Just Gratitude.

February 25 - Life will "take off" for you...when you choose for it to...you must believe the promise and live it. You must live the promise of God. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 75
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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My right Eye.
• The left eye is still sighted.
• Me living for humor. I crave it, I must have it, I must enjoy it.
• Being saved in a motorcycling dream by Big Jenn on her Harley.
• Not panicking when I just realized I forgot to take my meds today. (I'm forgetting too damned much these days. ???
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

The disappearing Chocolates Starring Mamie.

February 24 - One day, if you have a great deal of courage, you will experience a world where making love is considered better than making war. On that day will you rejoice. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 162

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The eyes are much better today. The left one changes almost daily but I am used to that. The right one is usually stable. That gives me one more thing to talk to the Dr. about next Monday. I'm just so thankful that God is giving me the strength to keep on going. I certainly have had enough examples put before me.

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I was sooooo mad at Mamie Sunday. I went to the store -Brookshire Bros. to get some Hot Links to grill. I was going to have a couple of Hot Link sandwiches with roasted fries. Well, they did not have them. Damned. But I did pick up three Bavarian Pastries with chocolate icing and filled with custard. I ate one on the way over to HEB - Sawdust, and left two in the sack. I was thinking one for desert and one for coffee on Monday. Well I did get my Hot Links, Some fresh rolls, and a couple of other things. I got to the truck and Mamie was just having a fit, As I opened the door, there on the drivers seat was an empty sack. Both of my Bavs gone and Mamie had some chocolate icing in her silver hairs around her mouth. I was furious and also wanted to laugh at the same time. I yelled "Bad Girl, Bad Dog" and the poor thing got in the back seat and hovered in a corner like the wrath of Kahn was forthcoming. I did pop her with the empty bag. Of course I did not hit her nor have I ever. I have switched her between her rear legs though. When we got home, I made her stay in the attached garage for about 30 minutes. I finally let her in and that tail was going faster than a helicopter propeller. I yelled Bad Girl again and she just slunk off and hid under my desk with her head popped out and those big ole brown eyes just looking up - like Daddy, Please Love Me. Then she came slinking over and just stared at me. I turned, looked down at her, put my hands on my rather wide hips, and said Bad Girl - those brown eyes peeped out from her long hair and the left paw came up and pawed at me and I just melted. I picked her up and got just a facefull of kisses. Damned I almost licked her back, the smell of chocolate was so strong and yummy. I was worried about her though because chocolate can be deadly to a dog, and I sure do not want anything to happen to my little girl. I did have my planned dinner as I watched the Academy Awards - two grilled hot link sandwiches with baked fries, But Alas - no dessert - it was partially already in my stomach and in Mamie's belly. Yep, God was doing for me what I could/would not do for myself - he got rid of my dessert. So I only got one moment of wonderment between the lips, and a smaller bit foreverness on the hips. Mamie still is ok, so I don't think the Chocolate hurt her, nor the sugar. And the Chocolate was probably Chocolate flavoring - But at least I got one.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD Bavarian stuffed schnauzer.
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• Sight dujour in the left eye.
• Courage
• Serenity
• Food - (I need some - I keep forgetting to eat today. I do that every now and then.)
• All Y'all

Y'all be pretty, now ya heah.

Ranting and Raving, Fretting and a Fonching.

February 23 - This is the root of every problem you experience in your life--you do not consider yourself worthy enough to be spoken to by God.Good heavens, how can you ever expect to hear my voice if you don't imagine yourself to be deserving enough to even be spoken to? Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 162

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My eyes are really bothering me tonight. My left eye acting up all day. Just not quite focusing and it seemed the right eye was deciding to see how much it could push me. FEAR. Damned right. But I just talked with God, did the serenity prayer, yelled a few FUCKITS, Holy Shits, and Get A Grips. I'm ok now but it's been a rough day. I did not get to all my Bloggers as it was not comfortable to read. It's a lot better tonight, I just have to chill out and go with whatever happens.

