off of Sam or me.  It is unsettling to me to hear her negative side, as that part of her has been hidden for so many years.  However, were I in her shoes, I don't know that I would not do the same.  But then again, this is not your regular ailments.  What with my schedule, I can't go over until mid-November accept for overnight on Sat.  But if that is what it comes to, then that is what I will have to do.  But I also have to take care of myself.  I know that God will guide me through this, He always has and I do not see that changing.

Damned, I am so lucky to be blessed with Sobriety.  And I keep remunerating the promise that "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us." (P 84 BB)  Oh how I love it when I can actually see the promises working in my life.  It just does not get better n that!

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Tomorrow is double dip day (10 am and 12:15 but I can only do about 20 min of 12:15 before leaving for my AT.  But hey, I might just hear a miracle in that little time)
• Being sighted
• Having what I need
• Wanting what I have
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Splish Splash - Good Day

Some of you are walking wakefulness, and some of you are sleepwalking. Yet all of you are creating your own reality--creating, not discovering. OCTOBER 21 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 92

Hey Y'all. Good day today. I did my aquatic therapy for the first time and it was great. It is one hour of various exercises, but it is so easy, very little pull on the ole back. The therapist told me I would be sore because I have used muscles I have not used in quite a while. The pool is heated and there are jets I can back up to for a quick massage. The pool is 4 feet deep. I go again on Friday.

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Forgot to mention the progress with the eye. My left eye is doing excellent. I will probably need one more laser treatment and that should do it. I have new glasses and man, is my eyesight improved. The others were about 4 years old. The eyes do change in the GOLDEN YEARS.

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Even with all the stuff going on in my life and with my sister, I have not even thought of drinking. I am a staunch believer in "you don't drink no matter what." I pray in the AM and again as I go to bed. I say many "thank you God's" during the day and am fit spiritually. I'm definitely in God's hands right now and I can't think of a better place to be.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My eyesight
• Medicare
• Working on my mobility
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Another Month - Updates

It is a great challenge, this path of the householder. There are many distractions, many worldy concerns. The aesthetic is bothered by none of these. He is brought his bread and water, and given his humble mat on which to lie, and he can devote his every hour to prayer, meditation and contemplation of the divine. How easy to see the divine under such circumstances! How simple a task! Ah, but give one a spouse and children! October 20 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 115

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Hi Y'all. A wise man once told me that my Just Another Day posting was soon to become Just Another Year. Ya might say this sorta rattled my chain. It has been quite a ride for the past four weeks.

• I was so proud of getting down to 20 mg of Prozac and less Buspar. Well I had a meltdown, Panic/Anxiety attack that lasted 2.5 days. The good news is I knew what was happening and knew it would pass, I just had to ride it out. I talked with my shrink and I am now up to 60m Prozac and 30 Buspar. But I'm still not back up to 80M prozac and for that I am grateful. Overall progress.
• Double ear infection - ears swollen shut. Went to an ENT and was treated and had wicks inserted into both ears to get the drops into the inner ear. This was before I went to Rosalie's. The day I left to go over there, the wicks were removed and the ears were open and I continued the treatment for 10 more days. On return from Rosalie's, the ENT declared the infection well. (Another chapter in the Perils of Pauline)
• I spent 8 days with Rosalie and was with her during the biopsy and the recovery time at the hospital. We got there at 7:35 and left at 3.05 on a Friday. The following Wednesday I was with her when she got the final diagnosis. God is good. She has stage 1 lung cancer and is to have seen a cancer doctor today. I have not heard from her today, but I will call her again tomorrow.
• Tomorrow I start a four week physical therapy regimen (Mon, Wed, Fri) for my back and sciatica on both the right and left sides. The therapy is aquatic at Memorial Hermann Hospital Northwest. The aquatic therapy is supposed to be low impact, high return. I am really looking forward to this. They even have an underwater treadmill. This is to help me be more mobile. I had an MRI last Tuesday and have multiple bulging discs in my lumbar area. Did some other tests also and will see my neurologist on Nov 2 for a plan of action over and above my P.T. (Yep, another chapter of Perils of Pauline)

Tonight I am grateful for:

1. God, my Higher Power
2. My Sobriety
3. Mamie, my schnauzer
4. My Sponsor. (Who is now able to drive)
5. The positive aspect of all the above.
6. Joe's broken foot is healing nicely.
7. Dinner with my sober buddies before Sat night meetings.
8. The strength that I find in posting of my blogger buddies.
9. All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just another Day

September 24 - I truly want what you truly want--nothing different and nothing more. Don't you see that is my greatest gift to you? Page 166

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September 25 - Se the Divine in a baby who needs changing at 3 A.M....in a bill that needs paying by the first of the month. Recognize the hand of God in the illness that takes a spouse, the job that's lost, the child's fever, the parent's pain. Now we are talking saintliness. Page 115

Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1"

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Hi y'all. Well here I am for today. Wow, 2 days this week. Since my upgrade to Internet Explorer 8, my computer has just been so damned sluggish and the blogs were so cumbersome to navigate and then, God working in my life, U-verse arrived in my neighborhood. What a difference. My speed is so much better, the blog is still a bit cumbersome but doable. It's probably just "Operator Problem." Now I can get back to dropping by to more of you.

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As I've said before, I may not post everyday and I know that just drives some of you nuts and I've lost a couple more of my posse but I still visit them. But mostly, I have a small group of faithful posse out there and I thank all of you for being there. Your comments are all appreciated and are filled with love, understanding, and encouraging.

