Ranting and Raving, Fretting and a Fonching.

February 23 - This is the root of every problem you experience in your life--you do not consider yourself worthy enough to be spoken to by God.Good heavens, how can you ever expect to hear my voice if you don't imagine yourself to be deserving enough to even be spoken to? Meditations from "Conversations with God - Book 1" page 162

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My eyes are really bothering me tonight. My left eye acting up all day. Just not quite focusing and it seemed the right eye was deciding to see how much it could push me. FEAR. Damned right. But I just talked with God, did the serenity prayer, yelled a few FUCKITS, Holy Shits, and Get A Grips. I'm ok now but it's been a rough day. I did not get to all my Bloggers as it was not comfortable to read. It's a lot better tonight, I just have to chill out and go with whatever happens.

It's times like this I just want to be held, to be consoled, to have the man of my dreams to take care of me and say its all Going to be OK. But I don't have that, I did once, and loved every moment of it. Garth Brooks came out with his best song ever "The Dance" about the time my relationship broke up and I was at the "Macadamia Ranch." That's what my friends called the Mental Hospital I was in at the time. Often also just the "Ranch." I used to listen to that song over and over under the oriental tree at the Ranch and cry. OH DEAR. NOW HOW IN THE HELL did I get into this. Oh, yeah, the thought process. You know - one thing leads to another and the thought chain winds up no where close to where you were. I'm sure that has never happened to any of you. HA! LOL! What EVer! Hell, I'm sober now and that has resolved a hell of a lot - I still have crazy thoughts every now and then, but I always wind up getting rid of them and bask in the glory of the fact that I'm sober and nothing, No Matter What will ever take that away from me. Thanks for listening to this ole garden variety drunk's rant and rave. Now I feel like I've been hugged and told everything is going to be all right. That's from SOBRIETY, and it just will not get any better than that. Love Y'all.

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Tonight I am grateful for:

• God, my Higher Power
• My Sobriety
• Mamie, exceptionally loving today.
• My Sponsor
• My eyesight
• Working through fears
• The calm after
• All y'all

Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.