It's times like this I just want to be held, to be consoled, to have the man of my dreams to take care of me and say its all Going to be OK. But I don't have that, I did once, and loved every moment of it. Garth Brooks came out with his best song ever "The Dance" about the time my relationship broke up and I was at the "Macadamia Ranch." That's what my friends called the Mental Hospital I was in at the time. Often also just the "Ranch." I used to listen to that song over and over under the oriental tree at the Ranch and cry. OH DEAR. NOW HOW IN THE HELL did I get into this. Oh, yeah, the thought process. You know - one thing leads to another and the thought chain winds up no where close to where you were. I'm sure that has never happened to any of you. HA! LOL! What EVer! Hell, I'm sober now and that has resolved a hell of a lot - I still have crazy thoughts every now and then, but I always wind up getting rid of them and bask in the glory of the fact that I'm sober and nothing, No Matter What will ever take that away from me. Thanks for listening to this ole garden variety drunk's rant and rave. Now I feel like I've been hugged and told everything is going to be all right. That's from SOBRIETY, and it just will not get any better than that. Love Y'all.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, exceptionally loving today.
• My Sponsor
• My eyesight
• Working through fears
• The calm after
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Mardi Gras at Lambda

February 22 - The deepest secret is that life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation. You are not discovering yourself, but creating yourself anew. Seek, therefore, not to find out who you are, seek to determine who you want to be. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 21

The Mardi Gras Parade at Lambda was a huge success with about 100 attendees plus the 40 or so people in the krewes that presented the floats. The floats had to be built on a grocery cart. The theme for the evening was Cities around the World. The Cities last night were:

1. San Francisco presented by the 6:30 AM group. They were dressed as the Village People, a drag queen, and a man in a velvet robe. Daave was the leather guy. The entrance music was I left My Heart in San Francisco and then they broke into YMCA.
2. New Orleans - A Paddle Steam Boat, the Drama Queen was staffed by a skipper and all of the characters from the streets of San Francisco. This was presented by the collective 12:15 meetings. Their Music was "Proud Mary" and these people rocked. The smoke stack was really belching out smoke. This Krewe and float won for best depiction of Their City.
3. London - A Double decker red bus. This was presented by the Women's meeting. Lesbians in London. A fun group that was really into their presentation.
4. Venice - A Gondola carrying the Pope, a rower, and a couple of others. This was presented by the 6:30 Positive group. (they've won the past three years.) The Entrance was spectacular - Everyone was in 18th Century costume and the first two was a couple with the Lady in a mini-skirted Italian Gown with the pouffed skirt. She was Crying and had a mouth big enough to float the gondola through. They were followed by two more couples with the Ladies in the big gowns of the times - about two hundred petticoats and they floated over to a beautiful crystal chandelier that came down from the ceiling that had been covered. It was Also lit. Then came the 15 foot Gondola followed by other Venusians and a NUN. In my opinion this was the presentation of the evening. It also must have been the audiences opinion because they won the Artistic Presentation Award. Very Well done.
5. Cairo - Presentation of the Great Pyramid by the CMA groups of Lambda. The Pharoah led in the Krewe carrying in the Great Pyramid by two baare chested muscle men. This presentation was very well done.

The winners were determined by the amount of money each Krewe collected as they paraded around the big room. The winners were:

First place with 1052.00 collected - Cairo-CMA GROUP

Second place with 1016.00 collected - Venus - 6:30 Positive

The evening ended with the announcement that we had collected over $2600 for the night. Lambda people are not a glum lot. We absolutely insist on having fun in sobriety. These fundraising events contribute to keeping the center open and paying the bills. We adher to the 7th Tradition. WE ROCK. It just doesn't get much better than this.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• Continual improvement to my left eye.
• Lambda
• The garden variety of drunks that are recovering in the meetings at Lambda.
• Successful fundraisers.
• Being an audience member for the second year.
• Those being of service.
• All y'all.

Now y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Line Problems and Mardi Gras.

February 21 -Your body, your mind and our soul (spirit) are one. In this, you are a microcosm of Me--the Divine All, the Holy Everything, the Sum and the Substance. Meditations from :Conversations with God - Book 1" pg197

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Damned. Last night just did not work out like it was supposed to. I was reading all y'alls blogs and got a mesg that I was no longer connected to the internet, that the line had been dropped. So I rebooted and nothing - So I picked up my trusty little phone that was made in China and called and got Gilly in Mumbai. Just the happiest little creature I have ever talked to. Seems the problem was between the carrier and my modem. She took my phone numbers on my house phone and my cell phone (made in Korea) and assured me the problem would be fixed by morning or I could expect a repairman between 12 noon and 2 PM. (Don't know where he was made)

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Upon awakening about 11ish this AM, i had a message on my land line that the problem had been cleared and connections were workiing. YEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAAW:. And it was, so here I am doing a blog post at 11:58 AM on Saturday morning, having had breakfast, talked to Daave, Rick, and my sponsor and It is only 11:59. I mean, like it is a miracle that I am even up this early, plus having talked to this many people and done all this in one hour. OMG. I'm just totally underwhelmed. HA!