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Here is a little story of "God's taken Charge". I signed up for Uverse last Friday and it was scheduled for Thursday 9/25. t. So I checked my printout of the complete transaction and sure enough, the very helpful and knowledgeable Service Rep in the Philippines kept saying Thursday September 25. I never checked the calendar. So here I set up my schedule to be available for the installation between 1 - 3, rescheduled a dr. apt. and then went online at noon to verify if they were going to be on time . Page not found. So I followed the directions to get information and continually got invalid information. So I called and talked with a rep in the Philippines and she finally transferred me to a Tier 2 Rep (U.S. Based) as she could not get any info either. The local (U.S) rep finally got the info and confirmed my scheduled time to be Friday 9/25, 1-3 PM. I told her no It was Thursday the 25th. She confirmed Friday. I told her this really upset me because of the Thursday 9/25 from the rep on date of order and that I'd rescheduled DR apt. Now mind you, I remained calm and cool, the voice did not get shrill, etc. She then apologized again and I said well ATT could at least give me a bag of POPCORN for my inconvenience. She then said, One moment and I will connect you to Sales Relations. When the Sales Relations lady came on she laughing told me ATT did not keep POPCORN in stock and was very apologetic. She also told me she had listened to the original transaction script and that she had given me a six month credit of $20 per month starting in October. I told her that was overkill and I appreciated the gesture but I could not accept that in good conscience. She told me she could not undo it and to just accept it. I wonder if she knew page 449. HA. Anyway I got through that with the help of God, not losing my temper, and I consider the whole incident a spiritual experience. DAMNED - Sobriety just gets better.

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Tonight I have gratitude for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• Daily dose of spirituality
• My mental state improvement
• My eye improvement
• Being sighted
• Physical therapy to improve mobility - next Monday for 4 weeks.
• That the next indicated thing puts itself in front of me when I am ready for it. (That's God working in my life)
• All Y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Blong Of Gratitude for Personal Growth

You create, collectively and individually, the life and times you are experiencing, for the soul purpose of evolving. September 22 - Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 37

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Hey y'all. How the hell are ya? This ole drunk is doing real good these days. I have my probs but I am dealing with them.

I have now been in Houston for 5 years and change. What a Journey it has been. This post is 75% positive and is about personal growth. I am a firm believer that God does not give us too much to handle.

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Since October of 2001 I have been on a regimen of psycho drugs that grew and grew until I did not have any feelings. It was very difficult to show any emotion. When I arrived back in Houston I was taking three different meds. I did not like it but I also knew that they were keeping me alive. Depression, anxiety and panic attacks were the Song of The Day. I missed my previous mental health team from LA tremendously. Brian was my therapist and Lee was my psychiatrist. Those two men helped me get back from the depths of hell and severe depression to being a focusing and contributor to the human race. They also helped me to the point of finding sobriety. I have a very special love for the two of them. When I got here it was so hard to start over with new therapists and shrinks. I fired two, we just did not click. Then I found Dr. Ed. He has really helped me back again. I've been with Dr. Ed now for three years and the change in myself from the inside out is incredible. Over the past year with his help and guidance I have come down from 80 mg of Prozac to 20 mg. And I am only on one other med now and it is 10 mg instead of 30. Yes, I feel more, I am more aware, and I still have depression, but not like it was since 2001. And through all of this I have maintained my sobriety because I knew that without it would be instant death. Now I am not afraid of dying, sometimes I just wish it was over, but I would not take action on that. I can now cry at movies; I have emotions that bubble to the top and I don't feel like I am on overload. I have so much gratitude for this. And all I had to do was take action, do the next indicated thing and just trudge on down that long and narrow road. The road was not lonely and I was not alone. I had my God as I understand Him. I have Alcoholics Anonymous and an incredible support group. It just does not get much better than that.

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Yesterday I picked up a new set of eye glasses. I can now see clearly out of both eyes. I still have some probs with the left one but the prognosis is for it to just continue to get better. Dr. Judy (not Judge Judy) has brought me through a rough 20 months. My last appointment on Sept 2 she told me to go ahead and get my new glasses and now I have them and they do not appear like coke bottles. I am so happy with this. Again, my God as I understand Him, Alcoholics Anonymous, and my incredible support group have been on this trudge with me. And it just does not get much better than that.

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I am so blessed.

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I'm going over to be with Rosalie this next week. Last month they found a spot on her lungs and when they did an MRI the spot was not appearing so her Doc. told her it must just be the scar tissue from her COPD. She called me last week and said that the Spot had come back and she was having breathing probs and they did another MRI and found she has lung cancer. Now how they can tell from the shape of a tumor on an MRI that it was cancerous is beyond me but I was sort of shocked. Lung cancer is what took my Mother May 29, 1986. It's sort of same story, different star. Next Tuesday, Rosalie has a biopsy to see what kind of cancer it is and what stage it is in. The Difference this time is with Rosalie I am sober and can be there for her at all times as needed. Again, one more time, I am grateful for that and for the God of my understanding trudging through this with me. And the program of Alcoholics Anonymous, and my incredible support group.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my OCD schnauzer
• My sponsor who is recovering remarkably from his knee surgery.
• My incredible support group - friends, family, and my bitchin bloggers.
• The resentment prayer for the woman that told me I was BIG is gone. The prayer worked one more time.
• Learning to make lemonade
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.