February 10 - Your perception of ultimate reality is more limited than you thought, and TRUTH is more unlimited than you can imagine. Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book" pg 197
Hey, you bunch of alkies, how the hell are you? I had a very good day this day, I lived through it and I am Sober. Got a call from my retinologist that my eye has edemic swelling and she's having me do my eye meds 4 time rather than 3 times daily. My next appointment is March 3. Her plans for me over the following month include but are not limited to injections into the eye to reduce the edema and two different types of laser treatment. OMG needle in the eye. OUCH. I may pack a bag and runaway to? To? Oh, hell I don't know I just do not cotton up to the idea of a needle to my eye. Maybe it's an idle threat to make my eye to make a positive turn for the best. It's just one more thingy to worry about, and you know what the big book says about worry - most of the things we worry about never happen. Maybe I'll just fret. Maybe - I'll turn it over to God and strive to remember that it's in his time not mine. A needle in my eye. Sheesh. Never have I had anything really wake me to the seriousness of my situation. The fear, I mean FEAR Do you Hear ME - Fear, FUCKING FEAR. I am going to have to stay closer to God than I ever have before now. I mean close. I pray every day at least twice, say many Thank yous throughout the day. This has really knocked me for a loop - so far I am still on my feet. I'm sure I am just like a wet noodle and HE is propping me up and giving me strength. Giving me guidance. Helping me to find my courage to go forward. Right now as I keyed in courage - I heard Bob S. say Courage Camille. I heard Joe's Mother say Chins Up. I heard my Mother say you'll get through this, you always have and you always do. I may not be eating, breathing, or blasting out in fear, but it is there. I am just thankful to God and AA to have given me the tools to get through this - Just One Day at a Time. Oh Shit. OUCH! I know I'm not alone. Try as I might I just cannot express the DRAMA I am feeling, but this is the closest I can come to it. Thank you GOD.
Rosalie and I talked for awhile today. Sam is not home Thursday night so she wants me to come over Thursday so we can just be together, hang out, talk, and watch the season opener of Survivor. So I'm going, we have a lot of talking to do, I'm not worried about an ass chewing now. She was very sweet and me back. We have both hurt each other, I am not innocent. We will talk and get through this. IN fact I think we have gotten through it, we just need to tuck in the rough edges. That's not a big order. (OMG - a needle in my eye) Yeah I really need my Big Sister (she 105 lbs and 5.0 feet tall and will be 77 on Friday).
Anyway I am sober. I will stay sober. I will die sober and in God's time. I will not drink no matter what (NMW - thanks Steveroni).
Tonight I am grateful for:
- God my Higher Power
- My Sobriety
- Mamie my OCD schnauzer
- My Sponsor (having his own major health probs and is a fine example for me at this time)
- My Right Eye
- Lack of runaway fear.
- Bill Maher
- Humor and still able to enjoy giving and receiving it.
- Miracle of modern medicine.
- All y'all
Y'all be pretty now ya heah.