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Tonight is speaker night at Lambda followed by Lambda's 4th annual Mardi Gras Parade. It should really be spectacular this year - there are seven floats depicting 7 cities around the world. These "floats" have a grocery cart as its base and I have heard that a couple of these have to be turned anti-gogling to get in the roll up door. Come one, Come all, grab those beads, laugh, giggle, and scream at what our fellow drunks have wrought unto us this glorious night. It should be a scream. And its a hellava good time in SOBRIETY. It just don't get much better than that.

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Today I am grateful for:

• God My Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my adorable loving OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• The left one improving a bit daily.
• Two very good meetings yesterday.
• Fellowship
• Dinner with friends tonight
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now ya heah!

Short, cut, and dried.

February 19 - Stop making judgements against yourself. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 71

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Two Little Old Ladies

Two little old ladies were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress.

The thin one leaned over and said "Life is so boring. We never have any fun anymore. For $10.00 I'd take my clothes off and streak through that stupid flower show."

"You're on!" said the other old lady, holding up a $10 bill.

The first little old lady slowly fumbled her way out of her clothes and, completely naked, streaked (as fast as an old lady can) through the front door of the flower show.

Waiting outside, her friend soon heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause and shrill whistling. Finally, the smiling and naked old lady came through the exit door surrounded by a cheering crowd.

"What happened?" asked her waiting friend.

"I won 1st Prize as Best Dried Arrangement."

Badda boom, badda bang.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• Remembering to take my eye meds two out of four times - not good. See quote above.
• My needs are met.
• My wants aren't starving
• Syd and Steveroni for their presentations of the traditions.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Sobriety - Sometimes More - Never less.

February 18 - People assume that if God were to talk directly with you, God would not sound like the fella next door. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 68

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You know sometimes I just don't have anything to write about so I take a day or so off from the blog. Sort of a blog block as in writer's block. But I will always have something on sobriety, sometimes more, but never less. Somedays there will be stories and others there will just be my gratitude list. That does not mean there won't be days I won't be posting. But most of the time I will. I am not in any contest to be the best, the longest, the shortest, or whatever - just to be here with my Experience, Strength, and Hope as I trudge the road to happy destiny. I'm certainly in good company. and I love it.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• The gifts of sight, sense, smell, feeling, voice, and hearing.
• My Right Eye.
• A beautiful day today.
• All y'all

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse.

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

It take many nails to build crib, But one screw to fill it.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just Gratitude, That's ALL. Oh and Humor.

February 17 - You are the deepest wisdom and the highest truth, the greatest peace and the grandest love. You are these things. And in moments of your life you have known yourself as these things. Choose now to know yourself as these things always. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 87

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety (#1 in my life)
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer. I've let her hair grow long and she looks more like Benji than a schnauzer.
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye - I will be so thankful when I can get new glasses so I can see more clearly. Not a complaint, just the truth.
• My Left Eye - More Improvement today, not quite as much as yesterday, but better than it has been. I think it gets tired and goes back, but at least it's improvement.
• My Rosalie (there's a verse in the Yellow Rose of Texas that says and songs of Rosalie. It's not in all versions but it is there. I looked it up.
• My Great Escape - Movies. I wish I could be entertained 24/7. Not very realistic but at least I know it.
• So many good things................
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.

Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk.

Buttwarmers, Ice Cream, and other ASSORTED stuff.

February 16 - You're setting your sights too low. Broaden the scope of your horizons. Extend the depth of your vision. See more in you than you think there is to be seen. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book I" page 142

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I really like the last line of the above quote. Yeah that is THE Ticket.

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I just read Saturday, Sunday, and today's blogs. A helluva lot happened over the weekend. Pam got a buttwarmer; Jenn had ice cream in bed; Findon had a gratis Friday night with his Beautiful; B Jenn had a Birthday; Daave danced; Scott danced with Bunny; Prayer Girl wrote about Fog and rode in it on her scooter; Steveroni grinned; and I'm having a senior moment because I could not remember what everyone else did - OH YEAH - we all stayed sober. Don't get much better n that!

