Friday Night May 30, 2008

Today at the 12:15 meeting at Lambda we had another newcomer so we had a step one meeting for the second day in a row. (I read about the meeting yesterday but was present for the one today.) I always enjoy these 1st step meetings as I like to hear about what brought people to their moment of clarity. This gives me a better understanding of each individual and I always learn something new plus hear a lot of my own stuff without opening my mouth. Today one of the attendees stated that they loved the fact that they no longer had to make up excuses for being late to work nor have to keep track of the lies so as not to get caught. He also stated that he had run out of things to lie about so he got sober at the right time. Man did I identify with those two statements. Most of you know about one of my big lies to my employer for being late.

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I decided at today's nooner that I was going to list some of my "excuses". And not only did I just tell this excuse to my boss, it was my duty to elaborate to each and every person I worked with. And as I told the lie, it always grew and I told how I felt and just really added as much drama as I possibly could.

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As I was pulling out of my subterranean parking into the street, a person from the building across the street pulled out and we had a head on collision in the middle of the street. Both cars were towed.

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I went out on a 6 AM motorcycle ride and hit an oil slick in the middle of the road and dropped my bike. I hit my head and although I always wear a helmet, it was like suddenly getting hit in the head before I realized what had happened. Now this actually had happened, but not at the time and place I used for the excuse. Oh yeah, I was calling from the emergency room and did not know how long it would be before I was seen.

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I spent the night in the emergency room with my Mother and was just wiped out, and would be in later. Sometimes I had to return to the emergency room with her. Now my mother lived with me and this did actually happen several times so I used it to my advantage.

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On one job I went on a week long bender and never called in and while I was on this toot, I decided to just screw the job. Well I rethought this the following Monday morning. So I went into work as if nothing happened and went into the store manager's office to thank him for being so understanding about the sudden illness and subsequent death of my father. When he looked at me and said he was firing me because of no word from me, I got choked up and told him well I had to leave last Sunday and I did not have your home phone so I asked my roommate to call and advise you. Never got the call. Saved my job at that time but lost it about a year later. This was 1965 and my father really died in 1983.

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I could go on and on with this, but you get the point. Now why I had to tell such elaborate, detailed lies, is probably to get attention and for them to feel so bad for me that they just "could not fire me" at that time. So I really identified with the person saying the lies for being late or not being there just ran out. I did this from 1960 until Jan 1992. That part of me ceased to exist when I got sober. I no longer needed to lie about absenteeism nor lateness. I made it to work. And using the principle of honesty, I just plod along, learning and listening as I go. And by doing that, I get to stay sober, one day at a time. It just keeps getting better. SOBRIETY ROCKS!

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Tonight I Grateful for:

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God, my Higher Power.

My Sobriety.

Mamie, my miniature schnauzer.

My sponsor.

Truth has replaced deception.

Continual work on my character defects.

Progress not perfection.

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Y'all be pretty now, ya heah.