Monday, February 2, 2009

Looking back and just saying - SOAPBOX.

February 2 - Did you see your shadow today?
Every heart has it's secret sorrows
Which the world knows not,
Oftentimes we call a man cold,
When he is only sad.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.
The above quote used to me my daily quote. It is a poem that I copied and kept in a small frame on desk at work for many years from about 1976. It is one of my favorites. I worked with this woman named Pat and she was just a bitch. Never very nice to anyone except her boss. She was quite snarky and loved to bring someones shortcomings to the attention of others in an unkind sort of way. A Bitch. One evening I read the poem in the Los Angeles Times, copied it and bought a 3 x 3 plastic frame for it and put it on my desk. A few people told me I should put it on Pat's desk. Pat picked it up from my desk one day and read it, quickly put it back and marched out of the area. A few days later I was in the bull pin by myself and she walked in and over to my desk, picked up the frame, looked at it, put it down, and said - "You finally know me." Now I was just floored. She then walked back to her area and in time she changed a bit. About two years later she got a promotion and we all wished her well. And we truly meant it. Lost track of her a couple of years later, but always think of her when I read it, which is often.
SOAPBOX. A friend of mine told me the other night that he wasn't dropping by my blog anymore because I didn't post regularly . I mentioned sometimes I am not up to it and he said it only takes five minutes. I just let it go because I took it as a scolding. Now in reality this man was not scolding me, he was just speaking his mind. That is one of the reasons I have liked him and respect him. Still do. What I wanted to say was sometimes that 5 minutes is just so overwhelming that I just can't do it. When I am in a Depression the simplest of things is just insurmountable. I don't like it but it has to work its course sometimes quickly sometimes slowly. But the one thing that keeps me from just going totally bonkers is the knowledge that it will pass. I'm just so grateful that the length of time is now days instead of the weeks or months like it used to be. With professional help and practicing the program of Alcoholics Anonymous I'm not only trudging the road of Happy Destiny in AA but in all my affairs. Now I do not feel that I have lost a friend, I know better. But it is one less thing that I can share with this friend. But he is still my friend. Off of SOAPBOX.
Tonight I am grateful for:
  • God my Higher Power
  • My Sobriety
  • Mamie, my OCD schnauzer
  • My Sponsor
  • My right eye
  • Improvement in my left eye.
  • Friends that tell it like it is.
  • Reading that Kentucky is started to thaw out.
  • All y'all.

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.



Findon said...

Soapbox. Nicely put. And you still have a friendship.

dAAve said...

Sometimes, it takes me almost 8 minutes.

J-Online said...

It's your blog. Post when you want. Getting off my soapbox now! I understand how it feels to be depressed and not wanting to do much of anything. Getting out of bed is hard or impossible some days. Take care Zane. Love your gratitude list!

Syd said...

I sometimes wish that people would remember the poem that you posted. Unless we are inside the other person's head, we don't know what they are going through. I try to remember that and treat people with kindness. Thanks for this great post.

Prayer Girl said...

Zane, I loved the poem. I loved the story about Pat. I loved the post. I loved your honesty.

Depression, weird thinking, illness - all these things affect me in a big way and I sometimes find it very difficult to keep on blogging - and I've only been doing it a short time.

I'm glad you keep on blogging. I always appreciate what you have to say.