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer, still OCD
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• About an hours good vision out of the left one. yeah IMPROVEMENT
• The happiness out there on all the blogs.
• The wonders of sobriety
• Lights, gas, water, clothing, shelter, warmth, pets, food, love, and all the things that are so much that there is not enough time left in this world to list them all.
• Bob S celebrated 33 years of Sobriety on Feb 14.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Man who run in front of car get tired, Man who run behind car get exhausted.

HOME!

February 15 - There are those who say you must overcome your desires. I say you simply change them. The first practice feels like a rigorous discipline, the second, a joyful exercise. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" , page 159

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What a joyful, fun, and wonderful weekend just came to an end. I thoroughly enjoyed my visit with Rosalie. We laughed, we shopped, we ate, we laughed, and did I say we laughed. There was no strain in the visit at all. Saturday afternoon I asked her when we were going to have "our talk." Her reply was, well not this weekend. Sam and Colton and I sat up Saturday night and just chatted away. Colton is 13 and is growing so quickly. Next thing we will know he will be grown and have his own 13 year old. Oy vay.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

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God, my Higher Power

My Sobriety

Mamie, my OCD schnauzer

My Sponsor

My Right Eye

My Sister Rosalie

To be home. There's no place like it.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Eye News and Off to Rosalie's

February 11 - This is the second illusion of man: that the outcome of life is in doubt. It is this doubt about ultimate outcome that has created your greatest enemy, which is fear. For if you doubt outcome, then you must doubt the creator--you must doubt God. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 14

A big ole "thanks" to Steveroni, my friend Joe, and all of the rest of you that have given me some feedback about the needle in the eye. Steveroni has had the procedure and has assured me that he has never felt anything. Joe told me the same on his attorney. So, all of the fear yesterday, well 99% of it has been put to rest. And as Pam would say, just trying to stay in the day and think about now. Or some facsimile of that.

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This morning the memory of an old childhood promise about keeping a secret. You know the one where your friend tells you that you must promise to keep the secret - "Cross my heart and hope to die; Stick a needle in my eye." Funny how old sayings like that come to mind.

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Well, this is my last post until Monday, February 16. I will be going to Rosalie's for a few days as of tomorrow morning. I will be back either Sunday night or Monday Morning. She does not have a computer so I won't be posting. I'm looking forward to this time with her. I have a very positive outlook on the visit. It will be what it will be and I have to accept that. I will do my part. That is all I have the power over. It will be fun.

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Tonight I am Grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• Positive response from my friends
• Nipping fear in the bud.
• Good movies
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

The Eye of a Needle and Rosalie.

February 10 - Your perception of ultimate reality is more limited than you thought, and TRUTH is more unlimited than you can imagine. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book" pg 197

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Hey, you bunch of alkies, how the hell are you? I had a very good day this day, I lived through it and I am Sober. Got a call from my retinologist that my eye has edemic swelling and she's having me do my eye meds 4 time rather than 3 times daily. My next appointment is March 3. Her plans for me over the following month include but are not limited to injections into the eye to reduce the edema and two different types of laser treatment. OMG needle in the eye. OUCH. I may pack a bag and runaway to? To? Oh, hell I don't know I just do not cotton up to the idea of a needle to my eye. Maybe it's an idle threat to make my eye to make a positive turn for the best. It's just one more thingy to worry about, and you know what the big book says about worry - most of the things we worry about never happen. Maybe I'll just fret. Maybe - I'll turn it over to God and strive to remember that it's in his time not mine. A needle in my eye. Sheesh. Never have I had anything really wake me to the seriousness of my situation. The fear, I mean FEAR Do you Hear ME - Fear, FUCKING FEAR. I am going to have to stay closer to God than I ever have before now. I mean close. I pray every day at least twice, say many Thank yous throughout the day. This has really knocked me for a loop - so far I am still on my feet. I'm sure I am just like a wet noodle and HE is propping me up and giving me strength. Giving me guidance. Helping me to find my courage to go forward. Right now as I keyed in courage - I heard Bob S. say Courage Camille. I heard Joe's Mother say Chins Up. I heard my Mother say you'll get through this, you always have and you always do. I may not be eating, breathing, or blasting out in fear, but it is there. I am just thankful to God and AA to have given me the tools to get through this - Just One Day at a Time. Oh Shit. OUCH! I know I'm not alone. Try as I might I just cannot express the DRAMA I am feeling, but this is the closest I can come to it. Thank you GOD.

