February 4 - I will do nothing for you that you will not do for your Self. That is the law of the prophets. The world is in the condition it is in because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. The Earth is in the shape it's in because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. Your own life is the way it is because of you, and the choices you have made--or failed to make. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 50
When I first read the meditation for today the hackles on the back of my neck came up. I mean this is in direct contradiction of the Promises. You know the one that says God is doing for you that which you CANNOT do for yourself.OOOPs! Misread! Will not is quite different from Cannot. My Bad.
My high school years were not the best of my life, but I did have a lot of fun and was active in the band. My friends and I used to talk about being out until 3 or 4 in the morning and other friends would say they'd get killed if they did so. The difference - our parents knew they could pick up the phone and talk to us at any time. We were usually over at Madeline McCann's where we always crashed after the dances, movies, or whatever. Madeline had a great 45 collection and we would just dance the night away. Her Mother was usually in the kitchen fixing us something to eat. When she or the Mr. finally went to bed, we were sent home. And God help us if either one of them called our house and we were not there at the prescribed time. We felt special. We had their trust but it was a different time then in Aldine, Texas - a little country area North of Houston way back in 1957, 1958, 1959.
However, the senior year was marred by the fact that the football B team gave my best friend (Kenneth Zonker) and I hell. Kenneth and I were always together and ran with the cheerleaders, band members, drama club and we were called the two queers. Now this was mostly perpetrated by the "B" team, the wanna be's. I did have a crush on Kenneth but it was not reciprocal as Kenneth was not gay. I have known since I was knee high to a grasshopper about my orientation. Kenneth was worldly in the sense that he had lived in South America, climbed mountains, been to the Orient (as it was called then. Neither one of was the butchest guy on campus but we were best friends. I did make a pass at Kenneth at one time and he just said he did not do that and that was that. Anyway, in first period Plane Geometry class a couple of the B jocks were giving us a hard time and one of them asked if we were really going steady. I just wanted to die and hoped the floor would open up and swallow me. I slammed my book shut, picked up my notebook and stormed out of the room and as I made my way to the front of the room to exit, I heard Kenneth say "No, asshole, we're married. I burst into tears and then ran to the counselor's office. Nothing really happened except that the counselor calmed me down and I made the third period class.
Of course, by that time it was all over school about what had happened and there were a few snickers, but no real razzing. The B team continued their torment but it was not picked up by the rest of the guys. Especially not by the MOST of the regular jocks. But once I graduated, I came out, started drinking and decided that I had moved on from my high school friends, so I dropped them. About 36 years later in LA I came home from a weekend out on a Motorcycle Run and had a message on my phone. This woman said "Are you the Zane McMahon that went to Aldine High School" if so this is Sue Ann. Call me, I know live in Bakersfield and my son insisted I look you up on the Internet. This was 1996. Sue Ann? Sue Ann? OMG. So I called the woman and it turned out she was one of the old crowd. She kind of brought me up to date of everyone and as a result I reconnected with several of my old high school friends. Madeline and Kenneth were among them. Madeline was widowed and living in Houston, and Kenneth was a widower living in Huntsville and was head of the Art Department at Sam Houston.
In 1997 I made a trip to Houston and Kenneth, Madeline and I got together at Ken's parents house in Aldine. Ken was recuperating from removal of a cancerous kidney. Of course I had told them I was gay, and it was not big shock to either. They both said SO...... We saw each other several other times and the three of us last got together Thanksgiving 2001. Kenneth Died quite suddenly in January 2002 while in his Doctors office for a checkup. Madeline remarried and moved to Tucson. I moved to Houston in 2004. Madeline moved back in 2006 and now she and I both are involved in the 50th reunion. As usual she is the instigator. So that is why I am going to my 50th reunion. Left on my own, N E V E R! Oh and Sue Ann, talked to her today, she is coming from Bakersfield. All together I have reconnected to about 8 of my hs friends so it will really be a Reunion. See, that is just like the promises - God is doing for me what I cannot do for myself. I just love the fruits of being sober. (Freudian use of words). Sobriety Rocks.
Tonight I am grateful for:
- God, my Higher Power
- My Sobriety
- Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
- My Sponsor
- My right eye
- My left eye is better now on a daily basis.
- Thank you God.
- The turns, detours, roundabouts, etc. as I trudge the road to HD.
- All y'all.
Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.