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Rosalie and I talked for awhile today. Sam is not home Thursday night so she wants me to come over Thursday so we can just be together, hang out, talk, and watch the season opener of Survivor. So I'm going, we have a lot of talking to do, I'm not worried about an ass chewing now. She was very sweet and me back. We have both hurt each other, I am not innocent. We will talk and get through this. IN fact I think we have gotten through it, we just need to tuck in the rough edges. That's not a big order. (OMG - a needle in my eye) Yeah I really need my Big Sister (she 105 lbs and 5.0 feet tall and will be 77 on Friday).

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Anyway I am sober. I will stay sober. I will die sober and in God's time. I will not drink no matter what (NMW - thanks Steveroni).

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor (having his own major health probs and is a fine example for me at this time)
• My Right Eye
• Lack of runaway fear.
• Bill Maher
• Humor and still able to enjoy giving and receiving it.
• Miracle of modern medicine.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now ya heah.

February 9 - You are, have always been and will always be, a divine part of the divine whole, a member of the body. That is why the act of rejoining the Whole, of returning to God, is called remembrance. You actually choose to re-member Who You Really Are, or to join together with the various parts of you to experience the all of you--which is to say, the All of Me. Meditations from " Conversations with God - Book 1" page 28

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Who you really are? The All of Me? Now that's a lot to ponder and I just don't know if I'm ready to do that. Or is it just a way of saying STEP FOUR - Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. Yep, that's what I see. Comments?

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Yesterday my friend Joe and I went to the Angelika to see the movie "Frozen River." Very, very, very good movie. A wonderful review of human suffering of the much less fortunate of us just trying to make ends meet. It really hit home with me as far as the struggle to get by. It took me right back my childhood. I've been through some of that and I think that is what made me the survivor I have become. My friend Joe, stated that it was so foreign to him, that he did not know if he could make it through hard times. Not that his family was wealthy, he just never experienced the rough side of life. He never experienced not having anything to eat; not having the repo man come to the door; not having your home ruined and having to find somewhere else to go; not having your Mother go to prison; depending on help from others. It was really a study between his background and mine. We had a very stimulating conversation afterward. If you have not seen this movie, I highly recommend it - it comes out on DVD tomorrow.

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Now I could easily have taken my background to make excuses for my alcoholism or as to why I drank. It might have had an affect, but I drank because I Liked It. I drank alcoholically. I had my first blackout during the first week of my drinking. And I had a hell of lot more of them. I kept right on drinking until it just absolutely did not work anymore for this glutton of booze. Took me 32 years to accomplish that and just a split second for me to have my moment of clarity. It was a long time coming. And I love my Sobriety. I cherish my Sobriety. I love and cherish Alcoholics Anonymous. I love and cherish enjoying my being happy, joyous, and free. It just won't get any better that that. Sobriety ROCKS.

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Tonight I am Grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor (talked to today)
• My right eye
• What I learn from your blogs.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Pet Peeve, Rosalie, Humor, Gratitude

February 7 - Allow each soul to walk its path. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 47

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I have a pet peeve that sometimes I allow to become a resentment before I realize it. It is about following meeting format. At Lambda we have a set format at most meetings that when chips are given we announce the recipients first name. After the 18 month chip, we ask if anyone is celebrating one year today, or multiples today, and then we ask if anyone is celebrating a birthday this month. Each celebrant states first name, years and sobriety date. Tonight, after a wonderful share of E S & H, announcements were made, and chips were given. The person giving the chips out did the usual format through the 18 months and that was it and she walked off stage. A couple of people asked about February birthdays and the woman (in my opinion) very bitchily said "Oh you don't like the way I did it, well let's clap for everyone celebrating a birthday this month." To me it was dismissive to the February birthday celebrants. I fumed about it all the way home. And a resentment grew and snowballed. Of course I would never say anything to this person or anyone else for that matter but it just really works my last nerve. I would say something about it in a meeting later on not identifying the "offender." Now if this person was a visitor at the meeting, it would not matter, but someone that is a regular at meetings is another matter. Well, here I am just steaming by the time I get home, worked up a real mental lather, and sat down to blog. Then I opened my meditation book and the above quote was there - just blinking in bright red, fuchsia, green, and blue neon - Allow each soul to walk its path. What a concept. Hmmmmm. To me it was a very slick message to me that I do not have power over people places and things. Talk about a God shot? My serenity returned, I chilled out, and said to myself - Queen, in the big scope of things, it's no big thing. It's a character defect I will have to work on and talk to my sponsor about. Tolerance and love is our code. My bad.

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Tonight when I got home I had a voice message from Rosalie inviting me over for next weekend. Colton, Sam's son will be there and they always do their thing. Rosalie said that would give us a chance to just hang out. It's a lot better sounding than the call from two weeks ago. Another God shot. In God's time not mine. I'm going to go. Friday is her 77th birthday and I will let her bring that up, Witnesses do not celebrate birthdays. I may not agree with her beliefs, but I love my sister and I do have to respect her beliefs.

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I'm so glad that with all these years in AA, that I have learned restraint of tongue, pen, and additionally, keyboard. I try to practice the principles of this program in all of my affairs. Sometimes I just fall back into old behavior, but I have learned to recognize that and take appropriate action. I love being sober and letting sobriety work in my life. It rocks.

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Idle thoughts of a wandering mind.

1. I had amnesia one, or twice
2. Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.
3. All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.
4. What is a "free gift? Aren't all gifts free.
5. They told me I was gullible and I believed them.
6. Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto the freeway.
7. Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.
8. On nice thing about egoists, they don't talk about other people.
9. My weight is perfect for my height, which varies.
10. I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not sure.
11. The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.
12. How can there be self-help groups.
13. If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle.
14. If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
15. Is it me, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken.

Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer.
• My Sponsor
• My Right eye.
• A great message from a friend sharing her E S & H at Lambda's speaker meeting tonight.
• Not having written "Fuck You" with ice cream salt in my sister's lawn this time. (I did that in 1972) Now I'm sober.
• Wisdom each day from y'alls blogs.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

A Bit of humor

February 6 - There is only what serves you, and what does not. The terms "right" and "wrong" are relative terms. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 162

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I am very happy to report I came through a major resentment and won out with restraint of keyboard. It's all in perspective.

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Humor for Lexophiles (lovers of words) (Daave type)

• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
• Police were called to a day care center where a three-year old was resisting a rest.
• To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
• The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
• A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
• When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
• The math professor went crazy with the blackboard. He did a number on it.
• The professor discovered that his theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
• The dead batteries were given out free of charge.
• A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail.
• A bicycle can't stand alone, it is two tired.
• A will is a dead giveaway
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• A chicken crossing the road, poultry in motion.
• With her marriage she got a new name and a dress
• A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France, and resulted in linoleum blownapart.
• He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
• A calendar's days are numbered.
• A boiled egg is hard to beat
• If you jump off a Paris Bridge, you are in Seine.
• When she saw her first strand of gray hair, she thought she'd dye.
• Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
• Acupuncture a jab well done.

Tonight I am Grateful for:

1. God, my Higher Power
2. My Sobriety
3. Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
4. My sponsor
5. My Right Eye
6. Today
7. Two good meetings today
8. All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Not Much Today

February 5 - Bless every person and condition, and give thanks. Thus you affirm the perfection of God's creation--and show your faith in it. For nothing happens by accident in God's world, and there is no such thing as coincidence. Nor is the world buffeted by random choice, or something you call fate Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1, pg 114.

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Not much of a post today and I did not read any of your blogs. I saw my retinologist today and am waiting for a report on some tests. However, she was quite pleased with the progress from two weeks ago. I love when my faith keeps me going. When it becomes my truth. My eyes were dilated as usual but some other drops were also used. So I'm not seeing too well tonight, but that will pass. Tomorrow is another day and my sight should be back to as normal as it is. Right now its all just blurry and the light hurts. But I'm sober and that's the ticket.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• My Retinologist
• BaTTling a HUGE resentment, so far successfully.
• Restraint of keyboard.
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

High School

February 4 - I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your Self. That is the law of the prophets. The world is in the condition it is in because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. The Earth is in the shape it's in because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. Your own life is the way it is because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 50

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When I first read the meditation for today the hackles on the back of my neck came up. I mean this is in direct contradiction of the Promises. You know the one that says God is doing for you that which you CANNOT do for yourself.OOOPs! Misread! Will not is quite different from Cannot. My Bad.

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My high school years were not the best of my life, but I did have a lot of fun and was active in the band. My friends and I used to talk about being out until 3 or 4 in the morning and other friends would say they'd get killed if they did so. The difference - our parents knew they could pick up the phone and talk to us at any time. We were usually over at Madeline McCann's where we always crashed after the dances, movies, or whatever. Madeline had a great 45 collection and we would just dance the night away. Her Mother was usually in the kitchen fixing us something to eat. When she or the Mr. finally went to bed, we were sent home. And God help us if either one of them called our house and we were not there at the prescribed time. We felt special. We had their trust but it was a different time then in Aldine, Texas - a little country area North of Houston way back in 1957, 1958, 1959.

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However, the senior year was marred by the fact that the football B team gave my best friend (Kenneth Zonker) and I hell. Kenneth and I were always together and ran with the cheerleaders, band members, drama club and we were called the two queers. Now this was mostly perpetrated by the "B" team, the wanna be's. I did have a crush on Kenneth but it was not reciprocal as Kenneth was not gay. I have known since I was knee high to a grasshopper about my orientation. Kenneth was worldly in the sense that he had lived in South America, climbed mountains, been to the Orient (as it was called then. Neither one of was the butchest guy on campus but we were best friends. I did make a pass at Kenneth at one time and he just said he did not do that and that was that. Anyway, in first period Plane Geometry class a couple of the B jocks were giving us a hard time and one of them asked if we were really going steady. I just wanted to die and hoped the floor would open up and swallow me. I slammed my book shut, picked up my notebook and stormed out of the room and as I made my way to the front of the room to exit, I heard Kenneth say "No, asshole, we're married. I burst into tears and then ran to the counselor's office. Nothing really happened except that the counselor calmed me down and I made the third period class.

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Of course, by that time it was all over school about what had happened and there were a few snickers, but no real razzing. The B team continued their torment but it was not picked up by the rest of the guys. Especially not by the MOST of the regular jocks. But once I graduated, I came out, started drinking and decided that I had moved on from my high school friends, so I dropped them. About 36 years later in LA I came home from a weekend out on a Motorcycle Run and had a message on my phone. This woman said "Are you the Zane McMahon that went to Aldine High School" if so this is Sue Ann. Call me, I know live in Bakersfield and my son insisted I look you up on the Internet. This was 1996. Sue Ann? Sue Ann? OMG. So I called the woman and it turned out she was one of the old crowd. She kind of brought me up to date of everyone and as a result I reconnected with several of my old high school friends. Madeline and Kenneth were among them. Madeline was widowed and living in Houston, and Kenneth was a widower living in Huntsville and was head of the Art Department at Sam Houston.

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In 1997 I made a trip to Houston and Kenneth, Madeline and I got together at Ken's parents house in Aldine. Ken was recuperating from removal of a cancerous kidney. Of course I had told them I was gay, and it was not big shock to either. They both said SO...... We saw each other several other times and the three of us last got together Thanksgiving 2001. Kenneth Died quite suddenly in January 2002 while in his Doctors office for a checkup. Madeline remarried and moved to Tucson. I moved to Houston in 2004. Madeline moved back in 2006 and now she and I both are involved in the 50th reunion. As usual she is the instigator. So that is why I am going to my 50th reunion. Left on my own, N E V E R! Oh and Sue Ann, talked to her today, she is coming from Bakersfield. All together I have reconnected to about 8 of my hs friends so it will really be a Reunion. See, that is just like the promises - God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I just love the fruits of being sober. (Freudian use of words). Sobriety Rocks.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• My left eye is better now on a daily basis.
• Thank you God.
• The turns, detours, roundabouts, etc. as I trudge the road to HD.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

Just my gratitude

February 3 - Every heart has it's secret sorrows which the world knows not. Often times we call a man cold when he is only sad. Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• Today
• Upcoming 50th high school reunion
• Doing decorations for the reunion (what else would they give an old Queen to do)
• Humor - mine and yours
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah!

Looking back and just saying - SOAPBOX.

February 2 - Did you see your shadow today?

Every heart has it's secret sorrows

Which the world knows not,

Oftentimes we call a man cold,

When he is only sad.

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

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The above quote used to me my daily quote. It is a poem that I copied and kept in a small frame on desk at work for many years from about 1976. It is one of my favorites. I worked with this woman named Pat and she was just a bitch. Never very nice to anyone except her boss. She was quite snarky and loved to bring someones shortcomings to the attention of others in an unkind sort of way. A Bitch. One evening I read the poem in the Los Angeles Times, copied it and bought a 3 x 3 plastic frame for it and put it on my desk. A few people told me I should put it on Pat's desk. Pat picked it up from my desk one day and read it, quickly put it back and marched out of the area. A few days later I was in the bull pin by myself and she walked in and over to my desk, picked up the frame, looked at it, put it down, and said - "You finally know me." Now I was just floored. She then walked back to her area and in time she changed a bit. About two years later she got a promotion and we all wished her well. And we truly meant it. Lost track of her a couple of years later, but always think of her when I read it, which is often.

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SOAPBOX. A friend of mine told me the other night that he wasn't dropping by my blog anymore because I didn't post regularly . I mentioned sometimes I am not up to it and he said it only takes five minutes. I just let it go because I took it as a scolding. Now in reality this man was not scolding me, he was just speaking his mind. That is one of the reasons I have liked him and respect him. Still do. What I wanted to say was sometimes that 5 minutes is just so overwhelming that I just can't do it. When I am in a Depression the simplest of things is just insurmountable. I don't like it but it has to work its course sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. But the one thing that keeps me from just going totally bonkers is the knowledge that it will pass. I'm just so grateful that the length of time is now days instead of the weeks or months like it used to be. With professional help and practicing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm not only trudging the road of Happy Destiny in AA but in all my affairs. Now I do not feel that I have lost a friend, I know better. But it is one less thing that I can share with this friend. But he is still my friend. Off of SOAPBOX.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My right eye
• Improvement in my left eye.
• Friends that tell it like it is.
• Reading that Kentucky is started to thaw out.
• All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.

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My Right Eye - Its Always Looking Grateful.

February 1 - God is the energy you call imagination. God is creation. God is first thought. And God is last experience. And God is everything in between. Meditations from "Conversations with God, Book 1"

page 198
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Hi there My ALKIE friends. Damned, by not blogging or checking the blogs the past few days I missed Pam's Birthday on the 30th. I hate that, I hate to miss out on things that are very important to my friends. Sorry Pam.

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The past few days I've been down with a flu-like icky sicky feeling. Felt better yesterday, went to Lambda for bday night. Awakened to day feeling worse. This damned weather does not help, two or three days of freezing at night, a bit warmer during the day and then 77 today. At last the phlegm has loosened and is vacating this ole bod, so I'll be back to well again. Well as well as this one can be.

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Speaking of well here's an update on my left eye. Ten days ago there was no vision, just outlines and light. About Wed The sight got better and has been increasingly better daily. I can now see fairly well, although foggily, at least I can see letters and tell what I am looking at. HUGE IMPROVEMENT. Yes I have thanked God. The drops are working. It still looks like surgery March/April. But I can handle that. I have to keep thinking that God does not give me more than I can handle, I sort of get away from that and then a very loving post from Prayer Girl reminded me to add My Right Eye to my list of gratitude. Damned, now why did I not think of that.

See - God sent me a note through Prayer Girl (what's in a name) just to show me HE is still working in my life. When I'm reminded to look at the big picture, it's not as gloomy as when I'm looking at just one aspect of it.

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But even with the eye, the flu, the depression, and all that Jazz, I have not even thought of drinking. That has just been removed from me for so long that it just does not come up. However, a couple of weeks ago I really really wanted to just get drunk and say fuck it all. But I did as I have been taught, I thought the drink through and the ending was not a pretty picture. I'm grateful for that, but it also reminded me that I have to be ever so vigilant in my sobriety because this demon disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful and I just have to remember No Way Today Jose or I don't Drink No Matter What. (Jose as in Cuervo) Like - he is no friend of mine. Sobriety Rocks. Thanks y'all. Thank ya God.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
• My Sponsor
• My Right Eye
• The difference a day makes

All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.